The Years After (21 page)

“Derek? We’re going to grab our seats now. Would you like us to save you one too?”

He glanced up at Gretchen when she barely touched his shoulder. Her tone was kind and her expression was open as she tilted her head to the side. Tony stood off to her side, listening. His expression seemed only half as fierce as it was in the beginning. “Yes, thanks.” He appreciated having a few minutes to himself.

She smiled and took Tony’s arm before they found their seats. “Damn,” Derek muttered under his breath as he ran his hand through his hair nervously. He grabbed his phone and answered the texts from Quentrell, dutifully reporting when he’d be there. He was getting worried over the many times he kept putting off Quentrell. What if he discovered the real reason? What if he didn’t like the real reason? But no, Quentrell never bothered with him when he was away from his place. He never had Derek followed anywhere or tracked home.

Besides, Quentrell was his big brother; he really couldn’t actually harm Derek, now could he? But Derek knew that was a false promise to himself. Quentrell would never hesitate to hurt that which came between him and whatever he wanted to do.

When the lights dimmed, Derek took it as his cue to reenter the auditorium. He spotted the Lindstroms and quickly slid into the seat next to Gretchen, grateful she wasn’t Tony. She smiled with ease as she focused on the stage. The curtain lifted and Olivia appeared. She was tucked in the curve of instruments and players. She lifted the flute to her mouth, and at the conductor’s cue, started in on a classic song that Derek had never heard of. He sat back and listened, surprised he had the patience to do so. Even for Olivia. It was classical music that soared and dropped in exciting crescendos before floating in the air longer than an hour. He almost enjoyed the way the louder notes diminished into smaller, gentle ones that kind of hummed through his mind. But most of all, he liked watching Olivia and for no deeper reason than that it calmed him to look at her face.

After the concert, she returned to receive hugs all around. She smiled with her usual shy confidence and gracefully accepted all the compliments of how proud everyone was of her. He stood back, watching her hug her parents individually. They held her tightly and patted her shoulder or back as they whispered into her ear. She smiled while shaking her head and the connection that was so obvious and real between them was not missed by Derek. He stood back, his hands in his pockets and shoulders slouched forward. He almost felt like a voyeur watching them. He didn’t fit. He was the odd man out. He didn’t even get it.

Olivia suddenly turned towards him and threw her arms around his neck, right in front of Tony. He tried to push her off.
Didn’t she get her father was watching them?
But she kept her hands locked around his neck and her head against his shoulder. “Thank you for doing this,” she whispered into his ear. Derek glanced at her dad who seemed to jerk his head at an angle as if to say,
Answer her!
Derek didn’t know if he should or not.

Eventually, he let his hands rest on her waist, in full view of her parents, and said, “You’re welcome. Brilliant performance as always.”

She easily threw her head back and laughed while swiping his shoulder with her hand. “You’re so full of it.”

Grinning, she spun around to begin collaborations with her parents about her favorite songs and what they should start working on next. As they started out the front doors, Olivia kept hold of Derek’s hand all the way to the car. Her parents walked and talked freely beside them as if it were no big deal.

Derek remained silent during the ride back to the dorm and nearly jumped out of the car when they finally pulled into the dorm parking lot.
Free.
He was done. And he only hoped forever. This was simply too hard and impossible to repeat.

Stepping back, he started for his car, but Olivia called after him. “Let me say goodbye to them; go wait in my room.”

He eyed Tony from the corners of his eyes. “You’re dad’s right there. He’ll kick my ass.”

Her Tinkerbell laugh chimed out as she patted his cheek. “No, he won’t. Now say goodbye politely, shake their hands, and go wait for me inside.”

He grumbled as he let her go, but dutifully extended his hand out to Tony. “It was…”

What? It was what?
He had no clue of the proper protocol for saying goodbye politely to parents. Tony reciprocated in a sharp shake that was half the pressure of earlier that evening, “It was a pleasure to meet you, Derek. And please, call me Tony.” Tony’s eyebrows lifted and he tilted his head as if to say,
your turn
.

Derek swallowed hard and said, “It was a pleasure…
sir
.”

