Thug Kitchen: The Official Cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck (17 page)

**
Yeah, the same shit you use to make brownies
.

***
Hominy is made by soaking maize kernels in a lime mixture to soften their hulls, causing them to swell up. It is fucking awesome. You can buy hominy already cooked in cans near the beans and salsa at the store, or you can find it dried and cook it yourself like the package says
.

WARM
THE
FUCK UP
MINESTRONE

This is a clean-out-the-fridge-style soup that will warm your ass up and keep you full for hours. Grab a mug, a thermos, or a big-ass bowl and get down. Enjoy with crusty bread if you like to eat in style.

MAKES ENOUGH FOR 4 TO 6

2 teaspoons olive oil

1 onion, chopped

2 carrots, sliced into half-moons

3 ribs celery, chopped

1 large potato or turnip, cut into dice-size pieces

2 teaspoons minced fresh rosemary

3 cloves garlic, minced

Pinch of red pepper flakes

1 bay leaf

1 can (14.5 ounces) low-salt diced tomatoes*

½ cup dried black lentils

7 cups vegetable broth

¼ teaspoon salt

1 cup small pasta shapes, like shells or stars or whatever

5 cups shredded green cabbage or kale

2 teaspoons red wine vinegar

Juice of ½ lemon

1
⁄
3
cup chopped fresh parsley

¼ cup minced fresh basil

Ground pepper

1
Grab a large soup pot and heat the oil over medium heat. Add the onion, carrots, and celery and sauté until the onion starts to look golden brown, 3 to 5 minutes. Add the potato, rosemary, garlic, pepper flakes, and bay leaf. Cook for another 30 seconds to get the garlic going. Add the diced tomatoes and lentils and give it another 30 seconds.

2
Now, pour in all the broth and let that motherfucker come to a simmer. Reduce the heat and let that go at a gentle pace until the lentils are almost cooked but the potato is tender, about 15 minutes. Next, add the salt, pasta, and cabbage (if using kale, don’t add it yet) and keep the pot gently simmering until the pasta is cooked all the way, 5 to 10 minutes, depending on your pasta. (If you
are
using kale, fold it into the pot after the pasta is all cooked and let that pot simmer for 2 more minutes.)

3
Add the vinegar and lemon juice, stir well, and remove from the heat. Fold in the parsley and basil and let the pot sit for a minute or two. Taste to see whateverthefuck else it might need, like pepper or more rosemary to taste. Pull out the bay leaf and serve right away.

*
If tomatoes are in season and for some fucking reason you are making this soup, then sub in 3 fist-size tomatoes, chopped
.

SUMMER SQUASH SOUP

Don’t skin the squash before you throw it in, because that’s where most of its badass antioxidants hang out. That shit is just ignorant and wasteful.

MAKE ENOUGH FOR 4 AS A SIDE

1½ tablespoons olive oil

½ onion, chopped

2 ribs celery, chopped

1 carrot, sliced into thin half-moons

1 fist-size russet (baking) potato, chopped into dice-size cubes

3 large yellow squash, sliced into half-moons
1
⁄
8
inch thick

3 cloves garlic, minced

½ teaspoon salt

4 cups vegetable broth

1
⁄
3
cup sliced chives or green onions

1
In a large soup pot, heat the oil over medium heat. Add the onion, celery, and carrot and sauté until they begin to look a little golden, 3 to 5 minutes. Add the potato, squash, and garlic and cook for another 3 minutes. Add the salt and veggie broth and bring it to a simmer. Cook until the potato is tender, 10 to 15 minutes.

2
Turn off the heat. Use an immersion blender and blend until that son of a bitch looks nice and creamy and without a ton of chunks. (You could also pour it into a regular blender and do it that way. Just return the blended soup to the pot.) Bring it back up to a simmer. Turn off the heat, add the chives, and then taste. Add more salt, garlic, chives, your favorite shit. Serve right away.

CORN
AND
BASIL CHOWDER

Make this soup at the height of summer when corn is sweet and cheap as hell. Adding some basil at the last minute really makes this motherfucker taste like summer in a bowl.

MAKES ENOUGH FOR 4 TO 6 AS A SIDE

6 large ears corn, shucked

½ yellow onion

2 ribs celery

1 red bell pepper

1 medium russet (baking) potato

3 cloves garlic

2 teaspoons olive oil

½ teaspoon salt

4 cups vegetable broth

2 tablespoons lemon juice

¼ cup fresh basil leaves, sliced into ribbons

1
First you want to use a sharp knife to cut the corn off of the cobs. It’s easier if you snap the cob in half, stand it on its end in the middle of a large bowl and cut the kernels off from top to bottom. When you’re all done, you should have about 4 cups of kernels. Don’t get lazy and use frozen corn here; that shit will not taste the same. Chop the onion, celery, bell pepper, and potato into bean-size pieces and mince the garlic. Prep work done.

