Totem (37 page)

              The city is its own living entity. The sights and sounds that make the city so unique also ensnare a person’s heart captivating it. A person becomes nothing more than a slave to a culture and way of life so rich that you crave more. I am no exception. It helps fill the emptiness, etching a place in my heart forever. I am as much in love with the city as with the man standing beside me.

              The door pings open as the quick ride to third floor ends. We exit going right then make another right turn heading down the long hallway. Ty pulls out a key card tucked in the inside of his jacket pocket of his grey suit. We arrive at the door on the corner. It has no number, merely a suite name. He places the key card into the brass colored hardware on the door.

              “Close your eyes,” he states before opening up the door.

              I give him a speculative look. His surprises are getting out of control and this is just another example of how out of control it is. Reluctantly I close my eyes. He takes my hand slowly leading me into the room. I hear the sound of jazz floating through the room. The smells of New Orleans waft on the breeze as little tendrils of my hair move across my face. A few steps later he releases my hand. I open my eyes and the sight in front of me takes my breath away.

              We are standing in a living room. The only light in the room comes from candles placed on every available surface. The floor to ceiling windows from downstairs can be found on two sides of the wall as open French doors lead out to terraces. Rose petals litter the floor and on the stand in front of me is a bottle of champagne. The whole site is lavish and beautiful. It is more than any woman let alone a poor college girl can ever imagine. Ty grabs two champagne flutes and begins pouring.

              Without words he hands me one. He takes my free hand leading me out onto the left terrace where a table is set for two. Plates of food already line the small iron table. I step closer to note the steam trickling off the hot dishes. I wouldn’t put it past Ty to plan everything perfectly so the dishes arrived seconds before we did. I look over the balcony towards the sounds drifting from Bourbon Street merely two blocks away.

              “Ty,” I say breathless. “This is too much.”

              He gestures for me to sit down and I oblige. Then he takes the seat across from me gesturing for me to begin eating. I pick up my fork which is his signal to begin talking.

              “I told you I wanted to do something special for our first time,” he responds.

              “You mean our first anniversary?” I ask.

              “Well, that,” he begins hesitantly, “among other firsts.”

              I take a bite of my food which would normally taste good, but in light of the new proposition Ty has thrown in tonight, I cannot taste anything. I merely chew and quickly swallow.

              “So you are ready?” I ask knowing full well I have been ready since the day I met him.

              “Yes,” replies Ty with a smile. “I have been ready. I just wanted it to be special for you.”

              I roll my eyes and give him a look. Any place, anytime, anywhere would have been perfect for me. I have suppressed things for so long that I was running on fumes. I take another bite of my food, chewing slowly as I stare down Ty.

              “Ok, ok,” laughs Ty holding up hands in defeat. “Yes, I am ready.”

              I smile. I gently place the fork on the plate taking a large drink of champagne to wash the food down. I stand quickly, taking Ty by surprise. Maneuvering around the table I close the physical distance between both of us. I lean down and kiss him hard. He rises to the occasion from his seat. With my heels on, we are almost the same height. I place my hands on the contours of his face as he wraps his arms around my waist pulling me into him. He presses me up against the railing of the terrace and I cannot be more turned on. I give in to the passion I suppressed for so long shrugging Ty out of his jacket letting it fall haphazardly onto the chair. With excited fingers I begin undoing the buttons on his dress shirt accidently ripping two off. His hands begin to make their way up my dress.

              Anyone who knows where to stand and look up from below will be getting a show, but I do not care. I do not know those people and they do not know me. All I know is that tonight is the night. Ty lets out a low animalistic growl as he finds the zipper on the back of my dress. Slowly he begins to pull the zipper down as he pulls me off the balcony and into the living room.

              “The bedroom is down the hall,” says Ty in between kisses.

              I pull the shirt off of his back letting it hit the floor carefully avoiding candles. He finishes unzipping my dress. With nothing to hold it up, the grey dress falls loosely to the floor leaving me standing in my black lingerie. I decided to wear it to match my high heels which still garnish my feet. He steps back and looks me over.

              “Damn.”

