To Love and to Cherish (20 page)

“It's still not right,” Naomi insisted.

“I agree, but now can we talk of something else? Have you told Colby your news?”

***

“What's wrong?”

Laurie had been so distracted she hadn't been aware that Jared had returned. She struggled to hide her tears, but it was too late.

“Nothing. I was just feeling sorry for myself.”

Jared tossed his hat and gloves aside. He sat down next to her at the table and took her hands in his. “I'd believe that if Nick hadn't told me he saw Norman riding back to town. He's been here, hasn't he?”

There wasn't much use denying it. “He left about half an hour ago.”

“What did he say to cause you to cry? I swear I'll knock the man down if he comes here again and upsets you.”

“It's not that. I was so angry I told him I hoped his bank would fail. I was crying because he can't take his anger out on me, so I know he's going to make life miserable for Sibyl and her daughter.”

“What's this about his bank failing?”

Laurie shook her head. “It's not going to fail. This whole mess is just a misunderstanding. It's my fault.”

“What misunderstanding? How is it your fault?”

Laurie withdrew her hands long enough to dry her eyes. “Naomi and her family were trying to think of ways to force Norman to give me my money. I told them the only way was to start a new bank. I didn't mean for anyone to take it seriously.”

“I think that's a great idea. What happened?”

“They decided Dr. Kessling was the only one everyone loved and trusted enough to consider going against Norman. He's the only doctor this side of the fort. I was sure he'd be too busy to talk people into giving him their money, much less actually running a bank.”

“What did he do?”

“He went straight to Norman and told him people were urging him to start a new bank because of the way Norman had treated everyone. Norman decided I was the one who'd put Dr. Kessling up to it. He threatened not to give me any money at all until I quit working for you.”

“Can he do that?”

“I told him I'd take him to court, but his father-in-law is the justice of the peace.” Laurie tried to hold back the tears—she wasn't even sure why she was crying—but to no avail. Tears streamed down her face. When Jared pulled her to her feet and took her in his arms, she folded herself into his embrace. “I just feel so helpless,” she told him. “I know that sounds foolish when I have so many relatives in Cactus Corner, but Noah was so jealous he practically cut me off from everyone. I was afraid to do or say anything he didn't like because it just made living with him worse. Now Norman's determination to control me has practically made me leave town.”

“You have lots of friends here. Steve would attack Norman with his bare hands if he hurt you. I think Loomis or Nick would resort to a more effective method.”

“What would you do?” Was that fair to ask? She didn't know, but she had to ask it anyway.

“Whatever is necessary. You're very important to me, too.”

Impulse caused Laurie to stand on her tiptoes and give Jared a kiss of thankfulness for his support. What she unleashed was quite different. Jared's arms tightened around her with a suddenness that left her dazed, but it was his kisses that left her breathless. She hadn't forgotten the night she spent in his arms. The night Norman stayed at the ranch, she had lain awake for hours imagining what might have happened if Norman hadn't been there. It had left her tired and fretful the next day.

“I've been thinking about holding you in my arms, kissing you, making love to you every minute since the night it snowed,” Jared whispered. “I even imagined following you home and making love to you all night long.”

“I thought of the same thing,” Laurie confessed. “Does that make me an awful woman?”

“No more than it makes me an awful man,” Jared assured her.

Despite Jared's assurances, it wasn't easy to forget all the things Noah had said about her. She held Jared more tightly, hoping that his nearness and acceptance would drive out all memory of Noah's words. It was so much easier when his arms were around her, when she felt safely sheltered in his embrace. His kisses made her feel desirable.

She didn't object when he lifted her off the ground and carried her to Steve's old bedroom.

She had expected he would want to make love to her immediately. Instead, he lay down beside her, put his arms around her, and started kissing her once more.

“I could stay here all afternoon,” Jared said.

She wished they could, too, but it wasn't possible. “I don't need all afternoon. A kiss and your arms around me can make me forget just about anything.”

“Even Norman?” Jared asked.

