The Year of Living Shamelessly (12 page)
Read The Year of Living Shamelessly Online
Authors: Susanna Carr
Tags: #Fiction, #Romance, #Contemporary
Five or six days? His eyes widened. He could have her, exclusively, in his bed, for all that time. It wasn’t nearly enough, but it was more than he ever allowed himself to consider before.
No. Ryder cleared his throat. After all these years of holding back, he wasn’t going to give in for the promise of six days. He had to be strong.
“And then it’ll be over on New Year’s Day,” she said with a casual flourish of her hand. “We walk away with no regrets and no strings attached.”
Walk away. She could walk away from him just like that? Why was he holding out, trying to be honorable? Why was he making a sacrifice when it obviously didn’t mean anything to her?
Ryder glared at Katie. “You want me to treat you like a no-name one-night stand?” His voice was low and roughened with anger. “What do you take me for?”
She held her hands up in surrender. “Think about it, Ryder. There is no messy breakup, no awkwardness the next time we see each other. No one even has to find out about the two of us.”
He crossed his arms. “Now I’m a shameful secret?” He should have known.
“No! I didn’t say that! I can’t wait to take you to my bed,” she blurted out in naked honesty, “and I don’t care who knows it.”
Ryder reared back, surprised by her frankness. It broke down his defenses easily. If something as simple as that statement made him want to forget all of his noble intentions, then he was in danger of giving up the fight in the next few minutes.
He uncrossed his arms. “I gotta leave,” he muttered and walked toward the door.
“Before you do something you regret?” she mocked.
“Yes!” he said without a break in his stride. She knew the effect she had on him. He had to get out now.
“Do you know what you’re going to regret the most?” she called out to him. “Not having an affair with me!”
His hand was on the doorknob. He hesitated and his shoulders sagged. He knew he was going to have that regret. It would eat at him until he couldn’t think straight. “Katie.” Her name dragged out of his throat.
“I will be the submissive of your dreams,” she said with absolute certainty. “I will do anything you say.”
A tremor swept him. “Promise?”
He was surrendering. He couldn’t fight it anymore. Katie was offering him his greatest fantasy, the one thing he wanted most. He was no prince, no good guy, and he sure as hell wasn’t a saint.
He was no good for Katie, and accepting this offer was proof of that. But he couldn’t pass it up. Having Katie submit to him? That already made her the submissive of his dreams.
Would Katie really do anything he said? The power, the promise of pure pleasure, flooded through his veins with such force, it made him dizzy.
“Is that a yes?” she asked.
Oh, yeah. Now she wasn’t sounding so sure of herself. She shouldn’t have given this level of power to him. To any man, but especially to him. He was weak when it came to Katie, and once he got a taste of her, he wouldn’t be able to control himself.
It was time for her to find out what kind of deal she was suggesting. He wrestled back a portion of self-control. He would show her the consequences of her desires, let her know what it was like to really be submissive, and then let her escape unscathed.
Then
he would leave town. It wouldn’t be a wild affair. It would be a simple tuition in the art of bondage—he’d teach her just enough to be sure she wouldn’t do anything stupid once he was no longer around to keep an eye on her.
Then
he would leave town. It wouldn’t be a wild affair. It would be a simple tuition in the art of bondage—he’d teach her just enough to be sure she wouldn’t do anything stupid once he was no longer around to keep an eye on her.
He pivoted on his heel and his gaze collided with hers. “For a trial run,” he declared.
Katie’s hopeful expression collapsed into disappointment, and for a moment she looked like the innocent schoolgirl he remembered from years ago. “No way. We don’t have time for that.”
“I’m going to start you off with something easy,” Ryder promised as he strode back to the kitchen table.
Katie watched him approach. She wasn’t as eager as he had expected. If anything, she was suspicious about his sudden and easy capitulation. She was smart, because he wasn’t going to let things go too far. Not today anyway. “What’s the catch?” she asked.
“If you can’t handle it, then that’s it,” he said with a shrug. “We stop right then and there and we never mention it again.”
“And it’s going to be something easy. Right. You don’t want me to understand this lifestyle, but you’re going to give me a gentle introduction? Sure, you are. How do I know you’re not setting me up for a fall?”
“Trust is the most important element in the relationship between a submissive and a dominant. If you can’t trust me”—Ryder flinched from the unexpected jab of pain as he considered the possibility—“there is no reason to start.”
Katie swallowed roughly, and he saw the struggle in her eyes. He wished her trust in him was absolute and automatic, but it was better that she thought this through. She had no idea how difficult it would be to have no control in the situation and give him her trust completely.
Ryder waited patiently, watching her face intently. He wasn’t going to make the choice for her, and he wasn’t going to wait indefinitely. Either she knew that he was going to take care of her or she didn’t.
“I trust you,” she said quietly, then tilted her chin up. “I always have.”
Her words pleased him, but the claim sounded uncomfortably like a vow. “And I leave on New Year’s Day,” he said, reminding himself not to get too comfortable with her. “It ends then, no matter what.”
“Of course,” she said steadily, but was quick to add, “if you can drag yourself away from me.”
Ryder felt a bittersweet smile tug the corner of his mouth. “I’ll do my best.”
“When do you want to start?” She rubbed her hands together. “Are we going to the bondage club?”
“No club!” he ordered harshly. “Ever!” The image of her, dressed like this and unprotected, was enough to make him lose his cool.
