Touched (14 page)

“You’re so beautiful Aria,” he said, “I love being inside you.” His kisses and his words flowed through me like blood in my veins.

He lowered his head sliding his tongue across my lips before sealing his mouth over mine, licking deeply into my mouth as he released my wrists. The kiss was interrupted by his grunts as he expertly moved his cock in an out of my over-filled cunt. “Aria, you feel so fucking good,” he breathed, as he buried his face in my neck.

Every touch engaged parts of me that he had discovered and that I now knew only he could sate. Every stroke was focused; targeting that spot that released all of my control to him. He gave every part of himself with each slow drive into me. The essence of his being was utterly transferred into me with each gentle thrust. He had control of a part of me that I didn’t know existed … a part that only he could touch … a part that lusted for him, wanted him and needed him.

“Aiden, please don’t stop,” I panted. My heart was beating so rapidly; it resonated in my ears. I was connected to this man in a way that I couldn’t understand, a way that denied logic. Each gentle invasion took me higher and higher, floating above Boston, floating above all of the pain and uncertainty of this world. My mind was free and my body was his. I closed my eyes and fell deeper into the world he’d taken me to. I was floating, above the clouds in a place that only he and I existed. The feel of his skin on mine was electric. I was about to explode.

“There it is Princess. Cum for me.” My body arched into his as he sealed my mouth with his, absorbing my moans.  My tongue seductively danced with his as my hands tightly clutched his back. The slow intense thrusts into me were tender and deep. He pushed into me, giving all of himself to me in a way he never had. Each kiss had a different meaning. Each thrust was an emotional journey to the center of my soul. Each touch expressed the depth of his desire for me.  He guided me on my stomach and planted soft kisses on my back before lowering his hard body onto mine, spreading my legs and reentering me. His mouth was on my neck, kissing and licking. “Ah, shit,” he groaned, as he sank into me. I grasped the sheets as he went deeper.

“Does this feel good?” he asked.

“Yes,” I responded, breathlessly.

He reached underneath my chest placing his hands on my shoulders pulling me down as he pushed into me. His skin was hot and wet against mine. He was touching every sensitive part of my being I didn’t want this to end. I wanted time to stand still.

He turned me and I was again lying on my back beneath his hard frame.  He reached for my hands, interlacing our fingers above my head as he very slowly eased into me. My fingers tightened around his as he hit that spot that made me lose myself. He kissed my cheek and looked down at me. I stared into his eyes as he skillfully stroked my sex, filling me, adorning me, making love to both my mind and body.

I felt loved. I felt adorned. I felt complete. I was overwhelmed by the flood of emotion that accompanied the delicate worshipping of my body. Tears began rolling down my cheeks as this beautiful man made love to me. He looked down at me, his dark emeralds filled with an all-consuming passion. I watched his reaction to my tears; his eyes searching mine until understanding crossed his handsome face. He leaned down and softly kissed away my tears. We both knew that this moment sealed our fate.  I was his and he was mine. “I love you Aria,” he said and lowered his lips to mine.

He pushed into me, so deep that he’d made us one. My body arched into his as I came again, moaning his name. I trembled as the intensity of the orgasm tore through me … touching every part of me. I felt the expansion of his already too large manhood explode inside me. The pulses seemed endless. He released my hands and cradled my face and stared into my eyes as his release continued.

As the last of his essence entered me, he adorned my forehead, cheeks and lips with soft chaste kisses, finally rolling over and pulling me to his chest. The soft music that had seemingly faded now enveloped us as we both lie there in the afterglow, surrounded by the sensual smell of sex.

“What are you thinking?” I asked.

“How special you are to me … how special this moment was. If time could stand still I’d choose this moment,” he replied.

We both lay quietly listening to the other’s breathing, content after our love making and as if the universe heard our pleas, Enya’s
Only Time
, filled the room, enclosing us. For those brief moments, time really did stand still for us … two lovers finding their way and growing in love.

This was the first time I had ever made love and it was a feeling … an experience that left me speechless. I felt cherished, worshipped and so much love from him in this moment.  Every wall, he’d knocked down. Every part of me, he’d explored. There was no going back. I was forever changed, forever touched …

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

“Aiden, don’t leave,” I said, as I abruptly awoke from the recurring nightmare of Aiden morphing into my father.

“Hey. I’m here. Are you okay?”

I hugged him tightly, hoping his presence would force the memories of the dream away.

“Yeah, just had a bad dream,” I said.

“I’ll never leave Aria.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that before,” I mumbled, more to myself than to him.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing,” I replied.

“What did you say Aria?”

“I’ve heard that before,” I repeated.

“What? That I’ll never leave?” he asked.

“Not from you specifically. From my dad. When I was younger, I guess I was about nine or ten. My friend’s parents divorced and her dad left and she rarely saw him after that. One night Dad was saying goodnight to me and I said to him, “
Promise you’ll never leave.
” And he promised and I believed him. But I was just a kid so why would I not believe him, right? I could feel the tears building. I inhaled hoping to choke them back. In the end, he left … and he never looked back.”

