To Light and Guard (11 page)

I was dying
, and there was nothing I could do. I screamed just as I heard Elizabeth scream. I felt my skin melting, and our hands became fused together. The pain became intolerable.  I screamed louder this time, calling my Guardian’s name.  It was my Guardian’s duty to protect me… to save me… to guard me… but my angel did not come.

“
Help us,” I screamed over and over again. 
My angel, please help us.

D
espite the hopelessness I felt, I still waited for my Guardian to save me. I waited.  Through the smoke, the fire, the pain, and the hatred all around us, and until I died, I waited. 

CHAPTER 24

              I woke up with a gasp, my eyes snapping open.  I sat on the bed, my hand automatically going to my chest.  I felt my heart beating.  It was pounding hard and strong.  My chest almost hurt from it, but I welcomed it.  It’s good to be alive.

 
I took a deep breath, and I almost choked.  My lungs immediately rejected the air.  My body still felt the heat of the fire on my skin, and I quickly threw the covers away.  I didn’t see any flames, but I patted my body to make sure that I was okay – that I wasn’t burning. I’m alive, and I am not… burning.

I forced myself to stay calm, taking slow, even breaths,
until my heart slowed to a slow and steady pace. 

I reached for the lamp
on my nightstand and turned it on.  Suddenly, like a puzzle, the pieces all seemed to fit together.  As scary as it was, I accepted it.   My nightmares had always been real, and Luke had always known. 

I rubbed my forehead.  It was the past.  It was over
, but the memories still burned in my mind.  Those two poor girls; they were us, Emma and I, and we were murdered.  There was no other word for it. Tears started falling down my face, and I couldn’t stop the sobs that came out of my mouth.  I mourned them. I mourned us because I was Gwendolyn; I was certain of it, just as I was certain that Emma was Elizabeth. 
How do I know this?
The feelings I have for her are the same. Our memories of the fire are the same, and we both remembered it in dreams.

W
e were so young when we died;  Gwendolyn was sixteen and Elizabeth was only fourteen. 
But how are we still here?

I
certainly don’t know why, but somehow, our spirits found each other, and we made it back here together.  Maybe this is our second chance at life.  To make a difference?  To change the world? Or maybe to just live again – the way we were supposed to the first time around.   

I wiped the tears from my eyes. 
It didn’t really matter how or why. All that mattered was that I was here now.  It’s funny how life works.  I could say that now and really understand what it means.  Emma and I were burned at the stake almost a thousand years ago, but we are the ones alive now.  Maybe they were right.  Maybe we were witches, after all. 

I got out of bed
slowly.  Adra betrayed us.   There was no doubt about that. Almost a thousand years ago, when Adra’s wings were still white, she made a choice to let us die.  Maybe that was why she was a demon now.  The thought gave me some sort of peace and a feeling of justice, but I still felt betrayed. Years ago, I thought that Adra and I were friends. I guess I was wrong.   

             
I walked towards my bedroom window.  I lifted the edge of the curtain and peeked out.  It was dawn.  I looked down and saw Luke kneeling on the ground, palms together against his heart.  His head was bowed in prayer.  I let the curtain drop from my fingers.  I’ll give him more time to pray; I realized that it was something angels needed to do.  I’ve seen him do this many times before.

Luke remembers me.  He knows that I am Gwendolyn.
I was his Gwen…
In the last thousand years, Luke had been blaming himself because he thought that it was his fault that Gwendolyn died – that I died.  I have to correct him on that because it wasn’t true. 

Besides,
I am here now.  That’s all that matters.

CHAPTER 25

When I snuck out
and went to the backyard, the sky was a bluish grey, and it was getting brighter by the second.  We didn’t have a lot of time to talk. 

This morning, I approached Luke
with sadness in my heart.  By remembering my past, I understood Luke a little bit better now.  I understood the sadness in his eyes when he looks at me, his frown, his grimness.  My eyes burned with tears again, and I blinked them away quickly.

Like always, he was waiting for me.  When I reached him, I didn’t give him time to speak. 
“When I first saw you, I felt that you meant something more to me.  That we were supposed to be together somehow,” I said. 

