The Years After (31 page)

Derek.
It only happened to her because of Derek. It was two months after she last saw him. She could not believe it could have been traced back to him, and his dangerous, illegal activities. It all seemed too fantastic and fake to believe, but it apparently happened and had led to this.

Derek had endangered her. It could have been far more serious for Olivia than just a few days in the hospital. Her heart ached and hurt where it once loved and cared.

The next day, her parents told her Derek was waiting at the hospital the entire time. Right there. Olivia assumed she’d never see him again.

“I let him stay for one reason. You deserve to have your say with him.”

“How do you know he won’t spin this and try to win me back?”

Tony’s smile was confident and gentle. “Because you’re my daughter. You don’t need me protecting you from your own thoughts. It’s time to make your own decisions.”

She let him squeeze her hand in his. “I still love you, Dad.”

He smiled. “It’s not as easy for your mother to allow. So she’ll be right outside the doorway there. You want to see him?”

She nodded with her eyes closed and dropped her head back on the pillow. Some shuffling around could be heard, along with lowered voices and then she felt
it.
The moment he entered her room. Her heart jumped in a weird way inside her chest. Her breath hitched and her stomach’s contents turned into butterflies. When she finally opened her eyes, there he was. Derek. He didn’t look as scary as the words that were used to describe him: drug dealer or drug pusher. She pictured dark rooms with sick people lying about, moaning from hallucinations while shaking and in need of their next fix. Or tweakers, vomiting and living in filth. She also pictured predators hanging around school grounds, and perverts standing in parks. Parks… just like the one she met him in. Her mouth dropped opened at the sudden realization.

“You were dealing the first time I ever met you, weren’t you?”

Derek stared down at his feet and his head nearly fell onto his chest. So unlike the cocky, smiling, self-assured Derek who showed up in her research class. “Yes.”

She sucked in a breath. Sure, she expected it, but his admission felt just as bad as if he stabbed her in the stomach. “You really sell drugs? You’re a drug dealer?”

“Yes. I really do.” His gaze finally settled on her feet, which were neatly covered by the hospital sheets. Slowly, with snail-like motion, he scanned her body, stopping at the IV in her arm before examining her face. His eyes were filled with conflicting emotions. Pain. Anger. Rage. Sadness. Regret. All were visible in his eyes.

“And Carter? Where does he fit into this?”

“I’m the go-between for Quentrell as well as many others around the area. Carter, right now, is our main contact at Peterson. He was paying me to get to Quentrell. That’s why I met you again.”

She shook her head to staunch her anger. She was betrayed! That was quite clear. “That’s it? All you have to say? Yes? You almost got me killed. Literally. I could have died because of what you do. I’m in the hospital right now because of my association with you! And all you have to say is,
yes
?” Her voice rose with indignance and agitation. He stared at the floor, still afraid to meet her gaze.

“How long? Just how long have you pursued this lucrative career?”

“A decade.”

She was ready to start yelling, cussing, and screaming at him, but his answer stopped her in her tracks. She didn’t expect that. He was only eight? Eight years old? He had to be kidding. No one sold drugs at eight years old. It had to have started a year ago. Or when he moved out on his own… not when he was still a little kid.

“Who is it? Who do you work for? The big guy? Whose name starts with a Q?”

His eyes finally shot up. “Quentrell? You remember? He came after you in person? He never does that. He always sends in his minions, people like me to do his dirty work. Fuck!” He started running his hands through his hair as he started to pace.

“He hung around me at a party. We—I thought we were just hooking up, no big deal. No big danger. But then, I felt sick. He kissed me and held me in his arms and I couldn’t seem to stay awake…”

He stopped dead. “Hook up with him?” The jealousy was clearly evident in Derek’s voice. His dark eyes sparked with apprehension. He was only trying to make sense of what she said.

“Yeah, I changed a little bit after you.”

He drew in a breath, not daring to ask any further questions. She knew that pretty soon her brain would kick in and start working again. Everything she’d been doing for the last few months was to compensate for her blinding pain over Derek. The broken heart felt like it should have been severed from her chest. She knew the source of her promiscuity: unsuccessful attempts to get back at him. But it felt good at the time. The drinking, partying and attention from the other boys really eased it all, and made dealing with it better.

“Did he ever say anything to you?”

