Then Summer Came (17 page)

“Yes!” I shouted.  “You might as well have been making love on the fucking dance floor!”

"Lis?"  I looked over and Emily was standing there, her caramel eyes hooded in confusion.  She was disheveled and her heels dangled from her fingers. 

I turned back to Beck, who was still staring only at me.  I rolled my eyes and walked off.  "I'll see you later," I mumbled to him and pulled Emily with me as I hailed a cab.  

I slammed the door, and she climbed in on the other side.  “5550 Wilshire,” I spat at the driver, slinging myself back against the uncomfortable seat of the cab. 

Chapter Fifteen

It was quiet for a while as the cab slowly made its way through LA traffic.  I wasn’t sure where to start.  I needed to tell Emily, but I was drunk and so was she. 

“Why were you dancing with him?  I told you it’d be weird!”  The words just kind of fell out of my mouth.  I hadn’t even intended on actually saying anything until we got back to the apartment. 

              It seemed that she’d been thinking of what to say, too; her response was quick.  “Yeah, but I didn’t know you’d be
that
upset about it…”

              I shook my head and threw my face into my hands.  I really didn’t know what to say.

              “Lis,
why are you
so upset?”  Her voice had turned soft.  “And don’t tell me it was because ‘it felt weird’, that’s bullshit.” 

She was searching for something more than what was on the surface—and rightfully so.  I knew there was more to it than that, but I didn’t know how to tell her.  She loved men and she didn't hide the fact that she was fine with sleeping with ten guys a night, if she felt the need, but she did not care for cheating.  Her dad had openly cheated on her mom for years, and she hated it.  I guess that's why I never really could bring myself to tell her.  I wanted to, but I didn't want her to tell me how horrible I was.

“Em…I need to tell you something…”  She waited as I searched for my next sentence.  “That…wasn’t
Derek
that I kissed at the club that night…”  I couldn’t see her reaction in the dark, and she didn’t speak, so I just kept going.  “And it wasn’t
Derek
at the party, or…at the pool that day…”  I could almost feel her eyes judging me as I finally said it.  “It was…
Beck
.”

It was agonizingly quiet for the next few minutes, but she finally said, “I know.”

“You knew?” I asked, appalled. 

“Of course I knew.  I’m not stupid, Lissa.  I’m unobservant sometimes, but seriously it’s kind of an insult that you thought I didn’t notice.  I’m a man expert!  I admit, it did take me a while, but eventually I put it together.  Right after I met Beck, at Derek’s party…I knew then…”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Well, that’s…kind of why I was dancing with Beck.  You were hiding it from me, and you seemed to really not want me to know.  I just wanted
you
to tell
me
.”

“Sorry, Em.  It’s so bad, and I didn’t know how to tell you.  And your dad…”

“My dad is different, Lis.  You’re my best friend.  You could’ve told me.”

I sighed, partly because I felt ashamed and partly because I felt relieved. 

“You have to stop it, you know?”

Those inevitable words were the ones I didn’t want to hear.  I think I’d been dreading them all along.  I knew that—very well, in fact—but I didn’t want to admit it.  “I know,” I said almost silently.  “I was just so lonely…and Beck…”

              “I know, Lis.  I know why you do it.”  She pulled my head over into her lap, stroking my hair.  “I mean, banging two
extremely sexy men
, who happen to also be twins, is gruesomely hot, but…
one’s your fiancé
…so, I can’t recommend it.”             

“I know.” I paused.  “Derek knows, though…he confronted me.”

“
What
?”  Her reaction was the same as mine and Beck’s.  “He doesn’t care?”

“I don’t really know.  He acted so damn jealous.  He didn’t seem
mad
…just jealous.”  I felt a tear spill over and drip into her lap.  “I just…want him to want me.  And he never seems to…but Beck did.”

“Can I ask you
one
question?”  I nodded in her lap.  “Were you only upset because it would ‘be weird’ if Beck and I hooked up…or was there more to it?”  I laid there completely silent.  I didn’t know how, nor did I
want
to answer that question.  She didn’t say anything else about it after that, and she didn’t push me to answer.  She just left it alone.

