To Light and Guard (13 page)

Luke was standing over three demons lying on the beach
of Catalina Island.  There was a fourth demon, Adra, but she remained flying in small circles on top of Luke during the fight. I knew it was her.  I could see her long blonde hair gleaming in the darkness, swirling all around her like a veil.  One by one, the demons on the beach got up. Glaring at Luke, the demons flew away; even Adra flew away. They were done.

Luke reached behind him and pulled a scary looking knife that was stuck behind his back.  He threw the knife far into the ocean and roared.  I cringed when I heard the sound.  I’ve never heard anything like that come out of him.  He sounded like an injured lion.

Finally,
Joshua let go of my upper arm, and I ran towards Luke. I threw my arms around him, and he picked me up in a big bear hug.  My entire body was shaking; I was very wet, and I was freezing.  Luke hugged me tighter until I couldn’t breathe.

“
My thanks, brother,” Luke said to Joshua, but Joshua was already gone.  I hope he heard him.  I owed him one, and knowing that he didn’t kill Gwendolyn’s family, I was more than grateful to him.

“Come on,” Luke said
, picking me up in his arms.  “I’m taking you home.”

We flew
back home in silence.  I could tell that Luke was deeply shaken by what just happened.  He was afraid for me.  As Joshua had explained to me earlier, I am the only who could get hurt in all of this.

“That was interesting,” I said
.  I tried to keep my voice light and casual, but it didn’t come out right because my teeth were chattering. Then, there was also the wind to blame; it felt like ice on my skin.

“That was
a lot of things, and interesting it was not,” Luke said softly.

I kept quiet after that.  It was all I could do not to start
sobbing.  He was thinking about leaving me, I was sure of it, and I didn’t know how to change his mind.  I know that he believed it now, just as Joshua had always believed, that he shouldn’t be with me… that he should leave me.  This is the beginning of the end.  I just know it.  Call it a woman’s intuition; I do have one of those.

When we landed in my backyard, it was still dark, but
sunrise was only a few hours away. 

“I have to
go, Paige,” Luke said softly.  “It’s for your own safety.” 

“No,” I said quickly, but
Luke was avoiding my eyes.  “Let’s talk again tonight, okay?”  I said.  I went on my tiptoes and held his face, forcing him to look at me.  I just wanted to make sure that he would still be there later.  He had to be there later. 
Please give me another night.
I traced the back of my hand on his cheek and kissed the corner of his mouth.

I felt him nod against my lips
. That was good enough for me.  I walked towards the back door of my house.  With one hand on the knob, I turned back slightly so my body still faced Luke.  I didn’t wave goodbye.  He might take it as a sign, leave, and never come back. I kissed my palm and blew him a kiss. He tilted his head to one side in that adorable way of his, and I forced myself not to cry.
He is going to leave me, and there is nothing I can do.  Absolutely nothing.
I bit my lower lip, holding my tears back.

With a trembling hand, I turned the knob gently
– quietly - because sometimes, sneaking in was usually trickier than sneaking out. I always kept the back door unlocked so I can slip into the house easily.

I pushed the door open slowly, b
ut as if my little adventure wasn’t bad enough, my parents were waiting for me when I walked inside.  The first thing I saw was the worried look on my mom’s pretty face.  She ran her hand anxiously through her short, black hair. Standing right next to her, I saw my dad.   I gulped.

  I gave them my best deer-
caught-in-headlights look: eyes wide, not blinking, head tilted to the right in a forty-five degree angle.  In response, my dad gave me his Superman pose: wide stance, hands fisted on his hips, an awful frown on his unsmiling face.  My bottom lip trembled.  Dad’s eyes narrowed… and just like that, Superman plowed through the deer like a speeding bullet.

“Yo
u are in big trouble, Paige,” Dad said, and boy, was he angry.  All I could see on his face were straight, angry lines.
Crap, crap, crap. 
I bet it didn’t help that I was still wet from the rain, and maybe, just maybe, I’m turning blue from the cold. 