“No. Nothing that I remember. Nothing beyond the usual flirting.”

Swallowing hard, Derek lifted his hand in a helpless gesture like he wanted to touch her. He wanted to prove she was really there before him and okay. Instead, he dropped his hand and his eyes fell to the floor. His voice sounded like a strangled cry when he said, “I’m sorry, Olivia. For lying to you. For pursuing you. For keeping all this from you. But mostly, I’m sorry for landing you in the hospital. I know you can’t forgive me, I’m not asking for it, but…” he drew in a deep breath and let out what sounded like a sob, “I’m sorry. And I’ll make this up to you. Somehow.”

He pushed his toe around on the floor and didn’t look up. His shoulders were slumped down and his posture was so at odds with what she envisioned a drug dealer to be. She pictured sleazy, manipulative guys that left her feeling used and abused. Not Derek. Her heart squeezed still, although she tried to deny the obvious. The truth. No, not
her Derek
, not the boy she fell in love with. He was filled with so much pain and so much need, he could not have been a
drug dealer
. The shock of what he was still hadn’t registered in her brain.

She turned her head away from him because it hurt too much to look at him. The contrast of what her reality was, compared to this awful, disgusting truth was nearly unbearable. He leaned on the bedrails for a moment, as if waiting for to her say something. When she didn’t, he slipped his hands off the rails, tucked them into his pockets, and quietly left the hospital room. He fully intended to leave her life.

The resolution was revealed… in his face. There was so much anguish there. As much as she suffered, his face appeared to show.
Well, screw him! Let him hurt! Who cares if drug dealers have feelings? Or consciences
. She shuddered at the revelation that a drug dealer’s hands had been all over her. She had kissed and touched and loved… a
drug dealer
. It was like falling in love with a phantom from childhood that she was deathly afraid of. The stereotypical specter of the creepy drug pusher was actually her boyfriend. It so horrified her that she decided not to even try to make sense of it. Or why she received an overdose of drugs.

She was out of it. It was too much to process.

But then again, this Q-guy was someone Derek knew. He seemed to know instantly who it was. His shocked face when he heard it was that guy… What did that mean? And how could he ever make up for what happened to her?

But if he knew the Q-guy, the Q-guy also knew him. She’d obviously been used as some kind of bargaining chip to send a message to Derek from him. Her stomach knotted. Even evil, master drug czars seemed to think Derek had felt something for her. Even after they broke up. It must have been enough to have her
kidnapped
and drugged before setting her up for Derek to find. As terrifying as that was, she also knew a message was implied.

But what message was he trying to convey? Dad said Derek mentioned he tried to fully stop dealing. So the attack on her was… what? To warn Derek why he could not stop? To make clear that he was in danger if he ever tried to quit?

What did Derek mean by saying he’d make it up to her? How? There was no way. No way except for stupid, crazy, vigilante justice. Leaning over, she frantically pressed the call button for the nurse, who came in minutes later. “Can you get my dad for me?”

The nurse nodded before leaving, and moments later, Tony rushed in. “What is it? The nurse said you needed me? What did he do?”

“Nothing. It’s what I fear he’s going to do. Dad, what if he goes and tries to get revenge, or even the score, or something? What if he goes after the guy who did this? I mean, if he’d do this to me, what might he do to Derek? Oh my God.” She should have been screaming, but it came out as a helpless whimper. Her torso sagged and she shrunk into herself on the bed. “I think he’s going to get hurt. And, at this point, I think he doesn’t care. I’ve never seen him like he was in here. He’s broken. Done. Gone.”

“He had another panic attack when I confronted him and ended up puking his entire guts out. I thought he was on something.”

“I’ve never seen him even drink, Dad. I’m not kidding you. Nothing. In all the time we were together, which was a lot, I never saw any sign of the villain he’s supposed to be. He was kind and nice and sweet. He hung out with me all the time. He always came whenever I asked him to. He fought me anytime I insisted we go to his place and his neighborhood. He tried to keep me out of that life, and it was more than just to hide it. I’m sure of it. Now, I’m just as sure he’s going to do something really bad. Please, you have to stop him! Please, Dad! I can’t… I can’t lose him like that. Even if I can’t accept what he is, or that it caused this to happen to me, I can’t stand thinking—”

The tears started in her eyes and soon trickled down her cheeks as a sob escaped her mouth. How could this become her life? The outrage of what happened to her, who she was involved with, and how unreal it seemed finally penetrated her armor of anger. The fear she felt for Derek, however, nearly choked her. She might have hated him, and detested him, but she loved him still. The thought of how he might end up… No! Her brain refused to allow her to even contemplate it. Tony came to the side of her bed and gathered her against him. They awkwardly hugged around the bed and IV, adapting to the odd angles created by Tony’s one arm. Finally, he kissed the top of her head, and said, “Okay. I’ll go after him. You need to tell me every address you have for him, or places you know he hangs around.”

