To Please the Doctor (27 page)

“
I really must go.
”
Jill rose to her feet with an abrupt movement.
“
No
...
please, don
’
t get up. I can find my own way.
”
She waved Duncan McRey back.
“
Please, I
’
d rather
...
”
Before he could reach her side or Harriet could detain her, she had nodded a brief farewell to them both and hurried from the room.

CHAPTER
SEVENTEE
N

As
J
ill looked
round her ward on Christmas Eve it did not need Brenda
’
s assurance to tell her that the decorations were delightful and the tree a sight to gladden any child
’
s heart. Apart from a few snatched hours with Terry, she had worked, hard, and now, although already well past the hour when she usually left the ward, there were still things to be done before she could close her office door behind her and seek the tranquility of her own room.

It was unusual for Jill to be on duty late, and an atmosphere of peace and quietude—rarely met with during the daylight hours, lent the ward an air of unfamiliarity. Most of the children, happily exhausted by the unusual diversions of the day, lay sleeping in their cots, some with their arms flung over the covers in the abandon of sleep and others with their heads buried deep in their pillows with only a tuft of hair showing above the sheets. One or two moved restlessly in their dreams, perhaps dwelling on the promise of the morrow, the image of the tree, with its laden branches still visible in their unconscious thoughts.

“
We
’
d better be getting on.
”
Brenda
’
s whisper recalled Jill to the present.
“
I don
’
t know how
you
feel, but my back is almost breaking, and we
’
ve still got those sweets to parcel up
...
I
’
ve tried to work it out: I think we can allocate about a dozen to each child
...
”

Although Brenda went on speaking Jill scarcely heard what she said. Her thoughts were still elsewhere. A hundred c
o
nfli
ct
in
g
ideas turned round incessantly in her mind.

At the door she paused to look back along the ward. The shaded lights reflected the white coverlets on the beds, and the branches of the tree, dominating the centre of the ward, cast long shadows across the polished floor. The coloured fairy bulbs were, as yet, unlighted, but the ceiling lamp, although shaded, caught the loops of
silver tinsel and the coloured glass decorations scintillated like myriads of diamonds. From some distance—probably at some point outside the main building—the carol singers had started on their round, and the melodi
o
us and satisfying sound of
“
Good King Wenceslas
”
came
clear
ly across the night. Jill felt strangely stirred. It was all so familiar, and yet, even in its familiarity, deeply moving.

“
Come on,
”
Brenda urged.
“
Let
’
s try and get clear before Night Sister turns up. You know what a chatterbox she is, we
’
ll never get away once she starts talking.
”

Recognizing the wisdom of the remark, Jill moved away and let the swing doors of the ward close to behind her. She felt unable to define her own emotional reactions to what was, after all, a routine of her nursing years. Somehow this Christmas seemed different, and although its spirit stirred her, she remained aware of a sense of depression. She knew it to be wrong ... even unjustified. Terry
’
s presence during the past two days should have filled her cup to overflowing, his stay was proving a greater success than she had ever dared hope, and she had never known Nana so contented nor Terry so uproariously happy. She had managed to see so much of them, too. Being so very near made it possible to spend every spare moment with him and, at Duncan McRey
’
s suggestion, she was having most of her meals in Terry and Nana
’
s company. She knew the futility of probing into her unhappiness. For the first time in her life she knew jealousy in all its crude reality, felt its tearing pain every time she thought of Harriet and Duncan McRey.

“
What
’
s the matter,
Sister
...
are you tired?
”
Brenda asked as Jill sank dejectedly into her chair, a long-drawn sigh escaping from her lips.

“
Yes, I suppose I am.
”
Jill forced a smile and, pulling herself together, concentrated on the monotonous job of counting out sweets and consigning each little pile to a paper bag, tied at the neck with coloured string.

“
Aren
’
t the carols beautiful?
”
Brenda went on, pausing to listen.
“
I
’
m glad we can hear them here
...
That high solo was Sister Dovekin. She
’
s got a lovely voice, hasn
’
t she?
”

“
Yes
...
”
Jill broke off knotting another packet and setting it aside on the completed pile.
“
It
’
s very good.
”

“
Sister
...
please may I call you Jill now we are off duty?
”

“
Of course.
”
Jill tried to sound friendly, but her voice held a note of apathy.
“
Do by all means.
”

“
I can
’
t help worrying about you ... I mean these last two days you
...
well, you seem so despondent ... so
...
depressed.
”
She faltered, ob
v
iously finding it difficult to put her feelings into words, but the look she gave Jill was one of deep and genuine concern.

