Twenty One (Love by Numbers Book 2) (23 page)

As gently as two big, burly guys can, they lower H into the back and move aside for me to follow him.

A few moments later we are driving through the quiet streets, back towards our hotel, with the air in the back of the limo thick with our silence.

H is the first to break it, “I’m scared J. I’m so fucking scared.”

His words cut me like a knife.

How do you console someone when their fate does not lie in your hands?

When their whole life has been turned on its head by a soul stealing, body snatching, life destroying fucker, called cancer.

There are no words, so I grip my best friend by the shoulder and pull him into me, squeezing him in my embrace.

“Fuck cancer H. Fuck it to hell and back. You fight and you win and I will be there every step of the way to beat this bastard into the ground with you.”

He doesn’t reply. He doesn’t need to. Right now my friend is all out of fight and that’s okay because I will do all the fighting for him if I have to.

W
e get back to the hotel and H refuses to sit and have a drink with me, insisting he just wants to go back to his room to crash.

I don’t argue with him or baby him. He needs some space to come to terms with everything. I respect that. I just wish he’d confided in me earlier.

I sit myself on a barstool, order two fingers of Lagavulin and email my travel requirements to Nina. Taking the glass of scotch directly out of the bartender’s hand, I down it in one, hand him back the empty glass and instruct him to charge it to my room. Then I drag my weary body up to the suite where I know my Emmy is waiting for me.

The ever present security guys, who are stationed outside the main doors, inform me that Liv left a few hours ago. That makes sense, it was probably not long after Nate left me alone to sort out H.

I hate that I left her alone for so long and I can’t wait to fall into her embrace.

To bask in the warmth of her skin and allow her to soothe all my fears, to feel her silky, soft skin beneath my fingertips and let her remind me of all the good.

I
open the bedroom door quietly and the room is silent except for her gentle breathing. She’s left the lamp on at one side of the bed and the light reflects off her delicate features.

Her mouth is slightly parted, her breaths shallow and she looks utterly at peace. Her beautiful face is framed by swathes of wavy caramel hair that fans out over her pillow, just begging for me to run my fingers through it.

I notice three, small items on my pillowcase and quietly walk towards the bed to find out what they are.

Lying there, all in a row, are three Loveheart sweets, each with a different message that when put together reads, ‘Kiss Me Heart Throb You’re Mine’.

Yes, I am yours. Forever yours.

I strip off quietly, gently lower myself under the sheets and place the kiss that was requested in candy hearts, on her soft lips.

“I love you Emmy.”

Even in sleep she moves towards me, breathing in a sigh of contentment.

I move the sweets from my pillow, discarding two but placing the ‘You’re mine’ over on her nightstand, before gathering her in my arms, knotting my legs through hers and allowing sleep to claim me.

W
aking up in his arms has to be the best, feeling, ever.

M
y head lies on his smooth, firm chest, my thigh is slung over his legs and my arm is wrapped around his waist.

I know he’s already awake for two reasons; one, he is softly drawing figure eights on my lower back and two, his erection grazes against the underside of my arm with every breath he takes.

“Good morning beautiful.” He squeezes me tightly and places a soft kiss on my forehead before pulling me up his body to place another gentle kiss on my lips.

‘”Hey handsome, did you have fun last night?” I smile the words but his face turns from a picture of sleepy happiness, to melancholy in a heartbeat.

“What’s wrong Jake, what happened?” I attempt to raise myself up so I can look at him properly but he just tightens his arms and pulls me even closer than before.

“I don’t want to talk about last night right now; I just want to hold you, make love to you and then we can talk.”

I look deep into his eyes, worried about the events of last night and what he’s not yet ready to share with me; I want him to take comfort in me and allow me to absorb his burdens, so I say with my body, what I can’t say with words.

I
love you, I’m here for you, let me unburden you; let me allay your worries.

Let my body cleanse you of the woes of yours; let my arms soothe the aching wounds you carry, let my love be a balm to your soul.

W
e get lost in each other, lost to the rhythm of our bodies and the frantic beating of our hearts; until our skin is slick with sweat, our breaths are ragged and panting and our muscles are sore with exertion. I pour all of myself into our love making, until my body is spent and I lie cocooned in his embrace.

“Talk to me Jake. Whatever happened we can deal with it. Together.”

He’s silent for a long time but I know the moment he is about to speak because he hugs me a little tighter.

“H has cancer.”

His voice catches at the end of the word cancer and my heart hurts, not only for H but for Jake too.

“What kind?” I whisper the words, almost afraid of his answer.

“Testicular. He’s having both removed the day after he flies back home.”

“Can you go with him?” If I know Jake there is no way he’ll let H go through this alone.

“He doesn’t want me to but I’ve already emailed Nina to sort out the travel arrangements for us all. I hope you’re not too disappointed about leaving but we can come back as soon as H is settled.”

“I’m the last person you need to worry about Jake but what about all your commitments?”

His voice is laced with sheer rage when he replies, “Fuck them, they can wait.”