I didn’t want to feel this way, especially after such a beautiful experience with him but that dream, that ridiculous dream – it wouldn’t let me go.

“I don’t have either of my parents and I have two sisters to take care of. I don’t know how I’m going to do this Aiden. Every day when I look at them, all I see is what I no longer have.”

“Aria, you –”

“I don’t want to talk about it Aiden,” I said, jumping from the bed. “I’m going to take a shower,” I said, turning to face him.

He didn’t say anything but I could see he was going to make me talk about this, and I would…but not now.

“Well hurry and get dressed. After breakfast, Allison has the day planned for us,” he said following me to the bathroom.

After our shower, I emerged from the bathroom and headed to his closet for something to wear.

“What does Allison have planned?” I asked.

“The Skating Club and lunch at Bronwyn. Do you like German cuisine?”

“Sure, but that doesn’t sound like the entire day,” I said.

“She wants to show your sisters around a bit and then head to The Sinclair for dinner and live music.”

I smiled upon hearing about the music.

“I thought you’d like that,” he said.

“I do. Very much.”

*****

It was shortly after midnight when we finally walked into the penthouse. Aiden, April and I said our goodnights but Allison, Lia and Bianca were still pretty wired so we left them to their own devices.

I was walking out of the bathroom, dressed for bed. “I know the timing is less than ideal but I think we need to determine what’s happening,” I said.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Between us,” I said.

“Oh, that,” he said.

“Yes ... that,” I replied. “Why do you sound so dismal?”

He sighed. “Because I’m not prepared to say goodbye to you.”

“You’re so sure that’s where this will lead?”

“I know it’s highly probable considering you wouldn’t be here had you not loss your mother.”

“That’s true. But my loss has forced me to think about some things, things I can’t continue running from and I think we should talk about it.”

“I didn’t want to be insensitive so I’ve not said anything but I agree. We should talk. Aria, as much as I want to solidify things with us, I want to be considerate of what you’re going through. Our talk can wait,” he said.

“Thank you Aiden but I’m fine to talk about it now.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’m sure.  But first, I would like to express my gratitude. You’ve not left my side since all of this happened. You’ve gone over and beyond anticipating my every want and need, hell even things I didn’t know I wanted until you had done it.  You stepped in and made everything better. My sisters are crazy about you … well maybe not Bianca,” I added, smiling. “From what they’ve told me, Mom had some type of cougar crush on you.”

“A cougar crush huh?” he asked, amused.

“Yep,” I replied.

“Aria, there’s nothing to thank me for. I’m where I should be, where I want to be, where I hope you’ll allow me to stay.”

I considered his words and I wanted to tell him what he wanted to hear. “You know a little about my relationship issues but I want to give you more insight,” I said.

“Aria, I know all I need to know.”

“That very well may be, but I want to say it.”

“Okay,” he replied.

“I’ve dealt with so much heart ache in the last few months that the part of me that was beginning to open had started to close again. Before losing Mom, I’d started to think that it was for the best because it would help me avoid unnecessary pain,” I said.

“I know I haven’t said it aloud to the depth that you deserve but I hope my actions have spoken for me. I’m deeply sorry for my deceit and for the pain that I’ve caused. I’ve been kicking myself in the ass every day for it. Even when things were going well, I was struggling with telling you everything, but I didn’t want to risk losing you,” he said.

“Part of me is still struggling with that Aiden to be honest – the deceit.”

“I can understand that.”

“And it hurt, more than you realize.”

“Aria I know what –”

“Wait. Let me finish. That hurt allowed me to have something I wouldn’t have had otherwise – time with my mom and I can’t regret that. In the middle of the craziness, there were some very happy times with my family … and with you.”

“That’s huge for you to acknowledge that. I’m happy for you. That you had that time with your mother and I hope you keep your heart open to more times like that, regardless of whether or not it’s me you choose to do that with.”

I couldn’t imagine even
attempting
this with anyone other than him.

“When I left my family so many years ago, I left a way of life and I had no intentions of going back to it. Ever. I left with two thoughts. I would never be hurt by it again nor would I allow a man to do to me what my father had done to Mom. So I buried all associations with either of those possibilities – no meaningful relationships with men and breaking some of the ties to my family.”

I turned and walked toward the window looking at the darkness and the small sprinkle of stars as I continued. “I felt guilty for leaving. I knew they needed me. I heard them screaming out to me … to come back … to help them and I tried. I tried…but I couldn’t.  I couldn’t do it anymore,” I said, turning to face him. I watched as his face twisted, feeling the pain in my words.

“Every day that I was there was miserable.  I had hoped that Mom would snap out of it but those hopes became day after day of disappointment. When it gets to a point when a person expects to be disappointed, to be let down or bailed on, it changes you. It created a fear of embracing anyone, of allowing anyone to get too close.”

“I can understand that but that’s life Aria. We all face those same possibilities.”

