The Year I Almost Drowned (18 page)

perfect remedy for getting over a break-up. I missed Hannah and Meg, though,

especially Meg. They were just closer friends. They got me. But I wasn’t in

Graceville anymore and knew the only way I could adjust was to open myself up

to

making

new

friends.

We made plans to go to a party our friend Aaron was having. Aaron was a student

at Georgia State–the nearby co-ed college. He and I had met at Jenny’s Casual

Cafe. He worked there, and since I ate there at least four to five times a week,

we had gotten to know each other pretty well. Most of our conversations were

surface, focusing on movies, books, or any other basic stuff. Aaron was a nice

guy, and I enjoyed his company, but there was no spark. He was just a friend.

During my senior year of high school on my campus tour, I remember one of the

girls asking the tour guide if it was hard to meet guys being at an all girls’ school

like Harrison, and the tour guide actually laughed at her. She told the girl that with

the other college nearby there were plenty of guys to go around. Sidney was

evidence of that. She always had a date and seemed to have a knack for meeting

a

different

guy

each

week.

I wasn’t really looking. That was the furthest thing from my mind. Breaking up with

Jesse was like a five-step grieving process. I had gotten past anger and denial,

as well as bargaining. Where I was now was somewhere between depression

and acceptance. Within a few months, I hoped to be at acceptance.

Sidney wasn’t a fashion queen like Meg was, but she was all about wearing labels

and dressing in expensive, well-made clothes. Her parents had money growing

out of their ears and had no qualms about giving Sidney her very own credit card

so she could be a spending fiend. She got dressed up for the party and decided

to wear a light blue dress. I looked plain next to her in my jeans and lime green

short-sleeved t-shirt. The weather was becoming warmer. It was spring, and my

coat

had

been

packed

away

in

the

closet.

“You can borrow a dress of mine if you want,” she offered. “I’m sure Aaron would

like

you

dressed

up.”

She

gave

me

a

mischievous

grin.

“That’s

okay.

I’m

good

in

my

jeans.

Thanks.”

She rummaged through her purse. “Ugh! I’m out of condoms,” she said. She

looked in my direction. “Do you have any?” I blushed, which told her my answer

in so many words. “Wait. You mean you and that ex of yours never did it?”

“That’s personal,” I answered. My arms folded against my chest in a defensive

position. Hearing “ex” out loud still stung a little. In a late sleepless night, Sidney

and I had shared some secrets–her more than me–a lot more than me. But I did

open up about Jesse, about how we had dated most of the summer up to the

holidays

and

then

how

it

ended.

“It’s

okay,

Finn.

I

just

assumed...”

“Well,

we

didn’t

okay?”

She shrugged. “Don’t get mad. You take things slow. I get that. I wish I had waited

a

little

longer

my

first

time.”

“You

do?”

I

unfolded

my

arms.

“Yeah, of course. It was awful. Imagine your senior prom, a night that is supposed

to be epic, and you’re in the parking lot losing your virginity in the backseat of

some piece of crap car with a guy that smells like weed.” She sighed and made

a disgusted face. “He dumped me like two weeks later and found some other

sucker.”

“I’m

sorry.”

“Don’t be. It made me stronger. I was hurt for a little bit and then found there are

a lot better guys out there.” She curled her lips to a smirk. “Guys are a dime a

dozen.”

I didn’t agree with everything she said. There were other guys out there, but that

didn’t mean I was willing to just go out with them for the sake of going out with

them, or lose my virginity just for the sake of losing it. I needed to feel a

connection,

or

at

least

something

that

resembled

love.

“Just make sure when you do finally do it, that you’re ready to handle all the

consequences.”

“Consequences?”

“I can tell you’re the type that gets attached. I don’t, but someone like you does.

Just make sure that you’re one hundred percent sure you’re ready to give yourself

completely,” she said. She grabbed her purse and pulled my arm. “Let’s stop at

CVS before we go to the party. I need me some condoms.”

Aaron’s apartment was in an old complex that was a little run down and very

dated. It was within minutes of Georgia State’s campus, which meant most of the

people living there were college students who didn’t care about its shoddy

appearance. There were probably twenty to thirty people squeezed into the small

two-bedroom apartment that he shared with his roommate, Doug. Doug was

Sidney’s latest conquest. Poor Doug didn’t stand a chance. I don’t know what

Sidney’s secret was, but she could wrap any guy around her finger. And they fel

hard for her instantly. She was always the one to break their hearts. She broke it

off before too many strings were attached. I didn’t envy her for any of it.

It wasn’t a huge party; it was more of a gathering. A group of people sat around

a large round table playing poker, others lingered in the kitchen drinking. The rest

were spread out throughout the apartment talking and hanging out.

“Finn,” Aaron said to me as Sidney and I entered. “Glad you came.” He smiled.

Aaron

was

cute

even

if

I

wasn’t

into

him.

“Thanks

for

inviting

me,”

I

said.

“See you guys later. There’s Doug,” Sidney said and left us there alone.

“Do

you

want

something

to

drink?”

he

asked

me.

“Do

you

have

Coke?”

“Uh yeah.” He ran his fingers through his unkempt hair and gave me a perplexed

expression.

“Look,

if

you

want

a

beer,

I’ve

got

beer.”

