The Year I Almost Drowned (17 page)

used to. The day’s drive had gotten to me and I slowly found my way to the bed–

fully clothed, shoes on and all –I flopped on top of my covers and fell asleep

immediately.

***

Sidney woke me up. Not on purpose. It’s just, she was so incredibly loud. She

walked loud, breathed heavy, smacked her gum, and did this constant sniffing

thing out of her nose. I opened my eyes and saw her hanging clothes up in the

cramped closet. Her curly dark brown hair was pulled back in a tortoise shell hair

clip. She was wearing a black turtle neck sweater and a red wool mini skirt with

black tights and black knee-length boots. I sat up in bed and said, “Hi, Sidney.” I

was

still

groggy

from

the

drive.

She turned to face me, her grin broad. “Hi Finley, I mean Finn.” She came closer

to me and sat down on my bed. We had different ideas about personal space. “I

tried

not

to

wake

you.”

“You didn’t,” I lied. I yawned and asked, “What time is it anyway?”

“After

twelve,”

she

said.

“I

slept

that

long,”

I

said

in

disbelief.

She shrugged. “You haven’t eaten lunch yet, have you?” she asked.

I shook my head no and wiped my eyes, getting out the crusted remnants that

had

grown

overnight.

“Are

you

hungry?”

she

asked.

I

thought about

it

for

a

second.

“Yeah,

I

guess

I

am.”

“Great!” she said enthusiastically. “Let’s get lunch. I know the perfect place.”

“Okay.

I

need

to

shower

and

get

dressed

first.”

“Take

your

time.

I’m

so

glad

you’re

here,”

she

gushed.

I got out of bed and headed to the bathroom. The shower was better suited for a

small child, not a young woman. I couldn’t move - it was about three feet wide all

around. When I stood in it, I had a choice: face the ugly tiled wall or the frosty

glass door. Shaving my legs was next to impossible and the water was luke warm

at best, definitely not hot, not like at my grandparents’ house.

After I took my shower, I got dressed and dried my hair. Sidney was sitting on her

bed texting, waiting patiently for me. “Do you want me to drive?” I asked.

“We’re

just

going

across

the

street.

Ready?”

“Yeah.” I grabbed my purse and followed her out the door.

The walk wasn’t bad. Jenny’s Casual Cafe was literally across the street from the

campus like Sidney had said. It wasn’t anything special, but seemed to attract

enough customers because of its prime location and affordable prices.

Sidney talked non stop and was very perky, exactly how Nana had described her

and how I suspected she might be after we had talked on the phone. I learned

she was from New Hampshire and came from a big, extended family. She had a

younger sister and an older brother. Her father was an attorney; her mom a

doctor. She was majoring in pre-med and had chosen Harrison because it was

far

enough

away

from

home.

We ordered our food at the counter and found a booth to sit in.“What about you,

Finn? What are you majoring in?” She had tiny light brown freckles on her nose

and

cheeks

and

light

brown

eyes.

“I don’t know,” I said. I used to know, but that had changed when I went to

Graceville. I didn’t have any idea what I wanted to study.

“Doesn’t that scare you?” She leaned in closer to me like she was about to find

out

some

deep

dark

secret.

“Surprisingly,

no.”

“Wow. I wish I was like that. But my parents put the pressure on me, you know

what I mean?” she said. Sidney had a habit of ending each of her sentences with

“you know what I mean.” It was a habit I was going to have to learn to get used

to.

The

waiter

brought

us our food. “Hi,” Sidney said flirtatiously.

“Hey,”

he

answered.

“You’re new,” she said and poked at him playfully. She bit on her lower lip and

fluttered

her

eyelashes.

Sidney

was

a

pro.

“Yeah.

How’d

you

know?”

he

asked

her.

“Because I would remember you,” she said and giggled. Sidney was not what I

would call gorgeous. She was attractive but not beautiful. Still, somehow she

knew exactly how to get a guy like our waiter to respond. Her cutesy attitude and

overconfidence

were

probably

what

attracted

men

to

her.

Hook, line and sinker, he was falling for it. He smiled at her. “Well, I guess we’ll

see

each

other

a

lot

then.”

“I hope so,” she answered and then he walked away, but not without doing a

double

take

first.

She looked back at me and whispered, “He was hot.” She glanced at him again

and

then

at

me.

“Do

you

have

a

boyfriend?”

“No,”

I

said

quickly.

“Good. We can pick up guys together.” She bit into her sandwich.

I should’ve lied and told her that I had a boyfriend. Going out to pick up guys did

not sound very appealing to me. I couldn’t imagine going on a date with anyone

for a very long time. I’d just compare them to Jesse and that wouldn’t be fair to

them. I sipped my soup and geared the conversation toward her, hoping it would

keep

the

focus

off

of

me.

***

I had forgotten what it was like to sit in a classroom. I was used to getting up

early, going to work, and being on my feet all day at the diner. It had been my

daily routine, my ritual, for more than half a year. The idea of sitting for so many

hours, listening to long-winded lectures from professors with no inflection in their

voices and then studying the same boring material I had just been subjected to

did

not

appeal

to

me.

