Tied Up In Heartstrings (8 page)

Chapter 7

Thankfully, she’s the aggressor this time. I wouldn’t have been able to hold off much longer. My heart rate is through the roof, well, it would be if we were under a roof, having her in my lap, with her perfect little ass pressing into my crotch. My cock is hurting from being lodged so tightly in these dress pants.

She’s straddling my legs, doing powerful things to my tongue that strongly resemble what I want her to do to my cock. But I can’t go there. Not with
Lex. She’s not that type of girl. I wouldn’t want her to be. I’m going to have to reign this shit in right quick, before we do something I know I wouldn’t regret, but I’m not sure she wouldn’t.

“
Lex, baby, you feel amazing, and stopping you is going to kill me, but…babe, I don’t think you really want to do this now…here…we should….” I’m trying so hard to say ‘stop’,  but I just can’t do it. I grab her perfect little ass and pull her down hard against my lap. Even through my pants I feel the warmth pooling between her legs and I can imagine what she would feel like. “Sweetheart…we need to go right now.”

I pull her up off the lounger and kiss her senseless, before putting my arm around her shoulder and bringing her to somewhere private. I want to get her back to my room. I can’t risk letting pictures like this be taken. Not with her, not here.

When we get to the elevator, her face is pale, her cheeks are still flushed, and her perfect lips look swollen. I rub my finger around them. “Lex, do you want to go to my room? Do you need more time before going to your room?”

She shakes her head looking me, alarmed. “No, my room. Please, Garrett. I need to go,” She says frantically, so I push the button for her floor.

“Lex, I didn’t stop that for my benefit, sweetheart. You know that, right? I didn’t want anything to happen that you’d regret, especially not in public where people like to take photos of me. Babe, I want you…in any way that you want me. That’s what you need to know,” pleading that she doesn’t view what I did as me rejecting her. I’m not…I couldn’t…I don’t want to stop, but I need Alexis to tell me she wants to continue!

“I know, Garrett, but this is wrong. I don’t understand these feelings, but I just lost my husband and I have a little girl, who needs my undivided attention. I can’t do this. Not now. I need a minute.” She steps back, putting more space between us, and as soon as the elevator doors open, she bolts down the hall.

“Alexis, wait. Please. Give me a chance. I need to tell you...” She stops, looking looks at me with scared eyes halting my words.

“No, Garrett, this is about me. You’re phenomenal, amazing, and so full of love, life, and passion. I’m
sorry, I let this go too far. Please, just be my friend. That’s all I can do right now,” she says. I reach for her, but she shakes her head. “Sorry, not now. I’ll…I’ll talk to you soon,” she says.

What the hell does soon mean? Tonight? Tomorrow?
Next week, month, year? What? So I stand there utterly confused and frustrated, because I damn well knew better than to let it go too far and I did it anyway. She’s hurting, and she’s walking away. I’m praying to God it won’t be for too long, because I can’t stay away now that I’ve found her after all this time. She’s like a magnet drawing me closer and closer. I can’t muster enough strength to not go to her, but I have to, for her sake. I’ll step back and give her the minute she asked for. I’m quickly learning that I hate her long ass minutes.

I watch her walk away from me into her room. I hate this ending. It wasn’t my intention, when I saw her in that bar yesterday, for this to happen. I mean, yeah, I’m no idiot, I wanted her, but I wanted it to happen the right way. I didn’t expect to nose dive off a damn cliff and become head over heels into her again. I’m such a stupid ass. Of course that would happen. I never really got over her and what she meant to me then. How could I expect to feel differently now?

I take the stairs to my room. Damn! This day started so perfectly. How did it fall apart so quickly? Was it because I said we needed to get indoors? Did she take it the wrong way? Is it just too soon? Am I not the right man? I think that’s it. I’m not a dad. I don’t know the first thing about kids. I’m not even a real man. I don’t do anything for myself. I travel the country performing, and when I’m not doing that I’m writing and sitting around a studio. I don’t have a typical 9 to 5 job where I’m home for dinner. I’m not sure my life could ever be that simple.

SHIT! Why did this happen? Why now? Why her?

I lay in my room staring at my cell phone waiting…willing…pleading for answers, or any indication from her that she’s okay. I get nothing. No answers, no messages or texts, no sleep, no feeling better, nothing!

We left the resort after breakfast the next morning. I was quite ready to get on the road with Whit and get home to my baby girl. I said goodbye to Cami and Kelsey. We agreed to have dinner together in the next couple weeks. Whit knew, as soon as I walked into our room last night, that something went down with Garrett. I completely lost it when I finally got out of my clothes.

