Twell and the Rebellion (24 page)

“
At any rate, I’m here and
we are alone,” Jonaz said softly.

Normally such realization would
have thrilled me, but at that moment I couldn’t imagine how I would
ever feel happy again and I looked at him solemnly. “Would you
really refuse to help Avin because you feel threatened by him?” I
asked him. “Because I don’t want to believe that’s the kind of
person you are.”

Jonaz looked embarrassed, then
slightly defensive. “I would heal him if it made you happy,” he
muttered stiffly. Geez. Not even close to the answer I was looking
for.

“It would make me very
unhappy if you were willing to see him suffer on account of your
jealousy.” I made to turn my head away, but he caught my chin with
his hand and turned it back until I was forced to look at
him.

“I’m sorry, Twell. I
really am.” Jonaz’s voice dropped low with sudden pain. “But lately
I feel like there’s more distance between us than the rules and
physical space, and I can’t explain why I’m suddenly afraid of
losing you.”

Oh boy. The hurt and fear in his
eyes were about to snap the last threads of my composure and my
quivering bottom lip must have been a dead giveaway, because his
expression quickly became apologetic.

“
There’s bigger things
going on than you and me, isn’t there? I know. I’m sorry. We’ll
find out if Shay’s alive, Twell, it will be okay.”

“
I can’t bear to think of
Shay anymore tonight,” I whispered. “I can’t allow myself to even
imagine...”

“
Shhh it’s okay, be
still.” Jonaz suddenly stood up. Leaning over me, he caressed my
forehead, smoothing back my tangled hair. The warmth and comfort of
it calmed me down and I slowly relaxed. Then I caught his hand in
mine.

“Will you lie down with
me?” My voice sounded small and tentative. Despite my confusion
over Avin, I was too tired to feel any
more guilt. I pushed my jumbled emotions to the back of my
mind, where I would extract them later to dissect, analyze, and
undoubtedly wallow in more self-judgement and punishment. Right
now, all I wanted was to be with Jonaz. Jonaz gazed at me in
silence, his eyes longing yet troubled.

“
I just want you to hold
me, that’s all,” I pleaded softly. I hated feeling so vulnerable.
I’d never had parents to comfort me as a child if I fell down, or
if I was lonely, or sad. I’d had Shay, but she had never been very
maternal and in reality, she hadn’t been assigned to be so. She’d
preferred reasoning with me to sympathy or physical contact. I
loved her regardless, but it made the sensation even more foreign.
The feeling was awful, a dark hollow cavity in my chest that seemed
to echo with misery.

As Jonaz read my face, the
concern etched over his dark features faded away. Without another
word, he climbed onto the bed and pulled me against him. One leg
draped over mine and I curled my body into his, resting my head in
the crook of his arm. We
molded
together
like a puzzle, like a perfect fit. My heartbeat picked up at the
shock of being so close to him, and paranoia that we’d get caught
buzzed vaguely in the back of my mind. But Jonaz’s body heat
radiated into my skin and warmed me so completely I couldn’t seem
to stop myself relaxing in his arms. It felt so right at the moment
I didn’t care what the Governing Body thought. No law could
convince me we were doing anything wrong.

Jonaz gazed down at me, his
expression steady and sure. His breath blew warm on my cheek as he
lightly traced my profile with his fingers and I wondered how I
could think of being with anyone else but him. He was my true
match. I was sure of it. Lying warm and loved in his arms, I felt
like everything would be okay and the feeling slowed my heartbeat
until I began to feel drowsy. Then I slept. It was the first time I
had slept in Jonaz Maven’s arms and the best sleep I’d had since
I’d arrived. It was a deep, untroubled sleep only achievable from
the sensation of safety, however fleeting.

When I finally awakened, Jonaz
was still holding me. But there was a shift in his expression. His
eyes had turned dark and promising and my stomach fluttered
self-consciously as I stared shyly back.

“
How are you still here?”
I murmured, my cheeks growing warm under his smouldering
gaze.

“
I have powerful friends,”
Jonaz joked.