“It’s four in the morning,” my Dad said, glaring at me, “WHERE… HAVE… YOU… BEEN?”  He yelled.  Said in that tone, in that particular way, I cringed inside.  I was also so stressed out and freezing that all I could do was collapse on my knees.  I just couldn’t hold myself up anymore.  Truthfully, I no longer wanted to.  Luke was going to leave me.  My head automatically fell on my open hands.  I let it all out, and I cried like a baby. 

He was going to leave me.

It felt as if my world was suddenly ending.  The pain was crippling, and all I could do was cry.

S
o… this is what heartbreak feels like.

CHAPTER
28

When my parents saw me collapse, I think they understood that I needed help more than a lecture. With anger and disappointment clearly visible in their faces, they rushed me to the bathroom to thaw out.  I took a long, warm bath, and Mom and Dad went back to their room. Their lecture, they decided, would have to wait.

I think they also sensed
that I needed some time before I can explain.   They must have seen something in my face earlier, and they instinctively knew that I was shattered. 
They were young once, right?
  They must have some clue of what I was going through. When I was done with my bath, the sun was already rising. I hope that they were already asleep by now.  I still need more time.

I sighed, thinking of the latest turn of events.
I had broken my parent’s trust; broken it, stomped all over it, and threw it in a blender and pulverized it to dust.  Trust me when I say that a simple ‘I’m sorry’ just wasn’t good enough when you’re eighteen and your parents catch you sneaking back inside the house at four o’clock in the morning.  My dad was right.  I am in big trouble.

After my bath, I quickly got dressed in a black Lakers hoodie and gray sweat pants.   Sleep was now irrelevant.  I wanted – no, I needed - to make my family breakfast this morning.  It was the beginning of what will be a very lengthy apology, and hopefully, it will soften my parents up a little.  I still owed them an explanation, and after breakfast, they will get some version of the truth. It goes something like this: I met a guy, I went out with the guy, and I think he is going to leave me.  I am very sad.  I’m sorry for sneaking out.  I’ll never do it again.  I promise… and my parents would believe me, too, because I’m kind of Rapunzel in that way.  When I make I promise, I never EVER break that promise… ever.

I walked over to the sink and washed the tomatoes. I planned on making omelets for breakfast. On the kitchen island, I grabbed a chef knife and placed a tomato on the chopping board.  I started chopping.  I already chopped the ham.  I had eggs, tomatoes, and ham. 
What else went into an omelet?
Let’s be honest, I am no Iron Chef.  

Suddenly,
goose bumps prickled my skin.  I felt her before I saw her, and I gripped the knife tighter.  From behind me, I heard Buffy growling, and I spun around. 

“Hello
, Paige,” Adra said. She was standing only a few feet away, looking ethereal and serene in her long white dress.

Danger.  Danger. 
Even Buffy sensed the danger, and she stopped growling as she stayed close to me.  It was a good thing that my family was all upstairs and that they were still asleep.  I didn’t want to confront Adra with an audience who couldn’t see her.

I
gripped the knife in my hand tighter and lifted it higher, holding it like a sword.  It was how the new girlfriend should face any ex-girlfriend - with a very sharp and pointy knife.  It provided me with a false sense of security, however, because I can’t possibly really hurt her. She was an immortal, a demon, but the knife did make me feel braver - or dumber - and it made me say things I shouldn’t have said to my boyfriend’s demon ex-girlfriend… alone.

Adra and I
needed to chat.  We had a past together, and I wanted some answers.  While clutching the knife, I pointed it at her and confronted my past.

“You were there,” I
said, looking at her straight in the eye.  Of course, I had to look up a bit because she was so tall. I knew she heard the anger in my voice. It was something I had been holding in since I remembered that I was Gwendolyn.  At first, I didn’t know if she knew what I was talking about, but she wasn’t looking at me with confusion; she was looking at me as if I had finally solved a thousand year-old riddle.

