Unforgivably Broken (The Broken Series Book Two) (25 page)

“Oh, baby, it all makes so much more sense now. Usually it takes a few drinks to get you checking me out the way you were in there.” She trailed her nail along my upper arm as I drove and I shrugged away from her touch, ignoring her words. “We both know you liked what you saw.” When I slid my gaze sideways at her in warning, she tipped her head, nodding toward my jeans. She was right and she knew it. She didn’t need me to confirm her words and I wouldn’t.

“You know,” she started
, her hand landing on my thigh and her nails scratching tantalizingly over the denim. My dick twitched in response and I hated that she knew exactly what she was doing. “I’m the one who already knows how you like it. You know we’re good together.” Her voice got huskier as she leaned over the console, her lips near my ear. “You already said you didn’t have to pick Conner up until three. Your house is completely empty and no one would ever have to know. It’s a means to an end, for both of us. Plus, once you pick up
our
son, I can spend a little time with both of you. I haven’t seen him in so long.” I tried to focus on her words but her hand moving higher on my thigh, closer to the part of me that hadn’t been touched by anyone but myself in months, was making it hard to concentrate. I removed her hand, placing it in her lap. I had to think. Conner. The lawyer said if I started denying Lizzie at least supervised visitation, it would work against me. He wouldn’t be in danger if I were there too. But I had to draw the line with Lizzie. And sexually frustrated or not, I could do that.

The closer we got to Texas, the sicker I felt. I’d even taken up smoking again, which had already earned me two lectures from Tish. I hadn’t smoked in over a year but with everything going on plus being away from Zane, I couldn’t help myself. Apparently, I needed a crutch.

By the time we arrived in Austin, I had my feet drawn up in the seat
and my head resting on my knees, willing myself not to vomit. I remembered every moment of growing up in this place and I hated the way every muscle in my body tensed at the thought that I was within miles of everything I’d run away from in the first place. It all looked exactly the way I remembered. It felt like I was willingly riding right into my nightmares.

Tish checked us in at a motel
just a few blocks away from the courthouse. We’d researched it before we left. It was close enough to escape either on foot or by car if we were followed. There most likely wouldn’t be a lot of press but given Hunter’s status as an Olympic medalist, the story had gathered national attention with the media outlets. It was sad, really, the way athletes were regarded by the media, as if they could do no wrong. I hoped, after this trial and Hunter’s guilty verdict, some of that might change.

By the time we carried our bags to the small room, I couldn’t hold back any longer. I dropped my duffel
and darted into the bathroom, losing what little food I’d been able to consume over the last few days. Tish tapped on the rickety French doors of the bathroom, drawing my attention since they weren’t fully closed. He flipped on the light over the sink, filling the tiny room with a loud buzzing as the bulb flickered like a strobe light. Tish ignored it, placing my toothbrush and toothpaste on the counter before grabbing a washcloth and running it under the water. He stepped behind me, carefully laying it over the back of my neck as I continued to retch. If it had been anyone other than Tish, I would’ve been embarrassed. But, he’d seen me at some of my lowest points and never judged me. He always supported me, even when I didn’t deserve it.

“I’m proud of you, Lee. You know that?”
he asked when I was finally able to stand. He held a hand out to support me as I moved to the sink to wash my face and brush my teeth.

“Why?” I
asked, my voice hoarse. I was light-headed and when I looked at my reflection, small, red dots were showing under the pale skin around my eyes. I stared at the rash-like spots, groaning as I realized the blood vessels had burst. Perfect.

Tish leaned against the wall b
eside me as I started brushing my teeth, his arms crossed as he watched me in the mirror. “Because you’re here. You’re doing it. You’re facing this nightmare and you’re doing it without the one person we both know you wish was standing here in my place.”

I turned, grabbing a hand towel off the rack and drying my face before I leaned against the counter
as I stared at Tish. After a moment, I stepped to him, putting my forehead against his broad chest. “I’m glad you’re here. I don’t really know how to do this or what’s going to happen and as much as I love Zane, I don’t want him to see me break down,” I admitted softly, my throat still raw.

Tish sighed and wrapped his arms tightly around me, squeezing me until I was completely engulfed by his much larger
frame. This was just one of the things I loved about Tish. He wasn’t afraid he was going to break me. He still wouldn’t initiate physical contact since I had flinched from him but I hoped, in time, we could move past that. “Zane loves you. You don’t have to hide from him. You know that, right?” He leaned back, releasing his hold on my back to grip my shoulders. Searching my face, he lifted one hand to brush the skin around my eye with a thumb. “You don’t have to hide any of this. You can’t always be impervious to pain or fear or even love. You’re human, just like the rest of us, and he knows that.”

Swallowing down the nausea as I thought of Zane, or anyone really, witnessing the emotional breakdown I feared would come when I was actually forced to face Hunter, I sighed. “I spent three years learning to hide from people and two more learning to hide my emotions. Letting people in, trusting them, isn’t really one of my strong points.” I broke our eye contact, my voice trembling as I continued. “Besides, we both know that at any moment this could become too much for him.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Tish asked, sounding genuinely confused. We were both distracted as the buzzing of light finally stopped and my eyes adjusted to the dingy brightness.