His head tilted to one side, and h
e was looking at me with a vulnerability that made me want to cry.

“I know,” I said softly
, my voice cracking. “I just remembered.”

He looked down on the ground.  He understood.
He knew what I was talking about – that I finally remembered a different time and living a different life.

“Do I lo
ok anything like Gwendolyn?”

“No,” he said, shaking his head.

“How did you know that I was her?”  

“
I could tell,” he said, looking at my face.  “You look very different, but your aura is the same.  It’s a bright white that is quite unforgettable. From the first time I saw you, I knew that your body carries the same soul.”

“
I always wondered why Emma and I both had nightmares about fire and smoke.  Even though our parents denied it, we always thought that we suffered from some sort of trauma in our childhood.” I guess we kind of did, but the trauma was way, way back… more like a thousand years back.

H
is eyes widened.  “Elizabeth is Emma?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said
.  “I’m sure of it.”
How did he not know that Emma was Elizabeth?

I asked a more important question, at least as it pertained to the well
-being of my sister. 

“Does
Joshua know about Emma?”  Back then, when Joshua was still an angel, he loved Emma with a passion.  He would have done anything for her.  

“No, I do
n’t think so,” Luke said, “and he doesn’t want to know.”

I didn’t know how to feel about that.  Somehow, I believed that my sister had
a right to know, but did I really want her having anything to do with a demon?  The answer was an immediate ‘no.’  It didn’t seem fair, but then, when was life fair?  We were burned at the stake for seeing angels.  That didn’t seem fair at all. 

“You’re not the Luke I remember,” I said.  “I remember a Luke who laughed all of the time.  You joked a lot.  You were much happier back then.”  He was so carefree and lived the life he wanted. Back then, Gwendolyn had never seen Luke frown.

             
“That Luke got you killed,” he said bitterly.

“No,
don’t say that. You were the one thing in my life that was worth living for back then. That village was dreadful.”  They made us work very hard, and I was always exhausted. There were a lot of bugs and very little food.

He was looking at me with guilt in his eyes. 
I wanted so badly to wipe out that guilt, but I didn’t know how.  

“It wasn’t your fault,” I said, willing him to believe me.   

“That’s where you’re wrong.  I
should
have been there.  I
should
have been better.  Faster… I
should
have protected you.”  

Each of his ‘I shoulds’ was full of regret
, and each one stabbed me in the heart. “I’m sorry you blame yourself,” I said.  “Humans are ignorant sometimes… and cruel.  Our history is full of tragedy and pain.  There was no place you could have taken me where I would have been safe.  Not at
that
time.”

             
He didn’t respond, but he looked at me as if I were lying.  I was afraid that death, from an immortal’s point of view was more tragic - more painful.  Humans have a hard time accepting death, too, but death was also something we were all prepared to do… someday.

Luke sighed. “I am pleased you finally remembered,” he said. “I didn’t know how to tell you because I didn’t want you to hate me.”

“
I don’t hate you.  I could never hate you,” I said honestly, but I did want to know his side of the story. I wanted to see things through his eyes. 

“What happened
?” I asked. 
Where were you?

             
He hesitated, but he knew I had the right to know.  “When Joshua and I left you and Elizabeth that evening, all was well.  There was a war between the humans in the north, and we were there to aid the injured.  In the morning, Joshua got to your village first, and both of you were already gone.  Dead. When I got there, it was all over.  Joshua had already destroyed the entire village.  Before he became a demon and before his wings had a chance to turn black, he had already killed everyone who aided in your demise.”

             
My eyes watered.  An entire village demolished; my family – Gwendolyn’s family - gone.  It didn’t matter that they died long ago.  I remembered them. I loved them… and they died because of me, and Emma… and Joshua. I can’t forget Joshua’s part in all of this.  This was the reason why Emma was better off not knowing about Joshua.

             
Luke went on, “I wasn’t sorry for their death.  I was only sorry that they did not suffer as much as you did.  Maybe if I got there first, they would have, because I wouldn’t have been so kind. If Joshua didn’t, then I would have… killed them.  I wanted to kill them.”

