Twell and the Rebellion (28 page)

“
I need to go wash.” I
rose from the bed to grab my things.

“
You sure do.” Shanna
screwed up her face tactlessly. “Oh and by the way, if you tell
anyone I apologized, I will use my powers against you in ways you
have never dreamed.”

“
And I’ll be ready for
you.” I grinned as I backed towards the door. I left Shanna in a
much happier and way less scary mood and went to wash. When I
returned, she was back in her own bed snoring contentedly. Kina and
Lavi were preparing for bed.

“
Hi, Twell,” Lavi said
hesitantly. “Um are you like, you know…?”

“
I’m fine.” I jumped in to
save her from her discomfort. “But I’d rather not talk if that’s
okay.” I feigned severe interest in the state of my hair, brushing
away in silence as I sneakily observed them both in the reflective
glass.

“
We understand,” Kina said
a little stiffly. “You don’t have to worry about us hassling
you.”

“
You wouldn’t be hassling
me,” I said quickly. “It’s just not helpful for me to think
about…about…”

“
It’s okay,” Kina sighed.
“But we are here if you need to talk.”

As I crawled into bed, I thought
I’d be delirious with joy if I never had to talk about anything
again. Ever. Words had caused me nothing but trouble since I’d
arrived at camp. Sleepily, I tried to imagine what my life would be
like if there was no war, no threat to our existence. Life would be
so different. I’d probably be off studying image design, still
hanging out with my school friends, choosing who I wanted to love.
Maybe then, no one would ever need to get hurt. I looked through
the glass ceiling and prayed to the other realms for answers. Only
the moons and stars stared back in silence.

Chapter
Twelve

Life
, for a while, became a blur of days spent preparing for
battle. We all retired early to bed each night, exhausted from the
intensity of training, while the healers were run ragged in
treating our injuries. Every day we waited for further reports of
attack, but there was nothing. It was as if they were waiting for
us to make the next move and indeed, we were preparing for
it.

It was a relief to me.
There was no time to worry, to think, to feel. I had a respite from
my emotions, from Jonaz, whom I was still not allowed to see, and
Avin, who didn’t seem to want to see me. I knew I needed to talk to
Avin at some point, to make sure he was okay, but the training took
up so much of my time and strength it was easy to use it as the
reason I hadn’t yet sought him out. Shanna went from not so subtle
hints, to direct threats that I launch another demonstration, but I
resisted, telling her I would when I was good and ready. My lack of
submission enraged her, but I held my ground, much to her
frustration.

Shay was still safely
hidden in the back of my mind throughout the day. Yet I was always
on edge, waiting for someone to bring me news of her, to hear she
was at least alive…a glimmer of hope. However, no one came and at
night in my dreams, Shay was no longer lost. Instead, she was
chained in a dark and hopeless place. I saw her being tortured,
crying out in fear and pain for me to find her, to save her, but I
couldn’t. I didn’t know how to find her. Sometimes, I saw the
Abwarzians, sneering viciously at me as they blocked the way to my
guardian. Other times Raze leaked into my new fears, still alive
and going after Shay to hurt me. I tried and tried to get around
Raze, but he was too strong. My powers seemed frozen and he
overcame me with a brutal strength that left me screaming in his
hands until I awoke sweaty and shaking. The intensity of training
combined with the endless nightmares was exhausting, and not only
for me.

Poor Kina and Lavi were so
patient, sometimes coming over to wake me when the shrieking was so
loud they thought the officers might come. Shanna was back to her
usual self. She mocked me ruthlessly, telling me I was the biggest
sook and attention seeker she’d ever met, and the bags under her
eyes were thanks to my hysterics. The girl was really starting to
grow on me.

As the intensity of training
increased, the anxiety clawing inside my chest gradually decreased
and a quiet and steady determination filled its place. Shay was
alive. I felt sure of it. And I was going to find her if it was the
last thing I ever did. I’d find a way to get to her and then
happily use my powers to destroy anything that got in my way,
anyone who tried to stop me. It kept me going, to make a plan, to
feel less powerless. It helped ease the burden of guilt I felt for
not trying to find her straight away. Not that I hadn’t tried. I’d
gone to Brazin and tried appealing to the conscience I now knew he
had. However, he shook his head firmly.