“You were there, Tish. You saw what happened when he realized where our flirting was headed. You were there every time he started to distance himself from me when things got too heavy between us. Don’t act like you don’t know exactly what I’m talking about.”

Tish was shaking his head before I finished speaking. “You’re wrong. That Zane was still too damaged. He wasn’t ready to see what was in front of him. And if you
really
stop to think about it, you’ll realize I’m right. How many times did Zane show up at your work over the last few years?”

“I don’t know.
A lot?” I furrowed my brow, wondering where he was taking this.

“And he never once had a problem with you flirting for tips, did he?” He didn’t give me a chance to answer, the question was
clearly rhetorical. “As a matter of fact, I’m betting in two years, he rarely ever caused a speck of trouble for you when you were out unless you asked him to. That is, until the last month or so before his birthday.”

I thought through Tish’s words, shock taking the place of almost every other emotion in my body. After that very first night we spoke at the bar, Zane never intervened for me unless I gave him a signal. He never once crossed that line.
Which is why those last few times we went out before his birthday had ended with us being irritated with one another. He stepped in when I didn’t need him. He cared. He might not have realized it — hell, I was just now putting it together — but he had started to care that I was with other men.

“He wasn’t ready. It wasn’t time. And now that he has you…” Tish trailed off and I lifted my eyes to his face. “We all heard the fight the night you went to work. He was jealous. I guess we should’ve expected it but the point is
, he’s not that person anymore. One thing you have to know about Zane is that when he loves, he loves with everything he has. When he hurts, it’s soul-crushing and he carries the pain with him for a long time.”

Nodding my understanding, the memory of Zane’s tattoo and our discussion about it came to my mind. “It can’t rain all the time,” I whispered.

Tish’s eyes widened and he nodded. “Exactly.”

I sighed. “You’re right. He’s different
. I guess I’m just waiting for the bottom to fall out, you know? Pessimist that I am.” I gave him a small smile.

“Well stop. We’re going to get through this and when it’s over and this fucker is spending the rest of his miserable life behind bars, we’re going to go home and you’re going to leave it all here. Understand?”

I nodded again, just about to speak when the text alert on my phone rang out from the duffel bag I’d dropped when I entered the room. Knowing the message was probably from Zane, I couldn’t help but breathe out a sigh. I was sure he was checking to see if we were in the motel yet. He was such a worrier when it came to all this.

Grabbing my bag, I rifled through until I found my phone. When I pulled it out, I frowned at the screen. It wasn’t from Zane, it was from Kaitlyn.

“What’s wrong?” Tish asked, moving to stand beside me.

“It’s from my
… it’s from Kaitlyn. Apparently, the prosecutor told her I was coming to the trial and she wants to see me.” I sighed, dropping onto the bed.

“Do you want to see her?” Tish asked cautiously.

“No. Yes.” I sighed. “I don’t know.”

“Do you blame Kaitlyn?”

His direct question made my head snap up, my defensiveness rising. “For what? Being fourteen and not knowing what the right thing to do was? She tried to talk to me. She thought my parents were doing what was best. She didn’t know any better.”

Tish just smiled in response and I sighed, letting the phone fall to the mattress beside me as I laid back, pulling my feet up to rest my heels on the edge of the bed. “I want to see Kaitlyn but I don’t want to see my parents. Does that make me a horrible person?”

“Not at all. It’s your choice, Lee. I’m not gonna tell you what to do one way or another. If you want to see Kaitlyn, then I say go for it. If you told me you didn’t want to see any of them, I’d say that’s fine and we’d just chill in this room until we have to go to the courthouse. I’m here for
you.
I don’t give two shits about anyone else.”

I grabbed my phone, shooting out a text to Kaitlyn with the name of the motel and our room number before I could change my mind. I gave her specific instructions not to give out the information or I would move my location and not give it to her again. My phone immediately chirped in my hand.

On my way!

The use of the exclamation point almost annoyed me as I remembered my sister
’s always peppy personality. I was the quiet one growing up, the one that preferred to observe from a distance and didn’t speak in large groups unless I had something specific I wanted to say.
Our
friends were really her friends who hung out with me because she didn’t want me just sitting in a corner by myself. But honestly, after five years, the proof that her spirit was still intact enough to keep that positive energy was a relief.

Tish offered to order a pizza while we waited for Kaitlyn’s arrival but my stomach, even empty of all contents, protest
ed the thought. I didn’t bother to change out of the shorts and tank top I’d had on for the last leg of our drive, still feeling too tired to care. At least I could honestly use the fact that I was tired to keep this meeting with Kaitlyn short.

When the soft knock sounded, I swallowed hard. Tish started to rise from his spot on the bed closer to the door but I shook my head. “I can do this.”