              The words make me smile. I feel my cheeks blush as if a stranger has given me a compliment. Ty wraps me in his arms kissing me harder than I have ever felt him kiss me before. My feet lift off the ground and I feel him move as he begins the first two steps to the bedroom. That is when we hear it.

              It is distinctive. The scream echoes off the buildings and into the open windows of our suite. My heart cannot help but to reach out. My human reaction is to fear for the safety of the lost soul on the street. Ty and I rush to the window expecting to see a pair of red eyes. I expected to see the unnatural movement of a creature not of this world. Instead what we find is very human. On the street is a man grabbing a woman’s purse. The woman holds on unrelenting as she lets out another scream.

              I look at Ty. A struggle rises inside of him and etches his face. I can tell he wants nothing more than to complete this perfect night he has set out to create, but life always has other plans for him. I look at the face of the man I love and begin to laugh. He looks over at me inquisitively.

              “I love you.” I state leaning in and kissing him on his luscious lips.

              He looks at me confused. I know that tonight will not be the perfect night he wants it to be. Even if he lets this very human thing happen without his intervention, I know it will haunt him the rest of the night and the moment which should be so precious and special to the two of us will be lost.

              “Well, go on! You don’t have much time before the purse and the criminal are gone. Get out of here!”

              I wave my hand in the direction of the crisis. He looks at me and smiles. With one kiss on the lips, he jumps out on to the balcony. The familiar vibration of air around him begins as he shrinks to the size of a raven, his signature animal. With one loud cry the black bird is off in the direction the mugger has fled. With no frame to support them, Ty’s pants crumple to the ground in front of me. I smile as I bend down and pick up the dress slacks only slightly humored by the lack of underwear.

              I have learned long ago that Ty has foregone the cotton briefs because they are too much of a hassle putting back on and off all the time. Not to mention it is one less article of clothing Ty has to stow away in random places over the city. I fold the pants over my arm and pick up his jacket. I hang them up in the closet. Wrapping in a bath robe, I return to the two plates of food on the table outside and carry them inside. Now that I can think straight, I realize just how hungry I am.

              I know Ty will not hurry back to me. Inevitably the woman will need to be checked out by doctors. Then there will be a police write up along with any other details that need to be handled. That’s what happens when the crimes are very much human. The nonhuman crimes are lawless and much easier.

              I blow out all the candles, turn on a light and flop on the couch. I leave on my heels which compliment my bra and panties because it makes me feel sexy. I grab my plate of food and finish it off. As soon as I am done, I flip through the channels on the television while finishing up the champagne until I get tired. The doors to the terrace are still open and will remain open for Ty’s return. I make my way back to the rose petal covered bed where I cuddle under the covers and pass out.

             
Soft kisses bring me
out of the world of dreams. I feel his breath upon my neck and smile as I open my eyes. Sunlight streams through the window and I hear birds chirping in the French Quarter. I turn around. I am greeted by a cleanly showered Ty and cannot help but pout.

              “You didn’t want me to take a shower with you?” I ask.

              “You looked so beautiful sleeping that I didn’t want to wake you.”

              “What time is it?”

              “Almost 7:00 a.m.”

              “When did you get in?”

              “I got in around 1:00 a.m.”

              “And you didn’t wake me?”

              “You looked so peaceful and beautiful that I wanted to let you sleep.”

              I give Ty another fake pout before turning back over. He folds my backside into him and wraps his arms around me.

              “I am afraid your suite went to waste.” I state apologetically.

              “It was worth it just to wake up beside you and see the light touching your hair.”

              His words warm me. I nuzzle into him and look through the cracked curtains of the window lazily. It is such a beautiful moment that I get lost in it. I lose myself in this time in this place with this man. As if to say the same, Ty kisses the back of my hair letting his lips linger there.

              “There is something else I wanted to ask you last night before we were so rudely interrupted,” states Ty.

              “What would that be?” I ask lazily.

              No doubt Ty wants to do something else that is surprising and romantic. I lay there in his arms preparing my heart for some great romantic gesture.

              “I need to go back in front of the tribe elders,” he states.

              “Don’t you always go in front of them?” I ask

              “Yes…but this time is different. They need you… I mean, I need you to go in front of them with me. They want to meet you.”

              “Just meet me?”