“Life … yeah.  I’ve seen this life take what I love … like a leaf fluttering in the wind, I sat and watched the wind blow it away. There was nothing I could do but sit and watch. It was out of my control. That’s why I decided that control was the only way to accommodate my needs. I wanted to pull the strings – never giving it a chance to get to a point where I could get hurt. I walked around every day with my guards up thinking that someone was going to hurt me so I made sure I kept everyone at arm’s length. At the end of the day, I had exactly what I wanted ... nothing and nobody. That solution wasn’t full proof but it was effective … until I met you.”

“Sorry for throwing a monkey-wrench in your program,” he said, lightening the moment.

“I know you’re kidding but that’s exactly what you did,” I said. “And I didn’t want any part of it.”

“And there was nothing about me that made you want to at least try? The feelings that I know you had for me. You’ve never said the words, but I know you love me. And that had to have had some type of effect.” he said.

“Aiden, when your heart’s been broken in a million different pieces, you’re not able to recognize the feeling of love, especially if you’ve never had it in a romantic sense. And when your love found a way to filter its way through one of the tiny cracks, it felt somewhat intrusive and very disconcerting. And now that I know who you really are, I find myself with yet another dilemma – fitting into your world. Considering a relationship with any man to this degree would be a challenge but with someone like you, it’s added additional layers of complexity.”

“Aria, you needn’t worry about that. That shouldn’t be the reason – as a matter of fact, I will not let that be the reason that we don’t give this a try especially considering that we’re obviously to a point where the other obstacles are being quietly pushed away.”

“That’s easy enough for you to say, but it’s much different for me,” I said.

“Explain.”

I didn’t feel comfortable unveiling another insecurity to him, but I knew I had to if this discussion were to be of any use. I recalled Raina telling me that she thought that Aiden was a fish out of water when it came to me. I’d been too hurt and angry to give that any consideration, but I think she was right. He and I both were trying to find our way through unchartered waters.

“I never felt as though I fit in anywhere. I think it started when Dad left; he and I were very close. And when he left there was no one at home I could identify with. My sisters were too young and Mom … well you know. Soon after that, I started to feel as though I didn’t fit with my friends, which is probably the
real
reason I only have one friend. Then there’s the fact that I’m bi-racial. When people look at me ... it’s as if they’re trying to figure out who or what I am.  Funny thing is … I do the same thing and to this day I still don’t know. Until you entered my life, I really
thought
I knew but when I look in the mirror now, I see a stranger staring back at me. I feel as though I morph into someone different with every situation. I don’t know who I am. What I find so surprising is that I don’t even know who I want to see in the mirror anymore.”

He had that look that I’d seen once before when I opened up about myself. He felt sorry for me. I hated seeing that in his eyes. I turned away and continued. “Don’t look at me like that.”

He turned me to face him, forcing me to gaze into his beautiful green eyes. “You do fit … in more ways than you can imagine Princess.” He reached up and stroked my cheek. “Don’t you understand that you’re perfect? Wherever you are, you fit perfectly. No matter whom you’re with or where you are ... you belong and you need to know that you belong.” A silly smile crossed his perfect lips stifling a laugh. “As for feeling sorry for you ... give me a break. If anything – and I may lose my man card for saying this – I’ve found you to be intimidating at times.”

“Well that goes both ways,” I replied.

“Princess, what I
do
feel is admiration for the success you’ve become despite the pain and hurt that could have led to your demise. You’re like the missing piece of puzzle ... at least for me. I’ve walked around for as long as I can remember, feeling as though there was something significant missing from my life. I had no idea what it was until I met you.”

My heart was melting as I looked into his eyes seeing the truth he’d placed in his words. “Your family will never accept me. I’m not the woman they would choose for you,” I said.

“It doesn’t matter what my family wants, what matters is what I want … what I feel. Aria, I’ve dated those women that my family would approve of but I never really wanted them. I was just there. When you came into my life, all of that changed. I would awake every morning exhilarated. I thought of you continuously throughout the day. I even hated to go to sleep because I knew my thoughts of you would be interrupted.  When I found myself drifting off, my last conscious thought was a hope that I would have dreams of nothing but you. Granted I wanted those dreams to involve fucking you, but still. In the end, even though you gave the pretense of hating me, I couldn’t stay away from you … I naturally gravitate toward you. I can’t explain it, but for the first time in my life, I feel full of life; it’s the feeling I get when I play music but somehow it’s more than that. I love everything about you; the way you look, the way you walk, the way you talk.  I love the way your eyes twinkle when you laugh. I’ll bet you didn’t know your eyes twinkled. I love your smile – it’s a little crooked … your upper lip goes more toward the left a little bit, but I love it … I love you.”

“Wow, you make me sound so incredible that even I want to date me,” I said, smiling.

“So do you understand, at least in part, why I want this to happen?”

“I do,” I replied. “So I have a crooked twinkly-eyed smile? I thought you said I was perfect.” I said, jokingly.

“You are perfect – in every way. You’re definitely perfect for me.”

“You’re amazing, you know that right?”

“Yeah, I do,” he replied, smiling.