To Love and to Cherish (24 page)

But how did she
feel
about Jared? Not the lovemaking, not his saying she was beautiful and desirable. What did she feel about
him
? He loved his nephew, respected his friends, was a good boss, and worked hard to ensure their futures. That caused her to admire and respect him, but was that the limit of her feelings toward him? Could Naomi have seen what she couldn't?

The answer surprised her. That was only the beginning. Her feelings went far beyond that. She liked being with him. She only had to think of being in his arms and she went soft and hot inside. Bringing his face to mind invariably caused her to smile. She always felt protected when she was with him. Much to her surprise, she'd started to feel more at home at the ranch than in her own house. She preferred being there, might have moved there if it wouldn't have caused such an uproar. Why should she feel that way when she had her own home and prized her independence?

Because she loved him.

***

Jared didn't know what to make of Dr. Kessling coming to the ranch. He went down the steps to greet the doctor as he tied his horse to the hitching post. “I'm glad to see you, sir, but I don't think anyone here is in need of a doctor.”

Kessling extended his hand in greeting. “It seems our community believes being a doctor isn't enough to take up my time. They think I ought to become a banker.”

“I was surprised when I heard that.”

“Glad it has affected you the same way it did me. Let's go inside. Winters out here are crazy. It's cold one day then hot a few days later, only to go back to being cold again. It's a miracle half the town isn't sick. But they're all healthy, so I have time to learn what it means to handle other people's money.”

“I'm surprised Norman hasn't tried to have you murdered.”

The doctor laughed. “I'm sure he would if he thought there was any chance I would succeed.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Let's sit down with a cup of hot coffee, then I'll tell you. It's a long story. Where's Laurie?” he asked when Jared returned with the coffee.

“She's so determined to learn how to run a ranch she talked Steve into showing her around this afternoon. She thinks I'm too protective.”

“I don't know how she can think that when the first thing you showed her was a bull being castrated.”

Jared couldn't help being irritated. “Is there anything that happens here that everybody in Cactus Corner doesn't know?”

“Not much. We've known each other all our lives, so we're famished for anyone new to talk about.”

“Sounds like where I grew up in Texas.”

“I guess all small towns are the same. Or at least they were before the war.” The doctor sighed. “That changed a lot for us. You, too, since you didn't go back to Texas.”

“I might have if my family hadn't died. That made the quest to find my brothers all the more important.”

“Naomi said Colby was resistant to the idea.”

“But he agreed to write his parents. Maybe he'll find something to help.”

“Don't get your hopes up. Colby says they did everything they could to make him forget he had any other family.” The doctor took a swallow of his coffee. “Now to why I'm here.”

Jared set his coffee down and turned to face the doctor.

“You know Norman has refused to give Laurie access to her inheritance because of the will Noah left. He could have given Laurie a generous allowance and still honored the spirit of Noah's will, but Norman can't do anything without trying to prove he's in control. It doesn't matter that he continues to infuriate people. But you don't want to know all of that. People in town are really angry about this, angry enough to do something. And that something has been to start a new bank. And they'd decided I'm the one to do it.”

“I agree with them,” Jared said. “You are universally liked and trusted.”

“That might not continue to be true if I manage to pull this bank business off. In any case, what I have to do first is find enough depositors to actually open a bank. I'm here to ask if you will transfer your accounts to us and if you'll use your influence to get Fort Verde to do the same.”

It hadn't taken Jared long to guess the object of the doctor's visit, but he hadn't expected to be asked to talk to the people at the fort. It left him in a ticklish position.

“I'll be frank with you. I hope you succeed. Norman needs the competition and everybody else needs a banker who's at least polite to his customers, but I can't help you. I'm hoping Norman will give me a loan. Helping you would guarantee he would turn me down again.”

“Suppose the new bank could give you the money you need?”

“You can't.”

“You need that much?”

“Yes.”

“Everybody knows you want to buy Herefords, but are you sure spending that kind of money is wise when you already have longhorns?”

Jared supposed he'd have to get used to everyone knowing his business, but he wasn't going to like it. “It's an investment in the future.”

“Whose future?”

Jared could guess that people in town might suspect his relationship with Laurie had developed into something more. It was time to set the record straight. “This ranch represents everything my nephew and I could salvage from Texas as well as the little money the men working for me were able to scrounge up. It represents all our futures. Longhorns would enable us to make a bare living. That might be fine for me, but not for Steve and the others. They're not ranchers. Herefords would give them a chance for a life of their own choosing.”