“
Those healing hands of
yours banking up some favours are they?” I smiled as he winked
back. It totally explained how he was getting away with blatantly
breaking the rules. Half the population here was probably in his
debt. I didn’t want him to go, even knowing the longer he stayed
the more trouble we were likely to be in.

Tentatively, I pressed my lips
to his chest, where his shirt had fallen open. Jonaz responded
instantly, growling as he tilted my face back and pressed his lips
against my mine. I gasped as his mouth trailed lightly down my neck
and at the sound Jonaz groaned, his kisses becoming harder and more
urgent as his mouth moved back over mine. My heart pounded while my
body awoke with sensations I’d never experienced before. I felt his
strength as his hands slid under my back and his sudden weight as
he moved his body over mine. Raising his head, he looked at me with
such desire I trembled with both excitement and fear.

“
I told you I’d kiss you
properly when the time was right,” Jonaz whispered before lowering
his mouth back to mine. A sudden bang in a distant room was enough
to jolt us to our senses, my panicked expression effectively
breaking the connection. Reluctantly, but gently, he disentangled
our limbs and moved off the bed and I didn’t try to stop him. My
desires frightened me, even more than his and especially in the
face of everything that was happening. It was not the time for such
urges, but they felt uncontrollable, becoming harder to
tame.

“You will undo me, Twell
Anar,” Jonaz complained. Yet he was grinning as he adjusted his
clothes and ran a hand through his dishevelled hair. Then he leaned
down and pressed his lips to my forehead. “When this is all over
and we make our own way together, it will be worth the wait.” His
lips curved in their familiar smile as he moved to the door.
Checking the coast to see if it was clear, he blew me a smug air
kiss and then ducked out to what I hoped was another successful
getaway. I still felt the warmth of his body long after he’d gone
and for a while, I lay there smiling like an idiot.
However,
the lurking knowledge of reality eventually ruined the moment. The
fleeting happiness I’d felt deflated, and the anxiety of yesterday,
came slithering back into my chest, bringing its creepy friends
Worry and Dread with it.

A medical officer
eventually appeared with a dazed expression, looking at me as if
she had no idea how I’d gotten there. As Avin was the only person
at camp I knew personally with hypnotism skills, I could only
assume Jonaz had other friends with other powers to help him
out.

The idea of Avin helping him was
laughable. Yet I wasn’t laughing, the thought of him gave me an
instant stab of pain, a sharp reminder of the mess I’d made. I was
breaking the law by cheating on Avin, but worse than that, I had a
horrible feeling I’d be breaking more than that if Avin found out.
It seemed that no matter what direction I turned, someone was going
to get hurt.

The officer made me drink
a concentrated rehydration liquid before she signed me out, still
looking perplexed. I headed back to my room for a fresh change of
clothes and then went to the hygiene quarters to wash. It was late
morning, judging by the placement of the sun and I was glad
everyone was in training. I didn’t have the strength to face any
probing questions, and I wanted no attention. Instead, as I took a
cubicle and stepped under the mist. I concentrated on the now,
refusing to focus on any of my problems while I worked my fingers
through my increasingly annoying hair, trying to wash away my
emotions and knots at the same time.

The thought of Shay was stuffed
in the back of my mind like a tight dark little tumour of knowledge
that I couldn’t probe while I was still training. I knew I’d
unravel and fall apart if I did and what good would I be to her
then? I had to tuck away my terror and lock away my fears. And what
better way to do it than by throwing myself with everything I had
into my training. It proved to be effective.

True to Maza’s word, the level
of our training had been immediately intensified. When I slipped
into the hall no one even noticed, too busy goggling at the
simulated war zone in the middle of the arena. It was eerie, almost
exactly like the pictures of Abwarzian terrain we’d been shown at
school. The entire course was built inside a clear dome like a
little half world. Somehow, the sky had been simulated inside the
dome, and it looked thick and suffocating, a bleeding, murky red
with dark foils of pollution muddying the air. The ground was
covered with fine dusty silt, while low straggly bushes dotted
sparsely over the terrain. In the centre, sat a bleak cluster of
buildings I took to be the homes of Abwarzian civilians. They
crouched there, as grey and lifeless as the land they were built
on. Mist crawled ominously along the ground and even though it
wasn’t real, the whole thing gave off a miserable and desperate
atmosphere that seeped into our spirits.