“I need to tell you something too…”  I sniffled and wiped at my face, and she went on.  “I was mainly dancing with Beck because I was honestly just trying to make Mik jealous.”  She continued to stroke my hair, and I giggled. 

“So, you
did
notice?”

“Notice what?”

“He stared at you all night,” I told her.  I don’t know how she could’ve missed it.  “Do you like him?”

“Well, that’s what I was trying to tell you, but you kept running off.”  She sounded nervous.  “Do you remember the guy I met at Pomona last year?”

“Em, that’s the vaguest statement I’ve ever heard…but are you talking about the Rick guy that left after you guys hooked up?  The one you wanted to see again?”

“Yes,” she whispered.  “His name was
Mik
…” 

She sat quietly as I pieced it together.  “Mik…”  I sounded dumbfounded.  I was never too sure of his name, but apparently I’d been close.  “Are you serious?” 

She just nodded.  “It was Mik,” she confirmed. 

I couldn’t seem to keep my mouth from dropping open. 

“I really liked him.  I know I haven’t ever really talked about him, but…that’s because it broke my heart when he left.”

“Em, I had no idea.  I knew it bothered you; I could tell.  And I knew you said you liked him, but…”

“He was such a nice guy, and he was so different from what I’m used to.  We talked about everything:  his ex, love, school, our families and lives.  I liked talking to him, and I thought he liked me, too.  But…then I woke up and he was gone, and I didn’t hear from him.  Then, I found out he transferred schools.  I knew then that he obviously hadn’t felt the things I had that night.  He just wanted to get me into bed, I guess.  I kind of felt, like, I deserved it.  That’s basically what I do to every guy I sleep with.

“I tried not to be mad—he just didn’t like me like I liked him—but I really thought he’d felt what I had, and it killed me that he just left and never called or anything.”

“Why didn’t you ever talk to me about it?” I scolded her. 

“I wanted to.  I just didn’t think I could bring myself to talk about it.” 

“I had no idea you were so upset…I just wish you would’ve talked to me.”

“I know.  I’m sorry.  It really hurt me, and then he just appeared,
out of nowhere
, and it killed me all over again.  I tried to act like I didn’t remember him, but I think he knew the minute he saw me.  And it didn’t even bother him to see me tonight.  He didn’t even seem to care.  He didn’t even talk to me.  You introduced us, and he just
nodded
!”

“I’m so sorry, Em,” was all I really knew to say.  I would have never pegged Mik for a player.  I wouldn’t have thought he’d be the type to trick a girl into sleeping with him, and then just disappear.  

“I’ll be okay.  I just don’t ever want to see him again.”

“I’ll make sure you don’t,” I promised. 

We dragged ourselves up to our apartment and both curled up on the sofas in our mopey-slash-drunken state. 

There was a quiet knock on the door, and my stomach sank.  I wasn’t ready to talk to Beck yet.  I hadn’t figured out what to say to him.  “Answer the door, and tell him I’m not here, please,” I begged, and she nodded, knowing exactly who I meant. 

I ducked behind the door right as she opened it.

“Are you serious?” she gasped.  “Why would you even come here?” 

I listened anxiously for his reply. 

“I just needed to talk to you…”  It was definitely not the voice I’d been expecting.  Mik’s tone was sad. 

“You can forget it!  I’m not some chick you get to crawl into bed with every time you’re in town.”

“That’s not why I’m here—”

“Oh, okay!”  Her tone was sharp and sarcastic.  “I thought you
left
!  I didn’t even know you still lived around here.  And whatever it is you think you can say to get into bed with me, I’ll spare you some time;
I’m as far from interested in you as a person could possibly be
.” 

There was no way she was letting him sweet talk her after he broke her heart.  I was pretty sure he was the first one to ever do it, and he was definitely going to be the last.  I’d never even thought a man was capable of doing such a thing to her, but there was no hope for him now.  I almost felt bad for him.  He was such a nice guy, and I really liked him, but Emily was about to set his ass on fire if he didn’t just leave. 

“I’m sorry I just left, Emily, but I’m trying to explain myself, if you’ll just…hear me out.”

