Ultimate Baseball Road Trip (97 page)

Sixteen Houston Locations

www.jamesconeyisland.com/

A Houston institution since 1923, James’ Coney Island has expanded to the point where its wiener shops are a ubiquitous part of the Houston landscape. From the ballpark, head north on Interstate 45 and within a mile you’ll see a large neon sign for one of James’ locations on the left. We thought the Vienna franks were of excellent quality but the chili was a bit watery. And of all the places in the world where we might have expected to find watery chili, Houston wasn’t one of them.

The playing field at Minute Maid is top-notch. We like its quirky angles and dimensions. Tal’s Hill in center field—a knoll of grass, appearing on the “other side” of the dirt warning track—gives the field a batter’s eye that is entirely unique in the modern game. The left-field home run porch is shallow, while the center-field fence resides a distant 436 feet from the plate at its deepest point. The American flag in center-field flies on a pole that rises up from the field of play, while the Texas state flag and Houston flag fly atop masts that rise from just behind the outfield fence. The home bullpen in right field is well done, featuring real grass and an old-style wooden bench for the pitchers to sit on while they watch the game through a chain-link portion of the outfield fence that creates something of a fishbowl effect
for fans looking to see who’s warming up. The visitors’ pen is another story. It exists tucked halfway underneath the left-field stands, partially illuminated by fluorescent lights and sporting artificial turf. It seems like the ballpark designers could have done a better job with this. On the plus side, the warning track is real dirt, not rubber as we’ve observed at some of the other semi-domes. And the longer than usual dugouts are classily done with their Astros auburn tops.

The Union Station arches that extend from center field to left, above the playing field, are a classy touch that looks great on TV, but we were slightly disturbed by the asymmetry created by the one double-sized arch in left field. This especially offended Kevin’s sense of aesthetics.

Some parts of the interior—mostly those hidden from the TV cameras’ lenses—could be made more attractive, such as the overhead wires, tubing, and HVAC, but for the most part the ballpark is a clean and comfortable place to watch a game.

Amazingly, the flagpole that stands on Tal’s Hill is in the field of play and balls that strike it aren’t ground-rule doubles. They’re live balls. In 2003, the Brewers’ Richie Sexson hit a long fly ball that would have been a sure home run if the pole hadn’t gotten in the way. After denting the pole, three quarters of the way up, the ball zipped past center fielder Craig Biggio and wound up going as one of the seventeen triples Sexson would hit in his 1,367-game career. Nonetheless, Sexson was disappointed that a ball he’d hit 430 feet hadn’t left the yard for a home run. And he said so after the game. But that wasn’t the only day the unusual center-field landscaping drew criticism from players. Longtime Astros star Lance Berkman also once spoke out in disapproval of the field feature, saying it was a hazard to outfielders.

To say the Minute Maid locomotive “runs” along its track—from center field to left field—may be overstating things a bit. The train crawls along like the Little Train That Could—but just barely—then stops, and drives in reverse back to its normal resting point in center. It travels about 800 feet to complete its sojourn. An actual conductor drives the train, which chugs along as the final notes of the National Anthem fade into the night.

When the roof closes and the left-field window slides into place, the support beams for the window actually slide past the train on either side of the track, briefly encasing it, before reaching their destination in left field. The conductor, for his part, sits in the train looking slightly uncomfortable while all of this is going on around him.

About ten or twelve home run balls per season wind up on the track, some four hundred feet above the field. We considered ourselves among a lucky few (thousand) therefore when Boston’s Darnell McDonald put one on the tracks when we attended an interleague game at Minute Maid in 2011.

High above center field resides the second largest HD video screen in baseball. Installed in 2011, it measures 54-by-124 feet and is surpassed only by the extra jumbo JumboTron in Kansas City. Take that, you moneybags in New York!