“I wish you success, but I hate to see you depending on Norman.”

“So do I, but it's our best chance.”

The doctor set his coffee down and rose. “I won't bother you any longer. But if you change your mind—or Norman changes his—come see me.”

Jared laughed, but he didn't feel lighthearted. “If Norman turns me down, you can be sure I'll do everything I can to get the fort to give its business to you.”

“And Laurie?”

“What about her?”

“You've got to know Norman won't give you that loan as long as she's working for you. She took a gamble with her reputation by coming here. It hasn't helped her relationship with Norman, either.”

Jared decided it would save time and confusion if he convened a town meeting every time he wanted to discuss his private business. “Laurie is a wonderful woman who deserves everyone's respect and admiration. I hope Norman will treat her more generously if she stops working here.”

“I understand you're courting Martha Simpson. How does Laurie feel about that?”

Jared struggled to keep command of his temper. “I'm not
courting
Martha. We only had dinner once.”

“In Cactus Corner, that's courting.”

Jared decided it was useless to argue that. “Norman has made it plain that I won't get the loan as long as Laurie is working for me. Laurie has made it equally plain to all of us she has no intention of marrying again.”

“Have you asked her?”

Jared was finding it nearly impossible to keep a civil tongue in his head. What made this man think being a doctor gave him the right to pry into people's personal business? “I haven't asked
anybody
to marry me.”

“Then it's about time you consider it. Endangering one woman's reputation won't enhance yours. Endangering
two
will get you ostracized.”

Jared wanted to say he'd never done anything to endanger either woman's reputation, but he knew that wasn't true. He could only stare mutely at the doctor.

“Martha is new to our community,” the doctor told him, “but Laurie has been one of us since her birth. The mere fact that we would attempt to start a bank in competition with Norman should show you how strongly we feel about her.”

“Why are you asking me these questions? Have either Laurie or Martha said anything to indicate they're upset with me?”

“You don't know Laurie very well if you think she would complain about you to anyone.”

“I
do
know her, which is why I'm confused.”

“Laurie had an unfortunate marriage which makes it hard for her to see clearly sometimes. We're just looking out for her.”

“And you think I'm not?”

“Have you talked with her about this loan and how it will affect her?”

“I've been trying to think of a way of saying it.”

“What's wrong with telling her Norman won't give you the loan unless she stops working here? She might not like it, but she can certainly understand the position you're in.”

There were so many things wrong with doing that Jared didn't know where to begin, but nearly every explanation would make him look selfish and uncaring. He would admit to being selfish for the benefit of Steve and his men, but he wasn't uncaring of Laurie's feelings. That's why he hadn't talked to her yet.

Honesty compelled him to admit that wasn't the only reason. He liked Laurie and enjoyed being around her. And it wasn't simply because she was a great cook or the most satisfying sexual partner he'd ever had. She could be funny and serious, ambitious and accommodating, shy yet forceful, uncertain yet know exactly how she felt or what she wanted. For the first time in his life he had found companionship and physical satisfaction in the same woman.

“It might look like an easy thing just to say it like that, but it's not. Steve adores Laurie. I don't think he would speak to me if he thought I'd caused her to leave. You couldn't find four more different men than those who work for me, but they would lay down their lives for her. For them, breakfast and supper are the best times of the day. And not just because Laurie is a great cook. She listens to them, asks questions, and remembers what they say. They know she cares about them. This place wouldn't be the same without her.”

The doctor showed no sympathy. “They're going to be without her, so you might as well bite the bullet. Putting it off isn't going to make things any easier.”

“And what if I tell her she has to leave and Norman decides not to give me the loan? Do you think she'd come back?”

“Norman will do what he wants despite its effect on others, so I can't help you there. I don't know what Laurie would do, but you've got to talk to her.”

“I know. I'm being selfish. You can't know what a difference she's made in our lives.”

“Then tell Norman to go to hell, and ask her to marry you.”

“I'm not in love with her, nor is she in love with me. Not that it matters since she says she won't marry again.”

“That's what she told Naomi, too, but Naomi doesn't believe it. In any case, talk to her.”

With that, the doctor took his leave.