“Gwen-do-lyn
,” she said, saying my name slowly, dragging out each syllable as if she had wanted to say it for a while.  She inhaled, savoring my name on her lips. “So you finally remembered.  I am impressed.  Most people who come back from the dead never do. It sure took you long enough, though.”

“
How did you know it was me?” I asked.

“It was the way
he looked at you.  There was only one other person he looked at that way.”  She smirked.  “And then there’s your aura.  It has a certain glare.  It’s quite annoying, really.”

“And you let me die because of that?”  Gwendolyn died because of a look and a glare.  How sad.

“Yes, well,
there is that, and I really hated you… even then.”

I flinched a bit at her words. 
I didn’t expect to feel the pain her words caused me.

“I thought we were friends,” I said softly.  At least
Gwendolyn thought they were, until she was left to burn with her sister.  I remember how betrayed she… well, how betrayed
I
felt when Adra didn’t save me.

I tried to set aside the hurt.  Instead, I thought about the pain suffered by two innocent souls
- Gwendolyn and Elizabeth. I let the inner demon inside of me take over, and I felt an overwhelming anger like I’ve never felt before.  Adra hated me then, and she hated me now.  Only now, I hated her back.

“
You should have saved me, anyway,” I said with controlled anger.  I didn’t want my family to hear me.  They needed to stay upstairs. “Luke wasn’t there to save me. You should have saved me,” I said through gritted teeth. 

“Of course Luke
was not there, dimwit.  You were not his to protect.”

When I looked at her in confusion, she stared at me incredulous
ly.

“You
don’t remember that part?” she asked, her voice rising, and it became more like a cackle. “If you are going to remember, you have to remember
that
. Luke was not your Guardian,” she said with glee. “I was.”

I tried to
focus on the memory, and it’s all blurry, but I think I remember it now. I wasn’t calling for Luke when I was burning, I was calling for Adra.  She was my Guardian.  It was the reason I was devastated when I saw her hiding behind the shed. It was her job to protect me, and while I waited for her to save me, she was waiting for me to die.  She failed me… betrayed me… ruined my life. 

I was really hurt by that. 
Let’s just say I was an open wound… with salt rubbed all over it.  It hurt. 
How could she do that to me?  How could she do that to Luke? 

Adra
was just as horrid as the people who burned me.

“You were my Guardian,” I said, trembling. I was hurt
and
angry; it’s a very bad combination. I felt like I was going to explode. “You hurt Luke when you let me die.”  

Adra’s eyes narrowed
to tiny slits.  “That was the plan,” she said with deadly venom in her voice.  She waved her hand in front of me.  “Unfortunately, you’re still here.”

What was I supposed to say to that?  I’m sorry I’m here?  I’m sorry I ruined your
demonic plans?  Come on.  I’m not that pathetic.

“Why did you do it?” I asked.

“Oh, you will never understand.” 

“
Talk slow.”

She smiled
. “You are funnier than Gwen. I will give you that much.  Gwen was a bit more - shall we say - polite,” she said.  “She never would have faced me with a knife. That’s for sure.” Adra chuckled.

She walked towards me and leaned down very close to my face. My knife was pressed flat against my chest.  I never really intended to cut her with it.  I think we both knew that.

W
e were nose to nose, and she was staring down at me; her eyes were wide and stormy.  She looked really crazy - scary crazy.  I took a step back.  I didn’t have much space, and the kitchen island was very close behind me. I was trapped. 

My brain went through my options –
well, actually, just one option: Luke should be in the backyard, and I could scream.  He would be next to me in a heartbeat, but he wouldn’t be the only one.  My family was asleep, and they would be in here in that same heartbeat. They were worth protecting because they didn’t stand a chance against a demon.  Come to think of it, neither did I. 

I
gripped the knife in my hand tighter.  I was ready to fight if I had to.  To the death, or maybe not, because I didn’t believe that Adra would really kill me.  She would die if she did.  She would disappear and turn into nothing.   As Joshua said to me once, there is nothing worse than being nothing. 

