Uncovering You 6: Deliverance (15 page)

I laugh. Fey’s high spirits are contagious. “No,” I say. “I only got it a few days ago. Remember?”

“Oh, that’s right. A gift from your handsome lover. So tell me, how goes everything in paradise?”

I look at Jeremy. His expression is as impassive as I’ve ever seen.

“Things are… great,” I lie, leaning back. “A little bit complicated.” I shoot a look at Jeremy. “But otherwise, great.”

“Well, that’s good to hear,” she says. She lowers her voice to a conspiratorial tone. “Hey, now that we’re not--you know--with my mom, I’ve got to ask…” she giggles, “…how’s the sex life? I’ve always wondered what it’s like being with an older man. He must be so experienced. I was Robin’s first, you know.”

“What? No, you never told me.”

“Yeah.” She sighs. “I love him. But, sometimes I wish he were more--well, I don’t know--
assertive
. But Jeremy Stonehart? Your man? Whew! You can tell he’s full of sexual energy, just by looking at him.”

I’m painfully aware of Jeremy listening in on our every word. Still, his expression remains blank. If he is pleased or amused by the comments, it’s nothing I can see.

“He must be into some kinky stuff.” Fey continues. “S&M? I bet he takes full control in the bedroom.”

If I had a drink, I would have choked on it. “How can you tell?” I ask weakly.

She sighs wistfully. “It was in … the way he looked at me. There was something raw in his gaze, you know? Oh, of course you do! But even more, Lilly, it was the way he looked at you.”

I can’t take Jeremy’s continued, expressionless stare. He’s got to react
somehow
to that comment! But he’s got his full poker face on. There’s no penetrating it.

I turn away from him, shielding myself with my body. “What way was that?” I all-but-whisper.

“Like, well, it was a little like the way I sometimes catch Robin looking at me, when he thinks I’m not paying attention. But it’s more intense. So much more passionate. Everything about Jeremy feels like a work of art: The way he holds himself. His movements are slow and precise. There’s no excess motion. Everything is so controlled. It’s like he believes himself a true spectacle to be witnessed. That type of exterior is… Damn! It’s sexy. That must have been what pulled you to him at first, wasn’t it? Well, aside from the fact that he’s like a mega gazillionaire.”

“Trust me,” I say weakly. “His wealth had nothing to do with the situation.”

“Oookay,” Fey says sarcastically. “Whatever you say, doll.”

“Doll? Since when do you call anyone ‘doll’?”

She laughs. “I’ve been on a classic movie kick while Robin’s been away. It gets boring by myself. Everyone called everyone else ‘doll’ at the start of the century.”

“Hah,” I say, glad to have moved on past the dangerous topic of Jeremy Stonehart. “So, you’re up in Oregon now, huh? How’s Robin doing?”

“How’d you know I was in Oregon?” she asks in surprise. “This was a last-minute visit.”

Shit!
I spin back towards Jeremy. His eyes have darkened. The beginning of a scowl is starting to show on his face.

“Uh, lucky guess,” I say quickly, scrambling for a proper explanation. “You wouldn’t have picked up the phone so fast if you were asleep.”

I cringe at how hollow my words sound. I’ve never been a good liar. Deception of the sort I intend with Jeremy is one thing. But, making up lies on the spot, like this, for a friend? No way.

“That’s true. I’m only here for a few days,” Fey says breezily. I breathe a sigh of relief. She’s not at all hung up on the details. “Robin’s coming back from South Africa tomorrow. We’ll spend the rest of break with his parents and then fly to Yale together.”

“Just one semester left, huh?” I say. I glance at Jeremy. He seems to have relaxed. A little. “I can’t imagine what that’d be like.”

“Yeah, it’s a little bit sad,” she says. “I’ve missed having you around, you know. I thought we’d all be graduating together. You, me, Sonja, Robin, all in our graduations gowns…” She gives an uneasy laugh. “Call it stupid. But, I was really looking forward to having pictures of us together that day. For looking back on in twenty years. You know? But now, with you already working, it just won’t be the same. The pictures are going to feel… well,
empty
, without you.”

Her words tug at my heartstrings. The usual, cheery Fey is gone. She actually sounds like she’s on the verge of getting teary.

