Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Wonderful World of Odd (8 page)

Fifty years after its invention in 1953, WD-40 can be found in four out of five American homes. (We even have a couple of cans here at the BRI.)

L
IS FOR LUBRICANT

Sure, it loosens and lubricates, but what else can it do? Well, if you believe what you read on the Internet and in tabloid newspapers, a lot. It removes makeup from carpet, liberates stuck Lego blocks, kills weeds, exterminates cockroaches, even foils squirrels from climbing into bird feeders. New uses are discovered every day; here are 40 of the best known. (WARNING: We haven’t tested these and
do not
recommend trying them…so don’t call us if you wreck your carpet trying to get ink stains out with WD-40.)

1.
Removes grime from book covers and marker from dry erase boards.

2.
Prevents mud and clay from sticking to shovels and boots.

3.
Removes grease and oil stains on clothes.

4.
Softens new baseball gloves.

5.
Cleans chrome fixtures in bathrooms.

6.
Makes the puck slide faster on an air hockey table.

7.
Cleans and softens paint brushes.

8.
Cleans and protects cowboy boots.

9.
Removes crayon from walls, carpet, wallpaper, plastics, shoes, toys, chalkboard, television screens, screen doors, and rock walls.

10.
Eases arthritis pain…just spray it on the joint that hurts.

11.
Cleans piano keys.

12.
Removes super strong glue from fingers.

13.
Keeps wicker chairs from squeaking.

14.
Removes scuff marks from ceramic floors.

15.
Cleans and protects copper pots and pans.

16.
Polishes and shines sea shells.

17.
Removes water spots from mirrors.

18.
Removes tea stains from counter tops.

19.
Keeps pigeons off window ledges (they hate the smell).

20.
Removes ink from carpet.

21.
Keeps metal wind chimes rust free.

22.
Prevents mildew growth on outdoor fountains.

23.
Removes gunk from plastic dish drainers.

24.
Cleans dog doo from tennis shoes.

25.
Removes tomato stains from clothing.

26.
Gets ink stains out of leather.

27.
Removes roller-skate marks from kitchen floor.

28.
Unkinks gold chains.

29.
Penetrates frozen mailbox doors.

30.
Removes tar from shoes.

31.
Cleans silver plates and trays.

32.
Removes soap scum from bathtubs and showers.

33.
Polishes wood.

34.
Takes the squeak out of shoes.

35.
Removes a stuck ring from a finger.

36.
Wipes off graffiti.

37.
Removes Silly Putty from carpet.

38.
Loosens burrs, thistles, and stickers from dogs and horses.

39.
Removes bumper stickers from cars.

40.
Removes duct tape.

• When John Glenn circled the earth in 1962, his spacecraft,
Friendship VII
, was slathered in WD-40 from top to bottom. NASA engineers hoped it would reduce friction upon reentry.

• In 2001 a burglar in Medford, Oregon, broke into an apartment wielding a can of WD-40. He sprayed the occupant with the lubricant and demanded money, then escaped with the man’s wallet and car keys (but was later apprehended).

• Responding to inquiries from the Pike Anglers Committee of Great Britain, the British Environment Agency states that they do
not
recommend the use of WD-40 as fish bait.

Birds do it, fleas do it. And according to these reports, even moose and bees do it.

S
TOCKHOLM, SWEDEN

After posting security guards in their parking lot, the Peab Construction Company finally figured out who—or what—was responsible for spraying a mysterious yellow substance on light-colored vehicles. The culprit: a swarm of more than 30,000 bees from a nearby beekeeper’s hive. As the beekeeper explained after moving his hive a little farther away, “It is well known in the trade that bees like to defecate on light-colored objects.”

An 80-year-old pet owner named Gerard Daigle lost more than a pint of blood after he was attacked by his cat Touti while giving his parrot a shower. The cat attacked after it was accidentally sprayed with water. According to news reports, “It is not known why Daigle was giving his parrot a shower.”

An amorous moose attempted to mate with a yellow Ford, only to defecate all over it when the car did not respond to its advances. “The front yard was simply transformed into an outdoor toilet,” said owner Leif Borgersen. Still, it could have been worse: Other than being covered in “lick marks, saliva, and moose excrement,” the only damage to the car was a bent side mirror. “I’m not sure whether I should risk letting the car stand alone and defenseless in the front yard anymore,” Borgersen said.

The state health department has pulled an anti-smoking TV ad that compared smoking to inhaling methane gas, and illustrated the point with the sound of cows passing gas. “We had about 10 complaints,” said department spokeswoman Jackie Campo.

Some of the strangest sporting moments from the last 100 years.

L
OST BY A NOSE

Minutes before a bout in the 1992 Golden Gloves Championships, boxer Daniel Caruso decided to psych himself up the way his hero, Marvin Hagler, often did—by punching himself in the face with his gloves on. Bad move: The self-battering broke Caruso’s nose, and before the match could begin, the ring doctor declared him unfit to box. He had to forfeit the match.

Cuban postman Feliz Carvajal realized his dream of running in the marathon at the 1904 Summer Olympics in St. Louis. Late in the race, he was in third place with a comfortable lead over the next runner, and seemed to have the bronze medal sewn up. But, concerned that hunger might slow him down, he stopped briefly to eat some peach slices offered by onlookers. Then he stepped into an orchard to munch on a few green apples. After he got back on the course, the fruit caused severe stomach cramps, forcing him to limp along at a painfully slow pace. A few minutes later, the runner behind him easily passed him. Carvajal finished fourth, and lost the bronze medal.