“I’m the designated driver tonight,” I said, jingling my keys. I placed them in my

purse. I had volunteered to be the DD. There was no way I was going to have a

repeat of the awful party I had gone to almost a year before where I was too drunk

to drive home and almost got assaulted by slimy Dylan. If Jesse hadn’t come to

rescue Meg and me, things would’ve turned for the worse.

“Oh.” He nodded. “Coke it is.” He handed me a cold can of Coke.

“Thanks.”

“Do

you

want

to

go

outside?”

“Sure.” I followed him through his living room and to the glass sliding doors that

led to the outside. He slid them open. His back yard was basically a concrete slab

with a few lawn chairs and one tiny, beat-up grill. The view–was an ugly chain

link fence that faced a retention pond and nothing else. His apartment complex

was within the direct flight path of the airport. Planes flew in the sky constantly. It

was hard to hear anything except the roaring jet engines overhead.

It was just him and me outside. We both sat down on the lawn chairs, sinking low

to

the

ground.

He

drank

his

beer;

I

sipped

my

Coke.

“You

look

nice

tonight,”

he

said.

I looked down at my blah outfit and then said, “Thanks.” I pictured Aaron’s dad

telling him when he was growing up, “Compliment girls, son, because they like

it.” I enjoyed getting compliments, but generic ones like that meant nothing to me.

“Are

you

going

anywhere

for

spring

break?”

he

asked.

An airplane flew over head. “To Florida,” I answered after it passed. Spending

another activity-filled week in Florida didn’t sound appealing to me. I hoped my

mom didn’t get the same bug to go out all the time, like she had before when I

visited.

“That’s cool. I’m going back home, too,” he said. Then he did something I did not

expect or ask for. He ran his fingers through my hair. “You’re hair is so soft. I love

red hair,” he murmured. I shifted and moved my head away from his fingers trying

to give him a subtle yet polite hint but he didn’t seem to be getting it. “I like you,

Finn.”

Oh no. That was not what I wanted to hear. I didn’t want him to like me. I didn’t

want anyone to like me. I tried to give a sympathetic expression before I turned

him down, but he took it the wrong way. He read me all wrong. He leaned in and

placed his lips on mine and began to kiss me. It was so unexpected, I didn’t have

time to react, to move my face so his lips would smack my cheek or the air instead

of my tightly closed lips. I could feel his tongue touching my lips. I quickly pulled

away. “Aaron, no,” I said in the most gentle tone I could muster. He wasn’t a bag

guy; he just didn’t know the first thing about me or women for that matter.

“Why?”

he

asked.

“I

thought

you

liked

me,

too.”

“My boyfriend and I broke up a few months ago. I’m still not over him.”

“I can help you get over him,” he said. I glared at him. “Sorry.”

“Can

we

just

be

friends?”

I

asked.

He

twisted

his

lips

and

pouted.

“Yeah.

I

guess.”

“You’re a nice guy, Aaron. I’m just not ready to date anyone yet,” I said. I didn’t

tell him that I’d never want to date him. Rejecting him once was enough for the

night.

“Kissing is not dating, Finn,” he teased. I rolled my eyes at him and then laughed

because I knew he was joking. “Yes, we can be friends,” he said and smiled.

***

I went back to Florida for spring break. Thankfully, my mom didn’t take any days

off of work, so my days were relatively peaceful and free of strenuous activity. I

slept in, watched TV and worked on some projects that my professors had

assigned to do over the break. That was what I wanted, an uneventful week.

The weeks passed so quickly. Before I knew it, finals week had arrived. The

semester had flown by. Everyone was stressed out and studying–even Sidney.

My grades were good, so the pressure of doing well on my finals wasn’t hanging

over my head. Sidney’s preference for partying had gotten the best of her and

put her in her present position–studying for hours on end and hoping to pass each

exam with a decent grade or else she would end up on academic probation and

have

to

attend

summer

school.

We had decided to share a dorm again the following year. She wasn’t difficult to

live with and had become a good friend. I didn’t want to deal with the painful

process of trying to acclimate to a new roommate’s habits and peculiarities. We

had finally meshed.

I lay on my bed with my headphones on listening to music. I still couldn’t bring

myself to listen to jazz, but other music had found its way back in my life again.

Sidney was sitting at the desk, typing like a maniac. She was on her sixth cup of

coffee and was completely wired.

“Once I’m done with this paper, I’m through,” she said to me, speaking at a record

rate. The caffeine had kicked in.

I pulled my ear phones off. “That’s your last exam?” I wish I were lucky enough

to have a paper as an exam.

She nodded. “English Literature.”

“Oh. I still have a project presentation in my business class,” I said. “Which

reminds me; I need to call my grandfather.” I had called him more than once in

the last few weeks. He knew more than my professor did about running a

business, and his advice for my business plan was really helpful. Plus, I just liked

talking with him. I missed seeing him everyday.

“Have you practiced for it?” she asked.

“I don’t need to. We had to create a business. So I chose a diner. I just have to

stand up in class and talk about it. It’ll be easy.” I shrugged.

“Better you than me.” The click, click, click sound of her fingers pressing against

each key pervaded.

I picked up my phone and called him. “Grandpa,” I said, as I walked out the door.

Even though I had to suffer through Sidney’s constant phone jabber, she couldn’t