To Love and to Cherish (22 page)

She was certain Norman was using the offer of the loan as a means to persuade Jared to send her away from the ranch. It wouldn't surprise her if Norman refused to give Jared the loan even if he did fire her. She hated the pressure it put on Jared to try to hide what was going through his mind. She couldn't blame him for the choices he was considering any more than she could the decision he would make. It was a business decision, but that didn't mean she had to like it.

Nor did she like the very real possibility that she could soon have no job and no way to invest her money without moving away from Cactus Corner. She couldn't depend on the possibility of a new bank causing Norman to change his mind. The man thought he was infallible. If Jared got his loan, she would be right back where she'd started—in Norman's heartless clutches and unable to do anything about it.

There was also a third problem. She was afraid she was becoming too fond of Jared. There was so much to like about the man it would have been unusual if she
hadn't
grown to like him. Setting aside the fact that he was breathtakingly handsome and a spectacular lover, he was kind, considerate, responsible, and ambitious, and he thought she was beautiful.

Okay, he didn't want to give up his monopoly on running the ranch, but she couldn't hold that against him. He'd unbent far enough to take her as a full partner though she was sure it went against the grain. He'd peeled potatoes, helped with some of the heavy cleaning, and comforted her when she was upset. But he didn't love her, and she was never going to marry again. The prudent thing to do was halt this attachment before it could turn into something troublesome. She had to face the possibility that he wouldn't need her if he got the loan. And if her instinct was right, firing her would be a condition of Norman giving him the loan.

Laurie sat up and reached for her clothes.

Saying she ought to put a stop to her infatuation and doing it were two very different things. She really did like Jared. They were comfortable together. He gave her support and confidence. He valued her contributions. And he was jealous of the attention the other men paid her.

That was a guilty pleasure. During her marriage, she'd gone out of her way to avoid attracting attention. She would have been petrified to have caused anyone to be publicly jealous of Noah. That would have made her life even more miserable.

She pulled her chemise over her head and reached for her dress. Fortunately she'd chosen a dress that fastened down the front. She was dressed in less than a minute. A couple of minutes to repair the damage to her hair, and she was ready to leave the bedroom. As she passed through the doorway, she turned and looked back. That small, plain room had been the arena for her physical and emotional awakening. Whatever happened, it would always have a place in her heart.

***

Laurie was excited. Jared was going to show her part of the ranch, and she would be riding rather than driving her buggy.

Naomi had been in favor of Laurie's desire to learn how to manage a ranch, but she had insisted that Laurie let Colby teach her to ride before Naomi would lend her horse or her sidesaddle. So for the last week, Laurie had spent her evenings with Colby teaching her how to stay in the saddle while Steve made fun of such an awkward way to ride horse. On Sunday they'd gone for a long ride after church. Naomi had borrowed Sibyl's horse, and Peter and Esther had ridden their ponies. They never went beyond a fast trot, but Colby had pronounced Laurie ready to handle the rougher terrain of the ranch.

Jared eyed the sidesaddle with disfavor. “Are you sure you can stay on a horse with this thing?”

“You know I can. You're just looking for an excuse to send me back to the kitchen.”

Jared grinned at her. “I was thinking that you'd be safer riding double with me.”

Laurie laughed. “I will not be seen riding in a man's lap. The thought of the gossip that would start makes me quake.”

Jared sobered. “I don't think much of anything makes you quake.”

Laurie wasn't sure how he meant that. “I'm learning to have a little courage. Now help me into the saddle. I want to see as much as I can before I have to come back and fix supper.”

Once in the saddle, Laurie hooked her leg about the pommel and gathered the reins.

“You look like you've done this before.”

“Naomi made Colby teach me before she would lend me her horse.” She hadn't told Jared what she'd been doing because she wanted to surprise him.

Jared swung into the saddle. “We won't be riding on flat roads or alongside the river. Let me know if you start feeling uncomfortable.”