“Especially Norman.”

They both laughed.

Jared nuzzled her neck. “Do you really like me kissing and holding you?”

She tried to sit up, but he wouldn't let her. “If I didn't, I'd have slapped your face and demanded that you find Steve so he could take me home at once.”

“I would stop if you asked.”

“I don't want you to stop. I thought that was clear.”

“I just wanted to be sure.”

“I've never felt as alive or been as happy as when I've been in your arms. It's the only time everything seems right with me. The rest of the time, something is always out of alignment.”

“You're too beautiful to feel like that.”

“Beauty has nothing to do with it, and I wish you'd stop saying that all the time. It makes me wonder if you can see anything but my face or my body.”

“There's a great deal more to you than that, and every one of us here at the ranch is aware of it. I can't tell you what a difference you've made since you've been here.”

“I'm glad. I like the men.”

“They like you.” He kissed her. “More than I would like. One of these days I may have to have a talk with Loomis.”

“Don't you dare. He's a sweet man.”

“Am I a sweet man?”

“That's not a word I'd use to describe you.”

“What words would you use?”

“I'll have to think about that. A kiss might inspire me to think faster.”

The longer Jared's kiss lasted, the less Laurie wanted to think about anything but kissing him back. After being afraid of a man's touch, it was hard to believe she couldn't get enough. It was like there was a deep hole inside her that needed filling.

“Have you thought of the words yet?”

“I don't want to think. I just want you to kiss me until I can't think at all.”

Jared took her at her word. By the time he came up for breath, she wasn't sure she could breathe. It wasn't just that his lips touched hers or that his warmth flooded her body. It felt like he had staked a claim to her, that he wanted her to know she belonged to him. It wasn't that he would hold her by force. She would belong to him because she didn't want to be anywhere else.

A thrill raced through her when his hands covered her breasts. His heat penetrated her clothing as though it wasn't there. She trembled all over when his kisses traveled across her jaw and down the side of her neck. She couldn't wait for him to undo the buttons down the front of her dress, so she undid them herself. A quick tug at the tie holding her shift closed exposed her breasts to his hungry gaze. His hot hands on her heated flesh ratcheted up the tension until she felt ready to snap.

“I love your breasts,” he murmured. “They're perfect.”

He covered one breast with kisses before moving to the other. Laurie was unable to lie still. Her body writhed in an orgy of deliciously sensual sensations. She pressed herself against Jared, loving his strength, his heat, his need for her. It was all so new, yet it felt so right. How could Noah have thought anything about this was indecent? It was the most wonderful experience of her life, a revelation of what the relationship between a man and a woman should be. Noah had let his prejudices deny him the chance to discover a part of himself that should have been as natural as breathing. For the first time, she could find it in her heart to feel sorry for him.

Or she would have if she'd had the ability to give him more than a passing thought. Jared's attentions to her breasts had become more assertive. Unwilling to confine his attention to kisses, he had begun to lave her nipples with his tongue. She wanted to tear his clothes from his body, to cover it with her hands and her kisses, to wrap herself around him and never let go. There were needs she couldn't gratify, feelings she didn't understand, wants that remained tantalizingly beyond the edge of conscious thought. Yet despite the confusion and lack of answers, she'd never felt more alive, more eager to discover what life had so far withheld from her.

With Jared, all of that seemed possible.

“I thought I knew what making love to a woman was all about,” Jared whispered, “but I didn't understand anything at all until I met you. I was just going through the motions, waiting for someone to make me understand what they meant.”

“I've been locked away somewhere, unable to move forward or backward, unable even to breathe, waiting for you to come along and tear open the prison door. I feel liberated. You've given me my life back. I'll be eternally grateful for that.”

Jared paused. “You make me sound better than I am.”

“Not to me.”

The kisses they shared were sweeter than ever, more tender than before. Need was still there, but so was compassion, a sharing of what they had come to mean to each other. Laurie wished she could remain right where she was forever. No more doubt or the need for constant proof of her value as a person in her own right. She didn't have to be someone's wife or daughter. Jared had helped her feel she finally was a whole person.

