The Year of Living Shamelessly (11 page)
Read The Year of Living Shamelessly Online
Authors: Susanna Carr
Tags: #Fiction, #Romance, #Contemporary
“I don’t care,” he said over his shoulder.
“Of course, there are other . . . clubs around,” she said, swinging her legs casually, as if she had no idea she was pushing her luck. “I’ll find them on my own. I can easily look them up online. I hear there’s a swingers’—”
Ryder whirled around and the savage look on his face made her shut her mouth. He marched over to her before she could say another word. “Forget it. You are never going to that place.”
She silently agreed with him. She was a one-man woman, and once she got Ryder in her bed—
if
she got Ryder into bed—she was never going to share. But he didn’t need to know that information right now. Katie blinked innocently at him. “Don’t tell me you’ve been there, too.”
if
she got Ryder into bed—she was never going to share. But he didn’t need to know that information right now. Katie blinked innocently at him. “Don’t tell me you’ve been there, too.”
“Cut the act. You’re throwing these outrageous plans around because you know how I’ll react.” He gripped her chin between his thumb and forefingers and made her look at him. “You can threaten all you want, but I know deep down you’re a good girl.”
Good girl? Katie made a face. Had the guy been in a coma for the past year? She was doing everything she could to remove that label. She didn’t want to be a good girl. She wanted to be the kind of woman who could catch Ryder. “What makes you think they are just threats?”
“I know you.” He let go of her chin, sounding very confident. “You won’t act on them.”
She leaned back, resting her elbows on the table. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve changed over the past year. I’m going to live it up. Experiment. Have fun.”
He stared at her as if he couldn’t help it. Her breasts felt heavy, her nipples tight, under his gaze. He jerked his head, shaking off the seductive spell she was trying to weave. “I swear, you will say anything to get my attention. You’re pushing me, Katie. Are you trying to punish me for leaving town?”
“Don’t flatter yourself,” she muttered. Ryder was getting too close to the truth. She had the uncomfortable feeling that he understood her as well as she understood him.
He avoided looking at any part of her body from the chin down. “Katie,” he said very seriously, “I want you to promise me you won’t go to these clubs.”
Katie held his gaze. “No.”
His eyes narrowed.
“Katie.”
“Katie.”
“I can’t make that promise.” She paused to gather her courage. “My first choice is to explore them with you.”
“No way.” His voice was cold and brutal.
His immediate, automatic reaction hurt. “Then I have to go with my second option,” she said huskily. “I’ll just wait until you’re gone and explore this subculture all by myself.”
“Think again.”
“There is nothing you can do about it once you’re gone,” she pointed out, wanting him to know he didn’t have as much power over her as he’d like to believe.“Anyway, I don’t know why you think this concerns you. You have no reason to get all weird about it.”
“I’m trying to protect you!” Frustration threaded his voice, making it husky.
She knew that, and a part of her adored it, but did it mean he had to keep his hands to himself? “Is what I’m suggesting really that dangerous?”
“Yes! It depends on the partner.”
“Hmm.” She swung her legs again as she gave it some thought. “Interesting. Who is considered a good partner?”
He rubbed his hands over his face. “I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with you.”
She sat up and watched him closely. “Is that your way of saying you don’t know?”
He dropped his hands and met her gaze. “A good dominant treats his submissive like a rare treasure,” he answered with obvious reluctance. “He has to respect and adore his partner, but most of all, he needs to master self-control over himself.”
“You’re assuming I’m submissive,” Katie was quick to point out. “I’ll have you know that I can be very aggressive in bed.”
He took a deep breath but the tension seemed to build inside him. “And a bad dominant will try to break your spirit.”
“So I need to find a dominant who has amazing self-control.” She reached out and flattened her hand on his chest. He flinched but stood still. “Someone who has my best interest at heart. Someone who will protect me and have firm boundaries.”
He looked at her hand as she claimed him as her dominant. “No way, Katie.”
“Come on, Ryder.” She hooked her fingers into his shirt. You know you want me.”
He removed her hand from his chest. “I said
no
.”
no
.”
“Look, I’ll even compromise. You don’t have to initiate me”—she ignored his groan—“at a club. We can do it in the privacy of my own home.”
“I can’t believe you are offering me sex,” Ryder said slowly, as if he were in a daze. “Are you insane? We’ve been dancing around this issue for far too long. It’s never going to happen. Not now, not ever, and especially not in your parents’ house.”
Katie rolled her eyes. “Wow, Ryder, I had no idea you were that conservative.”
“I don’t know why we’re discussing it.”
And yet he made no move to walk away.
He held his hands up and shook his head. “You would make a horrible submissive.”
She wasn’t going to argue that. “I never said I was submissive.”
“Then we would never work,” he decided as triumph glittered in his dark eyes. “A dominant doesn’t take a dominant.”
Terrific. Katie inwardly winced as she recognized her mistake. She had walked right into that one. “Then again, I could be submissive with the right encouragement.”