“Okay, okay!” She lifted her shoulders and held up her hands.“I got it. No club.”
“We start now.” He unzipped his winter coat, but that was all he was removing. The more clothes he had on, the less likely he was to crawl on top of Katie and dominate her until he satisfied his intense hunger—and ruined his relationship with her forever.
“Now?” Her gaze was transfixed on Ryder’s dark green hoodie. “As in right here and now?”
“Do you have a problem with that?” he asked as he slung his coat on the back of a chair.
“Not at all.” Katie’s voice was high as her heart rolled over and over. “I’m all yours.”
She reached for him eagerly, and licked her lips. Ryder got the sense that she was preparing to give him a long, wet, hard kiss that would grab at his very soul. He held out his hands, ready to lay down the law. “No, you can’t touch me.”
“I can’t what?”
He pushed her back gently, ready to shock her. “Keep your hands flat on the tabletop.” He held her hands and put them in position before letting go. “Imagine that your wrists are chained down.”
“I’m not that imaginative. Hey, I have some leftover gift-wrapping ribbon. I can . . .” Katie started to move away from the table, but he stopped her.
“No,” Ryder said as he guided her back to her original position and stood between her legs. “I want to see how good your control is if you aren’t relying on something holding you down.”
Katie frowned, and Ryder could tell she wasn’t too sure about this. “What’s my reward?”
Ryder gave her a quick glance. “Excuse me?” Wasn’t this reward enough?
“Let’s say I pass this trial run. Then what? What’s my reward?”
“Interesting.” She wasn’t accepting this opportunity without asking for something more. Now that was the Katie he knew and adored. “Then we meet for a true bondage scene,” he promised rashly.
“Tonight,” she decided.
Ryder shook his head. “You don’t get to pick the time.” Not that it would matter. She wouldn’t pass this test. He would make sure of it.
“Yes, I do. You’re leaving soon and I’m not taking any rain checks. If I pass this trial run, we meet tonight.”
“Okay, tonight.” He pointed at her hands. “Flat on the table.”
She did as he asked. “What are you going to do?”
“You’ll find out soon enough. Stay perfectly still.”
Her eyes widened. Was he serious? She couldn’t touch him and she had to remain still?
No matter how much she tried to keep them still, her legs, dangling off the edge of the table, brushed against his thighs. He didn’t call her on it and Katie allowed her legs to rest against his as he reached for her. She sighed when his fingertips glided from her hair to her forehead. He then caressed the bridge of her nose and her cheeks, before smoothing his fingers along her jaw. His touch was light and teasing. By the time he reached her chin, she was gritting her teeth. She wanted to lean into his hand, but she wouldn’t move. She had a lot riding on this test.
Ryder drew a line around her mouth with his finger. Katie parted her lips and froze. Did that count as moving? Maybe he hadn’t noticed. Please don’t let him have noticed!
“I feel you trembling,” he said with a knowing smile. “I don’t think you will hold out.”
“I will,” she promised.
He continued to circle his finger around her mouth. Her lips tingled and they felt fuller. Was it her imagination or were the circles he drew getting smaller?
Ryder’s finger was now on her plush bottom lip. She wanted to pucker her mouth. Okay, that wasn’t true. She really wanted to flick her tongue out and lick him before curling her tongue around his finger and drawing him into her mouth.
But that might be considered moving.
Ryder watched her mouth with unnerving intensity. She wondered if he would notice if she moved another part of her body, but she wasn’t going to take the chance. He dragged his finger along her red lips, smearing the lipstick. Still she didn’t move.
He dipped the tip of his finger into her mouth. Katie tried to control the tremor in her jaw. She wanted to give him a little nip. Catch him with the edge of her tooth. She longed to swirl her tongue around his finger and mimic what she could do with his cock.
And while her imagination ran wild, mostly with the idea of slurping his finger, she remained perfectly still. She wasn’t sure if she could keep it up much longer, when her body longed to pounce. Her hand pressed hard against the table and she sat ramrod straight. She was not going to mess this up.
Ryder withdrew his finger and Katie tried not to follow. She bet Ryder had expected her to crack by now. He didn’t get how much she wanted this. How much she wanted
him
.
him
.
Ryder covered her hands with his. Katie almost flinched from the unexpected touch, but caught herself just in time. She liked the feel of his warm, big hands. She felt small and delicate, but protected.
Ryder leaned closer until his mouth hovered above hers. He was going to kiss her—and she wasn’t allowed to kiss back! That was incredibly unfair.
His mouth was so close to hers. She felt his warm breath on her lips. He didn’t move any farther. She wanted to scream. This was the kiss she had been waiting for. The one
he
instigated. The one that was supposed to devour her, take her breath away and leave her swollen and limp, but begging for more.
he
instigated. The one that was supposed to devour her, take her breath away and leave her swollen and limp, but begging for more.
He still didn’t move. She got the feeling he was fighting with himself. That he wanted to take the last step. That he only needed a little more encouragement.
His lips were right there, waiting. She could claim them now. This might be her last chance. . . .
Ryder lifted his hand and brushed his fingertips along her throat. She remained still as he softly rubbed his thumb against the fluttering pulse at the base of her throat. He said nothing but she saw the primal satisfaction in his eyes. She didn’t care what he claimed; he liked having this sexual power over her. He wanted to explore it as much as she did.
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