Trinity (Moonstone Book 1) (11 page)

Chapter Twelve

Trinity

Priscilla was in a super hyperactive mood today and it had been hard to get her concentrate on music for any length of time. I only had an hour with her and she was bouncing off the walls, talking about a flower girl dress she’d just picked up that day and how she was going to have flowers in her hair and wear sparkly shoes. I listened to her chatter away patiently wondering what it would have been like to have a childhood like hers. One like Luke’s most likely too.

When I left there I went home to my new place at Mark’s. There were a bunch of guys hanging out in the living room smoking dope and drinking beer. I walked straight past them and to my room, closing the door behind me.

I’d known Mark for years—his dad and my mother had had an off and on relationship over the years. On when it suited them both and off when Kent was back in my mother’s life. For a while there they had been very close and Mark, who was a few years older than me, had been spending quite a bit of time over at our house before Kent showed up once more and ruined it. I must have been about thirteen and I actually stayed with Mark and his dad for a few days until Kent went back to his real family. Mark was one of the few people who actually knew what my mother was like, had met and seen her in action.

He’d married Melody only about a year ago and she was nice. She worked in a roadhouse just outside of town and for a while turned a blind eye to his dope smoking and drinking. To the guys hanging out at the house constantly. Then I guess it got too much, a regular customer started paying her more attention and well, she left. Mark sometimes went to work and sometimes didn’t and had a spare room. I had scoured the local papers looking for a place to live but there was nothing both decent and affordable on such short notice. As soon as we did the wedding I would be getting myself a much better place to live.

Stepping into my room I flushed as I saw the unmade bed with the rumpled sheets. Then I glanced around the room that was lit with the afternoon sun. I tried to imagine seeing this through Luke’s eyes and what he must have thought.

My stomach twisted. Luke was from a different world. He had grown up so differently to me, with a family, with a girlfriend from a respectable family. He had a whole future ahead of him that included college and a decent job. I shook my head as my throat burned. We were worlds apart. There was no possible future for us. He was just as alien in my world as I was in his.

When I woke up and saw he was still there I had spent ages watching him sleep, committing the sharp angles of his face, the slight shadow on his jaw and the tousled hair that only a few hours ago I had clutched, to memory. He was my first and I wanted to remember him and everything about that night for ever.

I didn’t regret it. I’d wanted it, maybe more than he did, but I was under no illusions. I knew that this wasn’t the start of some great romance, and I knew that once he’d slept with me then his interest would be sated and he would have no more reason to seek me out. He’d probably get back together with that Melissa girl, after all, they did have five years together. We had a week. I couldn’t compete with five years, never mind a whole different lifestyle.

I dumped my bag on the floor and collapsed on my bed with exhaustion. I’d left this morning, deliberately not waking him, in order to spare him the awkward, morning after scene. I didn’t need or expect it. When he’d rocked up at work I’d been shocked and then embarrassed as memories of last night had suddenly rushed to the forefront of my mind reminding me of what I’d done, said and felt. I’d almost had another orgasm right then and there just looking at him, a thought which had only made me even more mortified.

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. Oh god I could smell him. His scent was everywhere, clinging to the sheets and my pillow. I swallowed hard and rolled over, pulling the pillow down to inhale a little more.

He wanted to see me again. I wasn’t sure why or what for. Did he want to see me again because I was a sure thing? We’d done it once so we’d do it again. Or, and I scarcely dared hope, did he want to see me again because he liked me.

He’d told me I was beautiful.

He’d told me I was amazing.

My insides swelled. I wanted so desperately for Luke to want me, to want to be with me but I knew at the same time it was impossible. I was almost homeless—save for Mark. I sometimes slept in my car. I had a sudden flash of guilt. My car—god I couldn’t even tell him the truth about my car. It wasn’t in the shop. It had run out of petrol. I’d used it so much driving to home, to work, to practice, to tutor and I had to use most of my savings to buy the mattress I slept on and the new sheets and pay Mark advanced board. I couldn’t quite afford to put petrol in my car, although after tonight’s gig I would be able to.

There was no way our relationship would work.

He had a future and I had, what? My job at The Bean and as the lead singer of a rock band? Would he one day take me home to meet his parents? Meet his sister? Would I take him home to meet my mother? I cringed at the thought of Luke meeting my mother, of seeing our house, the street we lived in.

I choked on a sob.

God
, why couldn’t life ever just be like the movies where everything turns out okay?

****

I woke a little while later to someone gently shaking me awake.

“Hey, sleepy head, wake up.”

I blinked and rubbed my eyes, sitting up as I made sense of my surroundings. That’s right. Mark’s. It was dark now, I must have slept for a couple of hours. Molly was here, sitting on the floor bedside my makeshift bed, her face drawn up with amusement.