Tony’s grin grew wider as he laughed and dropped Derek’s hand to slap him amiably on the shoulder. “See? You can learn.”

Derek only stared at Tony, unsure if he should laugh or not. Gretchen stepped forward and pushed Tony to the side. “Quit making him uncomfortable, Tony. Derek, it was a pleasure, and please call us Tony and Gretchen from now on.”

Derek shook Gretchen’s hand while Olivia grinned happily. Eventually, she tilted her head as if to say it was okay to go. He still thought it was very wrong to bypass his car, and go into her dorm with the full knowledge of her parents.

Chapter Eleven

OLIVIA WATCHED DEREK DISAPPEAR. “I know he’s not what you expected. I tried to warn you.”

Gretchen smiled softly. “He’s not. He has no social skills, does he? I mean, no one ever taught him how to interact respectfully with elders, and yet, he really wants to. The effort he put into tonight made me like him even though he came across—”

“Cocky and rude? I know. I told you. He has serious issues, Mom.” Olivia shrugged and spread her hands out before her. “But as you saw, his efforts to please you make me think there is a lot more inside him and he just never got treated right. That—”

Her mother stepped forward and ran her fingertips up and down Olivia’s arms in comfort as she said gently, “You can’t save him, honey. You have to understand that. You have to realize, no matter how much you love him, you cannot change him.”

“I know. But I can help him. He has already changed on his own in the time we’ve been together.”

“What happened to his dad, Olivia?” Tony interrupted them, his expression deliberately blank.

“I don’t actually know. He freezes up. He almost cannot bear to talk about his past. It’s bad. He runs from everything. I mean, you saw the panic attack. The thing is:
he
didn’t know he had one. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with him.”

Gretchen sighed and touched Olivia’s cheek with her hand. “Oh, baby girl, how do you not ask? Or demand that he answer you?”

“I have. Numerous times, but did you see his reaction at dinner? That’s what always happens when I do. Time, Mother; I’m trying to give him time. I don’t think he’s ever revealed his past to anyone. You saw his hesitation.”

Tony nodded. “We saw. I thought he was a cocky, little shit to start. Then I saw his hand shake after he blurted out that his father was murdered. I admit, I was ready to lay into him about being respectful. He didn’t even know to call me mister for Christ’s sake. But then...” Tony rubbed his hand on his neck. “Look, you’re my daughter. I don’t really want you involved with a kid who needs saving, or hasn’t learned the basic courtesies. I don’t want you hurt. But, damn, if that kid doesn’t have a clue what decent people are like. He’s troubled; and that scares the living piss out of me, Liv. I don’t want you to be hurt by whatever lurks inside him. I think we all get he’s got something going on. But what if it’s something that ends up hurting you?”

“I know. I think about it. I worry about it too, okay? I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t think I can save him. I just know the way he feels about me isn’t usual for him. He thinks I’m so freaking wonderful, I should wear a halo above my head. I’m not kidding you. He acts like he’s never met anyone like me. I am nothing more than any other normal girl. And that’s the thing. I don’t think anything in his life was ever normal for him.”

“He lives alone?”

“Mom told you?”

“Your mom told me about everything. I met him and was ready to rip the little shit’s head off because I had a feeling what this was about. The good girl in you appealing to the bad boy in him. I don’t like it. I can’t stand you getting used, or hurt, or exposed to anything dangerous or even harmful. Nothing can insulate you from getting hurt.”

She shoved her hands into the pockets of her jean jacket and shrunk her shoulders forward. “I’m just a girl, Dad, who likes a boy. I’m not trying to save him. I don’t even know what I’d be saving him from. I connect with him. You don’t want hear this, but we think we’re in love with each other.”

Gretchen stepped forward and pulled Olivia against her chest before hugging her. She let her arms encircle her mother’s waist, and for a second, relished the maternal comfort. She let it ease the anxiety that Derek’s past never failed to stir up in her. She mumbled against her mom’s shoulder, “I know he’s got secrets. I don’t know how bad they are.”

“And you’re eighteen and in love for the first time and you think you can let it go for now,” Gretchen said, kissing the top of her head. “We just worry about you, more than we can care about him. You’re our daughter, our loyalty lies with you and what’s best for you and
your future
.”