“
That’s what they want, if
she and the others are still alive. You do understand that don’t
you?” Brazin sneered in a way that made me feel rather fond of
him.

“
So what, we just sit back
and let them suffer until they make another move? Wait for them to
murder some more of our people?” I kicked at the ground in
frustration.

“
We wait until we hear
from them. They’ll get tired of waiting soon. Time after all, is
not on their side.”

“
What if it’s still too
much time for Shay and the others?” I argued. “What if they die
while we wait?”

“
Would you have your
fellow cadets and officers rush into battle now and risk the loss
of more lives, more needless death, for the sake of a few? Is that
right?”

I bit my lip, angry at his logic
but unable to deny the sense in his words. Brazin slapped a giant
hand on my shoulder and my knees buckled under the pressure.

“
Try to be patient.
Channel your emotions into the training and turn your fears into
strength. I believe you can do it, Twell.”

“
I have no idea why you
believe in me.” I sighed. “All I’ve done is bring you shame as your
student so far.”

“
On the contrary,” Brazin
grunted. “I like your spunk…you’ll need it soon, even more than you
do now.”

I shivered a little at the
thought and walked away unpacified. I had no choice but to take his
advice, to practice patience, or I’d go insane with worry. And for
a little while, it worked.

On a cool misty morning, I rose
earlier than the others (a miraculous occurrence) and headed to the
washrooms. I’d taken to showering again in the morning because of
the night sweats. Not only did I wake up with my bedclothes
drenched in sweat, but my damp hair managed to work itself into a
condition that no comb could untangle. I was not a pretty sight, so
I snuck off to the showers to hide the tell-tale evidence of my
state of mind.

I dawdled on my walk to
the hygiene quarters, shivering slightly as I breathed in the
chilled morning air. All was calm. The soft morning sky was tinged
with muted silver as the sun rose faintly into view. It was hard to
believe in such a moment of simple serenity and beauty that we’d
been through all that we had. In the washroom, I stared at myself
in the mirror and realized how much I’d changed in appearance since
I’d begun training. My eyes, once bright with mischief, were
somehow more defiant. The rich aubergine of the iris matched the
purple bruises scattered over my body from vigorous training
exercises. My limbs, once soft and weak, were now strong and lean
with muscle. Less womanly and more athletic, something I had never
pictured of myself. My face was thinner, making my mouth look
even
poutier
than usual, yet the bottom
lip was still fuller and more insolent than the top one.

There was a new hardness
about me that startled me, and I wondered if it was the loss of my
innocence that had altered my appearance so much. I took my thick
tangled hair in my hands and considered again the wisdom of cutting
it off. It was a hindrance to me, a constant battle to tame it. Yet
it was the only part of me that seemed the same, the last shred of
my youth unchanged. With a sigh, I went to a cubicle and stood
under the mist, letting it clean away the sweat and fear of the
night.

I was done and already on my way
back to my room as others drifted past, their eyes still glazed
with sleep and fatigue. Passing my roommates, I was pleased to see
Shanna walking with Kina and Lavi. She grimaced at me as she walked
past, while Kina and Lavi smiled nervously. I didn’t blame them;
they were probably betting it was only a matter of time before I
had some sort of nervous breakdown.

After I’d dressed and
pinned my hair back, I went over to the pond where I sat and stared
at the water. The pannerays glided past on their way around the
pool, only breaking the surface occasionally to gulp at the air.
They seemed so tranquil, their lives uncomplicated. They just had
to be. Why couldn’t we Comians just be? Because the Abwarzians
would never let us, I knew. They would never stop.

I thought of the small
Abwarzian girl and imagined how I’d feel if she was my sister. I
imagined living on Abwarz, stifled and sickly from the lack of
nutrients in their dwindling supply of desalinated water. I
remembered the hopelessness and desperation on her face as clearly
as if she was still in front of me. The sympathy I felt didn’t make
sense. Not after everything I’d heard growing up and now seen for
myself.
I couldn’t seem to help it and worse, I didn’t know if anyone else
felt the same. Not Jonaz. Not Avin. Maybe not even someone like
Sazika. Too afraid to mention it to my friends, it was yet another
burden I’d eventually need to overcome if I was going to survive
this war.

