True (12 page)

“She’s a friend?” His answer sounded more like a question.

“I mean, are you asking me or don’t you know what you are to her. You only pose in pictures while having dinner with her every time you go to Texas and post them on Facebook.”
I snort.

“Court, stop. Ash is Stiller’s sister. It’s not like that with us.” Us. So there’s
an us. An Alex and Ashley us.

“Oh, great. Thanks. That all makes perfect sense.” I shrug, feigning indifference though it was obvious his answer didn’t help one bit especially the part where he shortened her name to just “Ash.” Bitch.

I wait a few more moments to see if he would continue to elaborate, but he only stares back at me with pressed lips, as if he expects me to say something more. Fuck it.

“You know what. It doesn’t even matter anymore.” I get up from the couch and try to walk past him, but he grabs my arm firmly, not enough to hurt, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to continue walking. So I stopped and glared at him. The brown eyes I used to spend so much time dreamily gazing into were now staring at me with anger and uncertainty.

“What doesn’t matter anymore?” He chokes out. His voice is so full of hurt that I could have burst into tears right now at the way things were playing out between us. I knew my words had hurt him, but he was hurting me too. So I steel my emotions enough to reply.

“All of it.” I answer with more confidence than I felt and yank my arm from his grasp. I kept my eyes averted the whole time, not wanting to look at his face to see what effect my words had on him. Would I see hurt or relief?

By the time I made it up the stairs, I was sure I would pass out from lack of oxygen. I refused to release any of the sobs I was holding in my chest until I closed the door to my bedroom and then the one in the bathroom followed by the running water of the shower. Only then did I let go. Loudly and with abandon.

I promised myself that night that if Alex came upstairs to bed, I wouldn’t go through with my plan with Justin. Then the next morning I promised myself if he tried to talk to me, I wouldn’t do it. Then if he at least kissed me goodbye like he normally did before he drove to the airport, this could all be saved. I
wanted so desperately for him to show me any sign that he wanted there to still be an us. An Alex and Courtney. Hell, I would have even taken a glance in my direction with anything other than indifference.

I got none of those things. He didn’t come to bed. He didn’t try to talk to me. He didn’t look at me. He only kissed the girls goodbye and left without so much as a "fuck you" in my direction. That was it. It was done.

I picked up my phone.

“Macy, are you busy tomorrow? I have something I need to go out of town for and was hoping you could do me a huge favor by watching the girls and maybe keep them overnight?”

Decision made.

Chapter Thirteen

Present
.

I’m sitting in my car, drumming my fingers on the steering wheel and staring at the words “Reserve Now” on the tiny screen in front of me. I sent Justin a text this morning after I
dropped off the girls at my sister’s, letting him know that I still planned to drive up. He replied immediately giving me the address of his construction site asking me to meet him there. I came home to change and grab an overnight bag and then quickly Googled hotels in Talbot Beach on my phone. My search returned with  “The Bella Vista.” It looked like a lovely place, so I decided to book a room and not think any further about whether I would actually use it. Now I’m staring at the last steps of the booking stage with my finger hovering over the words that could change everything. What would Justin say if he knew I booked a room? Would he assume we would use it. Do I want to use it with him? What if we do? Something to the left catches my eye, and it takes my brain a moment to comprehend what I’m seeing.

A fucking For Sale sign. Is he serious?

Was I just going to come home one day to find this planted in front of the house?

Enough! He is taking this too far. He is not selling my house.

I dial Alex’s number on my phone and let it ring until the voice mail picks up.

“You motherfucker! Why is there a For Sale sign in the damn garage, Alex? Are you out of your mind? You want to sell the house? Well, unfortunately for you this is not just your house! My name is on the deed too, and I’ll be damned if I just let you sell it. I am so done with all of this! If this is how you want things to go down. Fine!” Click.

