Unforgivably Broken (The Broken Series Book Two) (22 page)

I held her carefully, making sure she was against my chest without any part of her touching
that
part of me as I prayed for the strength to keep my promise to her. I should’ve known it wouldn’t be that easy. When the water started to cool, she stirred in my grip and moved to kneel, reaching to turn it off.

“Don’t. I’ll… uh…” I cleared my throat as she turned to face me.
Her, on all fours, with the water pounding against her back as she looked over her shoulder at me almost made me cry. Why in God’s name did she have to be so fucking perfect? “I’m gonna need the water for a minute,” I finished, discreetly covering my throbbing erection. I wasn’t embarrassed at my body’s reaction to her and I certainly had nothing to hide, but I didn’t want her uncomfortable.

She raised an eyebrow and turned back toward me, clearly on a mission. “I’ll be happy to
—”

“Don’t,” I cut her off, holding up one hand. Her shocked looked melted into confusion and the rejection quickly followed. “Fuck. That’s not…” I pushed to my knees, moving to meet her in the center of the shower. Her hand shot out toward me and I quickly captured both of her wrists, holding them between us. I closed my eyes, taking two deep breaths as the internal battle between my brain and dick raged on. I had to do this right. I finally opened my eyes.

“Fuck. I want you so bad right now. If you touch me, I don’t think I’ll be able to keep my promise.” She started to speak so I continued quickly. “No. I’m keeping my promise, Pixie. Not tonight. Not like this. Our first time won’t be like this. I won’t let it happen. Please, just give me a second.”

I kept my eyes
on hers and watched the rejection melt into understanding. She kissed me softly and turned, reaching for the knob of the shower. To my surprise, she turned it toward the hot rather than the cold. When she glanced back at me, she winked. “Well don’t waste it then. At least enjoy it.” And with that, she stood and stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel off the rack before slipping into the bedroom again.

When I finally heard the water shut off, I couldn’t help but smile. I’d been embarrassed when I walked in on Zane but morbidly aroused at the sight of his pleasure. The fact that he was so adamant about how perfect sex needed to be for us was somehow sweeter than I ever could’ve imagined. For two people who spent years treating it like a game, I knew we were putting more weight on it than it needed. But, then again, maybe this is what it deserved. I wouldn’t know.

The light from the bathroom flooded into the room, shining across where I lay on the bed. His eyes met mine for a moment before he flipped it off. I had the sound turned low on the TV and in the flickering light, I watched him moved to the dresser and pull out a pair of underwear. It seemed we were both getting braver. I’d stayed in nothing but a tank top and panties and he crawled in beside me. Unashamed, I rolled into him, curling against him as I usually did and wrapping my bare leg over his. His hand grazed my hip, as he always did in this position. But when his fingers slipped over the bare flesh of my thigh, he groaned.

“You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?”

I laughed, running my knee up his thigh. “No more than you’re doing to me.”

The playfulness in his eyes made my smile wider. These last few days, the last few weeks, actually, had been so stressful. Before I could think further, he grabbed me, rolling me on top of him and pinning my arms behind my back. I let out a small squeal, laughing as I wiggled free of his grip. Just as I slid to the foot of the bed, crawling onto my stomach, he landed on my back, his weight half-pinning me to the mattress as I laughed. I arched, using my best weapon at the moment by pressing my barely covered ass against him. He rolled twice, landing on
his stomach with his head toward the foot of the bed.

“You win. But only because you cheated,” he chuckled and I could tell by the way he shifted that I’d succeed in working him up again. I did feel a little guilty for that but honestly, I couldn’t remember the last time we’d been this playful.

Scooting closer to him, I trailed my arm over his back. I hated that even in the sporadic brightness from the screen, my eyes immediately found the still nasty scar from the bullet wound. I swallowed, my mood suddenly more somber as I thought about Jordan still being out there. Pulling myself onto Zane’s back, I laid on top of him, covering the wound with my torso as I crossed my arms over his back and rested my chin on my hands. He turned his head to the side, looking over his shoulder at me with an amused smirk and I reached out, covering his face with my hand.

“Don’t even think about it,” I warned through a laugh, waiting until he turned his face back to the front. I traced my hand over the ink on his shoulder, reveling in the ability to touch him openly. I’d always admired his tattoos from a distance. I could remember him getting this piece, several of them actually, but the one across his shoulders had been there when we’d met. I didn’t see him without a shirt a lot but often enough to know what the words said. I ran my fingertips lightly over the quote, drawing each curve of the letter and pretending not to notice the slight tensing in his body. I’d never asked about the quote, it wasn’t my place. Asking questions about someone
else gave them opportunity to ask you questions and I didn’t need that before.