2
Now grab a large soup pot and heat the oil over medium heat. Add the onion and cook until it browns lightly, about 3 minutes. Add the celery, bell pepper, potato, and garlic and cook for about 2 more minutes. Add the salt and then three-quarters of the corn kernels and stir. Add the broth and let that son of a bitch simmer until the potato pieces are soft, about 10 minutes.

3
When the potato is soft, turn off the heat. Use an immersion blender and blend until that motherfucker looks nice and creamy and without a bunch of chunks. (You could also pour it into your blender and do it that way; up to you. Just return the blended soup to the pot.) Add the rest of the corn and the lemon juice, and bring it back to a simmer. Turn off the heat, add the basil, and then taste. Add more salt, more lemon juice, more basil, whatever. Serve right away with some more basil on top to make that shit look as legit as it tastes.

POTATO LEEK SOUP

This soup is so damn tasty you won’t believe the flavor came from so few things. It’s kitchen witchcraft: kitchcraft.

MAKES ENOUGH FOR 4 AS A SIDE

3 fist-size russet (baking) or yellow potatoes*

3 medium leeks**

1 tablespoon olive oil

3 to 4 cloves garlic, minced

4 cups vegetable broth

¼ teaspoon salt

¼ teaspoon ground pepper

¼ cup sliced fresh chives or green onions

¼ cup chopped fresh dill

1
Chop the potatoes into 1-inch cubes. Keep the skin on if you like to go hard. Cut off the rough, leafy ends of the leeks and save that shit to make broth later (see
this page
). Cut off the roots and then slice that fucker up the middle lengthwise. Now cut the leek crosswise into ribbons about as thin as a hair tie and wash the fuck out of them.

2
Heat the oil up in a stockpot over medium heat. Add the clean leeks and sauté those guys around until they start to soften up, 3 to 4 minutes. Add the potatoes and garlic and stir to combine. Pour in the vegetable broth and salt. Bring all of that to a boil, then cover it and reduce the heat to a simmer. Let that go until the potatoes are tender, about 15 minutes.

3
When everything is good and soft, you’re going to want to blend the fuck out of it. You can let it cool for a bit and then add it to your blender, or you can stick your immersion blender right in there and get that shit down in a sec. Do whatever you can. Once the soup is nice and creamy, add it back to the pot (if you took it out), add the pepper, and warm it back up. Stir in the chives and taste. Add more salt and pepper if you think it needs it. That shit is on you. Dish that soup up and serve with about a tablespoon of the fresh dill on top. Tasty and classy.

*
About 1 pound

**
Leeks are always dirty as hell when you buy them because they grow in sandy soil and can be hard to clean when they are whole. Instead, cut them up to the size you need them, throw them in a bowl of water, and mix that shit around so that all the dirt comes loose and sinks to the bottom. Drain it and rinse a couple more times so you aren’t eating any grit with dinner
.

PUMPKIN CHILI

This isn’t a weak-ass canned chili that needs fucking validation from some football players telling you how good it is. Hell no, this is hearty spoon-stands-up-on-its-own kind of shit.

MAKES ENOUGH FOR 4 TO 6 PEOPLE DEPENDING ON HOW MUCH THEY LIKE CHILI

1 yellow onion

1 carrot

1 bell pepper

1 teaspoon olive oil

2 to 3 cloves garlic, minced

1 jalapeño, minced

2 teaspoons soy sauce or tamari

2½ tablespoons mild chili powder

1 teaspoon dried oregano

1 teaspoon ground cumin

1 can (14.5 ounces) low-salt diced tomatoes*

1½ cups pureed pumpkin**

2 cups vegetable broth or water

3 cups cooked beans***

1 tablespoon lime juice

Toppings: cilantro, chopped onion, jalapeños, avocado, tortilla strips

1
Chop up the onion, carrot, and bell pepper into pieces no bigger than a bean.

2
In a big soup pot, heat the oil over medium heat. Add the onion, carrot, and bell pepper and sauté them until they begin to brown, about 5 minutes. Add the garlic, jalapeno, soy sauce, and spices and cook that all together for another 30 seconds. Add the tomatoes, pumpkin, broth, and beans and stir that up so everything is mixed. Get those flavors mingling and shit. Turn down the heat, cover, and let that simmer together for about 15 minutes. Stir it around every now and then.