              “Well, there is more to it than that. They allowed me to start dating, but the deeper you get into my world, the deeper you get into theirs. So it no longer becomes a concern of just mine but of them too. They need to meet you and approve.” 

              “So basically what you are saying is that I have to get permission from them to date you,” I reply.

              “In a way, yes.”

              I am glad that my face is turned away from him so he cannot see my reaction. I am conflicted. We have come so far and learned so much about each other. Now I feel like we are back where we started when everything was uncertain. Where I felt like I was walking on egg shells. Where I had to filter things I said for fear they would come out wrong like they have in front of others in the past. My heart begins to beat faster. My biggest fear perhaps is losing a man I know only comes once in a lifetime. Can I afford to lose him? Can I walk away from him if the answer they give us is no? Questions begin to flood my mind.

              Ty wraps his arms tighter around me. Kisses softly land through my hair as he breathes me in comforting me yet allowing me to think.

              “I will be there with you. We are in this together, but if you don’t think you can stand in front of them, I completely understand. I am asking a lot of you.”

              I take a deep breath and turn around in the bed adjusting the covers as I turn. I wrap my top leg around Ty and look into his eyes. The light chocolate brown eyes that captivated me from the very beginning now search my face inquisitively for an answer. Even without looking into his eyes, I know my answer. The truth is I will walk through fire if it means being with Ty. I have faced death openly because it gave me a chance to know him and the same will be true with the elders. I will gladly stand there despite what the outcome is because even if it is the end, it would give me those last few seconds with him. Those are precious moments that will be mine to keep no matter what the final outcome will be.

              I land sweet kisses on Ty. My lips find his and I feel the contours of his mold to mine. These are the precious moments I crave even if they are the last.

              “I will go with you,” I state.

              I search his face. Briefly I see excitement in my acceptance flick through his eyes before he closes them leaning in to get lost in my kisses. I push the fear of meeting the tribe out of my thoughts and get lost in this moment with the man I love.

             
“It’s going to be ok,”
Ty assures me as he squeezes my hand.

              I am painfully aware of how sweaty my palms are. They always sweat when I get nervous and I am beyond the point of nervous as fear begins to rush through me. Uncertainty crosses my mind as realization sets in that my vast future once laid out in front of me is now in the hands of a few. I search the meadow for signs of hope, but even the sun casts no light bright enough to ward off my fear. Song birds singing without a care in the world only seem to mock my predicament. My eyes flit wearily. My worries are so plenty that sleep eluded me last night only adding fatigue to my dreary situation.

              I want to run into the woods. I want to hide in the shade of the trees, but here I stand the third tallest object in a vast field. The tallest object stands behind us as a symbol of what causes the struggle in our relationship.

              “It will be over shortly.” Ty, the second tallest object in the field looks down at me. I take my gaze away from the tree line to look into his eyes. They are the same beautiful eyes that captivated me so many months ago. Even now, in the midst of our trial, I find myself getting lost in them. Ty gives me a crooked smile and I feel my heart melt. He squeezes my hand once again letting me know it is alright as he leans in to kiss me on the forehead and for a few minutes I grow calm. I look around at our surroundings. Unceremoniously, Ty and I have walked hand in hand taking our place in the center of the meadow. The tallest object in the field is a fifteen foot totem rising up with a golden eagle on top spreading its wings over the meadow. I turn my head around to look at it. It is a symbol of all the animals a chosen Totem can turn into. Silently, I make note of each animal’s face. They are fierce animals. They are nature’s warriors etched one on top of the other. No matter their placement on the totem, they all commanded respect. I turn back around and face the fifteen chairs in the semi-circle in front of us. Each wooden chair has armrests and a medallion carved into the head. Each medallion has a different animal. The fifteen carved medallions reflect the fifteen animals on the totem. Only one chair stands out. The chair located in the very center sits higher than the rest. On its crest is the eagle. Its wings defiantly spread out, threatening to break the perfect circle that encases it. I can only guess this is the seat for the appointed leader of the elders, a group that is so closely tied to the Totems they are meant to oversee.

              The whole set up is surreal. It is a dream. I close my eyes and take a deep breath holding it in my lungs until the pressure forces the air back out.

