To Light and Guard (15 page)

CHAPTER 31

             
The girl laughed. A laugh indicates something funny… like a joke.  Maybe I was wrong.  Maybe I am not in Hell. 
Dear God, please let me not be in Hell
.  I wasn’t that bad of a person, and I was really good to my dog.

             
“No, silly,” the girl said.  “We’re in
the
Library.” 

             
Oh, okaaaay.
The
Library. 
Yes, silly me.
  How could I possibly confuse
the Library
with Hell? 
Do you know what I mean? 
I don’t care what she says.  If I have to read all of those books, then I
am
in Hell.  I glance around, looking for an ‘exit’ sign, but I couldn’t find one. 
Question:  How the hell do I get out of Hell?

 
“So, we’re in the Library,” I said slowly.  “Go on.”

             
“Paige, you need to figure out what makes you happy.  Figure out what your Heaven is, and while in the Library, these books will guide you.”  The girl was very proud of all the books, I could tell.  She had a big smile on her round face, and she was almost giddy explaining all of this to me.  

The girl opened her arms wide, gesturing toward
s all of the books behind her; the books were in different sizes and colors.  Some of them even sparkled.

“You could go back to Earth with a different set of skills,” she said.  “You could be very gifted.  You can be born a ruler of your own dynasty. You can be rich, famous, or be born a genius. You can even go to another planet; be a different life form. These books are all of your choices because Heaven isn’t just a place you can go to, it’s where you really want to be.”

The girl paused.  “
Think carefully, Paige. Where do you want to be?”

Hmm
m.  Okay.  I get it now.  I wasn’t in Hell.  I was in
the
Library, and I get to pick my Heaven, and these books are kind of like research.  I looked at all of the books in front of me.  So many choices.  I rubbed my hands together with glee. I was eager to start. 
What was my Heaven? Where do I want to be?

             
“Can I be an angel?” I asked.    

“No.  I’m sorry, but angels are different creatures.  They are created for a specific purpose, and they have a separate destiny.  You are either one of them, or you are not.
”  She shook her head.   “And you are not.”

 
              “Can I talk to an angel?” I asked. 

             
The girl shook her head again.  “I’m sorry,” she said, “but angels aren’t dead, and you are a spirit now.
You
are dead. You are in a different plane of existence.  So, no talking.” 

             
Did she mean no talking to an angel, or no talking in the Library in general?
  Hopelessness was still an emotion, and I still had none of it, but I did have logic.  I am telling you, I am so like a Vulcan right now.

             
“But I can be human, right?” I asked.  This was going to be easier than I thought - a definite ‘no brainer.’  I don’t need to read these books.

             
She nodded.

             
“I want my old life back.  I want Paige Harper’s life back,” I said. I wanted there to be no confusion.  “I want to be the same person, with the same family, and have the same Guardian.” She couldn’t deny me this.   This was supposed to be my choice; it was my Heaven.

 
              “Paige, you’re missing the whole concept of being in the Library.  You can be born a different person, live a different life - a more exciting, more significant life.” 

But there was
nothing wrong with the last one. 
Gwendolyn had it right the first time, and I had to give her credit for that.  She must have done her research, looked through many books, maybe millions of them. I mean, it took her a thousand years to choose Paige Harper’s life. 
One thousand years!
   

             
When I continued to stare at her in silence, the girl sighed.  She walked up and down one of the bookshelves, running her fingers through the bindings as she walked.  She picked up a book; a black book, about three inches thick, hardback.   She opened it, her fingers quickly skimming a page as she read, and then she smiled.

“You can be
the
King, unofficial ruler of the planet Earth in the year 2873,” she said with a great deal of enthusiasm.  She looked at me with her eyes all big and hopeful. 

I shook my head
.  “Ewww.  I have to be a girl,” I said. “That is not negotiable.” Being a boy anything, with boy parts, even as a king, was just kind of icky.

“Or you can be the Queen,” she offered.
  “She’s beautiful, powerful, but she’s still compassionate.”

I shook my head again.
“Being some sort of powerful ruler really isn’t my thing,” I said.

She
sighed; she was letting me know without saying anything that I was beginning to bother her.  The girl walked back to the same row, placing the book back where it belonged.  “That was my favorite one,” she said. 

She thought for a second, tapping her fingers on her forehead. 

“A rock star?” she asked.

“No.”

“An actress?”

“No.”

“A very rich heiress?”

I shook my head. “No.”

“An astronaut?”

I thought about it.  It would be interesting, but still… “No.”

The girl picked up another book right next to it; a yellow one, another hardback with gold-leafed pages.  She read a bit.

“
You can be an alien specie, an explorer in the Andromeda Galaxy.  You will be responsible for colonizing five different planets for your alien specie.  Doesn’t that sound fascinating?”

Oh
… to actually live in a galaxy far, far away.  To be an alien.  To have a great adventure.
My mouth watered a bit, and I hoped I wasn’t drooling from the want. 

I
thought about it for three good, long seconds.  Again, I shook my head.  “No.” I didn’t need any more options.  If anything, just thinking about being in another galaxy only made me realize where I really wanted to go:  Good ol’ Los Angeles...  inside Paige Harper’s body.  My home.

“I have
n’t finished living my last life,” I said. 
Or the one before that, but whatever.  Who was counting lives, right? And seriously, I’m not all that bitter about it.

