Thorns of Decision (Dusk Gate Chronicles) (29 page)

Nathaniel turned to look at her again. “And outside of myself, Ellen, and Charles – and of course, Stephen and Charlotte, your existence is a heavily guarded secret.”

She narrowed her eyes for a second, noting that he hadn’t said that nobody else knew – only that the secret was guarded. “And what am I supposed to do about all of this?” That was the hard question. Now that she knew, what exactly did they have in mind for her? She was sixteen, and she’d grown up in an entirely different world. She certainly wasn’t prepared to be the
heir to the throne
of Philotheum.

He sighed, leaning up against the small window seat. “I don’t know the answer to that, Quinn. Ultimately, what you do with that knowledge is up to you. Nobody can make that choice for you.”

A sudden burst of anger ripped through her chest, startling her with its intensity. “I keep hearing that, Nathaniel. ‘The choice is mine,’ but I don’t know what that means or how that’s even possible, because none of this has
ever
been my choice.” She heard her voice growing louder, but she couldn’t stop herself. She was almost yelling.

 “I didn’t ask for any of this. I didn’t
choose
to have a father who was from a different world than me. I didn’t
choose
to have this huge secret kept from me my entire life. And I definitely didn’t
choose
to be the heir to the throne of Philotheum!”

Nathaniel was silent throughout her tirade, waiting until she’d yelled herself out, and curled back into her ball on the sofa.

“Of course you didn’t choose all of that. But then again, who ever does get to choose the circumstances of their birth? Do you think Samuel
chose
to be the first-born and the heir to the throne? For that matter, do you think Stephen did? Where you’re born, and who you’re born to – the choices your parents make as you’re growing up – those are things nobody in any world has control over. What you
do
with what you’re given – that’s up to you.”’

“It’s not really very fair, is it?” she asked, subdued now.

“No. I’ve never found much in the circumstances of life that I could call fair.”

“So what do I do?”

“You don’t have to decide that today. What you just learned is pretty big. I don’t think it’s time to jump into anything.”

She nodded, staring into the fire.

“Are you going to stay here with your mom, or go back to Eirentheos tonight?” Nathaniel asked after a while.

“I’m going back. I want to be there for William’s birthday celebration.”

He was quiet for several more minutes, before he walked back over to the sofa and sat down across from her again. “Is William courting you?”

She blushed; she and William still hadn’t really discussed the details of their relationship with any of the adults in Eirentheos. While it wasn’t completely a secret, it wasn’t exactly out in the open like this, either. “Yeah, I guess he kind of is.”

Nathaniel raised an eyebrow. “I guess I can’t say I’m surprised. What are you going to tell him about all of this?”

She looked up, meeting him in the eyes for the first time during the long conversation. “I have no idea.”

He nodded. “Just so we’re on the same page, Quinn, I don’t have any intention of telling anybody anything before you do. Except for Stephen and Charlotte, of course – they’ll be expecting you to have learned this anyway, but I trust them to keep things silent.”

She took a deep breath. “Thanks.”

Saying good-bye to her mother was a very different experience when they both actually knew where Quinn was going. After her talk with Nathaniel, she had driven back to her house, and spent a little time with her mom. It was still awkward; she didn’t have any idea how to explain what she’d learned from the pendants, wasn’t really ready to think about what this new discovery meant for herself.

 Just before dusk, her mom drove her down to the pull-off by the river. Through the window of the car, Quinn could see Nathaniel already waiting down by the bridge.

“Are you sure you don’t need anything?” Megan asked, for the umpteenth time. Quinn knew she was only asking so she’d have something to say. Her mom had already insisted on taking her to the market a little while ago. She’d puttered around, not really able to look at anything, though she had come across something small she could give William for his birthday.

“I grabbed a few things, Mom,” she said, patting her backpack. “But no, I already have almost everything I could need there.” After her second visit, she’d realized that even taking clothes was really a waste. While the style wasn’t so different there that she’d stick out badly, it was different enough that she preferred to wear the things Mia stocked in her armoire while she was in Eirentheos.

“You’re sure it’s safe for you to be there?”

After her conversation with Nathaniel today, she actually wasn’t. sure how safe she would be there, but she nodded anyway. “Yes, mom.”

Megan turned to face her, deep emotion in her eyes. “I am sorry, Quinn. I never meant to hurt you by keeping all of that from you.”

Quinn swallowed. It was amazing, really, how much knowing the truth had changed the way she felt about the secret. She’d tried imagining a different way to handle it – wondered how what she would have done in her mom’s place, and understood just how hard it must have been. “I know you didn’t. It’s all just kind of a shock. I was really mad at you the last time I went to Eirentheos, but I’m not now.”

“I love you, sweetheart,” Megan said, her eyes shining.

“I love you, too, Mom.” Quinn reached over and hugged her mother tightly for several minutes. Finally, she took a deep breath. “I’ll be back in a few days. I’m not sure when.”

Megan nodded. “Just as long as you come back to me.”

Quinn got out of the car, closed the door, and walked down to the riverbank.

