The Willow Tree: A Novel (23 page)

                  Except when he got to thinking about all that stuff Moishe was talking about, then he would feel like something was troubling him, but he would just think about the look on the spics faces when he got them, one by one, and he would feel a surge of power that chased everything else away.

From time to time he would find himself just looking around when he went back to the hood, and he would instantly stop and hide in the nearest shadow and look around carefully to be sure there wasnt anyone tailing him. He stayed absolutely still for a few moments, blending in with the wall behind him and the shadows, his eyes carefully scrutinizing everything, especially the innocent looking doorways and alleys, and windows and fire escapes and shadows, always the shadows to be sure there wasnt someone in one studying him as he looked around. Whenever this happened, whenever he realized he had just been looking around and forgetting what he was doing was a matter of life and death, he would get on his own back for a minute and tell himself his ass goin be dead fuckin meat if he keep doin that, they spics be liken nothin betta then be findin him jus strollin aroun like he forgot they there to kill his ass an he here to kill them. He knew their hood, the streets they felt safe on, an he checked them out very often. They would never think they could be attacked by one guy on their turf, but that was their big mistake. He had the big advantage…he knew where they were, they didnt know where he was. There were 4 of them and only 1 of him, but he could outslick them dumb muthafuckas—and he quickly cut off the thought, I be thinkin they dumb shits an I be the dumb shit. Uh, uh, no way I be outfoxin my own self with that shit.

One night he saw Raul and 2 others outside a Bodega with their girlfriends and decided he would check them out…as well as his idea about them not seeing too good on their own turf. He walked down a few streets, crossed the boulevard, went east another block then came back north on the street parallel to where they were, and went through a narrow alley he had already checked out a couple of times from the roofs and on the ground. As always he kept close to the wall, in this alley the south wall because it didnt have any doorways where someone could suddenly come leaping out at him. He also knew what doors on the north wall were open, at least most of the time, in case he had to split. There were also 2 very narrow alleys leading off this one, so narrow they were unseen if you didnt know they were there. One led to a cellar where he could go either east or north and get to a street, the other had a short fence he could easily vault and go east over another short fence and into a cellar where he could get to a street. He walked slowly, his eyes never still, and when he got a few feet from the street he could hear their voices and then he could see Raul holding his girl friend, rubbing her back and laughing and suddenly Bobby was inflamed with rage, sweat instantly bursting on his face and body, his eyes almost sightless with fury and he fell against the wall and caught his breath, forcing himself to remain absolutely still and not do what every muscle in his body wanted him to do, what his head was screaming at him to do. He knew he could cut Rauls throat before they knew what was happening, and maybe be cuttin one of the others, but theyd get him an thered be nothin left of him and there was no way he was goin be lettin them muthafuckas be gettin his ass. He slowed his breathing like Moishe taught him, and stood there, watching, remembering, reminding himself that as long as he didnt lose his cool he had them by the balls, so he continued breathing deeply and slowly, until he was calm, then picked up an empty wine bottle, spun around a few times and got dizzy, then staggered out of the alley forcing himself to try and walk straight like a drunk, passed within a few feet of Raul and the others and continued going north, then turned west at the corner, ran around the block and circled back to where he had been when he first saw them, a matter of just a few minutes, and they were still there, smoking, joking, laughing, hugging…and Bobby watched, stared as hard as he could, as hatefully as possible, reminding himself to keep checking everything out. He watched until he knew it was time to go and he slipped along the shadows back the way he came, then back home.

He was still feeling excited the next night when he and Moishe went for a walk and ended up by the river. There was enough traffic on the river to make watching it interesting: small pleasure boats, tug boats with and without barges, derricks, launches, and a few Moishe could not identify. Bobby had only been here a few times in his life and was not familiar with the names of the different kinds of vessels so he listened while Moishe told him what the purpose of some of them were. It didnt really interest Bobby much, but he really liked listening to Moishe talk, chuckling occasionally at the funny way he spoke. Bobby kept giggling, still feeling high from the night before, feeling the power he felt last night when he staggered by them mutha fuckas, and feeling a little anxious to get back to the hood, but wanting to cool it for a couple of nights, not wanting to lose his power, and was not aware that he was now laughing and not just giggling—

Moishe stopped talking and looked at Bobby, So…tonight everythings funny?