I maneuvered back to the Bella Vista website and reserved my ocean view suite with a king sized bed. Then I got out of the car, grabbed an armful of folded boxes that were stacked against the wall smirking to myself. I had asked Alex numerous times to get rid of these, but his answer was always that they were good boxes, and we'll never know when we might need them. Well, their usefulness has been realized today. I stomp back into the house and up to the bedroom. I grab everything that was his and tossed it inside the waiting boxes. Clothes, shoes, electronics, and shampoo were all thrown in random order. They become so heavy that I couldn't lift them, so I tucked the tops closed and slid them down the staircase one by one. I’m pretty sure a cologne bottle was broken because the scent grew pretty heavy from one of them.

Oh well.

I place a total of four large and fully packed boxes neatly by the front door. That was all I had the energy to gather for now. I would work on the rest later.

For some reason I can’t explain, I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders. Those full boxes represented so much. A life that I refused to live anymore.

I went and grabbed the For Sale sign and threw it in the large green trash can outside and pulled it out to the curb, typed in the directions that Justin gave me to Talbot Beach in my GPS and drove away.

*****

The entire drive I fluctuated between one hundred percent certainty and wanting to turn my car around and unpack all of Alex’s things. God, I didn’t know what to do. I can have such a quick temper at times. Once the anger goes away, I often regret the decisions I’ve made during what Alex calls my “Hulking out” time. The
Welcome to Talbot Beach
sign comes into view, and I decide that it’s too late to turn back.

The town is beautiful. A specific shade of blue seemed to be the theme as it was a part of everything. There were several shops with blue and white striped awnings. Outdoor cafes used the same shade of blue for their table cloths and waiters aprons. Many of the homes had doors and shutters painted blue as well. There were also very little cars on the road as it seemed that everyone preferred to walk or ride bicycles. While Talbot Beach started out as a resort town, over the years many people have made it their permanent home. It could have been my imagination but everyone seemed happy, and I so desperately wanted to feel that way too. I pushed away the sadness still resting on my heart as I allowed my GPS to take me to my destination.

A large two story house that very much fit the town's theme of cozy looking beach homes came into view. There was the usual scaffolding and wooden crates scatter around. The sounds of hammering and drilling filled the area. Before I could bring my car to a complete stop, Justin was already approaching my door. I put the car in park and let down the window.

“Hi.” I grin up at him. His hair is damp at the neck and I inhale the clean scent of soap and cologne. He traded his usual black tee for a light blue button up and tan shorts. His face was very relaxed, his eyes smiling with something I had never noticed before. Happiness.

“Hi, gorgeous.” He replies before leaning down and resting his forearms on the window. “Is it okay if we take your car? My truck is loaded full of equipment.” His face is mere inches from mine.

“
Okay.” I answer breathlessly, reacting the way I always do when this man is in my personal space.

“Slide over, I’ll drive.” Instantly, I lifted myself up and over the center console, settling myself in the passenger’s seat. Justin was buckling his seat belt when I heard my phone chime. I glanced down and grimaced.

Alex.

A wave of guilt washes over me before I send the call to my voice mail. I'll deal with him later.

I take in a deep cleansing breath and look over at Justin, who was staring back at me expectantly, waiting to see what I would do or say next.

“Let’s go.” I say hoping to sound cheerful before clicking my belt and putting on my best carefree smile, willing myself to push away the worry and doubt.

Fake it til you make it, right?

Justin just continues to look at me for a moment, assessing me with narrow eyes and not speaking. Finally, he nods once and drives us away from the construction site.

We ride in companionable silence. Justin has his wrist relaxed and resting on the steering wheel as he sits back comfortably in his seat. He adjusts the radio to find a local station. “Balmorhea” by San Soloman is playing as we drove through the quaint town. The ocean was to the left of us and beach side houses were to the right. Again happy people are strolling leisurely along the wooden sidewalks. I let my head fall back against the seat as I close my eyes, and move my head from side to side in time with the beautiful song and before long I feel a genuine smile appear on my face. That’s when Justin’s hand reaches for mine and pulls it slowly towards him. When I don’t resist, he lets our joined hands rest on his thigh. And nope, I don’t pull away then either.