             
I was shocked at his words. Luke was an angel, and he was as beautiful as his soul.  He should be thinking only good thoughts, and his words of murder and destruction didn’t belong to him.  Unlike Joshua, Luke was still an angel.  There was no murder in his past, but if he had been there first…

I
rubbed my eyes, forcing myself not to cry. I couldn’t even think about that, and I had to be strong for him.

“Joshua turned into a demon that morning,” Luke
continued. “I found him kneeling in front of bones and ashes – yours and Elizabeth’s.   We couldn’t tell them apart.  All around you were dead bodies from Joshua’s rampage.” 

I went to him
and wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tight.  My tears flowed freely now.  I cried for all of us – for Elizabeth and Joshua, for me and Luke. This is where Luke’s sadness comes from – our tragic past.

“I
fell on my knees right next to Joshua, and we stayed that way for a very long time … until the wind blew all of the ashes away. We buried the bones at the peak of Mount Everest.  It was Joshua’s idea.  He said Elizabeth would have liked to be buried there. There was snow, and you can look down at the clouds from there.  I agreed with him at the time because I felt that I owed him for demolishing your town.” 

I didn’t know what to say.  I didn’t know how to comfort him.

He continued, “But through the years, I’ve been bitter. I realized that I should have been the one who killed them.  I should have been the one who carried out your revenge, but I was too late even for that.”

I didn’t want this.  I didn’t want his hatred to overwhelm him.
 

“I saw you praying earlier,” I said,
reminding him of who he was and who I needed him to be - someone who still believed that there was a master plan… someone who no longer needed revenge.

             
“Yes, I pray.  It’s what I do,” he said.

             
“And I’m human,” I said.  “We die. Dying is what
we
do.  Gwendolyn would have died eventually, but I’m here now. Alive… You found me.  We’re right here, right now… together.  What could be better than that?”

When Luke didn’t respond
, I asked, “What else are you worried about?”

             
“There were things Gwen wanted - normal things that I could never give her: a family, a husband, children, a home.”  His eyes were daring me to deny it.

             
I couldn’t.  Being the same person, Gwendolyn and I would want the same things in life, but even before today, my heart had already made its decision.

I sighed. 
I was given a gift.  I had another life, another body.  Yet, here I am again.  I was making the same choices, maybe making the same mistakes. I traced the back of my hand over his cheek; this was something Gwendolyn used to do.  Luke closed his eyes in remembrance.

             
“Gwendolyn picked you over all of that,” I said, “and I pick you.”

CHAPTER 26

              Luke picked me, too.  Honestly, I wasn’t sure that he would.  I still remember the first time I met him in the backyard almost three months ago.  He said he wanted to protect me.  Now I know where his words were coming from.  My past life was a harsh memory on the both of us, but we both agreed to make new memories - good ones.  

             
The next week passed us in a magical blur.  Believe me when I say that time flies fast when you’re having super-fun flying around with your guardian angel.

Last night
, when my family was already asleep, I snuck out.  Then, Luke and I had a picnic inside the L.A. Zoo.   It was already closed for the evening, and it was just the two of us, eating chocolate cake.  We were surrounded by a bunch of sleeping animals; the bats were awake, though. The night before that, we flew around the buildings in downtown Los Angeles, stopping briefly to rest at the helipad of the Ritz Carlton to check out the view. It was awesome, and we always
zinged
. Seriously.
Do you know what I mean?
We really
zinged.
     

We only flew
at night when the chances of me being seen floating around the dark sky was very unlikely, and I always wore my ninja outfit. (Just in case you were wondering, my ninja outfit is all black: black skinny jeans, a thick, dark hooded sweatshirt, and black Uggs.  It’s less likely to get spotted in the dark when I’m wearing black.  In this outfit, I call myself ‘the flying ninja’ – just in my head, though. )   

Sometimes, Luke and I did normal human stuff.  After school, he helps me with my homework.
Emma is getting upset and suspicious since I don’t seek her out to help me with my homework anymore.  She knows something is up, and I have to be more careful around her.

By late afternoon, Luke and I
usually watch some of my favorite shows on T.V.  Last Sunday, we baked chocolate chip cookies together.  Then, we went for a swim, and he showed me how angels do the backstroke with his wings flared out in the water.  It was hilarious! (I guess you had to be there.)    