Bobby shook his head, No Mush, I jus be feelin cool, you dig?

So cool youre laughing when I talk…I say hello, youre laughing. I say goodbye, youre laughing. I say is going fast the boat, youre laughing—Moishe shrugged and smiled—so thats cool?

Bobby laughed and shook his head, No man, it jus be funny way you be talkin sometimes is all.

So…Im talking funny? Its not English Im speaking?

Yeah man well, its like different man. It dont be soundin like reglar English Mush.

Is not regular?

Man, you know, you got that funny accent Mush. You dont be talkin straight like the rest of us.

Accent?

They looked at each other, smiles getting broader, then they both started laughing and Bobby shook his head as he realized Moishe was putting him on and gave Moishe five.

They continued sitting by the river, eating fruit, Bobby still bouncing on the bench though they were both silent. After a few minutes Moishe asked Bobby why he was jiggling around so much?

Jigglin? What the fuck be jigglin Mush?

Jiggling…like you have itchy powder in your underwear. Youre not sitting still.

Bobby giggled, Jigglin—shaking his head—Damn, you sure be a funny dude sometime Mush.

So????

I was fixin to tellya, I see those spics las night…an I walk right by the muthas an they not knowin nothin.

Moishe looked at Bobby, his face as expressionless as he could get it, and Bobby told him about the previous night. Moishe was fascinated by the intricasies of Bobbys planning and the ingenuity behind it, and was increasingly caught up in Bobbys narrative, having, from time to time, to remind himself that Bobby was not describing a childrens game, but a contest of life or death.

So I think Im jus about ready Mush. I figure sooner or later they goin be one a them muthafuckas walkin down the street alone an he be mine. Theys got to be lots a peoples done toi them theyd seen me an they mus be wonderin what Im up to. They ass got to be sweatin Mush…got to be. You make a man worry an he fuck up…they be worryin, I know it….So what you think Mush, I be ready?

Moishe stared at him, feeling blank, lost, trying to shrug but his body shuttered slightly, feeling his throat forming words but knowing he could not speak them, that he could not plead with Bobby to forget his hate…, Youre looking strong….Ya, ya, youre looking strong.

Right on Mush. That workout shit be doin a good job. Sheeit, how long I be workin out now, mus be couple months.

Ya, ya, months.

Bobby looked surprised, then started grinning again; Damn it be a long time I be meetin you Mush—looking into Moishes face, suddenly looking serious, grateful, an overwhelming sense of sincerity in his voice—You be a good frien Mush. I sure be all fucked up when you be findin me, an thas for damn sure. I remember. I be feelin all bus up inside like aint nothin in the right place an doin the right thing.

Moishe smiled self-consciously, flushing slightly, and shrugged, I—

I remember how I be feelin when I went down your stairs. I be thinkin Im goin die. Cant hardly breathe. Cant move. No more. I be thinkin maybe Im goin the an they mutha-fuckin rats eatin my ass. I jus hopin I be dead before they starts eatin on me is all.

Moishe beamed at Bobby, I see how you are and Im wonderin what to do. No doctor he says. No hospital he says. So Im a little bit crazy trying already to patch you up.

But you be doin it bro. Better than the mergency at the hospital. You be lucky you gettin outta that alive. How yo knowin how to do all that shit Mush?

Is no big deal. When little boy for Christmas Im getting doctors set…maybe 8 years old, an Im playing doctor ever since—and Moishe burst into laughter, Bobby staring for a minute, confused, then understanding and laughing with Moishe, the two of them sitting on the bench in the cool stillness of a late summer night, only a few stars visible in the sky, but the running lights on the boats on the river looking like diamonds, rubies and emeralds…and they continued to laugh, leaning closer and closer toward each other until they reached out and hugged each other, each flooded with the feelings of the other as well as their own, feeling a closeness that Bobby had never experienced before, in a way he didnt know existed, and Moishe felt love and gratitude flowing through him from Bobby, and from within himself. They sat back on the bench looking at the river and the lights on the other side, experiencing a sense of unity that would, like everything else, pass, but for now, right now it soothed every painful memory, bringing with it the sense that all things are possible. The feeling sparkled within them and they relaxed, feeling peaceful and soon the thought of hot dogs drifted through Bobbys mind, and then the ice cream he and Moishe would have when they got home and he stretched his arms and legs, rotated his neck and shoulders, then looked at Moishe, What that dude be sayin to you?