“‘It can’t rain all the time’,” I whispered the words and he stopped breathing altogether. It was clear he was uncomfortable and I didn’t want to continue
, but my curiosity got the better of me. After all, he’d pressed about my tattoo. “What’s the story?”

He sighed and the sound was both pained and resigned. When he didn’t speak, I broke down the question, asking something that I hoped might ease him into telling me. “When did you get it?”

“It was my first. Tish did it the day I turned eighteen,” he answered and his voice was as tight as I feared. I was pushing. But, still, I continued.

“Is it from a song?” I asked, the quote still not registering in my mind. He shook his head without answering. I gave him time but it when it was clear he wasn’t going to tell me, I leaned down and kissed the letters before sliding off his back. “You don’t have to tell me. I shouldn’t be nosey. I’m sorry.”

He sighed and rolled to face me, pulling me into the circle of his arms and pressing his lips into my hair. “It’s from a movie. The Crow. It used to be one of my favorite movies. I guess it still is but I haven’t watched it in years.”

After a long silence, I pressed my lips into the indention near his collarbone. He was still holding onto me like he was afraid I would run. “What’s it about?” I asked. I’d heard of the movie but I’d never seen it and couldn’t recall anything solid about it.

“It’s about a guy who basically comes back from the dead to avenge his fiancée’s murder.”

I stilled in his grip, trying to understand the meaning behind it. There was a reason he loved this movie, obviously, but there was also a reason he
had chosen that quote. He continued before I could ask any other questions.

“The main character, Eric, was a singer. ‘It can’t rain all the time’ is a line from one of his songs. I wasn’t in a great place when I
was eighteen and Tish talked me into getting it. He said I was walking around like I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders. I needed to remember that ‘it can’t rain all the time’.”

His explanation made perfect sense and sounded completely logical. I knew from what Tish had told me when we met that Zane had moved in with him when their parents died. Zane was seventeen at the time. I can see why his life might’ve been kind of dark.

“And has it? Continued to rain all the time?” I asked.

Pulling back, he looked over my face closely. I watched him as he seemed to be trying to memorize everything about me. He reached up, brushing back a piece of hair that had fallen from my ponytail
when we wrestled. “Some days are worse than others. But no, it’s not always raining,” he said, leaning in to press his lips to mine.

I
had been dreading today from the moment Zane first mentioned that he’d bought a gun. I didn’t know then that he’d actually bought
two
. One for me as well. I would be leaving for Texas tomorrow and while I was gone, I was supposed to keep working with Tish because Zane wanted us both to take the concealed carry class when I came back. I understood his reasoning, but it didn’t take away my fear of the weapon. Even safely stowed in a bag in the backseat of the car, the gun made me nervous. He’d made me hold one the day he brought them home, showing me it wasn’t loaded. I’d only held it for a second before pushing it back toward him. It had only taken the feel of the metal for all the memories to rush back in.

Today, Tish was taking me to the range for the first time.
I’d be learning how to properly load and unload the weapon that would one day be mine. If Tish had his way, I would be firing it for the first time as well. I didn’t know if I could handle that, especially knowing what I would be facing over the next few weeks. Zane hadn’t mentioned the trial or our separation in days and I knew he was trying to keep things light but the darkness of what was coming hung over us all.

“You’re awfully quiet, Lee,” Tish observed. I didn’t look toward him, keeping my eyes on the blank desert outside my window
instead.

“I don’t know if I can do this.”

“I won’t force you. We’ll take it one step at a time,” he promised as he turned into the lot outside the square, industrial-looking building.

H
e turned off the engine and we sat in the car, my hands already trembling in my lap while I stared at the offending building as if someone or something was going to jump out of it. It was ridiculous.
I
was ridiculous. Nothing about the building itself was scary.

I turned my head to Tish when he cleared his throat. “You have to remember something.” He waited until I lifted my eyes to his before he continued. “The gun itself can’t hurt you. It’s when someone picks it up and puts intention behind it that it becomes a weapon.”

I replayed his words in my mind, nodding as his meaning started seeping in.

“It’s good to have a healthy fear of guns. It means you’ll be safer when handling them. But you also need to understand them.”

When he got out of the car and grabbed the bag from the backseat, I finally forced myself to stand. My legs felt unsteady as we walked toward the door and the second we made it into the building, I could hear the muffled sound of gunfire. I turned toward the sound and the bullet-proof glass of the range was on my right. I saw two other people but I didn’t take time to evaluate further. Flicking my eyes away nervously, I followed Tish to the counter.