I wanted every second with Garrett. I didn’t want to stop what was happening on the beach. I would’ve kept going if not for him stopping us. He has this amazing power to jolt my system back to life and make me feel like myself again. But I’m not just me. I’m Alexis Phillips, whose husband died and is now a single mother to a
four year old little girl. I have to stay focused in order to keep my life from becoming derailed by these lust driven needs. I don’t have time for those kinds of needs.

I hate that I hurt him. I could see the hurt in his eyes when I walked away. It was torture not to run back to him, climb into his arms, and let him make me forget. I wanted to forget it all, until I remembered who I am and the responsibilities I have, and that’s when the guilt engulfed me.

Garrett met us in the lobby before we left this morning to say goodbye. He seemed to be having a hard time. He stared at me with a weird look on his face. Last night must have been a doozy for him, too. I’m not the type of girl he’s usually seen with. I’m sure he realizes the mistake. He looked very stressed and anxious. I know I’ve caused this situation. I’m a bit worried about him, but I also know there’s no way to fix it.

On the drive home Whitney was very quiet at first, but that didn’t last long. “Alexis, you’re twenty-nine years old. Your life doesn’t have to be over because your husband died. You’re young, sweetie. No one will fault you for living a fulfilling life. Garrett’s a great guy. He obviously thinks you’re incredible. Can you please, for the love of God, give it a chance? Give him a chance? Do something other than nothing.”

This was the tone for the rest of the ride home. Whitney finally drops me off at my house after round six of the
‘move on’
lecture. I’m emotionally exhausted at this point!

I’m happy to be back home with Sierra. My house smells so nice when I walk in the door. I know Kate must have gotten there before me and started dinner. As soon as I round the corner to the kitchen I see my angel with her little apron on, sitting on the counter helping Kate roll meatballs to put in the homemade sauce.

She squeals when she sees me, waving her nasty little hands at me to come and pick her up. “Hey, sweet girl. How was your weekend? I missed you!” I wipe her hands on a dish cloth, and then scoop her up as she wraps her little body around me.

“I love you, Mama. We’re making you dinner.” She’s what makes me better. She’s what makes me forget. 

“Why, thank you. You guys know just how to spoil a mama who’s been away all weekend. We should probably be making dinner for Auntie.”

She shakes her head, “No, Uncle Jason
gots a baby sitter and they’re going on a special date night!”

Kate is smiling at us. “That’s right, ladies, I got a hot date with Uncle Jason in a couple hours. I’m going to scram. Enjoy dinner, Alexis. Welcome home. Hope you had a great weekend.” She kisses us both on the cheek, and I tell her I’ll call her tomorrow. And I will because if she finds out from anyone other than me, there’ll be hell to pay. I’m sure of it.

Sierra and I spend the rest of the day together. We walk to the park to play, we have lunch on the lawn in the backyard, we read books, and we sing. Dinner is fantastic, as always. Kate made enough for a small army. She doesn’t know how to cook for just two people. After dinner we start our
night time routine. Since it’s a school night Sierra will need to be in bed at 7:30, and then we’ll read and sing until 8:00. Usually, she falls asleep while I read. I like that it relaxes her.

My phone chimes with a text from Garrett.

Garrett: Hi sweetheart, did you make it home ok?

I wasn’t expecting to hear from him so soon.
I wasn’t 100% sure I’d ever hear from him again.

Me: Yes,
thank you for checking on me. All good.

Garrett: I wa
s hoping I could call you later. You said you would sing to me every day if I wanted and I do. Does that still apply after last night? I’m sorry…again. I hope you know that.

Why is he sorry? I’m confused. I initiated, I ran away, it was all on me. I don’t want him to ever question our friendship. We can always be friends.

Me: I’m getting Sierra ready for bed. Do you want me to call you after she is in bed? Or you can call me after 8:00 whenever you’re not busy.

I know his schedule is more restrictive than mine. He probably has a line of people waiting to talk to him. I can certainly wait for his call
, since I’ll be reading in bed,
or rehashing what went down last night and trying to sort out my thoughts.

Garrett: Sweetheart,
you will never have to wait to talk to me. You call me whenever you want to, whenever you have time. I’ll always answer your call.

He shouldn’t commit to things he can’t follow through on.
That’s just crazy. I will keep my expectations low on that.

Me: ok…will call you after 8:00
? Would love to talk to you if you’re available. If not call me whenever. XO

Garrett: I will be available. X
O
I like that!

Sierra is out like a light. She’s tired from her eventful weekend. Me too. I got very little sleep hanging out with Garrett. And last night Whitney kept me up forever, telling me how I need to let this happen naturally and stop trying to control and overthink things. It was a marathon lecture that ended with me feeling worse than before it started.

I think I’ll try and turn in early tonight. I’m not sure if I really should call Garrett tonight. He asked me to call, but I’m not sure what to say about last night. I guess I should give him a brief call, since I said I would. I won’t keep him too long. I press send next to his name. He answers on the first ring.