“What’s the time?” I asked sleepily. Her hair was gelled and spiked and her makeup was dark and dramatic. She was dressed to perform in black jeans and a black leather vest.

“Nearly eight,” she said. “I tried calling but you didn’t pick up. I saw your car over at The Bean.”

“I ran out of petrol,” I muttered.

“Why didn’t you say? I could’ve spotted you the money.”

I flushed. Molly
would
lend me the money, I knew that, I just hated having to ask so I never did. That was something I was proud of—not once had I ever asked anyone for money and I wasn’t about to start now.

“It’s all good,” I told her, “I like the bus. Gives me a chance to think.”

She sat back on her heels. Molly knew better than to push it, which was why we’d been friends for so long. “Well if you are done thinking then I am here to get you. We have a gig if you haven’t forgotten.”

“No. It’s all good. Just give me a few minutes to get ready.”

Getting up I rummaged through my bags searching for something to wear. I didn’t own a lot of clothes, my rock chic clothes I’d mostly picked up from second hand stores. I normally took two outfits and changed half way through the night.

“So,” Molly began as I wriggled out of my jeans and t-shirt, “Luke.”

I was glad the t shirt was over my head and she couldn’t see my face when I heard his name. “Hmmn.”

“So he stayed over last night.” It was a statement not a question.

I glanced at her. “How do you know—?”

“C’mon, Trin, I’m not stupid. You two took off together and weren’t seen again. Not hard to figure out. Plus, your lovely new roomie and his mates were more than happy to share the details of what they heard when I arrived tonight.”

I groaned. “Really? They heard us?”

She laughed. “Apparently the whole street heard you.” She leaned forward and rested her hands on her knees. “So—how was it? Was it everything you imagined? Sounds like it must have been epic.”

I stepped into some black leather jeans that I’d picked up at a thrift shop a little while ago. I didn’t wear them often as they were hot and sweaty but I thought I’d try again tonight. I pulled on a lime green top that only just covered my bra which I’d changed to black. I couldn’t imagine ever going anywhere dressed like this except the stage. It was is if slipped into a different persona when I dressed to perform, like someone who was tough and could take on the world, who said
fuck you
to the things that pissed her off and didn’t care about the consequences. This person, this tough rock chic, was far removed from the coward I was when it came to my mother, to the little girl that got hit and never once defended herself.

“Trin?”

I realized that Molly was waiting for answer. What had she asked? Oh. Luke.

“It was fine.” I told her.

She made a face. “Fine. Blah, Trinity. You can’t just describe sex as fine. Dinner is fine. The weather is fine. Sex is
not
meant to be fine.”

“Okay. It was better than fine.”

“That’s it? God, he looks so great too, so sexy. I expected more. So I’m guessing you were faking.”

I started threading earrings through my ears. Oh god, the last thing I wanted was to start spreading rumors that Luke was boring in bed. “Okay, so it was great. Better than great! Are you happy?”

She laughed. “Now I am. And are you seeing him again?”

This brought a frown to my face. I could feel it. “He came in to work today and said he’ll be at the gig tonight. But I don’t know… It’s probably not such a great idea.”

“And how can it not be a great idea?” she pulled a lipstick from her bag and reapplied the already dramatic red lipstick to her puckered mouth.

“Well. He’s only just broken up from a five year relationship. From a girl who is just stunning and from, well, you know a
real
family like his. He goes to college, he drives a decent car, and he has an apartment, and he’s just… Well, he’s just different. We don’t really have anything in common.”

“You have the fact that you are both crazy about each other in common.”

I made a face. “I would hardly say he is crazy about me.”

“What about you? Are you crazy about him?”

My insides turned over and I felt a low burn in my stomach. I was crazy about him but I didn’t want to be. I didn’t want to want him so bad, I didn’t want to light up like a glow worm when I saw him, I didn’t want to be a tangled mess of emotions just wondering if he would call or if he liked me. That was teenage stuff, for girls who had nothing better to worry about than boys. I had lots more to worry about—like where I was going to live, when I was going to see my mother, when my stitches were going to be out…

“It’s probably not a good idea for me to be crazy over him,” I whispered.

“Trinity you deserve this!” she cried jumping up. “You deserve a guy who adores you and it is so very clear that he does. You deserve someone who makes you feel special and who makes your insides turn to jelly.”

“But then do I deserve to be heartbroken? To have him walk away in a few weeks or months?”

She looked at me really sadly. “You don’t know that will happen.”

“And you don’t know it won’t. I mean really, do you
really
think his family is going to approve of him dating a homeless girl? A girl who gets beat up by her mother and who has no idea who her father is?”

Tears burned at the back of my throat. It already hurt, just knowing that this wouldn’t work. That he would eventually realize I wasn’t right for his world. God, what would it be like to break up in weeks or even months? I couldn’t imagine the heartache I would feel. I couldn’t afford it.