*****

We spend the day walking in and out of a few shops in town. Talbot Beach is known for its exquisite handmade crafts. One store in particular had an array of beautiful jewelry. My eye immediately lands on and fell in love with a silver necklace with a dainty seahorse made of pale blue sea glass. Before I knew it, Justin had the shopkeeper swiping his credit card as he fastened his gift around my neck. It was beautiful, but I knew I couldn't accept it. When I started to shake my head. He placed a soft kiss on top of my shoulder and whispered. “Please. Just for today.”

It really was a lovely necklace and I told myself that it would be okay just to wear it for today. There is a small sign at the register that says all items can be returned with a receipt, which I
watched Justin tuck into his wallet. I would make sure to give the necklace back to him but for today I can pretend.

We exited the shop hand in hand, stopping to have lunch at an outdoor cafe where we sip Coronas and share a big platter of peel and eat spicy shrimp. We talked for hours. There was no rush, no avoiding topics, no worries that unwelcome ears would overhear. He asked me about Alex, and I told him everything, I don't know why. It was pouring out of me as if I could no longer contain it, and all I was waiting on was for someone to ask. I knew that Justin was probably the last person I should tell these things, but maybe I wanted to see his reaction. I repeated the conversation with Alex's mom, Virginia, the For Sale sign, the boxes, all of it. It felt good to let it all out to someone who was on my side. I could never really talk to Dee the way I needed to sometimes because while she was my best friend she was also married to Alex’s best friend. To some degree her loyalties were divided. I knew from experience that neutrality is the safest choice when best friends were involved. I just hoped our friendship could survive things that are already in motion that can’t be changed. Like me being here with Justin, feeling the warmth from the sun on my shoulders, and a blush on my cheeks every time he looked at me and smiled, which was often. His eyes showed so much adoration and it made me feel special. Something I hadn’t felt in a long time and I realized how much I missed it.

We continue to walk hand in hand down to the ocean as we wade barefoot in the water. I talked and talked while he gave me his full attention. It was great to be with someone who seemed to be really listening to me, really listening.

Just as the sun began to set, I gave Macy a called to check on the girls and kept the convers
ation very short. I knew that if she asked too many questions I was liable to spill it all. I also had two more missed calls from Alex. I pushed away all thoughts of him. I wasn’t in the mood to fight. Right now, I just wanted to enjoy the imaginary bubble I’ve been in all day.

Before I could chicken out, I sheepishly told Justin about my room at the Bella Vista, at which he grinned knowingly, but didn’t say a word. He dropped me off at the hotel so that I could change and told me he would return in an hour to take me to dinner. I put on a simple pale pink flowing dress that was light and airy and paired it with some strappy sandals. After applying light makeup I opted to leave my naturally curly hair loose as it wouldn’t make since to do much more than that with the heat and humidity working against me.

*****

The band was playing a version of “The Way You Look Tonight” while Justin is twirling me around the dance floor at the Moonlight Lounge. He was singing the words with such animation that I can’t stop giggling. The three glasses of champagne that he insisted on ordering for us could also have been playing a factor in my giddiness. I love this side of Justin, so playful and carefree. He was treating me as if I
belonged to him. He always pulls me close to him by grabbing my hand as he guides me through the room. With him, I feel like a better version of me. Not the bitchy, naggy wife. Not the family budget manager. Not the everyday bad guy. I like that Justin takes control. He orders everything for me at dinner, and I am delighted to see that he has good tastes in food, wine and even the champagne we drank afterward. Not to mention he is a really good dancer. I relax into the feel of his hard muscles as he holds me close and moved me effortlessly around the dance floor. We were clearly the youngest people in the room. I watch as the older women looked on at us adoringly, though I’m sure Justin was mostly their focal point. He is adorable with his blue jeans and white button down which he had rolled up at the sleeves.