Touched (15 page)

“Ugh,” I said.

“Let’s just press restart,” he said.

“What?” I asked.

“Either that or pick up where we left off the morning of the breakfast with my family.”

“So those are my only options?” I asked.

“Quite frankly, yes.”

“And what if I don’t like either of those options?” I asked.

“Let’s not entertain crazy notions, Aria.  If I could let you move on, I would. But I can’t. I know what I’ve done. I lied to you from the very beginning. I didn’t go to RPH looking for anything to happen. I expected it to be just as it was when I went to any of my father’s companies. I know I broke your heart and I’m sorry. If I could go back and do things differently, I would, but I can’t. What I can do is make up for it, but you have to be willing to let me do that. I want this, I want you. You make me different, you make me better and I know that I do the same for you. I’m asking for the chance to put your heart back together. I know how to love you. I can give you everything that you want, everything you need. That’s what I’m offering.”

The fiery passion in his eyes made me want to fall into his arms but if I did, how long would it last this time? I couldn’t bear the thought of accepting the hope of him to only have it disappear again.

“I’m obsessed with you. Everyone and everything else are just distractions,” he said.
There was a hint of desperation in his voice that both scared and compelled me. Was I obsessed with him too? I knew distractions, I’d used them most of my life, I nevertheless accepted that, until recently however.

“Just say you’re willing to give us a chance.”

“What if I get hurt again, Aiden?”

“What if you get hurt?  What if I get hurt?  Nobody can promise you that you won’t but if you continue to isolate yourself from the mere possibility, you imprison yourself. Why can’t you see that, Aria?  Your walls may keep people from hurting you, but you’re also hurting yourself. You can’t fill your entire life with loneliness and isolation because of the fear that you might get hurt.”

“I know that … now. It’s just very difficult, especially when it comes to you. You’re the first person to see me for who I am behind the mask. And I saw it happening. Every day, I saw that little something in your eyes that let me know that you were seeing the
me
that I kept hidden and it terrified me because it gave you an edge over me. And I had no idea of how to get it back. I still don’t.”

“I have something for you. I wasn’t sure when the right time would be to give you this but now somehow feels right.”

“I’m not sure I understand,” I said, confused.

He walked over to retrieve his briefcase and opened it. His back was to me as he looked down at whatever he was holding in his hand.

“Aiden. What is it?” I asked, walking over to him. He turned to face me just as I was about to touch his shoulder.

He looked at me as if trying to make a decision. I looked down to see that he was holding an envelope.

“This is from your mother.”  He passed a sealed envelope to me.

“What?” I asked, my heart rate quickening.

“When I went to visit her, she wrote this for you. She told me to give it to you when I felt the time was right. I’m not sure what’s in the letter and quite frankly I’m a little worried about the timing but for the most part, it feels right.”

I looked at the front of the letter. It simply had my name. I traced my fingers over it, wondering how my mother was feeling when she wrote this. I wanted to open it but I was afraid.

“If you would rather I held onto it until you felt ready, I will,” he offered.

“No, no. I think I want to do it now,” I said, flipping it over to open it. My hands were shaking.

“Aria –”

“I’m okay Aiden.”

I removed the letter from the envelope and unfolded it. 

My Dearest Aria,

I’m sure you’re surprised to receive a message from me in the form of a letter. It seems the art of handwritten letters has been lost on your generation. Your father and I wrote letters and small messages to each other the entire time we were together. They were one of the many joys of my time with him. I thought this particular message was worthy of something more than an email or text and I am hoping you will carefully consider its contents.

It you’re reading this letter, it means that you know that I’ve met your young Aiden. Before you unleash your rage upon him for coming to me, I want you to know that he’s someone you should not hold to the same restraints as you have the other men in your life. Although I‘ve only had a small amount of time with him, it was sufficient to see his heart and to see that you have it. Some people enter your life for a season and others enter for a reason. Aiden is not a seasonal entrance for you, Aria. He’s going to be your world as I know you will be his.

I remember when my dear friend, Constance Warner, lost her husband to cancer after more than twenty years of marriage. She swore she would never marry or fall in love again because Bryan had been “it” for her; he had been “the one”. At the time, I thought it foolish. How can you live the remainder of your life on mere memories? Not until losing your father did I understand. He was the love of my life, Aria. I know you think otherwise because he left, but he loved me in a way that all women deserve to be loved, cherished and worshipped. Once you’ve experienced that type of love, nothing else will ever do. There is no substitute.

I understand that now. Constance didn’t want a substitute. She only wanted the real thing and once it was gone, she was done. I’m sure that you realize by now that the same applies to my feelings for your father. Sweetheart, I don’t want you to have a substitute. Aiden isn’t a place holder, he’s the real thing.  Aiden is to you what Matteo was for me. It may hurt to see these words but that doesn’t make them any less true. Aiden is that person for you. I saw it in his eyes.  I heard it in his tone when he spoke of you.

I know I haven’t been there to help you learn or sort out these things but I’ve always wanted the absolute best for you. You deserve nothing less, Aria. Follow your heart. Don’t settle. And if Aiden is the man, that I’m certain he is, he will not allow you to.

You’re very head strong and when you set your mind to something, you stick to it, even if it’s to your detriment. Don’t let your stubbornness blind you to your reality. Fall in love, let it fill you and let it give you all the joys that accompany it.