We consider it a foul that the Astros have sold the naming rights to their foul poles to a chicken restaurant and rebranded them “Fowl Poles” complete with a corporate logo down the bottom of each one. This got us wondering how many other parts of the field might be conducive to double-entendre ads.

Josh:
I’m gonna visit the left-field fence after the game.

Kevin:
You mean the scoreboard on the left-field wall?

Josh:
No, the guy selling hot watches in left field.

Kevin:
Ha, ha. Okay, no more of those.

Josh:
But I want to visit the press box too.

Kevin:
Fine, last one. Why?

Josh:
My pants are a little wrinkled.

The first-level concourse behind the seats in center—called Home Run Alley—offers a couple of interesting displays. One exhibit holds bolted-down baseball bats that belonged to former and present Astros players. The thickest handle of all was on a bat that had belonged to Cesar Cedeno, while the thinnest was on the stick swung by Jose Cruz. The other exhibit we especially liked consisted of bronze casts of the gloves worn by former and current Astros players.

A replica of an old-fashioned gas pump sits on the Home Run Porch in center, keeping track of the homers the Astros have hit at Minute Maid since the park’s opening in 2000. Hey, this is the oil capital of the country, what did you expect? While fans can see the pump from anywhere in the ballpark, it’s impossible to read the very small numbers that reflect the current homer tally from anywhere but right beside the pump.

Kevin:
The numbers should be big and bold for all to see.

Josh:
It’s a gas pump, not a billboard.

Kevin:
Actually, if you want to get technical, it’s got a corporate logo on it.

Josh:
Point taken.

Above the Crawford Boxes in left field appear the outlines of pennants painted on the masonry, commemorating years in which the Astros have made the playoffs. Why painted pennants and not real flags? Well, there isn’t much of a breeze inside Minute Maid, especially when the roof is closed. A painted white baseball appears inscribed with the initials DK in memory of Darryl Kile. It seems odd to us that Kile is remembered this way, while the premature deaths of two other Astros hurlers resulted in their numbers being retired by the team.

Mounted just below the roof in right field are the franchise’s retired numbers: No. 5 for Jeff Bagwell, 7 for Craig Biggio, 24 for Jimmy Wynn, 25 for Jose Cruz, 32 for Jim Umbricht, 33 for Mike Scott, 34 for Nolan Ryan, 40 for Don Wilson, 49 for Larry Dierker, and 42 for Jackie Robinson. Statistically, this is not a remarkable group of Colts and Astros once you get past Bagwell and Biggio, who played during the inflated days of the Steroid Era. We should mention that neither of those guys was ever implicated in the PED scandal, but nonetheless Bagwell received just 41.7 percent of the writers’ vote when he became eligible for induction into the National Baseball Hall of Fame in 2011. It will be interesting to see how history judges statistically impressive players like these two who may well wind up having their reputations tarnished by the era in which they played.

Nicknamed “The Toy Cannon,” the five-foot ten-inch Wynn surpassed twenty homers for the Astros eight times between 1965 and 1973 on his way to hitting 291 home runs in a fifteen-year career. As for Cruz, he played thirteen seasons in Houston on the way to finishing with 2,251 hits and a .284 batting average in nineteen total seasons. His son Jose Cruz would later play briefly with the Astros in 2008 at the end of his own twelve-year career. Umbricht’s number was retired posthumously after he died of cancer in 1964. The right-hander won eight games for the Colts in two seasons. Scott registered 110 of his 124 career wins in nine seasons with the ’Stros.

Ryan won 106 games (of his 324 total) in nine seasons with Houston. Wilson won 104 games for Houston before dying in 1975 at age twenty-nine of carbon monoxide poisoning. Dierker earned all but two of his 139 career wins with Houston before going on to manage the team in the 1990s.