Jill felt strangely moved. It was odd how this girl, once so antagonistic, had now changed. She was leaving St. Joseph
’
s so soon she would probably never avail herself of this offered friendship, but she felt it lay there, probably all the more sincere for the vicissitudes through which it had passed.
“
Don
’
t worry about me,
”
Jill smiled.
“
I
’
m all right, just a bit under the weather.
”

“
Let
’
s leave these things.
”
Brenda threw down the last package she had handled, with a hint of impatience.
“
I don
’
t see why Night Staff shouldn
’
t do a bit of work too. Come on, let
’
s knock off, leave the rest on the desk as a hint, someone is bound to finish them.
”

“
I believe you
’
re right.
”
Jill rose and, taking her cloak, flung it round her shoulders.
“
I
’
m tired, too. We didn
’
t even stop for tea. I shall go to my room now and make a cup and have it in peace. I don
’
t think I can stand any more Christmas spirit to-night.
”

“
How right you are!
”
Brenda laughed as, with a word to one of the junior night staff, she followed Jill from the building.
“
I suppose I couldn
’
t come along and share your tea
...
I
...
I don
’
t feel much like the Nurses
’
dining hall,
”
she suggested a trifle diffidently.

Although the suggestion was not an entirely pleasing one, Jill hadn
’
t the heart to refuse. Once in the privacy
of
Jill
’
s room it was obvious that Brenda had no intention of being a mere guest, and patting up the cushions in the one armchair, she insisted
th
at Jill get out of her uniform and into a dressing gown, while she went off to boil a ket
tl
e on the gas ring at the end of the passage.

“
Now, please relax, put your feet up and have a nice rest
...
You leave it all to me, I
’
ll find everything
...
borrow and steal if necessary, but we are both going to have a well-earned meal.
”
She laughed as, disregarding Jill
’
s protests, she hurried from the room.

Brenda was certainly true to her word and when, a few minutes later, she returned to Jill
’
s room with a piled tray, Jill stared at her in wide-eyed amazement.
“
Where on earth did you find all that?
”

“
Well
...
”
Brenda began complacently as she set the tray on the edge of the dressing table and pulled forward a chair.
“
I made the tea on the ring at the end of the passage, then I went along to Men
’
s Surgical. I knew Sister was throwing a party—I got the sandwiches and cakes from there—the salad came from the Diet Kitchen. I just took that when no one was looking.
”

“
I must say it looks appetizing. I didn
’
t realize how hungry I was,
”
Jill admitted as she sampled one of the delicious looking sandwiches which Brenda offered her.

While the two girls ate their late tea they spoke of general matters, of the entertainment arranged for the children on the following day, of the service which would be held in the ward, of all the pleasant surprises awaiting the patients. They were sitting hack enjoying their cigarettes when Brenda, glancing round the room, enhanced now with a few of Jill
’
s personal belongings, remarked.
“
You are lucky to be a Sister. Our rooms aren
’
t nearly as large as this, and we aren
’
t allowed to have meals in them even if we want to.
”

“
It isn
’
t exactly encouraged in the Sisters
’
Home!
”
Jill smiled.
“
Anyway, it can
’
t be long now before you get promotion. Perhaps the Sister who takes my place won
’
t settle down here, then I
’
m sure you
’
ll get your chance, but
...”
she added with emphasis,
“
don
’
t you start trying to expedite her departure, you
’
ll never get anywhere that way.
”

“
Don
’
t I know it!
”
Brenda had the grace to blush.
“
I was a pig. I can
’
t think how I could have behaved so badly. You
’
ve been so marvellous about everything. I know I don
’
t deserve it.
”

“
Let
’
s forget it,
”
Jill implored, with no wish to reopen that painful episode.

“
Do you trust me now ... I mean have you really forgiven me?
”
Brenda persisted uneasily.

“
I
’
ve told you I do, so don
’
t let
’
s ever speak of it again.
”

“
If you can think of me as a real friend then I want you to tell me something,
”
Brenda began, determined to strike while the iron was hot.
“
What is
th
e
matt
e
r
with you?
Something is upsetting you badly. Can
’
t you possibly confide in me; it does help so much so share troubles.
”

“
That
’
s sweet of you.
”
Jill was touched by the other girl
’
s obvious concern. Whatever she had done in the past there was no doubt she was only too anxious to make amends.
“
I don
’
t think you could be of any help ... no one could.
”
Jill rose abruptly to her feet and, crossing the room, stubbed out her cigarette firmly in the ash-tray, then turned again to face her companion.
“
I have been an utter fool, and I
’
ve got to learn to accept facts as they are.
”

“
Is it because you have to leave
...
I
...
I mean is it that which is upsetting you?
”
Brenda enquired anxiously.