I wasn’t focused; I was restless. I couldn’t seem to make myself study. I don’t

know if it was because I missed my grandparents, my dad, Meg and Hannah. I

missed Jesse, too, but it seemed like a moot point to even think about how much

I missed being with him. So many times throughout the first week of school I was

tempted to get on my phone and call him, to tell him about my day. But I couldn’t.

We were through and not having my best friend in my life anymore was a difficult

thing

to

swallow.

My once meticulous studying habits had disappeared. I just didn’t study. I

wandered the campus, read books that I had wanted to for a long time, and found

my own personal havens in the quaint town that Harrison was located. The

downtown was charming and one of my favorite places to hang out. I loved the

bookstore and the adjacent coffee shop. I spent a lot of time alone in both places

but didn’t seem to notice or care that I was all by myself. In fact, I relished in the

solitude.

After receiving a low C on one of my exams, I realized I had to make some

changes and fast. Otherwise, I was going to lose my full scholarship. And I

couldn’t afford to do that because if I lost that scholarship, I’d have to leave

Harrison and then what would I do? It had been what I had worked for all of those

years, what I had wanted, and if I lost it, it would mean I failed. I had failed in a

relationship;

I

couldn’t

fail

in

this

aspect

of

my

life,

too.

I tried to study in my dorm room, but with Sidney there, that was out of the

question. She talked on her phone a lot and played really loud music. Even when

I put earphones on, I could still hear her talking and the booming and thumping

sounds coming from her stereo. After a couple of weeks of that, I had enough,

and

searched

the

campus

for

a

more

peaceful

spot.

The campus library was open twenty four hours a day–seven days a week. I loved

the library. It was my favorite building on campus. On the fourth floor–a floor that

didn’t get visited by many students because it was the records floor–was my

perfect place for solace. Two glass French doors led to a cozy corner room filled

with a plethora of different shape and sized pillows scattered all over the shaggy

carpeted floor. “The pillow room” had become my second home. It was the most

comfortable place to study, to nap, to think, and to get away.

I lay on the floor, with my books sprawled out around me, and sent a text to Meg.

I hadn’t talked to her in a while and wanted to talk to her. She sent me a quick

text telling me she was on a date with Noah and would call me later. Since the

bonfire, the night of my birthday, they had been talking and decided to exclusively

date within the last month. She seemed happy and I was glad she found a nice

guy. Noah had gotten a job in Greenville, so his commute to see her wasn’t a

long

one.

Their voices carried all the way into the pillow room. Since it was so quiet on the

fourth floor of the library, any talking, whether it was a whisper or a normal audible

tone, could be heard. But they weren’t speaking in hushed tones. One of the

voices was easily recognizable – it was Sidney– and I could hear every single

word

she

was

saying.

“Where

is

this

stupid

document

anyway?”

Sidney

whined.

“I don’t know. I never come up here,” the other girl responded. “So are we going

out

tonight?”

“Yeah,

of

course!”

Sidney

said.

“Are you inviting your roommate?” she asked. I hadn’t heard anything about it so

I knew the answer to that question was a big, fat “no.”

“No,” she scoffed. “Finn’s nice and all, but she’s all gloom and doom, know what

I mean? It’s like, lighten up a little, quit being so emo,” she said.

“At least she’s the brooding type. Mine is way too nosy. She’s always butting in

to

my

conversations.

It’s

annoying!”

I didn’t listen to the rest of their conversation. I tuned them out and lay there

thinking about what she said about me. I was shocked. Stunned. Hurt. I’d never

been described as a “gloom and doom” type. I wondered if I had really turned into

a depressing person. I hadn’t really thought about the way I had been acting until

she described me as being the type of person someone avoids. Maybe she had

a point. Since I had gotten on campus, I’d only gone out with her a few times, and

spent the rest of my time downtown or locked up in the library. Was I diverting

back to my old self–the Finn who didn’t experience life? The Finn who did nothing

but study and shut herself out from the rest of the world. Here I was in college,

and all I could do was hide away in a dark, corner room in the library. Something

had

to

change.

I picked up all of my text books off the floor, threw them in my back pack and got

up off that comfy floor. No way was I going to continue wasting away in pillow

land. It was time to make some changes.

Sidney gave me a second chance. It was a quality that I liked about her–that she

was willing to give me the benefit of the doubt. After we got to know each other

better, her opinion of me changed from “Miss Anti-Social” to “Friendly Finn.” She

blatantly told me that she didn’t care too much for me when she first met me.

“You were so emo-like. It was like living with my younger sister all over again.

She’s all into depressing music and just walks around the house sighing all the

time, giving people dirty looks. Know what I mean?” she had said to me one day.

Going out with Sidney and her friends, who had become mine as well, became

part of my normal routine: wake up; go to class; study and do work to maintain

scholarship; nap; go out; sleep. That’s what I did on a regular basis. I still

frequented the Pillow Room, but I didn’t live there anymore. I finally made my

dorm

room

my

home.

I had misjudged Sidney. She was fun to be with and was always upbeat–the