Lavi looked horrified, her wide
eyes reflecting my own dismay, while Kina shivered once before
stiffening her back resolutely. I wondered how anyone could
actually live in such an ugly and hopeless environment and then I
remembered that according to history the suicide rates were high on
Abwarz. A flashback of the Abwarzians girl hit me. I’d seen her
misery, her utter despair, and hopelessness and again something
pulsed inside me that felt dangerously close to sympathy. I pushed
it away as the lurking worry for my guardian stabbed simultaneously
at the back of my mind.

The trainer went over the
instructions. The obstacle course would focus on attack and fire
defence. It seemed an obvious and practical reaction to what some
of us had seen at S3, yet I couldn’t help the bitter resentment I
felt towards the Governing Body. Yet again, they’d failed to
protect our people. A little too late. Again.

I avoided the concerned glances
of Kina and Lavi, because there’s nothing more likely to help you
lose your composure in a fit of hysteria, than the concern of your
friends. Shanna, on the other hand, spared me the sympathy and
ignored me instead. Bless her insensitive little heart. Upon the
trainers orders to partner, I sidled up to Talon, sure he wouldn’t
bother me with questions. Surveying me with serious, tawny eyes, he
accurately assessed my mood and simply nodded without a word. Talon
and I were given consciousness laser guns and once again, I
couldn’t help but observe my new willingness to use it.

“Is this it?” Shanna
demanded, her voice tight with disbelief, “why are we going back to
these useless things? You gave us laser guns on S3!”

“
Because you are training
in disarming civilians today, “ the trainer explained.“We do not
want to harm civilians unless absolutely necessary.

“
Surely after what we saw
you could give us something more equal to their
weapons?”

“
You forget your purpose!”
a male trainer warned. “Your powers are your primary and most
important weapon you have to defend yourself.”

“
But I don’t want to just
defend. I want to fight!” Her words hung in the air, momentarily
alone.

Then suddenly, one by one, the
other cadets seemed to wake up. “She’s right!” a cadet cried out.
“They murdered our people! We want revenge!”

“
That’s right, we deserve
justice!” others joined in. A change in the atmosphere sent tingles
down my spine. There was a darkening of mood, as the clamouring of
voices grew louder and angrier around me. A shudder rippled down my
spine. The Governing Body told us we’d colonized on Como with the
intent of changing our ways from our ancestors’ on earth, so as not
to destroy the new world. We would evolve beyond war, using
intelligence and science to prosper rather than greed and fighting.
It was our second chance at survival and they called it a change of
humanity and a time of peace. A new way, for a new
world.

It was a lie, or a terrible
misjudgement of our true natures. And I knew things. Things I wish
I didn’t and could never un-know. I knew we’d executed those
prisoners back in my parent’s generation and that maybe my parents
had helped to do it. I also knew we’d killed them again when they’d
infiltrated our water supplies only a few moons ago. When I’d asked
Brazin what happened to them, he told me they’d all died in the
line of fire. But his eyes told me otherwise, and in my heart I
knew the truth.

Today, as I
witnessed
the anger in my people’s eyes,
it both thrilled and scared me at the same time. I wasn’t alone in
my emotions, but that also meant I was uncertain of what we were
all truly capable of. Would they take the enemies life as easily as
I’d taken Raze’s? After all, he was one of my own race, but I’d
still done what I needed to do in order to save my own life. In the
face of war, surely that meant I could easily kill my enemies to
save my people and especially to save Shay. Could I do it without
mercy or regret? I recoiled at the idea as it shivered down my
spine. The yelling around me grew louder and more frenzied and my
heart raced, matching the pace of their fervour.

“
Stop!” the trainer
commanded, raising a hand to silence us. “Are you barbarians like
the Abwarzians? Why bother to fight them if you want to be like
them?”