Too Busy for Your Own Good (29 page)

How you follow up with the details will set the stage for the ease or difficulty of your next encounter with your lion. Savvy salespeople know that selling to an existing client is much easier than finding a new one, and advertisers report that it is
five times
more expensive to attract a new customer than to keep an existing one.

Driver
. They will appreciate the efficiency and attention.

Sociable
. They will appreciate how your follow-up work saves them trouble and effort and makes them look good to others.

Team Player
. They will appreciate the personal attention that your diligent follow-up work indicates.

Perfectionist
. They will appreciate your consistent follow-up work and reliability.

In his book
Don't Tick Off the Gators
, my friend Jim Grigsby relates stories and lessons of men and women triumphing over problems that are menacing, slippery, and frightening—like gators lurking in the swamp. He believes that dealing with difficult people under ideal circumstances (or in a corporate environment) requires that you have a plan, a feasibility analysis, and an 80 percent probability of success before implementing your plan. Even in a crisis, a sixty-forty success ratio may be enough to go forward.

These basic skills are similar to those of martial arts/physical self-defense.

Keep a low center of gravity
. Keep yourself centered and balanced as much as possible.

Take care of yourself first
. Think of an aviation emergency: you must put on your own oxygen mask before attempting to help others.

Be light on your feet
. Pick the right place and time to defend yourself.

Protect life and limb
. Don't try to be a dead hero—remove yourself when necessary and just get out of there.

Brute strength doesn't prevail
. Use your opponents' energy and make it work for you.

Here are tips for dealing with the most common lions you encounter in the most productive, least time-sucking way possible.

Bullies demand, intimidate, overrun, or railroad you into decisions you regret later. These decisions often lead to you doing more work and increasing your busyness. If you let them intimidate you into doing extra work, the time it takes to figure out how to please them can distract you indefinitely. They have often earned nicknames such as Sherm (as in Sherman tank), General (as in military might), or Ram (like the truck). They judge your worth on whether or not you stand up to them—literally and figuratively. Beware, though; things may get worse before they get better.

It's difficult to stand up to them right at the moment they are bullying you. Study, practice, and use this formula for heading them off at the pass. Call it your “I statement.”

I feel ___________ (impact on you—anger, frustration, betrayal) when you ___________ (describe their behavior neutrally without emotion or judgment).

I would prefer if you would ___________ (describe the preferred behavior).

If you do, ___________ (the payoff for them).

You may not be aware that ___________ (collateral damage this behavior causes).

Thanks, I'm glad we had this talk.

Here is an example:

I feel frustrated when you stand at my desk, raise your voice, throw your pen, and shake your finger at me. I would prefer that you talk to me in private before the time pressures shorten our fuses. If you do, you'll actually get what you want sooner and with higher quality. You may not be aware, but when this happens, I am so affected that I lose the whole afternoon
.

Note: Be careful to
not
use the phrasing “If you don't, ___________” because negative consequences sound very much like threats.

When someone explodes, your natural instinct is to push back. Don't! Emotions are usually so high that solutions won't come until you let the person wind down. This is a battle that even if you win, you lose. Instead, here is what to do:

Adopt a neutral stance—face them with both feet on the ground and give them nothing to fuel their fire. Picture them as an inflated balloon that you let go . . .
fsssuuu
all around the room. Let them wind down—don't interrupt or touch them.