Not unless she fell out of the saddle first. Riding gave her a sense of freedom, a feeling of control she'd never experienced. Maybe it was the speed. Maybe it was seeing the world from much higher up. Maybe it was no more than controlling an animal bigger and more powerful that herself. After feeling confined for so many years, she felt she could go anywhere she wanted, do anything she wished. She knew it wasn't true, but she loved the feeling.

“Where are we going?” she asked as they rode down the trail toward the river.

“Nowhere in particular. I thought we'd ride along the river and see if we could find anything interesting.”

Laurie gazed up at the Mogollon Rim that rose two thousand feet in the distance. “Are we going up there?”

“No. When it rained down here the other day, it snowed up there.”

She could see snow on the pine trees. It formed a vivid contrast to the mild temperature on the valley floor.

“Okay, teach me how to run a cattle ranch.”

The next hour was as boring as it was exciting. She didn't find talking about soil quality or the amount of rainfall interesting, but it gave her a new way of seeing the world around her. The Verde was no longer just a river. It was the foundation of life in this part of the territory. Grass was no longer a weed, and trees were important for more than lumber. A boulder-choked canyon became an oasis in the desert. Most important of all, a cow became interesting for more than its ability to provide meat.

An unexpected result was that the discussion gave her a new way to see Jared. The more he talked about the ranch and his plans for the future, the more excited he became. She could understand and value what Herefords could do for the quality of the herd, but Jared became so excited he bubbled with energy. His expression became so serious, so intense, she felt like a heathen and he the preacher trying to convert her.

“Do the other men feel the way you do about the ranch?”

His enthusiasm waned. “Steve and Odell like it okay, but the others are here only until they can earn enough money to get a start somewhere else.”

“What will do you when they leave?”

“I don't know. It depends on whether Norman gives me a loan.”

That was something they hadn't discussed. Now seemed like a good time, but noise in the distance gave her thoughts a different direction. Jared brought his horse to a stop. “What's going on?” she asked. “Can't we go see?”

He looked uncomfortable. “It's not something a lady should see.”

“Why? What are they doing?”

“We're reducing the number of longhorn bulls. I don't want any left by the time the Hereford bulls arrive.”

“How are you doing that? I don't hear any shots.”

“We're castrating them.”

She'd had a sheltered existence, but she knew about castration. “I want to see how it's done. I know it's what you do to make steers so they'll gain weight. It's something every rancher needs to know.”

Jared hesitated.

“I'm not going to faint.”

“It's not just that.”

“What?”

“It's a dirty and dangerous job. The men don't watch what they say.”

Laurie wanted to laugh, but she refrained. “It won't be the first time I've heard a curse. My father has never worried about his language around me or my mother.”

“But the men will have to sit across the table from you afterward.”

“Are you worried about me or them?”

“Both.”

“I'll be fine. I expect the men will be, too. Now let's go.”

When he didn't move, she started her horse in the direction of the noise. Jared caught up.

“Let me go ahead and warn them.”

“I'd rather you didn't. I don't want to distract them, and I don't want them to think seeing me where they're working is anything unusual.”

“It will be.”

“Then it's time to change that.”

She could see a cloud of dust before she could see the men. When they reached the clearing in the brush, she saw that the men had surrounded a large bull that was being held to the ground by ropes tied to the saddles of three horses. Clay held a fourth rope around its front legs. Odell was attempting to get a rope around the hind legs. Laurie brought her horse to a stop out of their line of vision. This was no time to cause a distraction.

Their language was colorful, but it was no worse than her father's when he was angry. The men were covered in dust, sweat had soaked Loomis's shirt, and Nick had lost his hat. Steve's face was flushed with excitement. Odell managed to get a rope on the bull's hind legs. He was jerked about like a rag doll until he was able to tie off the rope on a sturdy maple.

“Get the goddamned knife and make it quick,” Loomis shouted at Odell. “This bastard is going to be mad as hell when we let him up.”

