The Women of Duck Commander (18 page)

I don’t blame my parents for what happened in my childhood. They didn’t know! When I did tell my mother about it, she confronted our relative, but he denied it or said he didn’t “remember doing that.” I have told her it has been dealt with and Christ has healed me. She was glad for that news, at least.

My mother has found joy in keeping my grandchildren while Alan and I work, and they share a close relationship with her. Even though thinking about my past is difficult, thinking about the family I have with Alan and looking forward—now
that’s
a different story. When I think about the generations in our family, the people who bring me the most joy are my daughters and grandchildren. I believe our daughters, our sons-in-law, and our grandchildren have a bright future built on a strong relationship with God, and that gives me great hope for the days ahead.

Earlier in the book I wrote about the troubles Alan and I faced at one period in our marriage. There was a time when we both wondered whether we would still be together all these years later, and we thank God we are. I want to pick up that story now where I left off.

I was only eighteen years old when Alan and I married, and as I mentioned, we spent the early days of our marriage living with Granny and Pa on Phil and Miss Kay’s property. As a young wife, I had great role models in Granny and Miss Kay. In fact, Miss Kay taught me some lessons in those early years that saved my marriage to Alan later on. I learned from her to fight for my marriage. Though her troubles with Phil were different from the problems Alan and I went through, she had a level of commitment to her husband and her marriage I had never seen before. I knew she had been through extremely difficult times and refused to let them get the best of her. I also noticed how genuinely loving and respectful she was toward Phil. She never held anything against him. When she forgave, she forgave completely, and that laid the groundwork for the wonderful marriage she and Phil have today. She taught me how to love, especially how to love Alan, and even though I seemed to abandon those lessons for a while, I now put them to good use every day. As a young bride, I had no idea how powerful those things I learned from her would be for me, but I thank God I learned them.

T
HE
T
ABLE
: M
ORE
T
HAN
J
UST A
P
IECE OF
F
URNITURE

One of the best things about those years was the time our family spent together around the table. Robertsons are people who value the family table, not just because it’s filled with some of the best food on earth, but because it provides a place for conversation, storytelling, talking about the day, and sometimes a spirited disagreement—which all help build strong family relationships. When Alan and I lived on Phil and Miss Kay’s property, the whole family ate together almost every night. Miss Kay usually did most of the cooking, but Granny and I pitched in a little. Granny and I took our food up the hill to Phil and Miss Kay’s house, and we all sat down to eat together. Occasionally, when Miss Kay was too busy to cook, Granny prepared our meals and we all went to her and Pa’s house to eat.

In many parts of our society today, the family table has disappeared and a lot of people have lost something vital in family relationships because of it. When I was young, and even after I was married, everyone ate what was served and we ate when it was ready. Children did not eat alone in front of the television or in their rooms with a fork in one hand and a cell phone in the other. Families actually sat together, prayed together, and talked as they shared their meal. Around the table, people knew they had a place where they belonged, a place to disagree and still be loved, a place to talk about what was going on in their lives, and a safe place to learn relational skills. I believe that concept of the family table is one of many values of the past that contributed to strong families, which in turn made strong communities and built a strong nation.
In our family, we still value the table, and I know many others do too. I am thankful for that, because I believe it is so important. It certainly is for us, and it always has been. It is one part of what makes us Robertsons who we are.

A N
EW
G
ENERATION OF
R
OBERTSONS

Within the first five years of my marriage to Alan, we had two daughters, Anna and Alex. Anna was born prematurely, at twenty-nine weeks. She was twelve inches long and weighed one pound, fifteen ounces. The first several months of Anna’s life, she lived in the neonatal intensive care unit and underwent serious heart surgery. Alan and I were filled with fear and uncertainty, not sure whether she would live or not.

Thankfully, Anna survived and soon became a happy baby. Miss Kay had taught me how to cook when Alan and I were first married, and she taught me how to be a mother after Anna was born. I don’t know what I would have done without her and Granny!

After raising four boys, Miss Kay was so excited to have a little girl in the family. When Anna was born, Miss Kay bought paper dolls, Barbies, hair bows, dress-up clothes—anything she could think of that was girlie. Even though she had to wait a while before Anna was old enough to play with some of those things, Miss Kay had them ready. She and Anna are still extremely close. I learned early in their relationship something I missed in my own childhood—the
legacy of having grandmothers and being able to learn from them is amazing.

Anna was strong-willed as a child but became very mild-mannered and compliant as a teenager. Some people might say that could never happen, but it did. The opposite happened with our daughter Alex. She was an easygoing child but followed a more typical pattern when she reached her teenage years and became rebellious and stubborn.