Jared watched him mount up and ride away, but his mind wasn't on the doctor. It was where it seemed to be most of the time lately—on Laurie. Jared wondered how it was possible to be so powerfully affected by a woman he didn't love. He admired her, respected her, wanted her, and found it nearly impossible to face being without her. Just thinking about her caused his body to swell with desire. It was difficult trying to imagine being married because no other woman could measure up to Laurie. Did that mean he was condemned to be single for the rest of his life?

***

“I wondered how long it would take Norman to come to you about the bank,” Naomi said to Laurie. “I hope you told him to go to hell.”

Laurie laughed at her cousin's indignation. The meeting with Norman had actually been fun. “I told him it was his own fault, that no one would have thought of opening a new bank if he had given me my money or a decent allowance.”

“What did he say?”

“The same thing he always says, that he's following the provisions of Noah's will.”

“What did you say to that?”

“I told him I had nothing to say to him until he decided to give me complete control of my money. He finally said he would think about it if I would agree to keep the money in his bank. I told him it wouldn't be complete control until I was free to withdraw it any time I wanted.” Laurie sighed. “I'd agree to keep it anywhere he wanted as long as he would give me a signed agreement that he could no longer deny me access to it.”

“You know he'll renege.”

“He must be desperate. He even said he might drop his opposition to my working at the ranch, but I know that wasn't the truth. Norman is just like Noah. He'll promise anything, but once he makes up his mind about something, he'll never change it.”

They were interrupted by Colby coming into the house accompanied by Peter and Esther. The children raced to Naomi.

“Papa got lots of packages,” Peter announced.

Esther was equally excited. “They're in the wagon outside. You gotta come see.”

Naomi hadn't missed Colby's stunned and puzzled expression. “What's this about? Who's sending you packages?”

“My mother.”

“Your mother!” Naomi exclaimed. “I can't believe it. Show me her letter. What did she say?”

“She didn't say anything. She's dead.”

Naomi pointed to the envelope in Colby's hand. “But you said—”

“There's no letter in the envelope. Both my parents are dead. The packages were sent from the sheriff's office.”

“If she didn't leave you a letter, what's in the envelope?”

Colby pulled out a sheet of paper and handed it to his wife. “A statement from a banker in Albuquerque saying he's holding an account in my name with nearly thirty thousand dollars in it.”

Both women gasped. Naomi stared at the paper in disbelief. “I'm surprised you didn't faint. I'm not sure I won't yet. I can hardly take a deep breath.”

“Apparently my father died about a year ago. When my mother got sick, she sold everything and put the money in a bank account with my name on it.”

“I thought she hated you,” Naomi said.

“So did I. She certainly acted like it.”

“Maybe she had a change of heart after you ran away.”

“Maybe, but I wouldn't have thought it likely. I never heard either of them talk about family. Maybe they had no one else to leave it to. I guess I'll never know. Oh, I almost forgot. The sheriff is also sending a trunk she left for me.”

“Maybe there'll be something in it to prove you and Jared are brothers,” Laurie said.

“I don't want you to say anything that might get Jared's hopes up,” Colby said to Laurie. “My parents insisted I forget I had another father and mother. They wouldn't even tell me my name.”

“It's none of my business, but what are you going to do with all that money?” Laurie asked. “You could buy half the town.”

“I don't know, but I'll start by depositing it in the new bank.”

“But that won't help Laurie,” Naomi protested. “Maybe you could promise to deposit it with Norman if he'll give Laurie her money.”

“Do what you want with your money,” Laurie told Colby. “You don't have to worry about me.”

“But if Norman gives Jared his loan—”

“I'll be fine,” Laurie insisted.

“I think Naomi's idea is a good one,” Colby said. “I'm sure it would convince Norman to hand over control of your money.”

“Then Papa wouldn't need to start a second bank,” Naomi said.

“Please don't,” Laurie begged. “Norman has tyrannized this town long enough. It's time something was done to change that. I believe a second bank is the only thing that can penetrate his smug certainty that he's better than everyone else.”

“But what about you?” Colby asked.

“Naomi will tell you why I'm not in immediate danger. Now I think I'd better go home. I'm not feeling very well.”

“I'll have my father check on you,” Naomi offered.

“Don't bother him. If I don't feel better tomorrow, I'll go see him myself.”

***

Laurie went into Jared's office intending to tell him she wasn't feeling well and thought she should go home early. He was reading a letter and looking so pleased with himself she put aside what she'd come to say. “That must be really good news,” she said. “I've never seen you look so happy.”