Laurie flinched when Jared took her nipple into his mouth. It was a strange sensation, one that was slightly uncomfortable as well as very sensual—a feeling that made her want more and less at the same time. A wave of desire swept over her only to crash and evaporate at an unwelcome sound.

“Miss Laurie, where are you?”

Jared froze. What was Steve doing home so early? Pulling away from Laurie, he scrambled to his feet and straightened his clothes. “Stay here,” he whispered to her. “I'll think of some reason why you had to lie down.”

She looked horror-stricken. He could choke Steve for making Laurie feel this way.

“You're…” She gestured to his crotch.

It was obvious he was highly stimulated, but shock would take care of that in seconds. “Stay here as long as you need.”

“What are you going to tell him? He's bound to see you come out of this bedroom.”

“I'll think of something.”

Hoping he now looked presentable, Jared left the bedroom barely in time to keep Steve from going in.

“What were you doing in there?” Steve asked. “Where is Miss Laurie?”

Jared closed the door before Steve could look inside. “Let's go to the kitchen.”

“Why?”

“Laurie isn't feeling well so I told her to lie down.”

“Is she sick? I can go for the doctor.”

“There's no need for that. I think it's her time of the month.”

“Her what?”

“You know. It has to do with women being able to have babies.”

“Oh. I see.”

Jared wasn't sure he did. That part of Steve's education might have gotten overlooked in the upheavals of the past few years. “I was just checking on her. She says she's feeling better and will be up before long.”

“I don't think she ought to get up,” Steve said. “I think she ought to stay here until she gets well.”

“Let's hope she feels better soon, or we'll have Norman out here to make sure nothing happens to her.”

“I'd rather have Colby.”

“So would I. What brought you back to the house so early?”

“Odell wanted me to tell you he saw some puma tracks. He thinks we ought to set up a night camp to see if we can catch it.”

“Did he find any kills?”

“One.”

“Cougars come back to their kills, so we'll set up a camp somewhere we can watch for it. Otherwise we'd probably never see it again.”

“Can I stay out with Odell?”

“I think Nick had better do it. He's used to hunting in the Louisiana swamps at night. I think he can see in the dark.”

Cheated of his chance for adventure, Steve's attention turned back to Laurie. “Are you sure she's all right? Maybe you'd better check on her.”

“I was in there just a few minutes ago.”

“She could have gotten worse.”

“She said she was better, and that she'd be up soon to start supper.”

“I think we ought to cook and take her supper to her.”

Jared laughed and felt more relaxed. “I doubt she could eat anything we fixed. If she tried, it would probably make her feel worse.”

“Don't we have some leftovers?”

Laurie entered the kitchen in time to hear Steve's question. “We have plenty of leftovers, but not enough to feed this crew.”

Steve rushed over to Laurie. “Are you sure you should be up?” He moved closer until they were nose to nose. “You look a little pale.”

“I told him it was your time, you know.”

Fortunately Laurie was able to guess what he meant. Then she did go pale, but Jared was sure it was from embarrassment.

“I knew it,” Steve declared. “You're about to faint.”

Laurie pushed him away. “I'm not about to faint, but if you don't give me room to breathe, I might.”

Steve jumped back. Jared felt guilty for putting the boy through this. It was his fault. If he had kept his lust under control, Steve wouldn't be worried and Laurie wouldn't be embarrassed. He decided right then that he was going to control himself. What would have happened if Steve had come looking for them without calling out first? He didn't even want to think about it.

Steve looked confused about what to do next, but that changed quickly. “Odell found puma tracks. I wanted to stay out to see if it turned up tonight, but Jared said Nick ought to stay on account of him hunting in swamps at night.”

“I can imagine few things worse than hunting in swamps, day or night, or waiting around for a cougar to decide whether it wanted to eat me or a cow with very long horns and sharp hooves. Since I don't have either, it would probably choose me.”