Hmmnmm—looking quizzically at Bobby.

You know, that dude in the camp that be helpin you. What he be sayin to you?

O, Sol. Ya, Sol—Moishe studied Bobby for a moment, trying to think what to say. He took a deep breath telling himself to speak from the heart—Why now you ask?

Bobby shrugged, Dont know Mush. Suddenly seem like I got to know what he say. Ain hardly thought about it, jus be comin out my mouth.

Bobby sat back waiting for Moishe to answer his question knowing he would after he got things sorted out in his head like he always did before he said anything. So Bobby waited.

Sol is such a good man. He always do first what he say I should do. Never do different than what he say.

Like he put his money where his mouth is, eh?

Moishe stared for a moment, then smiled, Ya, ya. Is putting money where mouth is. Ya—nodding his head and chuckling—That is good, ya.

Bobby smiled and shook his head, You funny bro—and went back to waiting.

Sol is saying my hate is killing me quicker than the camp. Look what hate has done to our country…these camps are built by hate. Look at the guards my friend, the ‘authorities’, they have become mad, crazed animals…wretched beasts of prey. Sol was quiet for a moment, then spoke quietly, but so…strongly I still shiver when I think of it….Then he said: Hold on to your hate my friend and you will become what you hate.

Bobby shrugged, I dont be knowin nothin bout that, but what else he be sayin?

Moishe hesitated for a moment, then took a deep breath, He said I should wish Klaus be happy, that—Bobby peered at Moishe, eyes clouding, disbelief and resistance on his face—He say what?—total disbelief on his face and in his voice, Moishe looking at him sympathetically, knowing it was impossible for Bobby to hear that now, yet knowing, in his heart, that he had to tell him the truth just as simply as it had happened, that love and respect demanded he tell him the truth, that Bobby deserved nothing less in answer to his question—He say you should—Bobby shook his head and jumped up and stepped to the railing a few feet away and looked down at the water, shaking his head, trying to force Moishes words from his head, from his brain, from his mind, his energy coming to the defense of his hatred, yet something within him seeming to be trying to at least listen to what Moishe said and he shook his head as the battle raged, Moishe watching, knowing pain by pain what Bobby was experiencing, though it was so many years ago he went through the same agony he still remembered it…pain by pain, breath by breath…tear by tear, and he waited for Bobby to go though his process, doing all he could to allow the love in his heart to replace the fear in his mind and body and just love Bobby…just love him….Bobby jerked around, still slightly stooped like a fighter stalking his opponent across the ring, but his hands were extended behind him, holding on to the railing—How the fuck he say that? How he fuckin say that? That muthafucka be takin you business an throwin yo ass in a muthafuckin constration camp an fuckin up you family an doin all that shit you be havin—pointing to his tattoo—an you say you caint never be forgettin what be happenin an—Bobby spun around and leaned against the railing, pumping his body back and forth, throwing his head back and shaking it violently—Damn! MUTHAFUCKA!!!! MUTHA FUCKIN FUCKA!!!!—pounding the railing with the side of his hands, then stamping around in a circle, pounding his anger into the pavement—That muthafucka crazy!!!! How he say that to you Mush when you be in that fuckin joint????

Moishe took a breath and spoke as slowly and gently as possible, He was there too Bobby. Same hell.

But he be a real jew!

Moishe filled his words with all the love of his being, No one deserved to be there Bobby. It was the same hell for all of us. No one deserved to be there…no person…no animal….No one Bobby.

Bobby stared at Moishe for a moment, his agitation and rage making his head vibrate, clouding his vision, Aint no body in the world be sayin that shit! No one! Everyone say get that muthafucka an kill his ass…real slow. The whole world be sayin that!!!!