These are the r
ules:  if an angel kills a human, the angel becomes a demon; when a demon kills a human, the demon dies.  They only get two chances. It was the balance of the universe made to keep the humans alive. 

It’s all making sense to me now
.  “You became a demon because of me, didn’t you, because you let me die?”

She didn’t respond
.

“We were created in pairs, Gwen.  Did you know that?” she asked.

I shook my head staring at her.
  She took a step back away from me.

“I was his Eve,” she spit out.  “
Now… Do you understand?” 

Suddenly
, I felt really sick because I did understand; vomit was coming out of me soon.
Adam and Eve,
the world’s most notorious couple, and Adra was Luke’s Eve.  She was created for him - to be with him forever. As crazy as she is, she was his perfect mate.

So,
I am the other woman, after all.  
Luke has lived a big chunk of his life with Adra - loving her – because they were meant to be.    

Of course
, I already knew that Luke and I were not created for each other.  We weren’t even the same species, but I have loved him in two of my lives.  Surely, that should count for something.  We weren’t created for each other – I know this - but maybe even mismatched, we were still a pair. 

When I remained silent, she continued, “Of course you don’t.  Humans fall in and out of love so easily
.  It’s pathetic.”  Adra turned around, pacing and ranting.  “In all these years, you have always been the only one that Luke has ever loved more than me.  Why?”

Adra faced me, looking at me with mise
ry.  “WHY?” she screamed with rage. 

I had no answer to give her because I didn’t understand it myself. 

“He was created for me.  ME
,” she screeched.  She was so close to losing it, and the logical part of my brain instinctively wanted to calm her down. 

“You know,” I said, “Luke still loves you very much.” As much as it hurt for me to admit this, it was the truth. We’ve talked about Adra before, and I saw his sadness when he spoke of her.

Her lips trembled.
  “I know,” she said, “but it’s not the same kind of love, and he will always love you more.” A lone tear fell from her right eye, trailing down her cheek. 

I was going to believe her here – that Luke loved me more than her.  I had no proble
m there, but seeing her like this did make me feel kind of sorry for her - sorry that she seemed to be in pain, that she couldn’t be happy, that I seemed to be the cause. I wasn’t sorry Luke loved me more, though.  I was too selfish for that.  I am still human, after all, and selfishness was a trait we humans all shared. 

“
Did you become a demon because of me?” I asked. 

“Probably,
” Adra said, “but I think I really became a demon because of hate.”

I looked into her eyes, and I saw regret there.  Yes, hate does make demons out of all of us
.
Was I ready to forgive her? Could I? Maybe my forgiveness was her redemption.  Maybe she could finally find happiness somewhere else… and with someone else.

“What do you really want from me?” I asked.

“Oh. Do
n’t be so paranoid.” Adra tried to smile, but it came out kind of creepy on her face.  Her lips twitched a bit.  She walked towards me. Then, she lifted her hand and rubbed my forehead with two fingers.  “If you keep frowning at me like that, you are going to get wrinkles way before you’re twenty-one.” 

I knocked her hand away
with my left hand.  “I could live with wrinkles.  It would mean I get to live long enough to get them,” I said.  Gwen didn’t get so lucky; she died when she was only sixteen. 

“It isn’t you I’m after, Gwen.  I just want to hurt Luke.  It’s always been about Luke,” she said.

My name is
Paige.  I wasn’t Gwendolyn anymore.  I’m Paige.
 

“Well then, if there’s nothing else I could do to help you,” I said. I turned around, hoping that ignoring her would make her leave. I faced the kitchen island with the cutting board in front of me. Adra didn’t leave, and it was a mistake turning my back on a demon.  That was mistake number two.  Mistake number one was not screaming for Luke the second I saw her.

Before I knew what she was up to, she
tugged my arm and spun me around until I was facing her again.  She held both of my wrists and gripped them tight.  Adra’s left hand slid over my right hand, which was still clutching the knife, and held it.  Looking as innocent as a baby, she guided my hand with the knife over my left wrist.  I tried to pull away from her, but she was stronger.