In the 50-kilometer cross-country ski race at the 1988 Winter Olympics, Mexican skier Roberto Alvarez lagged so far behind his fellow skiers that racing officials actually lost track of him and were forced to send out a search party. They found him, but he finished dead last—almost an hour behind the next-slowest skier.

Soccer goalie Isadore Irandir, who played in the Brazilian league during the 1970s, had a strict pre-match ritual: Before each game,
he’d kneel near the goal net and pray for several minutes. But at the start of one match, his prayers took so long that the kick-off began before he was ready. Three seconds into the game, an opposing player more than halfway down the field kicked an improbable 60-yard shot…which sailed right past the kneeling Irandir’s head and into the goal.

Marathon runner Wallace Williams of the Virgin Islands ran the 1979 Pan-American Games marathon at such a slow pace that by the time he got to the stadium that housed the finish line, all the stadium doors were locked, and the crowd and race officials had already gone home.

Soviet rower Ivanov Vyacheslav was so excited after winning a gold medal in the 1956 Olympics in Melbourne, Australia, that he threw the medal into the air in triumph during the award ceremony. But the medal didn’t come down into his hand as he planned—it fell into Lake Wendouree, next to the medal stand. Vyachaslav and his teammates dove into the lake and searched frantically, but the medal was never found.

Antoin Miliordos of Greece is an Olympic record holder…for the slowest speed ever achieved in a slalom race. In the 1952 Winter Olympics in Oslo, Norway, Miliordos fell 18 times during his qualifying run, averaging a pathetic 6.33 miles per hour…and crossed the finish line skiing backwards.

In 1986, 52-year-old soccer fan Pedro Gatica bicycled all the way from his home in Argentina to Mexico—4,500 miles—to attend the World Cup. But when he arrived at the stadium for the opening game, Gatica discovered he didn’t have enough money for a ticket. Then, while he was haggling with a ticket seller, thieves made sure his adventure would continue—they stole his bike.

Celebrating his fourth-place finish in the 1989 U.S. Motorcycle Grand Prix, Kevin Magee of Australia waved to the crowd as he circled the track in the traditional victory lap—then fell off his motorcycle, breaking his leg.

West Africa’s annual Bandama Rally, a 2,500-mile cross-country race that pits the world’s most elite car manufacturers against each other, made sports headlines in 1972. The route that year was so brutal that out of the 43 cars that started the race, only three remained at the two-thirds mark—with nearly 1,000 miles still to go. The other 40 cars had been knocked out by crashes, broken axles, and mechanical failures due to the rough terrain and high grass that often made it impossible for drivers to see the other cars. Then, as the three remaining cars set off to race the last 1,000 miles, a torrential rainstorm struck, turning the countryside into a mudpit of impassible roads. No one was able to finish and, for the first time in the race’s history, no winner was declared.

*       *       *

• In medieval England, wealthy gentlemen often wore clothing that left their genitals exposed. They wore short-fitting tunics with no pants. (If the genitals didn’t hang low enough, padded, flesh-coated prosthetics called
briquettes
would be used.)

• In 16th-century Europe, tooth dyeing was popular among upper-class women. In Italy, red and green were the most popular colors, while Russian women favored black.

• Another 16th-century European beauty technique was called Solomon’s Water. A primitive facelift, it was a lotion that eliminated spots, freckles, and warts. The number-one ingredient in Solomon’s Water: mercury (which is now known to be toxic). It burned away the outer layers of the skin, corroded the flesh underneath, and could even cause teeth to fall out.

Oddness seems to run deep in the world of Elvis impersonators.

H
E HAS TOUPEE FOR HIS CRIME

A Welsh Elvis impersonator named Geraint Benney is receiving death threats from some of the King’s most devoted fans. Why are they so mad? It’s not because Benney, who goes by the stage name “Elvis Preseli,” begins his performances by climbing out of a coffin. It’s not because Benney doesn’t sing Elvis songs (he performs pop hits from the 1980s and ’90s as Elvis Presley
might
have…if he spoke Welsh). It’s not even because Benney grills hamburgers while he performs. No, they want Benney dead because of his appearance. “Some think my act is disrespectful because I’m bald,” he explains. Yet Benney’s act is actually a big hit in Wales, and he has plans to take it on the road in Europe. And he refuses to wear a wig. “Elvis would be over 70 now,” says Benney, “so he might even be bald himself.”

A Latin professor from Finland named Jukka Ammondt moonlights as an Elvis impersonator, but he brings a little of his day job with him when he performs. Ammondt has translated several Elvis hits into Latin, and sings them in Finnish lounge clubs. Favorites include “It’s Now or Never” (“
Nunc hic aut numquam
”) and “Love Me Tender” (“
Tenere me, suaviter
”). A scholar of dead languages, Ammondt has also translated Presley hits into ancient Sumerian.

Although technically retired from his days as an Elvis impersonator, 62-year-old Duke Adams still occasionally wears his Elvis outfit—complete with sideburns, black pompadour, gold medallions, and gold-framed glasses. In June 2005, Adams’s wife of 21 years died, leaving him emotionally destitute. A few months later, however, his life took a dramatic turn. Adams (dressed as Elvis) was leaving a Las Vegas pharmacy when a man he’d never met approached him and asked him if he wanted to buy some jewelry
that once belonged to Elvis Presley. At first Adams said no, but something seemed suspicious about the man. And then it hit him: This could be the person who stole a bunch of Presley’s jewelry and clothing from the Elvis-A-Rama Museum in 2004. That robbery left Adams as well as many other Elvis fans sad and angry—made even worse by the fact that the crook got away.