              If only Ty was a normal guy. I withdraw the thought just as quickly as it entered my brain. If Ty is normal, then he would not be the man I fell in love with. All of his life experiences mixed with who he is deep down inside and the gift of being a Totem have made him the man he is standing beside me today. I squeeze his hand letting out one long sigh.

              My flambeaux, I think as a small smile crosses my face.

              Ty is my light. Like those people who hold the flambeaux sticks in the parade, he holds a flame that helps guide me. His warmth is something I was unaware of a year ago, but now that I have found it, I can’t step away. I look up at Ty one more time. He stands calm and collected. His face resolute on the task set before him. He has done this before. He has gone in front of the elders many times before, but were the subjects so dear to his heart? I would think not. How is he so calm? How can he be so sure?

              In a few minutes fifteen men and women will walk forward and fill the empty seats. With stern eyes, they will question us. They will want to know every little detail about us. Then they will judge us. The fate of our future as a couple lies in their hands.

              Ty looks down at me once again meeting me eyes. My face must look worried. His own face falters slightly for a few seconds. My heart reacts to his look by racing uncontrollably in my chest. My palms have become like rivers as the sweat trickles down between our connected hands. He looks over at the tree line then down at our hands.

              “We don’t have to do this,” he speaks solemnly. “You can still back out of it if you think it is too soon.”

              I look into his face inquisitively and his eyes meet mine. His face so certain only minutes ago begins to falter as a wave of emotions crash over it and for the first time since we arrived in this meadow, I see the doubt in Ty. Relief washes over me as the human side of Ty steps out from behind the shadows of his beautiful guise. Not only that, but relief spurred by the choice Ty has given me. I can run if I wanted to. I can wait another day and still have Ty in my life. Most importantly, my choices are my own and for the first time since entering the field, I feel in control of my own destiny.

              I smile up at the man whom I love slightly turning my body to face him. My free hand lifts up resting comfortably on the back of his neck. I stand up on my tippy toes coercing his head towards mine. My lips lightly land on his. I give him a lingering kiss.

              “As long as you’ll have me,” I reply, “I will be yours.”

              He leans down and kisses me back. His arms wrap around me pulling me tight to his firm chest and my body lifts off the ground. The passion of his kiss takes every breath I have left out of me. When his kiss ends, he leans his forehead onto mine slowly letting my feet touch the ground again.

              “Forever,” he whispers. “I will have you forever if you let me.”

              I get lost in our embrace. In that moment I am reminded of the needs of my heart. It is so closely attached to Ty that I know I will stand trial again and again in hopes that this feeling and Ty’s touch will last the rest of my life. In his arms, I grow stronger. Suddenly, the slow and steady rhythmic beat of the drums sound in the distance through the trees.

              “It is time.”

              With those words, he gives me one last kiss and a hug before facing forward. I turn my body forward yet my eyes to linger on Ty’s face. His face grows strong, resolute like stone as the drums continue their unrelenting cadence. He gives my hand one more squeeze before releasing our connection for good. My boyfriend has been replaced. There beside me stands a warrior. 

              A brief moment of panic overtakes me from the loss of our physical connection. I cannot help but feel alone even with Ty standing right beside me. I hear the faint sound of footsteps crumpling the debris and brush on the forest floor. It is a sign the elders are getting closer. I take in Ty’s face one more time before staring off into the direction of the noise. I stand tall trying to mimic Ty. The monotonous thud of the drum grows louder and for the first time I see the creator of the sound. A small teenager with solemn eyes steps out of the tree line and into the meadow. He cannot be any older than fourteen but he carries himself with the professionalism of someone twice his age. 

              Behind him follows the procession of elders the beat pulsating them forward as they continue their unrelenting march towards Ty and I. The hollow sound of the drum begins reverberating through my chest forcing my heart to take heed and beat in rhythm. My breaths draw in quicker as anticipation fills me. I draw as much courage as I can from somewhere deep inside, but I am only human. Worry and doubt left creeps up like the unwanted waters of the tide threatening to break my strength. I stare forward attempting to mimic Ty’s warrior pose, but it does nothing to push out the worry.