Olivia wanted to argue and defend Derek as her true love. She wished she could have denied and rejected what they were saying. That’s what her heart told her to do; but being responsible as always, her head snatched control with needed perspective and rationality. Derek practically had smoking flares that nearly sparked off the top of his head. They said,
Danger!
and
Warning!
and
Troubled
. There was no denying that. Nor how little she knew about him and his history. Troubled people could not be healed with love alone, no matter how much you loved them. She finally sighed as she leaned into her mother’s embrace. “I don’t want to give up on him.”

“I don’t think we’re saying you should. I think we’re just saying you need to be aware and be careful.”

She lifted her head off her mother’s shoulder. “I’m supposed to be getting all grown up by living away from home and going to college, but sometimes, when I think about whatever happened to him, or see the results of its effects, it scares me and all I want to do is run away. I feel about ten years old. I wish I could just throw my bedcovers over my head and pretend I’m not seeing what is right in front of me. But then again… I think I love him. And nothing has ever felt so strong in me. Despite all the odds and reason.”

Her dad stepped forward and put his hand on her shoulder. He turned her so she was clutching his neck and she leaned her head on his chest as his one hand rubbed her gently between her shoulder blades. She sniffed as she mumbled, “Why aren’t you going all crazy about this? That can’t be easy to hear. Most dads wouldn’t even listen.”

He shrugged and shook his head. “When has our relationship ever been like that? Just because I don’t love the subject matter doesn’t mean I get to bail, and not listen to you. I think the surest way for you to get lost in a bad relationship is to do it out of spite or defiance; or because we couldn’t be bothered to listen to you. We knew coming here, what this was, Liv. We do listen to you. You confide a lot to us. We decided we didn’t want that to change. Even if our hearts tell us to forbid you from seeing him again. Or that I really want him to take his eighteen-year-old ass home before I leave my little girl. Of course, I don’t want you going back into your dorm alone with him. I’m not naive, Liv. It’s not easy. Not at all. I know how much you try to respect our wishes, when many teens wouldn’t. But you do, so we’re trying too.”

Her heart released its burden, and she wiped the tears moistening her eyes. “Thank you,” she whispered. Their support was something she’d appreciated for the last ten years. Even now, during this, she always had someone to talk to who would listen to her. She never felt the need to shut down because it wasn’t what they wanted for her. Despite how they were now circling around the subject of sex, which was excruciating for all concerned, Tony still didn’t bail on her. He never had and she knew he never would. Perhaps that’s what made the difference of being screwed up or not. Olivia felt pretty sure that small detail probably was what made her so okay, and kept her grounded for most of her life, while others did not have such a godsend.

He kissed the top of her head. “I love you. Just be smart. Be aware. Be careful. Love is powerful magic. Especially, the first time. We’re not trying to diminish how you feel, but you also have to realize you are only eighteen. You have a whole lot of life in front of you. Just keep some perspective. Promise me?”

She nodded against his chest and mumbled into his shirt, “I promise. I love you, Dad.”

“I love you too, baby girl.”

She sucked in a breath and truly felt their love. Her mom again hugged her and reiterated more words of love, reminding her to call and be careful. Olivia watched them pull away. Her heart had to resist the urge to go home with them. Her home. The bedroom she decorated when they returned from Washington D.C. five years ago, after they bought the large two-story, sprawling house in Calliston. She could envision arriving at home, pulling in and running inside to throw her stuff down where she always did, and living with the family she had adored for so long. Instead, she turned and headed inside the dorm, trying to be a grown-up student who should have been having the time of her life. The problem was: she wasn’t very good at it. Look at her. The first boy that casts his eyes her way, becomes her steady date immediately. Exactly like Kylie warned her not to do, and she was already dubbing him her soul mate. Her true love. Her boyfriend. Why couldn’t she ever do anything just for the fun of it? Or because it was half-assed? Why did it always have to be tinged with maturity and geared towards her future?

It was confusing to Olivia. She was supposed to be an adult, but sometimes wished her dad could fix all her problems the way he used to.