Love you more than you can possibly imagine,

Mom

I stared at the words on the paper. So many emotions and questions were passing through me.  My eyes watered and a steady stream of tears flowed down my face. I wiped them away and re-read the letter. My knees buckled and I sank to the floor, nearly fainting. Aiden caught me and lifted me into his arms, walked over to the bed and sat me on the edge. He didn’t say anything, he only looked at me. Given my reaction, I was certain that he was questioning his decision to give the letter to me. Quite frankly, I didn’t know if the time was right or if the time would have ever been right.

I thought back to the conversation that I’d had with mom about Kellan. She’d said that he wasn’t the one. I guess that her judgment was based in part on the time she’d spent with Aiden. I wonder why she never said anything to me. Had she wanted me to make up my mind myself? Her letter clearly indicated that she knew I wouldn’t. Did she somehow sense that I couldn’t get past my stubbornness to see that Aiden really was the one for me? Those are questions that I’ll never have the answers to.

The words in her letter about Dad …
loved, cherished and worshipped
… those were the exact words I’d used last night to describe how Aiden made me feel. That couldn’t be a coincidence. It was as though she were here leading me to my destiny. I felt as if my heart was about to thump out of my chest. Aiden sat beside me, holding me as I cried. When the tears stopped, he pulled me into his lap.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yes. Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For meeting my mom. For giving me this letter.”

“I want to say you’re welcome but I don’t feel I should, given your reaction to the letter,” he said.

“No, it’s okay. It was a beautiful letter and the timing was perfect.” I didn’t want to run anymore. I did love him … and there was nothing I could do about it.  It’s just there. I couldn’t run from it, I couldn’t ignore it. “I think I’m ready to finish our talk.”

“Okay but only if you’re sure.”

“Why did you have Raina spy on me?” I asked.

“I needed to know how you were and I needed to make sure no one else was of any interest.”

“Why not check on me yourself?” I asked.

“Because I knew you’d have questions and maybe it was my paranoia but I thought you’d get enough information to make you wonder and possibly piece it all together and I didn’t want you finding out that way.”

“As opposed to the way I did find out?”

“When Raina and I had last spoken, it was clear that she would be telling you before I arrived. I had no idea that she hadn’t had the chance to do that.”

“But you were still fine with me finding out from her and not you?”

“No. I hated that I had placed Raina in that position and she wanted to do this for you and since I was going to be there the same day, I thought, well I had hoped I would have been able to make you understand.”

Allison was right, men are stupid.

“Raina knew who you were before I did. I felt so foolish,” I said.

“But you were open to talking things out, even then,” he said.

“Yes, I was. You’d sent me a very sweet text saying how much you missed me and that you were eager to talk. I was about to reply that I had missed you too but Raina had come into my office and that’s when she told me everything. As soon as she left my office, I sent you that text telling you to fuck off. It verified what I grew up learning, that you can’t trust anyone – that no one was who they said they were.”

I looked down at the letter in my hands and continued. “As the days passed, my heart broke a little more every day because I missed you more each day. I wanted it to stop but it didn’t. I realized that all of it was out of my control. You’d grabbed a piece of me that I couldn’t get back.”

“You’ve grabbed a piece of me that I don’t want back, Aria. I regret how this all played out. I’ll be the first to admit that I had no idea how to broach this with you. Business decisions are like second nature to me but this relationship with you, I’m learning as I go and I’ve made some mistakes that have caused you pain. I can’t undo that, but believe me, if I could I would. Towards the end, I was in a bad spot as well. Not knowing if my father would live, my mother being hospitalized, taking over the company … I barely had time to think, I was basically reacting. I’m not excusing anything that I did but I hope you’ll at least consider my position.”

“Why did you do it? Why did you think it was okay?” I asked.

“I never said it was okay. I didn’t expect this. It took on a life of its own. Hell, it still is. I don’t plan with you, I just
do
. And back then all I wanted was you. I didn’t look beyond that. But once you told me a little about your past, I knew I needed to find a way to explain but I also knew that you’d feel betrayed and you’d run, so I didn’t want to take that chance. It was challenging as hell to get you to bend
without
a lie between us, I knew I’d lose whatever we had if I told you … so I didn’t. I couldn’t risk it.”

“And the other part, why even do the
Aiden Wyatt
thing …ever?” I asked.

“Aria, I don’t think you’ll understand unless you’ve been in my shoes for the past twenty-eight years but when I’m Aiden Wyatt, I garner respect based on my achievements and contributions … not because of my last name. That’s important to me. I resent so much of this life. This was the only part that was mine; it was based on me, not my father. It’s important that I’m my own man, not just an heir apparent.”

I wouldn’t quite understand, just as he wouldn’t quite understand everything that caused me to be the person that I am. But I did understand the tenacity to be the person you felt you had to be … whatever the reasoning. And he was right, when I thought he was Aiden Wyatt, I’d appreciated his shrewdness; he was brilliant … and it wasn’t because he was a Raine, it was because he was Aiden.

I’d seen glimpses of some things that I found odd for a rich guy, or at least my preconceptions of a rich guy, but I didn’t know he resented parts of his life to this degree.  In regards to me, I truly believed he thought that he did the best he could, given the circumstances.

“I know you want this and I know you’re scared – and that’s okay,” he said.

I sighed and looked away.

“What is it?” he asked.

“You know, before you came along, I was alright. I had what I wanted.”

“There was no purpose; there was no meaning to that kind of life Aria,” he said.

“But it was my kind of life and I hated that you wouldn’t let me get back to it.”

“Because I couldn’t. I literally couldn’t and I can’t now,” he said.