“Hey, hey! It’s okay,” I say softly. “You still have the wedding coming up. Remember?” I turn and face Jeremy, meeting his eyes. “Jeremy and I said we’ll be there. We’ll take pictures then.”

Jeremy nods slightly, in agreement. I sag with relief.

“Yeah,” Fey says. “Yeah. That sounds good.”

“Besides, a wedding is way more important than graduating,” I say. “At least, it’s always felt that way to me. Practically everybody who gets into Yale graduates. They’ve got to keep matriculation rates high. You know that. Even the football jocks end up with a diploma somehow.”

Fey laughs. “You’re probably right.”

“But how many people can say they’ve found somebody they’re willing to spend the rest of their lives with?” I continue. “You and Robin have something special, Fey, from everything I’ve seen. I remember the two of you together. I can’t think of a better match.”

“Thanks.” She gives another quick laugh. “That means a lot, coming from you. You know, Lilly, I don’t think I’ve ever told you this. You’re probably the one person in the world whose opinion really, truly means something to me.”

I blink, startled. “What? Really? Why?”

“Well, it’s everything about you. All that you’ve accomplished. Where you came from, and how far you’ve come. How many undergrads get a full-time job offer at a prestigious firm
before
graduating? You must have done some really stellar work for them last summer. And winning the Barker Prize on an essay you wrote in one night then threw away?” She sighs with envy. “Do you know how many kids would kill to be able to do something like that? I don’t know if you see it, Lilly, but you’re… you’re pretty freaking brilliant. I mean, I know you obviously work hard. But, you make everything you do seem so… effortless.”

She takes a breath. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that, well… I’ve always been in awe of you. Your dedication, your drive. It probably sounds foolish. But, ever since we’ve met I’ve been trying to model myself after you. And, well…”

The line goes quiet for a long moment. I look at Jeremy, afraid he might have ended the call—but then I hear Fey’s voice again.

“… Well, what I’m really trying to say, Lilly, is that I… I miss you. And that I… heck, I love you, girl. I just hope you don’t forget me entirely while you’re living your new life.”

Jeremy makes a single slicing motion across his throat. I know exactly what it means.

“Fey, listen. I’ve got to go,” I say quickly. I try to keep my own voice steady, but I’m not very successful. Her words pull at my soul. I never knew she had such a high opinion of me. I… I can’t handle it now, not with Jeremy in the room, not with him watching, not with him listening. “I’ll call you again soon. Okay? Say hi to Robin for—”

The line clicks, and I hear the dial tone. This time, Jeremy has ended the call.

I look at him. I make no effort to hide the moisture in my eyes.

“Your friend respects you,” he says coldly. “It seems I’m not the only one to find you so alluring. But Lilly? You took one too many liberties on that call.”

I dab at my eyes. I don’t want to deal with his shit right now. Considering the day I’ve had, and all the emotions coming to life inside me after Fey’s confession, all I want to do is crawl under the covers and have it over with.

“You said we’d be at the wedding,” he continues. “Which is a reasonable promise, for now. But, you and I both know that things can change. Anyway. That was acceptable. What was
not
acceptable was the carelessness with which you divulged information I gave only to you. Namely, Fey’s current location. Your explanation for knowing where she is was laughable. Lucky for you, she did not take issue with it.
Unlucky
for you, Lilly, is that if you display such sloppiness in the future, I will have to place stricter restrictions on your communications with her.”

“Oh, give me a fucking break!” I surge to my feet, annoyed, frustrated, and pissed off all at once. “I didn’t say
anything
to give you away. I keep all your secrets, Jeremy. All that you’ve done to me? That remains inside. Right here.” I slap my chest. “And you know what? I’ll continue to do so! So don’t feed me any bullshit about ‘stricter restrictions.’ Not when you
know
that I haven’t—and won’t—give you away.”

I spin and stalk out of his office. Then, on a whim, I turn back at the door. I face him.

“And don’t you
dare
touch me in bed tonight,” I add.

I spend the entire night as restless mess. I can’t sleep because I don’t know when Jeremy will show up. I can’t sleep because I’m afraid of the impending disaster his arrival will bring.