The cheerful chatter that had
resonated through the halls at the beginning of training was well
and truly gone, replaced with a tense moody silence. The only
sounds came from the clinking of cutlery and occasional mutterings
as students became lost in worry for their families and the future.
One thing I did notice was that couples were becoming more
apparent. It was as if what had happened, the threat it placed on
our futures, had helped some people to overcome their reservations
or discontent. I longed for the comfort of seeing Jonaz. I longed
to be in his arms again. Even hearing his voice would have been
enough. Instead, I was forced to watch others being comforted
around me, with no solace of my own. Shanna noticed it as well, her
face screwing up with disapproval.

“
Pathetic!” she spat
scornfully as we left the hall for training. “They’d cuddle up to a
moga if that was the last thing around for choice!”

“
They’re only Comain,” I
defended half-heartedly. “It’s a good thing anyway, as long as
their feelings are real…”

“
Ha, as if!” Shanna
snorted. “Once this war is over I bet our cause will become more
popular than ever.”

I wisely said nothing as Miss
Must Have The Last Word continued her rant to anyone unfortunate
enough to be within hearing range. As my attention wandered, my
gaze roved around the room and I realized I was searching for Avin.
He was nowhere to be seen, but I was unsure whether I was relieved
or disappointed. I hated to leave things unresolved, but I had no
idea how to make things right between us.

With reluctance, I
explored my feelings for Avin. It was a connection of some sort
that I didn’t understand, and it was totally different to the way I
felt about Jonaz. My body physically reacted to Jonaz’s presence,
giving me tingles that science couldn’t explain. There was also
loyalty between us already, and history. We’d saved each other’s
lives and the experience had connected us even more deeply. I
thought about him all the time and the yearning to see him again
kept me perpetually restless. However, with Avin, when he looked
into my eyes, I felt like I’d known him longer than I really had.
He also seemed to know my thoughts without me having to say
anything aloud. My level of caution around him was nothing to do
with not trusting him, I realized. It was myself I was beginning
not to trust. The truth washed over me in a sickening kind of way
and I sunk my head onto my arms with a soft groan, blocking the
noise and faces around me to wallow in guilt.

When I raised my head, I
was greeted with a most unpleasant sight. Maza was standing over
me, her eyes gleaming with vicious triumph as several officers
pressed in behind her. My hands turned icy cold as I took in
Dallein standing beside her. His expression read along the lines of
‘
serves you right,’
so it didn’t take a genius to work out the
situation equalled serious trouble for me.

“Twell Anar,” Maza began
with a slow soft drawl that triggered a shiver down my spine. “Have
you or have you not, attempted to start a rebellion regarding our
laws on partnering?” A slow smile stretched across Maza’s face, so
wide and false the effect was honestly terrifying.

The hall was as quiet as a
grave. It was as if every single cadet in the room had stopped
breathing, as every eye in the place pierced me with apprehension
or suspicion.

For a very long moment, I was
silent. My heart was loud, though. So loud I was sure Maza could
hear it, relishing the sound of my fear. This was it. The moment
Shanna and the others had been waiting for. I was doomed no matter
what I said.

Watching Dallein’s guilty yet
defensive expression as he stood slightly behind Maza, it wasn’t
hard to work out how he had decided to take out his frustration at
Kaelin. By blaming me. I was a face to hang his troubles on,
because the Governing Body were too clever to be seen as the ones
to blame. Safely hidden behind carefully controlled media, they
came off as the caring leaders who did what they thought was best
for us all. Anyone who disagreed was painted as a threat to Como’s
safety. Like Maza, he clearly saw me as a liability, just as the
G.B. had brainwashed him too. Whether or not Kaelin had told him or
he’d spied on us was irrelevant. He’d given Maza the lead she
needed to hone in on me.