He crossed his arms and braced his legs. “You wouldn’t do what you were told.”
“Isn’t that the whole point?” she asked sweetly. “So you could punish me when I’m bad?”
“If I punished you, you wouldn’t be able to sit down for a week.”
Katie purred and stretched, rolling her spine and shoulders. “That’s big talk coming from someone who swears he’s only trying to protect me.”
Ryder thrust his hands into his hair. “You drive me crazy.”
“Good to know.” And it was good to hear she had
some
power over him. “So, are you going to tutor me in bondage or not?”
some
power over him. “So, are you going to tutor me in bondage or not?”
“No,” he said sharply. “Why would I do that when I’ve managed to keep my hands off you all this time?”
CHAPTER FIVE
He cringed, his heartbeat stuttering to a stop as his words replayed in his head.
I’ve managed to keep my hands off you all this time.
Now Katie knew how much power she had—had always had—over him. Why didn’t he just save himself some time and hand all the control over to Katie?
I’ve managed to keep my hands off you all this time.
Now Katie knew how much power she had—had always had—over him. Why didn’t he just save himself some time and hand all the control over to Katie?
“Really?” Katie drew the word out. “All this time?”
He sliced a hand in the air as if he could erase the past few moments. If only. “That’s not what I meant,” he said, not sure how he was going to recover from this mistake.
The victory dancing in Katie’s wide eyes clearly indicated that she didn’t believe him. He could tell that she wanted every hot, delicious detail. But he wasn’t going to give in. He needed to convince her that nothing would ever have happened in the past, and nothing ever would in the future.
“How long have you wanted me?” she asked carefully.
Ryder didn’t trust himself to say anything. He was already feeling shattered. But Katie’s question poked at him. He couldn’t remember when he first desired her. Maybe it was the time years ago when he had seen her come out of the bathroom after a shower. He had been in the upstairs hallway in their house, waiting for Jake, when Katie walked past him wearing only a towel and a flirty smile. His desire for her had come hard and fast, and Ryder had immediately pushed the idea out of his head, but it came back every once in a while. He didn’t like the feelings, didn’t like himself for desiring her, but he’d thought he could control it.
Instead of his desire dying out quickly, it had bloomed into something stronger. Soon his need for Katie was something that he was always aware of. At first it colored his day, and he was careful not to be left alone with Katie. Then it began to influence his life, when he realized he was making decisions on where he lived based on Katie. He tried to hold himself in check, but he was always afraid that one day it would rage out of his control.
And then this year, it had become clear that he had to entirely remove himself from temptation. She’d transformed into a sensual, confident woman, and if she chose to go after him, he knew he couldn’t fight it. Not anymore.
“Huh. That long?” she asked softly when his silence dragged.
He still didn’t answer.
“And you never went after me?”
He looked straight in her eyes. He needed to regain control of this situation before Katie took advantage. Before she realized that his self-control was not as strong as he’d led her to believe. “I have my reasons.” Ryder hoped his low and steady voice hid the chaos that was swirling inside him.
She nodded her head with mock solemnity. “And I’m sure they are very honorable. I’m too sheltered,” she said, ticking off the list on her fingers. “I’m too innocent, I’m Jake’s sister, blah, blah, blah. . . .”
Ryder narrowed his eyes, not appreciating her lighthearted take on his concerns. “None of that has changed.”
She pressed her lips together for a moment to hold back her irritation. “One major thing has changed. You’re leaving. But we shouldn’t see this as a problem. This offers us an opportunity.”
She hadn’t said anything explicit, but Ryder’s stomach tightened into knots. “What are you talking about?”
“Don’t you see?” She spread her arms wide open. “We can have a wild affair with no consequences.”
A wild affair? Ryder didn’t trust himself to move as the words pierced his heart. He was a mess because of how he felt about Katie. He was ready to toss away everything he’d made of his life and start over again with nothing on the other side of the world because of her. She had the power to destroy him, and the power to turn him into the man he wanted to become. But all she wanted was an affair.
Wow. He had never thought Katie would see him the same way other women did. But was it really any surprise that she was turning out to be just like every other woman in Crystal Bend? They all saw him as a sexual adventure. He’d hoped Katie saw something more, especially since she knew him better than anyone else. If Katie didn’t want a relationship with him, then his worst fear about himself must be true. He was the guy you screwed, but not someone you could love.
“You are more naïve than I realized,” Ryder said with a humorless laugh, refusing to show how much her offer hurt. “There are always consequences.”
Katie scowled. “Think about it. You and I are alone and we can do anything we want to each other.
Anything
.”
Anything
.”
Anything. Interest flared deep inside him, cutting through the pain. She wanted to do anything with him. Well, anything except love him or promise him forever.
“We live out every fantasy we’ve ever had about each other,” she continued, apparently taking his silence as a good sign. “Keep at it for the next five or six days until we’re satisfied.”
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