Steve laughed so hard both Laurie and Jared smiled. With that, the tension melted away.

But Jared's desire remained unsatisfied.

***

Later, Jared tossed his pen aside with a curse and pushed back from his desk. He didn't like what he saw, but the figures didn't lie. If Laurie got half the income of the ranch, it would leave too little for the rest of them to divide. He wouldn't have enough to ultimately buy out her half, the men wouldn't have enough to go out on their own, and Steve would end up with less than he had before they left Texas. If Jared could avoid the mistakes the previous owner had made, would he be better off sticking with longhorns? Even if he didn't make much money, all the income would be theirs. But would that income be more than he'd make with Laurie owning half the ranch? That was a question he couldn't answer.

The better solution would be for Norman to give him the loan. With the full income from the ranch, Jared could pay off the loan and have more left for himself, Steve, and the men. He hated to think of letting Laurie down, but the future of six men was at stake. He couldn't let sentiment, or lust, cloud his judgment. Besides, it wasn't like he was taking anything from Laurie. She would still have her money to invest in a different way. There was no other solution. He had to go to Cactus Corner and see if he could talk Norman into granting the loan.

Jared had argued with himself the whole way into town, but he kept coming up with the same unsatisfactory answer. His thoughts were derailed when he reached the main street and saw Martha Simpson struggling to hold on to her hat in the wind without dropping her packages. Amused, he quickly dismounted and tied his horse to the rail.

“Let me help you.”

Martha Simpson's smile was dazzling. “Thank you so much. I was hoping some gentleman would come along and offer to help. I would pick the time when everyone is having lunch to do my shopping.”

Jared took both packages. “That's a pretty hat. It would be a shame to lose it.”

Martha readjusted her hat and tied it securely under her chin. “Especially since I just bought it. My father said it was far too expensive, that it was a sign of vanity.” She sighed. “I fear I must plead guilty. But a girl needs to look her best if she wants to attract the attention of the right man, doesn't she?”

Maybe others did, but Laurie didn't need fancy hats or dazzling smiles to start his heart racing. “Yes, I agree.”

Her hat securely on her head, Martha retrieved her packages. “I'd better hurry home. I'm sure at least half a dozen people are watching us this very minute. To see an unmarried young woman blushing as she walks with a man—especially one who has just offered to carry her packages—will start half the town gossiping. By suppertime everyone will believe we're walking out. By breakfast tomorrow we'll be engaged.”

Jared was surprised she appeared so ill at ease with that eventuality. “I'm sure you wouldn't make such an important decision that quickly.”

She sighed. “I wouldn't get the chance. My father expects a long and very public courtship followed by a long and very public engagement culminating in a simple yet very public wedding.”

She looked so crestfallen he couldn't help but smile. “I take it you object.”

“I think falling in love is a private affair between the two people who are in love. It shouldn't need to be displayed to the whole community for their approval. Nor do I believe it has to be drawn out for more than a year. Do you agree with me?”

The sudden shift surprised him. “Most emphatically. I think two people can fall in love almost instantly, but getting married is never simple. There are questions to be answered, conflicts to be resolved that would become awkward if they had to be worked out in the public eye. Everybody would have their own opinion, but the only important opinions are those of the two people in love.” He didn't want to think of what public opinion would say about his relationship with Laurie.

“I'm so happy you agree with me I could kiss you.”

Her unexpected response caused Jared to chuckle. “That really would start the gossips going.”

“I wouldn't care.”

Jared had thought Martha was very pretty the first time he met her and hadn't hesitated to say so, but if she was
really
flirting, this was moving too fast even for him. Unexpectedly she stopped in front of her father's newspaper office.

“Thanks so much for helping me.” She accompanied that with a brilliant smile. “One package is for my mother and the other for my father. They're both in the office today. The weekly newspaper is due out tomorrow.”

“Is there anything newsworthy?”

She tilted her head to the right. “Do you think there should be?”