Today
, we were doing another human thing – watching a movie on a Saturday afternoon.  Luke and I were standing in line at the movie theater.   It was just the two of us, but according to the world, I was by myself.  We were holding hands, sort of, and being not invisible, I still had to buy a ticket for one. 

Luke tilted his head to one side, and looked at me.
“Please make sure no one sits on me,” he said, and I laughed.  Then, I quickly swallowed my laughter when the normal guy in front of me turned around, wondering why I was laughing… by myself. 

“I just remembered something
really funny that happened yesterday,” I explained to the normal guy; he turned back around, whispering something to the normal girl standing in front of him.  

Just as
I turned halfway towards Luke, I saw my high school nemesis, Delia Bates, walking out of the theater with what appeared to be her parents.
Imagine that.  Delia had parents, and they were normal looking, too.
All this time, I thought she was raised by tigers… or cougars… or lions… something cat-like with sharp, pointed teeth.

             
She saw me, and she quickly ditched her parents walking straight towards me. 
Why?  She always ignored me at school.
  I turned around again, hoping she would go away.  Seconds later, Delia tapped me on the shoulder, and I groaned.             

             
“Hi,” she said with a straight face.  Here she was, knowing that she was bothering me on a Saturday, and she didn’t even give me a smile. 
What a freak!

“Who are you here with?” she asked.

              I stared at her. 
I get it now.
  She thought I was here with Colin.  Of course…  Colin was her obsession. She was his number one fan. Everyone knew that.

             
“No one,” I said. 
I couldn’t say ‘with my guardian angel,’ now could I?

             
“Oh,” she said, her eyes widening. 

I stared at her, blinking a few times.
The problem with the word ‘oh’ was that it was open to interpretation. I wondered what her ‘oh’ meant:  ‘Oh, you’re pathetic,’ or ‘oh, I don’t believe you,’ or the generic ‘oh’ with absolutely no hidden meaning.  I think I preferred that last ‘oh.’

             
Then, rescued by the ticket counter lady, it was my turn to purchase the ticket. 

“Bye,” I said, pointing a finger towards the counter and left Delia standing there.   

After purchasing the ticket - for one - I looked back; Delia was still watching me.  I gritted my teeth.  She was making sure I entered the theater by myself.  I bit my lower lip, forcing myself not to talk to Luke as we both went inside the theater.  That’s because I didn’t want Delia’s ‘oh’ to turn into ‘oh, you’re crazy.’

I didn’t want her to ruin my day.  I was watching
a really good movie with my guardian angel boyfriend.  Nothing should be able to bother me right now.  I should be invincible. 

When we found our seats and sat down, the movie hadn’t started
yet, but it was already dark inside.

“Are you okay?”
Luke asked

“
I’m fine.”

“She’s just jealous, you know.”

“Yeah. I got that.”

“Is there a reason for
her to be jealous?” he asked.  The words were spoken very casually, but his purple eyes slightly glowed in the dark. 

I paused.  I wasn’t sure if we were still talking about
Delia.  Was he trying to figure out how
Delia
felt about Colin, or how
I
felt about Colin? 
Was my boyfriend jealous? Boyfriend? 
I know I’ve called him my boyfriend in my head a few times, but now that I’ve actually spent every waking moment with him, I feel that I have a right to.  Plus, he kissed me like a gazillion times in the last week.  Okay, the actual kissing tally is twenty-eight, but some of the kisses were really long; so, a gazillion times is the real final tally.  (By the way, in the dictionary, the very definition of the word ‘boyfriend’ was someone you have kissed a gazillion times. 
You don’t believe me?
  Look it up.)

“She likes Colin,” I said, “and she thinks Colin likes me.”

“Does he?”
His voice was suddenly very deep.

Oh, he is definitely jealous
… and why does this make me happy?

“
No,” I said. “We’re just friends.” And Colin and I really were just friends.  I don’t know why people made such a big deal out of us.  

The previews started, and we didn’t say anything else. 
Luke took my hand in his and held it tight. He should know by now that there was no reason for him to get jealous. My heart was already engaged, and Luke’s name was written all over it.