“Are you ready?” Nathaniel asked, as they stood at the foot of the bridge.

“It’s weird. I’ve never felt hesitant about going back to Eirentheos before – apart from that first time when I thought I was going to wind up in the river.”

He chuckled. “Everything is going to be okay, Quinn. Besides, I’m sure William’s eager to see you.”

At the mention of William, her thoughts calmed. Yesterday seemed like a long time ago right now, and she was surprised at how much she was missing him. Right now, all she wanted was to be in his arms – even if she had no idea how she was going to tell him about all of this.

 Taking a deep breath, she squeezed her eyes closed and stepped forward. The chilly winter evening dissolved immediately into warm, slightly moist air. Opening her eyes, she stepped down toward the trail and looked around for William, expecting him to be standing near the end of the bridge, waiting for her as he’d promised he would be. But nobody was there. A heavy feeling filled her stomach.

Where was he? Surely he wouldn’t have forgotten. No, he wouldn’t have.
Her breath quickened as a dreadful feeling that something was wrong quickly overpowered her. It was eerily quiet; there weren’t even any sounds of animals rustling about, preparing for the approaching night. She had never been so completely alone out in the wilderness of Eirentheos before, with nobody nearby to hear her if she called.

By the time Nathaniel appeared on the bridge – the delay was always more pronounced on this side – she was on the verge of a full-on panic attack.

Nathaniel took in her expression as he walked down to meet her on the path. He didn’t say anything, just laid a comforting hand on her shoulder and looked around in concern. He shifted his heavy bag from one shoulder to another – it would be an awfully long walk back to the castle trying to lug that thing.

“Maybe he’s just late?” Quinn said, though she heard her voice shake at the end.

“Perhaps the evening became a busy one,” Nathaniel said, though his tone wasn’t very convincing. He looked both ways down the path one more time before letting out a long, low whistle. A moment later, Aidel, his seeker bird swooped down from the trees. She chittered at him for a moment, and he pulled a strip of some kind of dried meat out of his pocket and held it out to her. “I'll send a message with Aidel, just in case, but we should start walking anyway. I’m sure he’ll meet us somewhere along the path.”

She nodded, although the feeling in her stomach was growing heavier. Nathaniel walked close beside her. They’d only been walking for five minutes or so when they heard the welcome approach of horses. But as the two riders drew near, her stomach sank again. William wasn’t with them.

“Simon! Max! What’s going on? What’s wrong?” Nathaniel asked as the two of them dismounted. Dusk and Nathaniel’s horse walked up beside Simon’s and Max’s horses, both saddled and ready to be ridden.

When she saw the look on Simon’s face, panic nearly overtook Quinn. “What’s wrong? Where’s William?” she demanded.

Simon’s eyes flicked toward her, and her heart nearly stopped before he started speaking. “William is okay, Quinn. It’s not him.”

“Who, then?” her whole body felt shaky; the foreboding grew darker, even as the relief about William filled her.

“Everyone is all right – mostly,” Maxwell said. “But the clinic in Mistle Village has burned to the ground.”

“How? What?”

“It appears to have been another attack on the Hardridges – either someone followed them, or there are spies here,” Maxwell said, his voice black.

Nathaniel looked at Quinn, confused, and she realized that he didn’t know anything about what had happened to the Hardridge family.

“It’s a long story,” she said, before turning back to Max. “You said everyone is mostly all right? What do you mean,
mostly
?”

“Eldon Hardridge was the only one in the clinic part of the building when it happened. By the time Jacob and Essie realized what was going on and got him – he was in bad shape when we left Mistle Village a few hours ago. William and Jacob were tending him – but it didn’t look good.”

“Eldon
Hardridge?
” Nathaniel’s voice was aghast.

“Do you know him?” Simon asked.

“Yes. What is he doing in Mistle Village? What happened?”

Nathaniel’s face was white as Simon explained the earlier attack on the Hardridge family, and the condition they’d found them in. “When did this happen?”

“Last night. We received the news early this morning. The three of us rode out immediately. Father has been there today as well. He rode back to the castle with us just a little while ago. We were in such a hurry to meet you back at the gate, but we wanted your horses,” Simon said. “I’m supposed to take you back out there with me tonight, and Max will escort Quinn back to the castle.”

“No,” Quinn shook her head. “I’m going with Nathaniel.”

“It’s not safe, Quinn. There isn’t even a place there for you to stay.” Simon said.

Her eyes were hard and determined as she met his gaze straight on. “Where are you staying? Where is William?”

“In tents.”

“I think I can handle that. I’m not going back to the castle to sit and worry about everyone when I could be helping.” As she spoke, she walked over to Dusk, her deep gray mare. She petted her for a moment, checked the fastenings on her reins and saddle, tucked her backpack in one of the saddlebags, and then mounted her, while the three men watched in stunned silence.

“Let’s go,” she said, once she was settled in the saddle.

Simon and Maxwell exchanged wary glances, but Nathaniel just climbed up into the saddle beside hers, and then looked around at everyone expectantly. His shoulders were back and he looked calm, but Quinn could see how tightly he gripped the reins.