              The drum continues its unrelenting beat as the elders draw closer. Their faces become distinguishable between each other allowing individuals to rise up from the crowd. I focus my eyes on them mentally noting each face etching them into my memory. I want to remember the people who are deciding my life for me.

              Sometimes, it is only when faced with obstacles that you realize something deeper. It is in the midst of this procession of elders that a whole new realization comes to me. I chance one more glance at the man who I am standing for. He is my flame and it is in that I realize the truth.

              It all became suddenly clear; him saving me from death, the way he closed after me when I ran away, the spark I see in his eyes every time he notices I am watching him, and the painstaking care he puts into loving me makes it so blatantly obvious to me now. I was blind before but now, faced with the judgment from others, I see what I mean to him.

              He may be my flame, but I am the electricity that has given him new life. I am the pure energy that charges him. In that realization, I find new strength. My body surges with power. It is the power I have always carried inside me. It is the surge that Ty is attracted to and the energy he uses to fill himself. With a new perspective, I look back up at Ty. Softly, he touches the back of my hand acknowledging my gaze and offering comfort, but it is a comfort I no longer need. For in myself is the strength to power us both should the need arise.

              The beat of the drum resonates in my chest but no longer is the beat controlling me. It is my heart that is dictating the rhythm driving it forward. I watch the individuals that make up the elders as they turn in front of us and begin to take their seats. The old lady holding a cane from the pool and legend weekend took the first. The youngest and strongest man sits in front of the stag medallion. They continue filing into seats until all that is left is one man and the seat that sits the highest. I watch as the golden eagle elder walks in with his white, long hair hanging over his face and a gaze fixed downward. Each step seemed a struggle. He did not use a cane to walk but it probably would have been recommended by most doctors. I see the effort in his body to hold himself up and propel it forward. Even with time mercilessly against him, he fights. He fights to remain the proud warrior that emulates from his soul. My eyes are drawn to him. There are familiar qualities I see in him that make him stand out from the rest. With slow, smooth movements, the last elder takes his seat.

              The tireless drum continues pounding. I stare forward at the fifteen people who will decide my fate. One by one, their eyes fall upon us. The old lady smiles and greets us with a nod. In contrast, the elder in front of the stag burrows his stern gaze into us. I look at each and every one of their faces. Some I can tell their thoughts. Others are unreadable. Finally my gaze settles on the white haired elder sitting on the highest seat. He stares at a bit of earth in front of him. The rhythm of my heart quickens causing the drum to quicken. Slight panic begins to fill me as the surge of energy inside me increases.

              Finally, the leader of the elders looks up sending the drum into a panicked frenzy as individual beats become indistinguishable. As if on cue, my heart picks up pace as I gaze into his eyes. He is different. The fourteen around him all have varying shades of brown eyes that are indicative traits of their genetics from a proud lineage of various Native Americans. The face looking back at me shares the same proud lines, but his eyes surprise me. Looking back at me are the same vibrant greyish blue eyes I have seen in the mirror all these years.

              I feel the surge of electricity through his gaze as a small smile flits across his lips. The reassuring smile giving away everything that I know. I know that no matter what the outcome of the trial is that Ty is mine and I am his. The world cannot pull us apart. Even his people who he gives up his own freedom to are obsolete. It is like what Shakespeare said, ‘Love is not love when in it alteration finds or bends with the remover to remove. It is an ever fixed mark.’

              Ty is the mark and I am the arrow ever fixed to him, constantly propelled together by electricity. No amount of obstacles or hurdles can get in our way. Our love is the kind that weathers the storm. In fact, ours is the energy that drives the storm sending sparks of lightning shattering to the ground hoping to bend Earth’s will to our needs.

              I meet the white haired man’s blue eyes with my own and smile. My heart slows down to a normal rhythm and I puff out my chest a bit. Throwing all caution to the wind, I reach my hand over and grab Ty’s. He flinches slightly but settles in relaxing in my touch. I squeeze his hand taking one last deep breath as the energy surges between us. The drums deafening beats become continue indistinguishable from one another as a blur of sound vibrates around us.

              “I am ready for this,” I whisper to myself. I feel nothing but power rising up in me as I utter my three final words before the ceremony. “Bring It On.”

              The drum stops.