The girl
gestured towards the rows of books. 

“
Any of these is a possibility,” she said with frustration.  She was looking at me as if I were giving up some great opportunity.  Maybe I am, but the only real life I wanted was the one I just had.  Hopefully, it was still there. 

CHAPTER 32

              “This rarely happens,” the dead girl said, “at least not to me.  Usually, souls just come and take advantage of the situation.”  She closed her eyes for a while.  Then, her eyes snapped back open as if she just had a brilliant idea.  I almost saw a light bulb light up on the top of her red head. 

“Your book is sort of h
alf-checked out,” she said. “It’s not going to be in this library because you’re sort of in a very strange place right now.”

Tell me about it.

“Let’s fully check me out, then,” I said.

The girl started walking again in the direction we just came from.   “
Come on.  Follow me.” 

I
groaned.  “Is there a bus, or something?” I asked because we sure did a lot of walking around here.  I was getting very tired, and I was wearing flip flops.  I am so not used to this.  I’m from L.A, and unless we’re walking our dogs, nobody really walks in L.A.

“No
.  There is no bus.” 

“How about any other mode of public transportation?”  Seriously.  I’d probably ride a unicycle if this place
had one.

“No,” said the dead girl.

Okay, then.  Moving on…

Hours later, we finally reached our second and hopefully, our last destination.  I stared at the ten bookshelves in front of us.

“Small selection you’ve got here,” I said.

“
Come on.  Let’s go find your book.” 

The girl walked around the bookshelves
while occasionally looking at the front of the bookshelves.  Each book had a name in gold ink on the binding, and I helped her look for my name.

“It’s not organized by alphabet,” she said. “Ah, here it is.”  S
he went up on her tiptoes.  Reaching up, she picked out a white book.  I held my breath.  This was a very special book:  It was hardback, about four inches thick, and the best part about it?  It was mine. 

             
“Gimme it,” I said, reaching for my book with eager hands.

“Not if you want to go back,” the
dead girl said as she held the book out of my reach.  “Paige, the best part of living any life is that your future is unknown.  If I give
this
to you and allow you to read it, how could you possibly want to go back when you already know your ending?”

“Okay,
” I said, “but only because you actually make sense.” It’s like watching the ending of a movie first.
Who wants to do that?

             
The girl flipped through the book, running her fingers on the pages. “I can speed read.  That’s why I’m here.  It’s useful sometimes.”

             
I nodded.  Well and good.  She walks slow, but she reads fast.  Makes no sense. 

             
“Who wrote my book, anyway?” I asked. 

             
“That would be Fate.”

             
Well, of course.
That makes so much sense. Fate seemed to be the answer to all of my questions. 
Why was I born? Fate.  Why did I die?  Well, that would be Fate.  Why am I here?  You got it… Fate.

Maybe I could make some suggestions to Fate, like skip the entire book and go directly to the big screen.  That way, Fate can sell me some popcorn and nachos while I watch my life unfold on screen instead of reading it from a book… and James Cameron can direct my movie. Just a thought.

             
“I think the white books are the most dull,” the girl said. 
Wait!  Did she just call me dull? No, she didn’t!
I was just going to say something very witty, but the girl raised her index finger up in the air.

“
Hold on,” she said.  Then, she looked at me, with her eyes all big and round.  “You’re not supposed to be here.”

B
ingo.  “So, send me back. I just want to be Paige Harper again.”  I didn’t know if what I was asking was even possible, but I really wanted to go back.  

The girl closed my book and placed it back on the shelf.  There was a book sitting next to mine on the shelf that caught my attention.  It was sparkling, and it was silver. I read the name in gold ink:
Wyatt Mason
.  I watched in awe as the book attached itself to mine on a bookshelf; it was like a magnet.    

“Who’s Wyatt Mason?” I asked.

But the girl ignored me.

“Hello,” I said.  “Who’s Wyatt Mason?”

The girl shook her head. 

“The book next to mine,” I said as I pointed to the book in question. “Who is Wyatt Mason?”  Our books now looked like they were bound together; they were one.

“Paige, y
ou are not supposed to know.  The best thing about life is the surprise.  Just leave it, okay?”

I sighed.  Being in the Library sure is exasperating.
 

“Fine,” I said, but I made a mental note to Google Wyatt Mason the minute I got back. 

“Are you really from L.A.?”

I nodded. 
“Look it,” I said, pointing to the word ‘Lakers’ on my black hooded sweatshirt.

“
I could probably send you back,” the girl said, “but you need to do something when you get back to L.A.”

“
Anything.”

The
dead girl smiled, and she gave me a set of instructions that she made me commit to memory.  “Promise me that you will do this for me, Paige.”  

“I promise
. Cross my heart and hope to die again.”  I made a mark over my heart with one index finger and grinned.  

She stared at me as she still debated sending me back.
Seriously, I didn’t know what else she was worried about.  I wasn’t supposed to be here.  It seemed like I’ve been in this place far too long already, and I needed to go back to my family...  and to Luke. 

Even in this place, I know that my love for Luke was real.  I remember loving him in two of my lifetimes. I waited a thousand years to see him again, and it wasn’t fair that our time together was
always cut short.

“
I need to go back.  Send me back,” I said, “please.”   

And l
uckily, even in the Library, the word ‘please’ was still the magic word.