Till We Rise (3 page)

CHAPTER THREE

Gift from God. He definitely is one.

Tuesday, and by "Tuesday" I mean another day of college. I am relieved that it's not raining anymore because rain reduces my chances to get out of bed.

The daily routine drives me mad and yet, I never try to make something different to change it.

Like I did yesterday, and every single week day of the past few months; I get out of bed, take a bath and put some makeup on to cover the bags under my blue eyes. As I get myself prepared I realize I had a really nice sleep, and I also dreamt I had a dad. I barely talk about the absence of my father because I really don't care, I don't have a dad, and I never will.

It's not the coldest day of the year so I am not that annoyed about the weather Actually, I can wear a more decent and nicer outfit on days like these, instead of looking like a fat whale because of all the big and warm clothes.

I put on my underwear, my favorite high-waisted denim pants, a white loose t-shirt and on top of it a furry black pullover. I take a look at myself in the mirror and afterwards go directly downstairs to have my breakfast alone, as my mother decided from now on to prepare it for me and then go back to sleep again. Wonderful.

My breakfast was already over the dining table; French toast, a bowl of Cheerios with some milk and my lovely and warm latte. I actually prefer to drink 5 lattes instead of eating the whole breakfast, though.

The fact mom isn't there to share the first few minutes of the day makes me really sad and kind of depressed, as if she doesn't really care that much about me because I can actually prepare my own breakfast, I mean, I am not that stupid but I wish she was there for me, giving me some moral support to go to college. To be honest, I might be exaggerating a little bit, but this situation makes the beginning of the day deadly awful; sitting at the table all by myself is just disheartening.

I turn on the TV and watch some news, which are deadly awful too, and wish this fucking day is already over. I am being really selfish because at the moment, I am watching some news about wars, deaths and terrible stuff, and I should feel grateful about my life instead of basically wishing I was not a living human being anymore.

At exactly 6:40 I leave home –and then I wonder why I hate being routinary– leaving behind a huge mess in the kitchen. As I get into the car I try not to freak out thinking that the worst-talking seriously-part of the day is yet to come.

I
really
make too much of every situation, I should stop being so ridiculously exaggerated it is even starting to bother myself from time to time.

Roth is standing at the college entrance beside many other people, and I glance directly at him from inside my car, when he sees me arrive he smiles at me and waits for me to park. I get out of the car and start walking slowly.

"Hey buddy, I missed you yesterday," I say and hug him tight. He is my only and truly friend, and the fact that I am not his only friend makes me really sad. Why can't I make friends easily like him? I have this stupid habit of pushing people away, I wonder why Roth is always beside me and doesn’t walk away like everyone else does. Theodore came up to my mind, and I realize I am staring at the floor with a look of sadness.

"Me too, Cal," he poorly smiles at me and few seconds later he furrows his forehead, "It’s everything okay?" Roth adds with a tone of curiosity.

"I’m fine," I mutter, "Just thinking about things." I feel a little bit awkward at the moment, don’t know why.

I walk past the main entrance and find myself in a crowded and noisy place where everyone is walking in more than hundred different directions; this is another fact why I hate college so much, I find crowds slightly annoying. I try not to focus on my pursuit of
that thing
I was thinking about several seconds ago and try to set my mind on another thing.

“Why didn’t you come yesterday?”

"Cause I had, um, something to do." I can't figure out if he is feeling embarrassed, confused or mortified. "I am sorry I didn't tell you I wasn't coming."

"Woah, mysterious boy," I babble pounding my fist on his right shoulder. "What do you mean by
something
to do, huh?" I start laughing hysterically.

"We should get going, it’s five to seven already, and I don’t want to be late, so if you mind." He avoids my question and starts walking silently towards the classroom.

"Yeah, whatever," I say and follow him all the way down to the class. That doesn’t mean that I will not ask him about it later.

Roth and I met the first day of college, we are both studying the same career but I don’t know why am still studying Cultural Studies because I don’t really enjoy it and instead of doing it, I have a bad relationship with most of the teachers.

I kind of feel attached to college because I don’t want to disappoint my mom. If it were my choice I would definitely be sleeping all day long, but I can’t; my love and respect for her is even stronger than my wishes for leaving college and do absolutely nothing about my life.

Another thing I like about college is being friends with Roth, I would literally be all by myself if it wasn’t for him, we don’t have an awesome relationship and we don’t even talk outside this building but still, he is the only person I can truly rely on... Sometimes.

I try to sit as far as possible from the professor because every Tuesday we have this special debate class in which Ms. Greene chooses two different students to debate for two hours straight and obviously, I am not in the mood to debate right now. I never want to do it, to be honest. The whole class is supposed to listen to them and take down notes and such but some decide to lay their heads over the table, others to chat, and some people –like me– decide to do nothing and just stare at the ceiling.

After some weirdo attempt to have a conversation with Roth, he comes directly to me and takes a seat. He seems quite uncomfortable so I try not to make him feel even worse.

The professor comes into class with her exotic reddish hair at exactly seven o’clock. She seems really energetic and with lots of wanting to bother every student she has in front. Come on, it’s just seven in the morning; I can’t understand how it’s possible for people to be in such a good mood at this time of the fucking day.

Professor Greene smiles at the class and then shouts two random last names –I don’t really know who
Fisher
and
Housman
are– and then these two people stand up and walk straight to the front of the class and finally stop right beside her, looking ashamed.