At age eighteen, in a decision that really disappointed Alan and me, Alex was doing some things we did not approve of and decided to move away from home. Alan and I loved her but did not think she had made a wise decision. However, we did not see any wisdom in trying to force her to do what we wanted her to do. We refused to take away her power of choice. We hoped and prayed she would come to realize her mistakes on her own and choose to do differently. We were always there for her when she wanted guidance and we gave her good advice. Then we waited for her to decide what to do with that advice and to figure out how she wanted to live her life.

Several years later, I received the following note from Alex.

. . . I just wanted to tell you how much I love you and admire you. Sometimes when I was younger, we didn’t get along because I didn’t understand why you wouldn’t just let me do what I wanted to do! But now I see that you did everything because you love me and you wanted me to stay out of trouble! I am glad you have become not only my mom, but one of my very best friends as well. When I think of the perfect mom, I think of you. I have so much respect for you now that I am old (and wise) enough to see all of the great, wonderful qualities in you. My admiration for you tripled when I heard your full testimony in Africa. To be able to go through all the things you have gone through and still come out a loving, godly, sparkling, shining example of what a woman should be is very inspiring. I hope I wind up just like you some day! I love you and Daddy with all my heart!

Today, Alex has graduated from culinary school, and she is a fabulous cook. She and her husband, Vinny, live close to Alan and me in West Monroe, and our relationship with her is completely restored.

T
HE
S
PECIAL
G
IFT OF
G
RANDCHILDREN

Because of choices I made when our daughters were young and what they lived through during the time Alan and I were apart, I have told them, “I may not have been the best mother and I’m sorry, but I promise I am going to be a
great
grandmother to your children.” I work toward that goal every day.

I have learned a lot about being a grandmother from Miss Kay, and she is exactly the kind of grandmother I want to be. She is just great with all of her grandchildren. They all think she is so much fun and they love her dearly. She is such an encourager to everyone, and she definitely encourages her grandsons and granddaughters in every way she can. She makes an effort to spend as much time with them as possible, and that has not been easy since
Duck Dynasty
started. But she works hard to arrange time with
them. She teaches the girls how to cook, she plays Barbies, she sings in the car, and she has created an outright fun masterpiece with the Lickety Split.

At the time of this writing, Alan and I have two granddaughters. Anna and her husband, Jay, are the happy parents of Carley, who was born in 2005, and Bailey, born in 2007. Alex and her husband, Vinny, are expecting our third grandchild. It will be our first grandson in March.

Our grandchildren are such an awesome blessing. Being a grandparent is completely different from being a parent, and Alan and I love it! Of course, we think our granddaughters are adorable and fun. Like many grandparents, we think our granddaughters are the cutest little girls who ever lived. And they are. But for Alan and me, the granddaughters are so much more than cute. They are an amazing symbol of God’s restoration and healing power. When we think back on our years of doubt, heartache, and possible divorce, we realize that our lives—and the lives of our children and grandchildren—would be totally different had we not made the choices we made. Had we decided not to stay together, we would not be able to do any of the fun things we do together now. We would not take our granddaughters on trips (which we do as often as possible), and we would not enjoy having them spend the night with us (sometimes multiple nights in a row) or special holiday times together. Our grandchildren would have to visit us in separate homes and miss the togetherness and security of being surrounded by the extended family into which they were born. Personally, I realize I would also have missed the joy of knowing my Robertson nieces and nephews. Had Alan and I divorced, generations of Robertsons would have suffered. Because God gave us the grace to
tough it out, and because Alan forgave me and the Robertsons embraced me again after I had failed, our whole family is happy together. It was not easy, but was
definitely
worth it. I believe our grandchildren are God’s gift to Alan and me because we did not give up. We love spending time with them. We deeply love both of our daughters, but we both agree—as most grandparents would—that God has given us something special in our grandchildren.

When the time came for Alan and me to decide what we wanted our grandchildren to call us, we landed on Mam and Pap. The parents in a book I read years ago used these names and I always liked them, so I started calling myself Mam, and it stuck. When our granddaughters were learning to say “yes, ma’am” and “no, ma’am,” “yes, sir” and “no, sir,” they did fine with Alan, but when they spoke to me, they had to say, “Yes, ma’am, Mam.” They still say that, and it is so cute.

As much as Alan and I love our grandchildren, we want our daughters and sons-in-law to be their parents. We do not want to overstep parental boundaries. We want to influence in the right ways, but we do not want to take on roles that are not appropriate for us. When the grandchildren make a mess at our house, we insist they clean it up, but we do not discipline them in ways that are better left to their parents.

Alan and I also let our grandchildren know they can tell us anything. I stress this point because of my past. I tell them there are no secrets between them and Mam. I even go so far as to talk about appropriate touches and who should touch them, and where it is
okay for them to be touched. I also tell them that no matter what they tell Pap and me, we will
never
stop loving them. We want them to know, as we know and our daughters know, that we are family and we do
not
give up on one another. Because of our story, that really means something.

19

A HERITAGE OF FAITH

Korie