“Oh, you have an explanation?  Well this
must
be good, so go ahead,” she patronized. 

Mik sighed heavily.  “Look, I was scared,” he said simply. 

“You never called because you were scared…?”  I could tell by her tone that she hadn’t considered that to be a sufficient explanation…
at all
.  “Okay, well thanks for such a
thorough
explanation, and I’ll see you around.”  She moved to close the door, but Mik must have stopped her. 

“No,” he snapped.  “I
transferred schools
because I was scared.  I never called again because I knew you must have hated me.  And honestly, I couldn’t have handled it if I found out you were seeing someone.  After everything we’d talked about, I wanted to be that guy so badly, but…I was a coward.  I ran away, and I was terrified that you would find someone else.”

Emily didn’t say a word. 

“I didn’t think I could live with myself if I saw you again; I hated myself for just leaving.  But then…
there you were
, and all I could think about was how much I wanted to apologize to you.  I just wanted to explain what happened.  I wanted to tell you that I had felt everything that I knew you’d felt that night, and when I saw you, all I could think about was how much I
needed
to tell you that.” 

Emily was still speechless, which was
also
new for her.  Who the hell was this guy?

“I haven’t felt like that about anyone since you left.”  She found her voice, but it was quiet and timid.  “In fact, I haven’t ever felt that way about anyone…but you, and then you just left…” 

My eyes found the mirror that hung above the table where we tossed our mail.  I could just see Mik’s face and the back of Emily’s hair in the reflection.  He regarded her sadly. 

“I’m here now…and I…am so sorry,” he said in the saddest voice I’d ever heard.  “I never wanted to hurt you.  Emily, I woke up that next morning and I knew that you were the one.  I was so terrified of what you could do to me.  I was scared just lying there, looking at you.  You terrified me!  I wanted you so much…like I’d never wanted anyone, and after
one
night!  And that scared me…”

I could see his lips trembling, and I would’ve killed to see Em’s face, or know what she was thinking. 

“You were everything I wanted, and I laid there for hours watching you sleep, trying to decide how to tell you that I was already in love with you.  But…then it happened:  My anxiety kicked in, and I was terrified of what you’d say or think if I told you.  And I was far more scared of how it would destroy me if you didn’t feel the same way.  It would’ve ruined me!”

He looked so upset, I just wanted to run out and hug him.  I wanted to save his feelings. 

“The minute I saw you, I knew there was no way I could walk away this time.  I’ve had all this time without you, all this time to miss you.  It confuses the fuck out of me that I can feel that way after one night, but it doesn’t change a thing, Emily.”

It was killing me that Emily wasn’t saying anything.  Was she mad, sad, did she not care at all? 

“I just want to kiss you, again,” he whispered.  “It’s all I’ve thought about for almost eight months.”  And with that, his fingers disappeared into her dark hair, and I watched in the mirror as he kissed her, and…she kissed him back.

I slipped away, back to my bedroom and waited for Emily to finish her lip lock and see Mik out. 

I heard a door close and I peeked out of my room.  There was no one to be seen.  I walked back to her door.  I wanted to make sure she was okay.  I assumed she’d come talk to me after he left, so maybe she was just upset, I’d thought.  The closer I got, I could hear their moans and their mouths moving against each other.  I couldn’t believe it. 
Seriously, who was this guy
?  He had somehow changed her.  He’d done the impossible, and I couldn’t help but smile at their love. 

Chapter Sixteen

The next day the apartment was quiet, and I thought of the days when my life was never quiet.  A few years ago, I'd have been out with anyone who would've come, drinking at noon and dragging guys back to my apartment at all hours.  But that wasn't who I wanted to be anymore.  I wanted to be Derek's wife, but I was beginning to feel like that would never happen.  He was already married…to his father's company.  Well, it was
his
company, now. 

Derek called, but only to say he couldn't make it that night.  It amazed me; he knew I was seeing Beck behind his back, yet he’d made no special effort to make time for me…for
us
.
 

I decided to go into work.  No one would be there, and I needed to put my mind to something; something other than Beck.