I never pay attention at what’s going on in class but now I have nothing more interesting to do so I decide to take a look at the situation. I am grateful I wasn’t called to participate in the debate because I would have literally told the professor I didn’t want to do it, and the whole class would have laughed at me, and I would have definitely wanted to go to another country and sell myself as meat.

"Oh, Dear Housman, you should talk about the benefits of literature as regards culture." Greene talks with her absolutely enthusiastic voice and looks at the brunette girl –which seems to be Housman– and nods at her with lots of energy. I can tell by Housman’s hair and eyes that she hasn’t woken up already.

She turns to look at the boy and speaks directly to him "Fisher, you obviously have to deny what your lovely opponent says and talk about the disadvantages of literature." She smiles and then adds, "Try to make it interesting, okay?"

"Okay." They both answer at the same time.

My interest in the class disappeared from a second to another and now, I am drawing doodles on a random sheet of paper I found before on the floor. I have this amazing idea to write a little letter to Roth, so I start it like this:

Hey. I am exhausted. Talk to me.

—Cal

I fold the piece of paper into four exact pieces and give it to him; he is sitting right behind me so I can’t look at his reaction.

Two minutes later I feel the paper over my shoulder, so I unconsciously grab it and open it.

I wont talk 2 u, I will write 2 u haha lol

—R

He has an extremely hideous handwriting, and I have always hated his grammar mistakes and how he writes "2" instead of "to", or "U" instead of "you", AND LET’S NOT EVEN TALK ABOUT LOL. I never complain about it because I am not a perfect person to judge others but personally, I hated it all my life, and I’ll always will.

Haha you’re not funny. Write to me then.

Tell me what you were up to yesterday and don’t avoid me, Roth, please. I want to know.

—Cal

He is taking a lot of time to answer me, so I decide to turn around and look at him; he is not writing, he is thinking while staring at the paper that it is not over the table anymore, but in between his hands. I start to get worried... What’s going on that it’s so important? I don’t know but I would love to.

I grab another paper and start writing again...

What is it? Trust me

—Cal

I don’t wait until he grabs the paper; I just place it on his desk. I am feeling a little bit bothered. Why doesn’t he tell me? Gosh, I can’t even think of any possibilities.

I cant and its none of your business

dont take it personally

—R

None of my business? I don’t have to take it personally? What is wrong with him? I cannot believe what I have just read. I am his friend or at least I was. Again… What the hell is wrong with him? Did I do something wrong? I don’t know, but I can’t stand it. I am trying to contain my anger but I don’t really know if I am capable to do it.

"Mrs. Von Steemberg," suddenly, somebody says by the speaker, and at first I don’t realize that he is actually calling my name but when I do, I kind of get shocked. "Please come to the principal’s office," he orders and then all I hear is silence.

Everyone at the class is looking at me, even Mrs. Greene. I convince myself that I
need
to show myself strong, that I am not scared of anything. I honestly don’t know what to do, so I just stay at my place. Maybe they were calling another Von Steemberg but I can’t take that risk and simply don’t go to the office. And besides, my last name is not common at all, so it’s obvious that the one called was mine.

"I—I, um, I think I, um, should go, professor," I managed to speak and stand up afterwards.

"Sure, dear," she replies kindly.

I take my backpack awkwardly and while I do, I turn my gaze to Roth.

"What’s going on?" he whispers looking extremely worried.
Really? Are you going to ask what’s wrong when you did not tell me what was going on with you and then exclaim that I don’t have to take it personally? Seriously, Roth? I am not that stupid but excuse me, you definitely are.

"None of your business," I reply. I don’t want to be such a dork as he was before but I am more furious with him right now than scared of what's yet to come. "Don’t take it personally," I sigh and turn around. I would pay a million bucks to look at his face after I told him that, but I wouldn't be sassy enough if I had stayed there to look at him.

I leave the class with everyone’s eyes on my back and start walking to the principal's office, although I don’t know where the hell it is since I’ve never been in there before.

I take a look at the signs that are very helpful for lost people –such as myself– and follow the directions; I have to go to the second floor and then walk straight to the right. So I do.

As I am reaching the office I feel more and more nervous in every step I take. When I finally get there, I realize that it is occupied. I don't really know what is going on over there, and I can't listen a thing either, so I try to pull myself together and take a seat, waiting for my turn.

I find myself playing with the sleeves of my pullover, biting my lower lip really hard and moving my legs uncontrollably. These are the consequences of my nervousness that is taking over my mind and body. I am mostly nervous because I don't know why I have been called here, I need explanations right now; if not someone is going to get extremely pissed.

All of a sudden the door opens really fast and someone gets out laughing, I look up and there he is; Theodore, giggling with a big smile on his face. He is looking even more handsome than yesterday, I can't even explain how sexy he looks with his hair pulled back and all tidy. I wonder if I am drooling at the moment or if I am staring at him with a stupid look or something like that.

"See you soon, Mr. Kowalsky," the principal exclaims.

Kowalsky, I like it.

I thought I would never see him again and that made me think it wasn't worth living anymore. I am not exaggerating, I felt something extraordinary when I first talked to him and I have never felt this way.

"Hi," he sings without stopping his walk, "Good luck," he adds smiling at me with both his mouth and his beautiful dark eyes.