Unforgivably Broken (The Broken Series Book Two) (19 page)

I could still hear their voices and occasional laughs after drying my hair and putting on my pajamas. Quietly, I slipped down the hall to Conner’s room, peeking around the corner to check on them. I didn’t want to invade on their time but there had always been something about the bond between Conner and Zane that was irresistible to watch.

I could see them both laying side-by-side on the high platform of the bed. When the delivery guys had come in to set it up, I’d rolled my eyes. Zane’s explanation of Conner begging, coupled with Conner’s replay for me as they watched the guys putting it together, broke me down. It was almost a bunk bed but without a bottom bunk. Just a high bed with a ladder and a slide. It would be exactly the kind of thing a four year old would want but also the kind of thing a four year old with a dislocated shoulder would struggle with. Not to mention, based on the amount of furniture and the few still unpackaged decorative items, I was sure Zane spent way more than he budgeted.

But
, watching them in the light cast by the small projector displaying stars all over the ceiling of the room, seeing them cuddled together, and hearing them laugh, made all of those thoughts disappear. This was exactly why we were doing this. All of it. I knew Conner needed Zane but, truth be told, Zane needed Conner just as much.

“Do you think I can be a good big brother?” Conner asked and I felt my heart drop at his words. I didn’t realize Zane had told him about Lizzie being pregnant.

“I know you can,” Zane answered. I stood frozen to the spot. I wanted to back away but now I was afraid that moving would draw attention to my presence.

“But being a big brother is hard, right?” Conner sounded genuinely worried. I swallowed, closing my eyes as I listened for Zane’s response.

“Sometimes it is. Being the big brother means it’s your job to protect your younger siblings.”

“Like Uncle
Teesh protects you?”

“Yeah.
Just like that. And like Uncle Tish and I both protect Aunt Paige,” Zane answered, his voice somewhat choked. It was the push I needed. I didn’t want to listen to this right now.

Just as I turned to leave, Conner’s voice spoke up again. “
LeeLee, are you a big sister?”

I closed my eyes, swallowing down my discomfort before I turned back to face him. My eyes briefly met Zane’s and I could see
the apology in them. Whether it was for what I’d overheard or for the fact that Conner was questioning me about my family, I didn’t know. Either way, it didn’t matter right now.

“No. Actually, I’m a twin. Do you know what that means?”

He nodded. “My friends Lissa and Kayla are twins. Their mommy had them in her tummy at the same time.”

“Right.
So, I have a twin sister that was born at the same time,” I said, thankful I didn’t have to try to come up with a way to explain that one to him.

Conner yawned and his face shifted back toward the ceiling as he looked at the stars. “I don’t know how to be a big brother. And my momma’s not here with my baby brother or sister. I want her here.”

I opened my mouth, not sure how to respond but I could tell Conner was getting a little upset as he tried to fight off sleep. “I know it’s hard but it’ll be okay. I promise that Daddy and I are going to do everything we can to make sure you can see your little brother or sister as much as you want.”

Conner reached out a hand for me and I moved closer, stepping up the bottom two steps of the ladder to lean over the rail. “I love you,
LeeLee,” he said as I bent down to kiss his forehead.

Squeezing his fingers carefully, I ran my hand over his hair, brushing it out of his face. “I love you, too. Sleep tight, okay?” He nodded and I glanced over, catching Zane’s eye
s briefly before I made a quick retreat.

I headed down the hall to the master bedroom. It was still weird to think of it as
our
room but that’s what it was. I closed the door behind me and stared at the bare walls, knowing that unpacking the boxes would help make this feel more like our room and our place. I hadn’t officially agreed to live here and I knew Tish would let me take over Zane’s room if I decided I wasn’t ready for this, but as uncomfortable as that conversation was with Conner, this still felt right.

Conner belonged with Zane. I belonged with Zane. But I had yet to figure out how Conner, Zane
, and I fit together. Some days, it seemed so clear. Others, I was left feeling like an outsider, looking in on someone else’s life.

“Hey. You okay?” Zane asked as I heard the door close again. His arms wrapped around my waist from behind and I leaned into him as I nodded.

“Yeah. Of course. I’m great,” I lied, not looking back at him. “I was just trying to decide where to start with all the unpacking left to do.”

Zane used his grip on my waist to turn me, meeting my gaze with a skeptical expression.

I sighed, looking down at my hands. I wrapped his t-shirt around my index fingers at his sides, holding him with a grip that felt strong but was, in all honesty, just as fragile as my bravado. “I’m still just trying to figure out where I fit in to all of this.”

He squeezed my hips softly, attempting to make me look up but I didn’t. “Where you fit into all of what, Pix?”

“This. You and Conner and Lizzie… the baby.” He started to protest and I looked up, shaking my head. “No, you asked. I feel like this is her life, not mine. This is her family. Your family. Together.”

He stayed quiet, studying my face as he released his hold on me. I felt the pinch of rejection but I shoved it aside, swallowing down the lump in my throat that accompanied it. He ran both hands through his hair and closed his eyes, his expression frustrated. In an attempt to ignore the suffocating tension in the room, I decided to put as much distance between us as I could. I stepped back, turning toward the bed and moving to check my phone where it was plugged into the charger. I was sure I hadn’t missed any calls but it was something to do.

