Tilt (3 page)

It Does, and So Does Her Response

I Don’t Know

So, After Mom Picks Me Up

It’s Late Afternoon

They Start with the Usual

Is She Happy?

Sometimes You Choose, You Lose

I Suppose, Sooner or Later

Still, Every Day

Dad Being a Lawyer

Mom Always Says

My Last Class

I Think I’m Having

That Weight

Fairy-Tale Love

There Are a Dozen Place Settings

I Fantasize About That

It Is Dad Who Comes to the Rescue

Waves of Food

It’s Really Sort of Surprising

Post Pie

She Asks for “White Christmas”

Naked Girl Pics

What Is His Problem?

Shane Nods at Chad

He Wanted to Show Me Off!

Just Like That

Mom’s All for My Plan

When We Get to the House

I Don’t Exactly Have a Nightmare

I Carry That with Me All Day

Turns Out

Lead Her into the Bedroom

I Have Resisted

I’ve Known Him

It Was a Surreal Moment

One Thing I Do Know

It’s Such an Adult Idea

The Call Comes

Now, the Ones

She Prefaces Her Answer

The Setup

Staying Positive

There’s Also the Not Small Issue

As If That Isn’t Enough

This Evening, Mom Is Hosting Tea

First Impressions

Conspicuously Absent

I Turn On My Music

Jäger and Downers

I’m Yelling

Afraid, Angry, Ashamed

I’m Not Even Sure

The Best Part of All?

I Mean, Who Could I Tell

So I’ve Kept It All In

It’s So Close, in Fact

Snow Swirls

The Waiting Room

But Maybe It’s Time

I’m Feeling Good

A Big Part of Me

Exhausted

Outside

Bone Weary

A Baby

I’m Sorry

Kill Myself?

Why Would I?

That She’s Willing

In a Few Minutes

Here I Am

Too Late, Harley

The Door Opens

All Decked Out

Author’s Note

Acknowledgments

This book is dedicated to all families

dealing with chronic illness.

Walk bravely.

Tilt

Should the sun beat

summer too fiercely

through your afternoon

window, you can

slant

the blinds to temper

heat and scatter light,

sifting shadows this way

and that with a

lean

of slats. And if candor

strikes too forcefully,

step back, draw careful

breath and consider the

angle

your words must take

before you open

your mouth, let them leak

out. Because once you

tilt the truth,

it becomes a lie.

Mikayla

My World Tilted

Completely off its axis the night

I hooked up with Dylan Douglas.

It was New Year’s Eve—five

months ago—so maybe part of that

earth-sway had something to do with

the downers, weed and cheap beer,

a dizzying combo on an empty stomach.

What I know for sure is, when he came

slinking up like a cougar—all tawny

and temperamental—something inside

me shifted. Something elemental.

I, probably the oldest prude in my whole

junior class, transformed into vamp.

When he smiled at me—me!—I knew

I had to make him mine. I would

have done anything. Turned out, all

I had to do was smile back. Just like

that, we belonged to each other.

Love at First Smile

That’s what it was. He says so,

and I agree. What kind of girlfriend

would I be if I argued about something

like that? Not only that, but we

fell in love as a new year began.

Symbolism there. And I didn’t need

a resolution when a result had

just occurred. All the hurt of

losing my last boyfriend—who was

at the same party, slobbering

all over my ex–good friend,

Tricia—dissolved, shaved ice in

a cup of hot tea. Dylan is a hundred

times the guy Josiah is. Thank

God I didn’t give my virginity

to
him
. I didn’t give it to Dylan

right away, either. Unlike Josiah,

he never pressured me to. But after

a couple of months, love spoke

louder than fear. One night

we were mostly naked and

all knotted up in each other’s

arms. And the time just seemed

right to say, “I want to. Please.”

Dylan was just so cute.
Are you

sure?
He said it right before

I stripped off my panties. And

he confirmed,
You’re positive?

just as I pushed him inside me.

I think I wanted it more than he did.

And all that hype about awful

pain? Well, that may be true

for some people. But, except for

a couple of seconds of intense

pressure, it didn’t hurt at all.

But it made our connection steel.

Loving Someone

That much—so much he means

more to you than anything—changes

things. You lose friends, because

you’d rather be with him than with them.

I’ve always been popular. Cheerleader.

Junior class president. Homecoming

princess. All the girls wanted to hang

with me. One was even a stalker.

Now, they still smile and say hello,

but the only ones who I’m really close

to are Audrey and Emily. Both of them

have sleepover boyfriends, at least when

their parents aren’t home. That’s another

thing love changes—your relationship

with your parental units. It becomes

them versus you, as if they’re afraid

of losing you. Jealous of the person

who can make that happen. News flash,

Mom and Dad. I’ll be eighteen in a few

months. You’ve already lost me.

Now It’s Summer Vacation

Definition: sleeping in. Lazy days

at Tahoe. Parties. And that leads me to

deception. Because here’s the thing

about parents. Mostly, they don’t want

their kids to have fun, at least not

if it involves underage drinking,

illegal substances and the possibility