Jared was undergoing the unaccustomed experience of having a woman move so fast he couldn't keep up. It left him feeling unmanned. “As long as it's good news.”

“Isn't love always good news?”

“Not always, especially in the eyes of others.”

“Then I must be careful to keep it out of sight. Thanks again.”

She went inside, leaving Jared feeling shell-shocked. He was used to women showing an open interest in him, but never had one appeared to pursue him so openly. He was even more surprised to find he wasn't comfortable with it.

***

“I haven't made up my mind about the loan yet,” Norman told Jared. “There are some things happening that make me uneasy about lending such a large amount of money at this time.”

“What things?” Jared didn't think Norman was referring to a competing bank because Laurie had said that wasn't likely to happen.

“I'm not free to discuss them just now, but things could change at any moment.”

Jared got the feeling Norman really was genuinely worried, but he didn't trust the man. “I can't wait much longer for you to make up your mind. The herd will be coming through the territory sometime in the next few weeks. If I don't have the money, I'll lose my chance to buy it.”

“I still don't see why you insist on Herefords.”

Jared struggled to rein in his anger and frustration. “I've already explained that.”

“Tell me again.”

Jared signed in exasperation. “The previous owner of the ranch said longhorns didn't carry the kind of weight he needed to make a profit with the limited grass in the valley. This ranch is a partnership that includes my nephew and the four men who work for me. We'll put every dollar we have left into the herd. Herefords are the only breed that can make a substantial profit here.”

“How do you know? No one else has brought them into Arizona.”

“They've been used with success in other dry areas.”

“Why can't you buy a few and see how they do?”

“As you said, there aren't any Herefords in Arizona. The man bringing this herd intended to take them to California without realizing the difficulties. I believe he'll sell the whole herd here for a discounted price, but he won't sell part of it knowing he has to take the rest to California anyway. It's all or nothing, and I don't have enough money to buy them all.”

Norman stared at his hands, his mind seemingly on something else.

“Is this about Laurie working for me?”

That brought Norman out of his abstraction. “I've made it plain from the first that I disapproved of Laurie working for you. It endangers her reputation.”

“Are you saying you won't give me the loan as long as Laurie continues to work for me?”

“If you were married, there wouldn't be any need for Laurie to work for you.”

Jared's thoughts skidded to a halt. “I haven't said anything about marrying. I haven't fallen in love with anyone.”

“It's not necessary to fall in love to marry,” Norman said. “To my way of thinking, it would be a distraction. Emotions are very fragile things that change without warning. It's better to think of marriage as a business proposition.”

“Are you saying I ought to marry a woman for her money?”

Norman seemed to be losing patience. “I'm saying you shouldn't think of marrying Laurie for her money.”

Jared took a moment while he struggled to swallow his instinctive response. “I'm not thinking of marrying anyone, with or without money. I certainly can't be planning to marry Laurie for her money. She's working for me because she doesn't have any. You have it all.”

“That's not true,” Norman announced with unnecessary emphasis. “It's simply a misunderstanding. Women can't understand matters of finance like a man can. I've explained that I will take care of everything for her, which is what my brother's will directed me to do.”

“As Laurie sees it, she doesn't have any money. You shouldn't be surprised if she marries to change that.”

“Laurie will remain a widow out of respect for my brother's memory,” Norman declared. “That's why it's important that she stop working for you. It's embarrassing to have a Spencer working as a cook and housekeeper.”

“Again, are you saying you won't give me the loan as long as Laurie works for me?”

Norman was still evasive. “I'm saying you ought to get married. Then you wouldn't need Laurie or any other woman to work for you. Be assured I am considering your request for a loan, but I can't give you a decision just yet.”

Jared found himself outside on the boardwalk wondering just what it would take to convince Norman to give him the loan. It was clear he
wasn't
going to grant the loan as long as Laurie was working for Jared, but it wasn't clear that he
would
grant the loan if Jared asked her to leave. That put him in a difficult position.