I thought of my mother and the heartache she suffered over and over again at the hands of Kent and what it had done to her over the years.

And my mind was made up. I couldn’t afford to take any chances.

Chapter Thirteen

Trinity

Gwen was pacing when we arrived at The Silver Den later that night. She had on a short, black and red skater girl dress and her dark brown hair tied back in a braid. She was so caught up in thought she didn’t even notice us, and I’d expected her to shout at us for arriving so late.

“What’s with Gwen?” Molly asked Shawna.

“She’s a little stressed,” Shawna whispered. “Tony just came to see us and said there is a guy from a record label here. He’s heard about us and came down to check us out. A small label, nothing huge, but still … you know how much this band means to Gwen.”

Molly nodded, her eyes following Gwen who was still pacing.

“Gwen,” I called over to her, “it will be okay.” Even though I felt my own prickle of apprehension and a million questions flooded my brain. A music rep? A record label? He came to hear us play?

She glanced up at me. “Trinity, it’s up to you. Our music is good, and we are going to play a couple extra originals time—Shawna, get her the set list. We are going to have to throw our all in to the gig tonight. Our all. This is our big break, this could be what we are waiting for but all eyes and attention are on
you
. We can play the music, bring it all together but you are the front girl,
you
are what everyone is looking at.”

I shivered at her words. I didn’t like them. I could already feel the pressure closing in around me. “Gwen I will do my best but—”

She held up her hand. “No buts. You look hot, sexy as, but tonight you have to be just a tiny bit sexier.”

Sexier
? I nodded, but I didn’t quite understand what she was asking me.

“Really flirt with the crowd,” she urged, “I mean you do it anyway but it has to be more than a few winks. Take a risk.”

I nodded. I hated her pushing this on me, we were in this together and we all wanted our band to succeed but at the same time I knew how much it meant to Gwen. It was a chance to prove to her parents that she had made the right choice when she rejected their plans for her and decided to follow her own path, to follow her heart. They expected her to fall flat on her face and realize her failure and then come back around to their way of thinking.

For her, everything was riding on tonight.

God, I wished I’d had more time to prepare.

Suddenly Shawna grabbed my arm. “No tatts?”

I shook my head. I normally got a few henna tattoos from a lady at the markets in town but I hadn’t had the time or the spare cash this week. “Not today.”

She eyed me. “You still look hot.”

“Thanks,” I replied with a smirk.

“Wait a sec,” Gwen cried and then grabbed a pair of scissors off a tray and walked towards me.

I backed up. “Ah, what do you think you are doing?”

“Just making you a little bit edgier. Trust me okay?”

I eyed her warily as she tugged my arms up and then attacked my top. It was short anyway, baring my belly button but she now took another inch off it so that with my arms down it only barely covered the black, lacy bra I had on. If I raised my arms then I pretty much bared my bra.

“Shit, Gwen!” I cried, clutching my arms around my now very bare stomach.

“Just wait.” She continued as she fiddled with something on her makeup tray and then came over to me. “Let go. Honestly, Trin, you’d think you’d never flashed some skin at the audience before.”

She had a point. I’d flashed plenty of flesh before, but it was normally respectable flesh, not my breasts. But this was her chance,
our
chance, so I let go and let her do her handiwork on my stomach. Fascinated I watched as she glued on a set of diamantes. They were different shapes, colors, and sizes, but she handled them with precision, wrapping them around my exposed belly button. Then she made a trail down my stomach before gluing the last one on
underneath
the zipper of my jeans.

“There,” she said with satisfaction, “now you look fucking fuckable.”

I cringed a little at her words, not sure that was what I wanted to look like. Sure, I wanted to look sexy, I wanted to get the crowd excited, that was my job as the lead singer, but I didn’t want to be too overt,
slutty
. That was a word I hated to use to describe anyone, let alone myself.

“Girls you ready,” Tony appeared backstage and paused when he saw me. “Trinity—wow. You look amazing.”

I managed a tight smile as I resisted the urge to wrap my arms around my mid-section. I sucked in a deep breath. I could do this. This wasn’t me, this was the rock chic me, the lead singer of a band who needed to step up big time tonight.

“Great crowd here tonight girls, all revved up to see you. Plus my mate is here, and he has heard many good things about you. Don’t make a liar out of me and everyone else.”

“We won’t,” Gwen promised him earnestly.

She nodded and we all closed ranks as Gwen offered up a small but desperate prayer. When she said her amen her eyes fell right on me.

****

Any feelings of self-consciousness vanished as soon as I stepped on stage. The audience went wild and there were wolf whistles and screams galore. I even heard my name being shouted out amongst all the applause, which was a bit surreal. Normally they just yelled for the band, Moonstone, not individual members.