Below the Crawford Boxes on the left-field wall, a hand-operated scoreboard provides the full line score of every Major League game in progress. But for some reason, once a game ends, they take down the inning-by-inning numbers, leaving up only the final score. This is no good if you’re a fantasy baseball owner wondering how one of your pitchers did in a game that started earlier in the day. Sometimes knowing that a team won 6-5 is not enough. You want to know if the victor scored five runs in the bottom of the ninth to steal a win for one of its relievers, or if the team staked its starter to an early lead that he carried all game long.

Kevin:
Maybe they need the zeroes to use elsewhere on the board?

Josh:
Maybe they need to invest in some more zeros then.

You know the outfield fence is an irregular one when the home team has to install a bright yellow line across the entire expanse of the outfield to demark its top from home run territory. We were amazed by the different heights and angles this line follows, especially by its presence on the slanted railing that faces the infield as it runs along the edge of the Crawford Boxes in straight-away left to determine whether a deep fly will be a long ball or merely a long double.

We were pleasantly surprised to find the Minute Maid concession offerings vastly improved upon our return visit to
the park. There were many more freshly made offerings than when we had visited in 2003 and it seemed as though the Astros had really made an effort to improve the quality of the regional specialties—i.e., the Mexican fare and Texas barbecue—at the park.

Available at the Spuds Crossing stand behind Section 106, this Texas-sized potato is a meal unto itself. It comes loaded with shredded cheddar, pulled pork, barbecue sauce, sautéed onions and jalapenos. Yes, believe it or not there’s a jumbo potato underneath all that mess. And it’s nice and creamy just the way it should be.

The saving grace of the dogs at Minute Maid lies in the number of different toppings available. The trademark Texas Dog comes loaded with chili, grated cheddar, and jalapeños. For a few bucks more, the Super Dog is easily twice the size of a regular dog and comes similarly loaded with toppings. The New York dog, Diablo dog, Chicago dog, and Cincinnati Cheese Coney are also popular sellers. Or you can create a dog of your own design.

Little Bigs
concession stand behind Section 111 serves the same burgers and pork sliders that Houstonians enjoy at the city’s Little Bigs restaurant owned by Astros head chef Bryan Caswell. These tasty sandwiches come served with chips.

The jalapeño sausage ranks as one of the spiciest in the big leagues.
The Big League Macaroni Company
behind Section 106 serves four types of Mac and Cheese: Taco Mac, Chili Mac, Rustic Mac, and Enchilada Mac.

Kevin:
What says baseball better than Mac and Cheese?

Josh:
I don’t know. Beer and peanuts?

For Mexican,
El Real
behind Section 132 serves fresh beef and chicken fajitas that are made to order. For Texas BBQ,
Mavericks Smokehouse
has stands behind Sections 125 and 409. The chopped BBQ beef sandwich we shared was good but the all-beef sausage was even better. The best spot to head with the kids is the
Minute Maid Juice Stand
behind Section 133 which has junior sized/priced options. For healthier eaters, Sam’s Bistro behind Section 224 and the Signature Carvery behind Section 156 are the best bet. The Carver’s
Texas Tom Turkey Sandwich
was a popular seller when we visited. For dessert, the
Grand Slam Sundae
at the Dreyer’s stand behind home plate is served in a bigger-than-usual plastic replica helmet. With four scoops of cream, chocolate sauce, or hot caramel, this is a good value.

There are two restaurants worth checking out at Minute Maid. One is
Larry’s Big Bamboo,
located behind home plate on the first level, and named after former Astros manager Larry Dierker who used to frequent a spring training watering hole in Kissimmee, Florida, named “The Big Bamboo.” Like the original, Larry’s BB resembles a Florida beach hut, complete with surfboards adorning the walls. There are also TVs above the bar. The fish tacos and hot wings are the house specials.
The FiveSeven Grille,
in centerfield, meanwhile is named after Bagwell and Biggio, who wore numbers 5 and 7, respectively, while playing their entire careers in Houston. Here, fans find some of the better desserts and salads at Minute Maid as well as TVs showing games from around the league.