Jared turned to her, his face wreathed in smiles. “It's the best news I've had in a long time.”

Laurie pulled up a chair next to him. “Tell me about it.”

“It's about Colby. I was thinking he's much too capable to spend his life hauling stuff from one end of the valley to the other. From everything I've seen and what people had said about him, he'd be a perfect marshal for the Arizona Territory.”

“Wouldn't that mean he'd have to move to Prescott or maybe Tucson?”

“I don't know. Since he'd be marshal of the whole territory, maybe he could live anywhere he wanted.”

“Wouldn't he have to be gone a lot?”

“Yeah. I guess Naomi wouldn't like that.”

“Colby wouldn't, either. He's crazy about Naomi and adores his children. Have you talked to him about it?”

“No. I still have some influential friends in the army, but I didn't want to raise his hopes until I was sure.” He handed her the piece of paper. “This letter says I have an inside track on nominating a man for the position.”

Rather than attempt to read the letter, which had been written by someone with very poor penmanship, she glanced down the page. She was about to hand it back when she saw a name that sent chills down her spine. She looked for an explanation, but it wasn't on the page Jared had given her. “Why is Josiah Sinclair's name in the letter?” she asked.

Jared showed surprise. “Do you know him?”

“No. I've just heard about him. Why is he mentioned in the letter?”

“He's apparently wealthy and powerful enough to bring pressure on the army to find out what happened to his son, Raymond. The army said he and another soldier deserted during the war after stealing an army payroll, but Sinclair says his son would never do that. He says his son was romantically involved with Sibyl Spencer. He's convinced that someone from Spencer's Clearing knows what happened to his son. The appointment is mine to offer Colby. All I have to do is find something that will satisfy Sinclair.” Jared paused, staring at Laurie. “What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost.”

“I know Colby wouldn't want a job that would take him away from Naomi and his children.”

“Maybe not, but I have to offer it to him.”

“But according to what you just said, you can't do that until you find a way to satisfy Josiah Sinclair.”

“I suppose that's true.”

“You can't let that man come here. He hates everybody in Cactus Corner because Sibyl refused to marry Raymond.”

“I'm sure he won't come here himself. He'll send someone to investigate for him.”

“You can't let that happen.”

“Why not?”

“He hates us. He only wants to humiliate us.”

“It has to be more than that. You look like you're about to throw up.”

Laurie had known that someday she'd have to tell where she'd found the money. She'd finally relented and told Naomi. It never entered her mind that the money could have had any connection to Raymond Sinclair's disappearance. If Josiah Sinclair sent an agent to Cactus Corner, it would be worse than the time the army colonel came to Spencer's Clearing.

“I can't tell you,” Laurie said. “You just have to tell them you've changed your mind.”

Jared took her hands in his. When she looked away, he gently turned her gaze back to him. “Tell me what happened. I'm sure you didn't do anything wrong.”

“You can't know that.”

“I know you.”

“Well, I
did
do something wrong. Only I didn't know how wrong it was at the time.”

“You'll have to explain that.”

“I will if you promise not to turn me over to the army.”

Jared chuckled. “You'd have to have killed someone for me to do that.”

“I didn't, but someone I love as much as I love anyone did.”

Jared sobered. “Then I know it can't be as bad as you think.”

Taking a deep breath, she said, “Naomi shot a soldier who killed our grandfather and robbed him, and I kept the money I found in his saddlebags.” There, she'd said it. She couldn't take it back. Whatever happened was now out of her hands.

Jared took a moment to absorb the unexpected revelation. “If the soldier really did kill and rob your grandfather, Naomi had every right to shoot him. I'm sure the army agreed.”

“We never told them.”

“Why not?”

“I don't know. The men decided that. I wouldn't have known anything about it if I hadn't been told to put the house back in order. Colby said we should have told the army. He said Naomi wouldn't have been arrested because she was trying to defend her grandfather.”

“Colby knows?”

“Naomi doesn't keep anything from him.”

“Good for her. But what I don't understand is why you think this soldier is connected to Raymond Sinclair.”

“I don't know anything about what Raymond did or what happened to him, but that soldier came to Spencer's Clearing the same night the army said Raymond disappeared. If they were working together, the money I found must have been part of the army payroll. They could put me in jail for stealing.”