The place was dark and stank of alcohol and sweat. The dry ice machine had been pumped up and the lights were directed straight onto me so that when I looked out into the crowd all I could see was a sea of heads, shapes but no faces. I shielded my eyes but that didn’t help.

“Fuck me, Trinity baby!” someone yelled.

I grinned and stepped up to the microphone. “In your dreams,” I replied and then dropped my voice to a husky whisper, “or maybe just later tonight.”

The crowd went wild and Olivia started on the keyboards introducing the first song which was a cover of a No Doubt song. From there we went into another cover before we did an original. It was easier to be sexy and flirt openly with the crowd when the music was flowing and the crowd were screaming and applauding. Plus Gwen kept reminding the crowd how sexy I was and encouraging them to scream for me. Strange, I knew I looked sexy, I knew I was acting sexy but when I thought of sexy I kept flashes of last night and of Luke and the little moments between us, mixed with some of the bigger ones.

Was he here?
I wondered. He’d said he would see me tonight but what if he hadn’t come, what if he’d decided he’d had me already and it was enough. And then another darker thought, what if he saw me on stage, saw my performance and it disgusted him?

The song ended and I turned around to get a quick drink of water only to find Gwen frowning at me. Then she shook her head curiously, a question in her eyes. It took me a second to realize what she was asking, what she was telling me. My performance had faltered. I’d been thinking about Luke and it had affected my performance.

Right
. No more thinking about Luke.

It worked, I didn’t think about him again and when I looked over at Gwen halfway through a classic Red Hot Chili Peppers song she grinned at me.

We stopped for a break mid set and I immediately went out back to the change room to switch into my next outfit. It was a strapless mini dress that was covered in teeny, tiny sunflowers. The print was very grandmotherish but the cut was anything other. I teamed it with a pair of black ripped stockings and some big boots. Then I tied a bright yellow bandana around my hair, making sure my hair stood out in spikes around it.

“So girls,” Tony appeared in the change room and I jumped. He didn’t normally intrude in here but waited until we were back stage once more. “My friend is impressed. Very impressed. Trinity he thinks you are incredible.”

I beamed. So my moment of distraction, however long it had lasted, hadn’t been that bad.

“He wants to meet you, so we’ve arranged a private interview back at my house afterwards.”

“Woo hoo!” this was Gwen who hooted that and we all high-fived before Tony cleared his throat, looking directly at me.

“I’m not sure you understood me right,” he explained, “he thinks
you
are amazing Trinity. He wants to meet you.”

My grin, which was almost as huge as Gwen’s was, froze on my face. “Wha—?”

“Don’t get me wrong,” Tony rushed to reassure us. “He’s interested in all of you. In Moonstone. But he sees Trinity as the leader of the band and so he wants to talk to her.”

“Well he should talk to Gwen,” I said quickly, a panicked feeling in my throat, “If anyone is the leader it’s her. She makes all our decisions.”

Tony shook his head. “He doesn’t see it that way. You are the girl up front.
You
are the leader.”

I shook my head. “No. He should talk to us all together. We’re a team.”

“Look, he is not the type of guy you negotiate with, Trin,” Tony explained, a tinge of annoyance in his voice, “either you are going to meet with him or I can just tell him no.”

Gwen stepped up toward me and placed her warm hands on my bare shoulders. Over her head I could see Molly chewing her bottom lip and Shawna and Olivia frowning. They didn’t like this any more than I did.

“Look,” Gwen began, “I get why he wants to meet with just you, Trin. No point in talking to five girls all at the same time. You can do this. You just need to meet with him, see what he has to say, and then talk to us. Just don’t make any decisions or agree to anything you aren’t sure of. I trust you.
We
trust you. We can’t let this opportunity slip on by.”

“I don’t know, Gwen,” Molly began, “seems kind of weird to me.”

“It’s not weird,” Tony told her, “he likes the band, he wants to talk.”

“Can’t he wait until Monday,” Shawna suggested, “we could drive Trin over to his office…”

“Look,” Tony interrupted, his voice stretched thin, “what do you want me to tell him. Yes or no?”

A lump had edged itself into my throat and settled there as five pairs of eyes turned towards me expectantly. Gwen’s pleaded with me to do this and I wanted so bad to make her dreams come true but there was something off, something iffy, about the whole thing. The other girls didn’t say a word but I could tell they agreed with me. It wasn’t right. We were a team.

“So no it is.” Tony turned to leave.

“No! Wait,” I called out after him, “tell him … tell him—yes. That it’d be great to meet with him. At your house.”

Tony smiled, obviously relieved by my answer and left to share the news with his mate.

“Thanks,” Gwen whispered before she swooped me into a hug, “this could be it, Trin. This could be all we’ve ever dreamed of.”

I managed a smile as her arms encircled me. I really hoped she was right.