A quick slash of the knife caused the bull to bellow in fury. Odell stepped away, tossed the bloody appendage in a bucket, and wiped his forehead with his sleeve.

“Let him up.”

“Not until I'm in the saddle,” Nick said. “We had bulls in Sicily. They could kill a man who was slow to mount up.”

“We'd better get out of the way,” Jared told Laurie. “That bull isn't going to care who he blames.”

The animal sported horns that projected nearly three feet on either side of his head. Laurie didn't want to think of the damage they could do. “How will the men get away?” she asked Jared.

“They'll be on horseback before they release the last ropes. We just need to be a safe distance away. I'm not comfortable with you in that saddle.”

“Would you be more comfortable if I rode astride?” He looked so shocked Laurie couldn't repress a laugh. “Don't worry. I wouldn't embarrass you like that. Now what else can we do? I have about an hour before I have to start supper.”

***

Jared tried not to get his hopes up, but what other reason could Norman have for asking him to come to the bank than to tell him that he was giving him the loan and that they needed to discuss terms? If Norman meant to refuse, he needn't have bothered to meet at all. He certainly wouldn't have asked Jared to make the long ride to town. Jared was already trying to figure out how to tell Laurie he wouldn't need her money. That would be a lot easier than telling her she couldn't work at the ranch any longer. Norman had avoided making that a requirement for getting the loan, but Jared had no doubt that he would soon.

He would miss Laurie. Just thinking about not making love to her caused his body to ache in protest. He'd been with many women in his life, but not one of them came close to giving him the pleasure he enjoyed with Laurie. Her combination of youth, beauty, and physical lushness was almost more than his senses could bear. A man was lucky to find one of the three in most women.

To find all three provided in such generous amounts by the hand of Mother Nature was a miracle. Even now he could practically feel the softness of her skin and the warmth of her embrace. Her smile, whether from across the table or on the pillow next to him, had the power to render him unconscious of anything else. There was so much energy, so much life in her that it was impossible not to be drawn to her.

The men were completely under her spell, and all she had done was cook for them and smile while they ate. She never flirted or behaved improperly in any way, but each one of them felt she had a special fondness for him. She was a sorceress, as powerful as the ancient Circe, able to cast her spell on any man she chose. She had enraptured him more easily than the others and with even less effort. He was under her spell, ensnared in her net, her helpless slave, powerless to resist her.

Yet what if he must? Where would he find the courage and the strength of will to go against something he wanted as much as food to eat, air to breathe? He would give anything to be able to thumb his nose at Norman, but doing so would compromise the futures of the men and Steve, as well as himself. Even if he had been willing to sacrifice his share, he couldn't do that to the others unless he had no choice. And he had choices. He just had to make the best one.

Part of his confusion stemmed from the puzzling coolness Laurie had shown him lately. It was hard to point to anything specific, but he could feel it. It hung in the air between them, invisible but undeniable. Her smile wasn't as warm and didn't always reach her eyes. She seemed to be giving more attention to the men and less to him. She didn't turn to him as quickly when he spoke to her, her answers were shorter, and she took longer to complete her work each day. Their talks in his study had dwindled to little more than an exchange of information about the day.

He couldn't figure out what he'd done to cause this change. When he asked her if she was upset, she assured him she wasn't and wanted to know why he thought she might be. He couldn't just come out and say she wasn't smiling at him as brightly or glancing at him as often. Theirs was a business relationship, not a romantic one. If he'd had any doubts or hopes that had changed, her repeated intention to remain unmarried, despite Steve's daily attempts to change her mind, would have banished them.

It wasn't that he was thinking of asking her to marry him—he hadn't seriously thought of marrying anyone until Norman mentioned it in connection with the loan—but she would have made a perfect wife for him. He hadn't said or done anything to make her think he had marriage in mind because she was adamant she would never marry again. However, things were different now. Would she change her mind if he asked? He wasn't sure. She had seemed to be so happy with him at first, but after making love several times, she seemed to lose interest in him.