“Hi, sweetheart, how was your day?” he asks. I tell him about my day. It feels familiar and comforting, having someone to tell about what Sierra and I have been up to. Jed used to call at night after Sierra went down to sleep and would want the rundown of what he missed.

I don’t feel any of the tension in the conversation that I would have expected, and I’m grateful that we can both move past it and remain friends. “How are you? Are you back on the road? I guess, I don’t know much about your tour schedule.” I’m curious where he’ll be, and when, or if, I’ll see him again. Truthfully, I’m still craving his touch and desperately want to be close to him, although, I’ll never admit it to anyone.

“I’m still in town. I’m here for the next few weeks doing some writing for the next album,” he says and I’m shocked! He’s never stayed around the bay area before that I know of. I’ve actually never heard of him being around town, except when he’s here for his show once or twice a year.

“Drew’s wife is going to pop any day now. We intentionally scheduled creative time, so that he could be home for Court and their baby.” He says as if reading my mind again.

“Is Drew in the band?” I don’t know much about the actual band, sad to say. I only know Garrett.

“Yeah, he’s the drummer.”

“Is the whole band from Tampa?” That would be odd, since he didn’t play with these guys when he lived here. He played the guitar without a band at that time.

“No, sweetheart, just me. Court’s parents live here, though, and she’s been staying with them because Drew didn’t want her home alone in Nashville being pregnant. He’s here in town to pick her up and take her back home. Maybe you can meet them before they leave? I’ll be staying here for a few weeks, even after they leave,” he says.

He’s staying here for a few weeks? Wow. So, does that mean I’ll get to see him? Will he
want
to see me?

“
Lex, you there?”

I haven’t responded yet, but, shit, what do I say? Should I ask? “Yeah…
.Sorry….. I didn’t know you were still in town, or that you were planning to stay. That’s really nice, Garrett. I hope you’ll get the downtime you were hoping for.” I’m reclining on my bed, drinking a cup of chamomile tea. I made the tea hoping it would calm me. It’s not working. Not now, anyway. He’s still close to me.

He’s laughing. I don’t really know why, since I’m totally freaking out! “No, I’m hoping to be very busy. See, there’s this girl I know from college that I saw at the beach this weekend. She happens to live in this town. She means a lot to me, and the only thing I want to do right now is
find out when I can see her. Rest and downtime aren’t even on my radar, right now. So…sweetheart, when can I see you?”

Oh my…pools of warmth have invaded my body. I’m nervous and anxious, but excited and hopeful at the same time. It’s emotional tug-o-war. 

“Whenever you want to, Garrett. I said I would make time for you. I meant it.” It’s not like he’ll be underfoot all the time. He’s a very busy man.

“Well, sweetheart, whenever I want is right now and first thing in the morning and all day every day. So you’re going to have to give me a few more guidelines.”

He’s insane, completely lost his mind. “Where are you staying?” I ask, wondering if he is close by, but that is doubtful since he’s likely at one of the five star resorts in South Tampa.

“At my parents’ house in Tampa. Actually their
guest house. I’d rather be here and get home cooked meals than stay at a hotel and eat room service.” His parents live in Avila Golf & Country Club, and it’s only like 10 minutes from my house in Carrollwood Village.

“Garrett, do you want to come over tonight to talk? I know it’s getting late, but I’m not feeling very sleepy. I don’t have any coffee, but I do have tea.”

I hear him draw in a deep breath. “Yeah, sweetheart, I do. Don’t make anything. I’ll stop at Starbucks and get your favorite. I’ll see you in a half hour. Is that good?”

Oh my, yes. Maybe we can sort out what happened last night. I really need to do that before I can think about anything else. “Yes, please. I’ll text you my address. See you soon.”

Twenty seven minutes later he arrives, wearing loose fitting jeans that rest just above his hips and a solid black t-shirt that hugs his chest, shoulders, and arms. He’s in great shape. He must spend a lot of time at the gym. He’s carrying a tray with our drinks and a paper bag. I reach to help him with the tray, and he leans over to kiss my cheek.

“Thank you for the XO earlier in your text message. I needed that. That held me over until I could come and get the real thing. I wasn’t sure when you’d let me see you again.”

With a smile I reply. “We’ll work something out, Garrett.” Whenever he wants, is what I wanted to say, but even I know that’s not really how this will play out. However, being around him makes me feel safe and special, warm and tingly. I think that warm and tingly sensation is right between my thighs. Oh no! This cannot be happening. I gotta reign this in, or I’ll be taking my clothes off before the night is over. I don’t want to be just another notch in his belt. I want to be his friend, like the old days.