Read Uncle John’s Unstoppable Bathroom Reader Online
Authors: Bathroom Readers Institute
Uncle John’s Unstoppable Bathroom Reader (2 page)
“Extremism in the Defense of Liberty”
The Birth of the Democratic Party
The Rise and Fall of the Whigs
*
Join the Party: The Republicans
According to the Latest Research
*
Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band
Return of the Man From C.R.A.P
Made in Japan: Weird Game Shows
Where There’s a Will… There’s Grace
America’s First Reality TV Show
* * *
“No, I don’t understand my husband’s theory of relativity,
but I know my husband and I know he can be trusted.”
—Elsa Einstein
INTRODUCTION
W
hen we were kids, the end of summer meant the start of school, and that got us nervous and excited. For us here at the Bathroom Readers’ Institute, the end of summer now means “Uh-oh! It’s time to get the next
Bathroom Reader
into bookstores!” And you know what? We still get nervous and excited.
This year we decided to try something different. Instead of spending months and months on writing and researching as usual, we went to see Dr. Flipseater, the Mad Inventor. And he built us a contraption called the “Information Grinder.”
Here’s how it works: We shovel mountains of books, newspapers, and magazines into one end of the Information Grinder, flip the switch, and after a few minutes of buzzing and whirring, guess what comes out of the other end—this book.
…Well, that’s not exactly how it happens. The
Bathroom Reader
is a result a lot of hard work by some wonderfully dedicated people, like John D., Jay, Julia, Jahnna, Jeff, Jennifer, Joyce, Jim—plus a few whose names don’t begin with “J” (like Thom, Sharilyn, Malcolm, Maggie, Bryan, and Angie).
And the product, we hope, is a great book that will tickle you, our wonderfully dedicated readers.
It’s hard for us to believe that we’ve been creating
Bathroom Readers
for
15 years
…but we have. The other day, when I was leaving a restaurant, the owner stopped me and pointed to my
Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader
cap (available at
www.bathroomreader.com
…I’d mention the name of the restaurant, too—it might be good for a free meal—but I can’t remember it).
“Hey, great hat,” he said. I thanked him and told him about
www.bathroomreader.com
, because you can find some great hats there (black or tan).
Anyway, he told me that he had several
Bathroom Readers
and that he’d been reading them for years. Suddenly I felt good all over because it reminded me of why we keep making these books: we
love doing it, and our readers love reading them. How do we know? You keep telling us.
Dear BRI,
I received my first
Bathroom Reader
as a graduation gift from college. I now have seven books (a pittance of your offering). You make bathroom time, brain time. Thanks.
—Kara
Thanks to you, dear readers, we are—like the title says—
UNSTOPPABLE
.
A few notes:
• Readers looking for our Extended Sitting Section may turn to the back of the book, get upset that they can’t find it and assume we omitted it. Not so. We only omitted the divider page, figuring, why waste a page? We’d rather give you more bathroom reading.
• We’ve included a bunch of articles about Canada. They’re spread over the entire book, so you have to look for them…but they’re worth it.
• For years we’ve wanted to do an article about the classic Beatles album
Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band
. But for some reason, we’ve never gotten around to it…until now. At the last minute one of our writers, Alan Reder, sent us his finished article, and we think it’s worthy of the word “classic.” We hope you like it, too.
• Check out our “BRI Honor Roll” on the Thank You page. It’s our way of recognizing some loyal fans who’ve sent us great ideas. Thanks, team!
• The
Bathroom Reader
family keeps growing—there are more writers and more members of the Bathroom Readers’ Institute than ever before. Sadly, though, we lost one member of our family this year: our good friend Marley J. Pratt, who taught us as no one else could to Go with the Flow. We miss you, Marley.
Well, that’s it from Ashland, Oregon…until next year.
And as always,
Go with the Flow!
Uncle John and the BRI staff
It’s always interesting to find out where the architects of pop culture get their ideas. These may surprise you
.
P
RINCESS LEIA’S HAIR:
According to
Star Wars
creator George Lucas, “I was trying to create something different, so I went with a kind of Southwestern Pancho Villa woman look. The buns are basically from turn-of-the-century Mexico.”
SCOOBY-DOO:
Modeled after Bob Hope’s movie persona, “in which he played the coward for laughs before ending up the reluctant hero.”
“
DOUBLE VISION”:
The title of Foreigner’s 1978 hit song came from a hockey injury. Frontman Lou Gramm was at a New York Rangers game when the goalie was knocked in the head with a stick. After the dazed player was taken off the ice, the arena announcer reported that he was “suffering double vision.”
ELLIE ARROWAY:
The protagonist in Carl Sagan’s novel
Contact
(played by Jodie Foster in the movie) was based on a real-life SETI (Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence) member Jill Tarter, who “has logged more telescope hours in the search for cosmic company than any other human on the planet.”
CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW:
Johnny Depp based his character in
Pirates of the Caribbean
on a mix of Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards and the amorous cartoon skunk, Pepe LePew.
THE EXORCIST
: Both the novel and film were based on reports of an actual exorcism performed on a 14-year-old boy in Missouri in 1949, the last official case of exorcism in the United States.
“
ME AND BOBBY MCGEE
”: Songwriter Kris Kristofferson got his inspiration from a scene in Fellini’s movie
La Strada
. When Anthony Quinn realizes that Giulietta Masina is dead, “he suddenly realized he was free but he was also the loneliest son of a bitch in the world. It showed the two sides of freedom—that freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose.”
A human eyeball weighs about an ounce.
We’ve always been fascinated by strange (real) names. Lucky for us there doesn’t seem to be a shortage of them
.
PEOPLE
Derek Tuba
,
band teacher in Winnipeg, MB
Milo Shocker
,
electrician in Oak Creek, Wisconsin
Mr. Fillin
,
substitute teacher in Woodside, CA
Brie Mercis
,
works at a cheese shop in Burlingame, CA
Cardinal Rapsong
,
Vatican spokesman against pop music
Drs. French & Fry
,
two dentists who share an office in Montgomery, AL
Dr. Chin
,
runs the Chin Ear, Nose & Throat Clinic in Malaysia
Mr. David Dollar
,
head of research, World Bank, NYC
PLACES
Pinch
and
Quick
,
neighboring towns in West Virginia
Pickles Gap
,
Arkansas
Oddville
,
Kentucky
Coolville
, Ohio
Bowlegs
,
Oklahoma
Smartt
, Tennessee
What Cheer
, Iowa
Smut Eye
,
Alabama
Telephone
, Texas
Bingo
, Maine
BUSINESSES
Deadman Funeral Home
,
Manchester, TN
Gamble Insurance Agency
,
Central, SC
Crummy Plumbing Company
,
Ocean Shores, WA
STORES
A Pane in the Glass
,
Naples, FL
Wok-N-Roll
,
Chinese restaurant, Yarmouth Post, MA