“You didn't steal that money. You found it. They can't put you in jail for that.”

“How do you know?”

“I was in the army for seven years. I had command of troops. I know the rules.”

“Did you have to decide what to do about a woman who killed a soldier or a woman who kept stolen money?”

“No, but—”

“Then you can't be sure. If Raymond's father is powerful enough to force the army to keep investigating Raymond's disappearance when they don't want to, he's powerful enough to get us arrested.”

“He's a civilian. He can't force the army to do anything.”

“He already has. And what if Raymond's disappearance is somehow connected with the soldier Naomi shot? Something else happened that night.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Sibyl was in love with Raymond. She swore she would wait for him until the end of the war if she had to. Yet she married Norman Spencer without a single protest the day after they buried our grandfather. She didn't like Norman any more than anybody else did, but when I asked why she married him, all she would say was that she'd changed her mind.”

“You don't believe her?”

“No. She doesn't love him, and he doesn't like her much better.”

“What are you suggesting?”

“I'm not suggesting anything because I don't
know
anything. I'm just worried something terrible will happen if you don't write back and tell them you can't help Josiah Sinclair.”

“You don't think Colby would take the job if I offered it to him?”

“Not if it meant he would have to be away from Naomi and the children. I doubt he would agree to move, either. We've given him the family he never had. He's not going to give that up easily.”

Jared pondered a bit before replying. “If Colby wouldn't take the job, I don't see any reason to risk upsetting everybody. I'll write back and say there's nothing I can do for Mr. Sinclair.”

Laurie was so relieved she jumped up and kissed Jared. Taking advantage of the situation, Jared drew Laurie into his lap and kissed her thoroughly. When he came up for air, he asked, “Is there anything else worrying you? I really like the reward for getting rid of it.”

Laurie laughed and gave him a quick kiss. “I'll be sure to think of something, but right now I'd better start on supper so I can head home early. I started feeling bad yesterday. I want to see the doctor.”

Jared attitude turned serious. “Why didn't you tell me?”

“I was hoping it would go away. I'm never sick.”

“I'll drive you.”

“There's no need for that. I'm not
sick
. I just don't feel well, and I don't like it. It's probably just a cold or something like that.”

“I don't care. I'm going with you.”

But a short while before Laurie was ready to leave, Steve came rushing back to the house. “We found another cougar kill. You said I was to come get you and the rifles so we could go after it before it was done feeding.”

“Go on,” Laurie said when Jared hesitated. “Steve can go with me.”

“Go where?” Steve asked, clearly worried he might miss going after the cougar.

“Laurie's going home early because she's not feeling well. I was going to take her.”

“That's my job,” Steve declared, the lost chance to be part of the hunt for the big cat regretted but put firmly behind him. “Are you sick?” he asked Laurie.

“No, but this queasy feeling is hanging on, and I want to talk to the doctor about it.”

“I'll hitch up the buggy. You and the boys have to remember every minute of the chase,” Steve told Jared. “I want to hear all about it at breakfast.”

“Bloodthirsty brat,” Jared said affectionately. “You be sure to get Laurie safely to the doctor. Now I'd better collect the rifles and go. I don't want a single cougar left on our range when the Herefords get here.”

***

“I started feeling bad last night,” Laurie told the doctor. “It caught me by surprise. I never get sick.”

“Everybody feels bad from time to time,” the doctor said, “even healthy young women.”

“But this came on so sudden.”

“Describe your symptoms as precisely as you can.”

Her symptoms weren't hard to describe—they even didn't sound very bad, but the doctor's expression showed shock, grave concern, then a kind of resignation.

“What is it?” Laurie asked. “Am I going to die?”

“No. You're going to have a baby.”

Laurie was overwhelmed by so many contradictory feelings she couldn't have said how she felt.
Shock
. How could this have happened? Why hadn't she been more careful?
Fear
. What was everybody going to say? What would Jared say?
Embarrassment
. How could she hold up her head in public when everyone would know what she'd been doing? What would she say when Norman and her father pointed a finger and said they'd been right about her all along?

Happiness
. She could hardly wait for the baby to be born. She hoped it would be a boy who would grow up to look just like his father.
Worry
. Where could she go and how soon should she leave?
Resolve
. She refused to live her life as a scarlet woman, nor would she allow her child to be stigmatized because of its birth.