I don’t know what on earth possessed me to say what I did to Jeremy at the door. It was rash and unwise and totally heat-of-the-moment. And it’s something I’m terrified he’ll take huge issue with.

When the first rays of the sun filter into the room, Jeremy still hasn’t shown up. I give up trying to get any real rest and get out of bed. If Jeremy didn’t even come up tonight, I can’t imagine what will happen when I see him next.

Filled with uncertainty and trepidation, I enter the kitchen cautiously. How badly had I provoked him last night? What will my punishment for that be?

The kitchen, however, is completely empty. I hesitate, and then start down the hall towards Jeremy’s office. Maybe he’s still in there.

Along the way, I catch a glimpse of a clock. It shows 7:28. That means he’s already left for the board meeting.

Shit. It also means I have to spend the rest of the day in a state of perpetual apprehension about his return.

Despite myself, I can’t help but feel a touch—just a smidge—of concern for Jeremy. Did he get any sleep? He looked frazzled when I saw him last. Well, frazzled for
him
, anyway. I can’t imagine an all-nighter would put him in a better mood.

Thanks to Charles, I know so much more about Jeremy than I had for a long time. It makes him seem more human in my eyes.

I shake my head impatiently. He can
appear
more human. But, I can never allow myself to feel pity for him. Not ever. Not after everything he’s done.

I return to the kitchen and brew myself a double shot of espresso. Then, coffee mug in hand, I start towards the library. A book is the only way to pass the time before Jeremy’s return… and whatever comes next.

A surprise greets me when I enter the hall. The door to Jeremy’s office is wide open. There is nobody inside.

I stop on the threshold, hesitating. I touch my neck. There is no collar. The door is open.

I am allowed to go in.

I don’t believe for a second that this is an oversight on Jeremy’s part. Even if he was tired when he left, he was still… well, still himself. He was still Jeremy Stonehart: in control, imposing, and utterly confident of himself and his action.

Isn’t this what I wanted: Unrestricted access to his home control center? What type of information could I find inside? How much could I learn about him? How much could I learn about Stonehart Industries, from the documents contained in his desk?

I place one foot in—and stop. No. No! There is nothing here that I need. The whole house is monitored by cameras. This has to be a test. This
must
be Jeremy tempting me with the forbidden fruit.

His office was the one place he distinctly told me not to enter. It was the only door I ever found locked. And now, not only is it
un
locked, but it’s wide open, all but begging me to enter.

And yet, my whole purpose, my entire drive, centers around Jeremy’s trust in me. Perhaps this is another demonstration of that. I don’t know how he views such things. But I do know that if I go in and start snooping around, I would be betraying that trust.

So I turn away. It’s damned hard to do. I do it anyway. I console myself by remembering the incident in the office with his secretary. Do I really want to spend more time in a place that elicits those memories?

And so, I spend the remainder of the morning reading.

***

A timid knock at the door makes me look up.

Rose is standing there. She’s dressed in her usual garb. But there’s something about her body language and stance that makes her look very, very defeated.

Carefully, I lay my book down. In this new fucked-up reality that has become my life, I can never be too cautious. I wasn’t expecting Rose to come find me. Then again, nothing about my situation lends itself to making accurate predictions.

Rose clears her throat. “Miss Ryder,” she says, as stiff as a shy high schooler giving a report before the class. “I want to… express my sincere apologies for the way I behaved with you yesterday. It was unbecoming of me. I am sorry. I beg you not to hold it against me, and I hope you will accept my apology.”

She turns away.

“Rose,” I start. “Wait—”

“I am sorry, Miss Ryder,” she says, not turning back. “But Mr. Stonehart considers it best if you and I keep our interactions to a minimum. I must respect his wishes.”

With that, she leaves me alone and more confused than ever.

***

The day passes slowly, like a migraine. I spend all of it on edge.

A mixture of bad sleep, anxiety about Jeremy’s return, doubt and confusion about Rose’s behavior, and a million other little worries all contribute to it. There’s Paul, my mother, Fey…

Caffeine keeps me awake. But, it makes me agitated, too. I try to calm my mind by taking a stroll by the cliffs, overlooking the water. The day is dark and dreary. A wind howls from the sea and cuts straight through my jacket. It makes being outside as unpleasant as being inside.