I push myself up onto his chest, wanting to look at his face, wanting to touch him. “Jake I hope it will be as simple as that but maybe it won’t. You’ve already missed some obligations from being held up in Ibiza, please don’t do anything rash.”

He huffs out a harsh breath and turns his head to the side, away from my concerned eyes. “You sound like H. He told me he didn’t want me to go either.”

“That’s not what I said Jake and not what H probably meant either. Millions of pounds have been spent on this tour; they are not going to let their biggest star walk away when it’s only just started.”

He forcefully removes himself from the bed, all but pushing me off him and begins pacing the floor.

With every pass of the bed he gets more and more tense, his frustration is palpable.

I’m not sure what to do for him, what to be for him. Our relationship is so new that we’ve not learnt the little details and traits of each other yet. The fine points that allow you to know exactly what your other half needs before they even do. Instead I act on instinct and when he turns to do another rotation of the floor, I stand in his way, forcing him to stop; I wrap my arms around him, while placing my head on his chest. Offering comfort in the way I would want it given to me, freely and without conditions.

“I don’t know what to do or how to help him Emmy. I feel like a spare fucking part and I hate it.”

The anguish in his words cuts me deeply.

“Being there for someone doesn’t always mean being in physical contact with them. You can still be there for H no matter where in the world you are. H knows that, that’s why he told you not to leave.”

“I have to try.” He leans his chin on the top of my head and tightens his hold around me.

“Then try because right now it feels like you’re about to give up everything you’ve worked hard for and H wouldn’t want that.”

He sighs and I feel it all finally sink in, “I know.”

We stand in the middle of the bedroom floor, each holding onto the other, not willing to walk away from the comfort of our embrace.

T
he shrill ring of Jake’s phone finally forces us to break apart but not before he cups my face with both his hands, searches my eyes for something only he can see and places a feather light kiss on my lips.

“I have to take this, it might be important.”

I nod once at him and allow him to walk away. I can see the tension he carries when he turns his back to me, his shoulders stiff and his back rigid.

From the other room I can hear when he finally answers the phone by the barked out “Tina”, he gives in greeting.

I leave him to his strained conversation and jump into the shower, wanting to be ready quickly so that we can join the others for breakfast.

Standing under the hot spray I wonder why bad things happen to good people.

H is a good person. He’s too young to have to fight this fight.

I watch the hot water swirl and pool around my feet before being sucked down the drain and I pray that he fights this and wins. I hope his youthfulness, both in body and spirit, are a point for his side. He just needs to see that he’s not in this alone and Jake needs to be the one to show him.

W
hen I emerge from the bathroom Jake is standing at the floor to ceiling windows that open up to an outdoor terrace. A terrace that we have yet to use due to the hoards of VB fans still camped outside. He is motionless, his arm propped up on the window frame, his forehead touching the cool glass.

Even my presence hasn’t caused him to stir.

With barely any sound I walk up behind him and slowly wrap my arms around his waist, splaying my fingers across his bare chest and placing my head between his shoulder blades. He relaxes into my embrace without changing his stance.

“They won’t let me go.”

These are the words I expected to hear but I hurt for him nonetheless.

I lift my head slowly and place a comforting kiss to the centre of his spine, causing him to shiver.

“My Grandma had cancer, she passed away when I was eleven but she never gave up despite her age and despite how it ravaged her body. She loved, lived and fought until the end. H
will
beat this Jake and he’s going to need you to do it.” I speak the words against his skin, hoping that he hears and absorbs them.

He smacks his fist against the glass in frustration, “How the fuck am I supposed to be there for him when I won’t even know what country I’m gonna be in from one day to the next?”

I hold him tighter and find the words my Grandma spoke to me not long before she passed away.

We had a special bond and she was like a mother to me; my own mother having severed our maternal connection, even though we still lived in the same house.

“My Grandma told me that cancer cannot shatter hope or kill friendships, it cannot corrode your faith or destroy peace and it is unable to silence courage or conquer your spirit. Most of all it cannot steal your love or your strength. So give all those things to H. Arm him with everything that you can, so that he fights this battle and wins. These are things that you can give him no matter where you are in the world.”

H
e stills, holding his breath, ingesting my words.

The next moment I am in his arms, my back flat against the cool glass and Jake’s lips attacking mine in a brutal, claiming kiss.

When he finally pulls away, the look in his bluest of blue eyes sears into my heart.

“I’m never letting you go Emmy, you know that right? You make the bad times bearable, the tough times easier and the good times absolute bliss. You are
my
bliss and I want you with me now and always.”

He kisses me reverently, pouring the truth of those words into my soul.

“Say it for me Emmy, tell me what I need to hear.”

I know what he wants, what he
needs
and so I give him the two words freely and with absolute certainty, “I’m yours.”

B
reakfast is a subdued affair.

H barely utters a word.

Jake doesn’t eat just pushes his food around his plate and not once removes his hand from my thigh. There is nothing sexual in his touch; I know he is just drawing strength from me and being able to give him this one small thing, allows me to gather my thoughts in preparation for attacking this situation head on, as soon as I get a chance.