“I understand if this is too much for you.” I glanced over my shoulder at where Zane sat on the opposite edge of the bed, his back turned toward me as he looked down. “I can’t blame you for not wanting to take all this on. Conner is my responsibility, not yours. You don’t have to stay here. I shouldn’t have pressured yo—”

“Hey,” I cut him off, irritated at where he was going with the conversation. He turned to face me and I dropped my phone a little rougher than I
had planned onto the nightstand. “For starters, I never said I didn’t want this. Do you really think I made the decision to be with you without considering Conner? Do you honestly believe I love him any less than I love you?” Zane’s eyes widened at my words. “I love him too, Zane. He’s not just
your
responsibility anymore. Not if we’re really doing this.”

He stood and my heart beat harder against my ribs as he stalked his way around the foot of the bed to where I stood. I couldn’t tell if he was angry or not as he stared me down. Finally, he reached out and cupped both my cheeks in his warm hands. “Do you have any idea how incredible you are, Pixie?”

I let out a shaky half-laugh and shook my head. “I’m far from incredible.”

He leaned in, his breath mixing with mine as his lips grazed my jaw. “You are so far beyond incredible, I’m not sure there is a word for it. I haven’t introduced Conner to a single woman since I left Lizzie. I haven’t
dated
anyone and you know that. I never, not even for a split second, considered anyone I’ve met as a potential partner in helping me raise my son. I was determined to do it alone.” He paused, sliding his hands slowly from my cheeks to my neck, and then my shoulders, finally finding my waist. Wrapping his arms around me, he pressed his forehead to mine. “If I spent my life searching for the one woman I felt I could trust to raise my son, if I compiled a detailed list of specific characteristics, that woman wouldn’t hold a candle to you. You’re more than I could’ve ever imagined for myself. And for Conner. You’re the best thing that could’ve happened to us.”

I tried to speak, to tell Zane how much I loved him, but when I opened my mouth
, the sound that escaped was a sob. I’d never felt anything like this for anyone but there was nowhere else in the world I wanted to be other than here, with them. Even with the uncertainties surrounding us, Zane managed to wipe away my insecurities about where I fit into this in only seconds.

Pulling his face to mine, our lips collided. He walked us toward the bed and when I felt the mattress behind me, I fell, bringing him down with me. I tugged at his shirt and as he sat up on his knees to remove it, I scooted up the bed. The second he was free of the shirt, his lips found mine again. He hovered over me, resting on his elbows as our bodies aligned and the weight of him against me caused a moan of pleasure.

Spurred by the sound, Zane pressed himself harder against me, our hips rocking together as his lips trailed down my jaw to my neck. I felt my way along his shoulders and down his arms, enjoying the pull of muscle beneath the smooth skin as he moved. He broke his lips from my skin long enough to remove the tank top I’d put on after my shower. His eyes raked down my bare torso and I barely had time to feel embarrassed at his assessment before his attention turned to my breasts. I arched my back when his teeth grazed my nipple, the move causing a shift in the pressure of him against my core. I gasped, my hands moving to his jeans and making quick work of the closures. He sat up on his knees again as I pulled them down and he kicked them off, leaving him in nothing but a pair of dark blue boxer briefs that did nothing to hide him in his current state. He leaned in again, kissing my stomach as he reached down to remove my shorts. I tilted my hips up to help, letting my head fall back toward the door. I felt his breath against my skin just before his lips grazed my thigh. My eyes stayed on the door and the sudden thought of whether or not it was locked came to my mind.

“Did you lock the door?” I asked, my voice coming out more as a gasp as his fingers slid up my legs. He mumbled something against my skin and his lips were higher now, nearing the edge of my panties as his fingers slid into the waistband.

I knew what was coming next and I tried to clear my head but his breath against my sensitive flesh, then through the barrier of cotton, was scattering my thoughts. My hands clamped over his, almost as a reflex as he started to pull them down. “Zane.” I felt him move, releasing his hands from beneath mine and raising up, the bed moving as he crawled higher.

“Hey,” he said softly, his voice close. I opened my eyes,
without realizing they were closed. His breathing was heavy as he stared down at me, his expression showing nothing but concern.

I swallowed and as my coherent thoughts returned, so did the rush of embarrassment. It was an odd feeling for me and I shifted uncomfortably, trying to discreetly cover my exposed chest. I hated myself for feeling this way. I was normally a confident person. I was happy with the way I looked and too proud to care what anyone thought. But, this was Zane.
It was different, though I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why.

Noticing the movement, Zane reached across and pulled the blanket over me without a word, his worry still apparent though neither of us spoke. I felt like an idiot for my little panic attack and for stopping what we both obviously wanted
. But, something about the moment felt off. I couldn’t explain it.

“Where’d you go?” he asked, trailing his fingers through my hair. I looked over his face and his eyes never left mine. I didn’t see any anger or regret but I didn’t expect an
y. This was Zane.

“I’m not really sure,” I answered, but it was only
a half-truth. Zane remained quiet, idly brushing through my hair as I gathered my thoughts. “I don’t really know. It’s just…” I rolled onto my side to face him fully, keeping the blanket around me to cover myself. “My head is all over the place right now. This is all new to me and something just felt weird. Not wrong. But, with everything that’s going on, I’m just afraid and it’s screwing with my thoughts. I’m sorry.”

His hand immediately came up and he covered my mouth with two fingers, shaking his head. “Don’t apologize to me for this. Okay? You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. I understand and I’m not upset. I’m worried about you and I want you to know that I
would
never
expect that from you. I don’t care if we’ve been together one year or twenty, if you’re not comfortable with it, all you have to do is say the word.” He sighed, moving his fingers from my mouth and back to my hair. “I know you, Pixie. Probably better than most people. I’m not going anywhere. Okay?”

I swallowed against the lump in my throat, blinking back the tears. Every time I thought I couldn’t love him more, he proved me wrong.

“Okay.”