Olivia nodded and her hiccups started to slow down. Gretchen had previously entered the room, but stood back, listening. Her eyes were moist and she shook her head with obvious confusion. “Tony, no. NO! You can’t go after that piece of shit. Think of the people he’s involved with. No! Your life is not worth risking for people like that. I don’t care what happens to him. Let him get cut up into little pieces and thrown into a river. I don’t care. He almost killed our daughter, and I will not knowingly let him do anything more to us.”

Her mom had grown hysterical by then so Tony had to leave Olivia to wrap his arm around Gretchen. Gretchen never lost her cool with anyone but Tony, and when she did, Olivia knew only Tony could calm her. Her mom was the most sane, kind, wonderful creature in the world. That is, until it came to anything hurting or threatening Olivia; then she might as well have lost her freaking mind. Her dad talked into Gretchen’s ear as only he seemed able to, and she turned toward him and sobbed against his neck, succumbing to all the stress of the last twenty-four hours and nearly collapsing. Olivia watched them privately. She knew she’d done this to them with her stupid, careless, naive decisions. Not only had she almost gotten herself killed, but just look what it did to her family.

Tony glanced at her and nodded to her silent question. He stepped back when Gretchen finally calmed down and held her hand in his. “I think Olivia’s right. I think he’s going to seek revenge for this. You saw him, despite your anger, you saw how upset the kid was. He’s just a kid, Gretchen. A messed-up, all alone kid. I’m not saying I don’t want to rip his throat out for what happened to Olivia. And I never want him coming near her again. But letting him go off and disappear without another word? I can’t do it. And Olivia can’t deal with it if he does. She needs closure, and that won’t bring it.”

Gretchen’s voice cracked, “I just can’t believe he was what he was.”

Tony released her. “You need to take care of Olivia. Okay?”

He held Gretchen’s gaze in his intense way, and Gretchen finally nodded as she came around to Olivia. She collapsed into a chair to hold her hand. They clutched each other as Tony kissed both of them gently on their foreheads before walking out. Olivia’s heart clenched in fear; she was afraid for her dad and Derek and herself, as well as what her life had become.

****

Derek started trashing his apartment. He threw the bedding around, ransacked his duffel bags and tossed everything out of the cabinets.
Fuck this place!
He was never coming back to it. He dug around until he finally removed the gun he’d so carefully hidden. There it was. Still wrapped in a small, black, cloth bag. He cautiously pulled it out. He never touched the weapon again. Not since the night he pulled the trigger and hit his dad squarely in the chest with a bullet.

Jerking his head to the side as if to avoid the familiar images of his dad’s torso flexing backward and then forward with the impact of the bullet. And the blood gushing from his chest before he fell to his knees and dropped into a faceplant.
Dead.
In seconds. The terrible power to end a life faster than inhaling a breath.

He now held it in his hands, which shook uncontrollably. So did his entire body. He was sick again. He’d thrown up three times on the way here. His headache blinded him. Quentrell with Olivia. Innocent, sweet Olivia looking up at Quentrell and dancing and flirting in what she thought was harmless fun and expressing her youth. She never dreamt he might try to overdose her. He could have so easily raped her, or let one of his brutes have her. Derek’s hand shook harder as he squeezed the cloth-covered gun. It dropped from his hands onto the floor and he jumped back from it as if it were a snake suddenly released from its cage and striking. Sweat beaded on his forehead and streamed down his temples and face. Any minute now. He expected Quentrell any second to collect him. To see Derek’s take on his “reeducation.” Quentrell knew Derek didn’t carry weapons because he never fought. It should have been no problem now for Quentrell to require Derek’s complete obedience. Not to mention, his utter devotion.