Malik spoke up, pulling Ryan away from his fantasies. “Want to ride with us to Sam’s competition this weekend? We’d thought to fly at first, but it’s only about five hundred miles, so a road trip seemed more up our alley. It would save you some money,” Malik added, as if attempting to sweeten the pot.
At Malik’s offer, Ryan glanced Sam’s way. “You’re competing this weekend?”
Sam growled.
Ryan chuckled. “I’m just fucking with you, dude. This whole World’s Strongest Man shit is a big deal. I’m proud of you, and wouldn’t miss it.”
To Ryan’s surprise, Sam’s cheeks reddened. “Thanks, man. I can’t lie, I’m nervous as hell, but I’ve been working toward this day for years. I appreciate y’all coming. Otherwise, Holden will be stuck there alone while I’m competing.”
“We wouldn’t let Holden face this alone,” Malik said, before pointing at Ryan. “So, you’re coming right? The hotel where Sam’s staying is already booked up, but we’ve got a room if you want to crash with us too.”
Ryan nodded, incapable of hiding his smile. A few months ago, pride would’ve kept him from accepting such an offer, but he’d spent so much time with the pair lately, he couldn’t turn Malik down.
“We’ll talk before then, and work out the details,” Logan said, tugging Malik toward the door. “I hate to run out on you, but I’m on the verge of being late to work. Text me,” Logan called over his shoulder and before Ryan had time to respond, they were already out of earshot.
He chased after them, leaving his bag at Sam’s feet. “Hold up. Why are you headed to work? I thought you were off tonight.”
Malik rolled his eyes behind Logan, but Logan was the one to answer. “Our newest waiter walked out in the middle of his shift. They called to ask if I could help out until closing.” He tugged on Malik’s arm. “Gotta’ go. You did amazing tonight,” Logan called out as they trotted out the door.
A smile pulled at the corners of Ryan’s mouth as he moved to retrieve his bag. The pair were such a mess. He couldn’t imagine his life without them.
“What’s going on with you?”
Ryan tore his mind away from Logan and Malik and focused on Sam. The man looked pissed off, leaving Ryan confused. He searched his mind, trying to think if he’d done anything lately to get on Sam’s bad side. “What do you mean? Nothing’s up with me.”
Sam shook his head. His expression shifted, and a rueful smile touched his lips. “It’s nothing. Just sometimes…”
Ryan’s brows pulled together in a frown. He didn’t get Sam. “Sometimes, what?”
“It’s nothing,” Sam repeated, obviously intent on letting it go, which was cool with Ryan. He needed to grab a shower and get to bed. He had to work early in the morning. His job sucked, but he made damn good money throwing cars together on the line. Ryan took a step toward the front doors. “You know they’re married right?”
Sam’s claim brought Ryan to a halt. “What?” Even though he kept his tone light, infusing a laugh into his question, Ryan was scared shitless he knew exactly where Sam was headed.
“Malik and Logan,” Sam said, bringing all Ryan’s fears to life. “They’re married. To each other,” Sam added, as if Ryan really needed reminding.
“Is there a reason you’re playing Captain Obvious tonight?”
Sam shook his head again. Ryan hoped his forced oblivious tone was keeping the man confused. “It’s just that sometimes I think I catch a glimpse of something. I don’t know. Just don’t set yourself up for heartbreak, okay?”
“We’re only friends,” Ryan said, faking his brightest of smiles. It was hard. Sam hadn’t said anything Ryan hadn’t thought a thousand times. That didn’t mean he could help how he felt. “They’ve brought a definite bright light to my life that I’ve been missing for too long, but still… just friends. Okay?”
A forced smiled touched Sam’s lips, and he slapped Ryan across the back, nearly buckling his knees. “Sorry, man. I don’t know. Maybe my nerves are so bad I’m seeing shit that ain’t there.”
“Don’t worry over it. I’ll see you this weekend,” Ryan said, calling the words over this shoulder. He had to get the fuck out of there before he snapped. Maybe he couldn’t change how he felt, but that didn’t mean he needed anyone staring at him with accusing eyes.
* * *
Thirty minutes into their road trip to Chicago, Logan was out, and Malik’s silent panic was hitting an all-new high. Leaning into Malik’s side, with a ball cap pulled low, he was dead to the world. Unfortunately, the hat did nothing to hide how pale Logan looked or the dark circles beneath his eyes. Each time Malik glanced Logan’s way, he caught Ryan doing the same. The faint worry lines at the corners of Ryan’s mouth made Malik wonder if he felt the same gut wrenching fear Malik did.
The fifth time their gazes met, Ryan broke. “What’s going on with him?” Ryan kept his voice low. Not that it mattered. Logan was one of the deepest sleepers on the planet. “Is he sick?”
At Ryan’s question, Malik’s chest tightened. It was everything they’d dealt with before their split all over again. “This is why I moved up a class. He’s fucking exhausted. All this goddamn traveling. The only difference between this time and last, is he’s not going to college on top of work and my fight schedule.”
“I don’t think this is on you,” Ryan said, taking Malik by surprise with the venom in his voice. “It’s that goddamn job of his. They act like he’s their personal slave and he just lets them.” Ryan’s rant picked up steam. “I’ve never seen anyone work so many fucking hours for such unappreciative bastards. It’s like they can’t fill a glass without his input.”
Every word Ryan said was the truth, but Malik had been blaming himself for so long he didn’t know how to stop. “He only gives them everything they want so they’ll let him off on the days he needs to travel with me.”
He saw Ryan shake his head out of the corner of his eye. “No. They’re taking advantage.”
They were. Funny how he hadn’t noticed before now. For all of Ryan’s hot temper, he was the voice of reason when it came to Logan. Malik was always so bent on making Logan’s life perfect, taking it all on his shoulders, he didn’t always look at the external factors.
Malik heard himself admitting something he never had before. “I don’t know how to make it stop. If I tell him he doesn’t have to go to every match with me, that’ll eventually drive a wedge between us, since I’m certain neither of us is entirely sane when it comes to the other. I can’t tell him to quit. He’s been there longer than we’ve been together, and it’s not like we’re rich.
Ugh
.” Malik blew out a sigh. There had to be some middle ground, but damned if he could see it. Logan could change jobs, but he’d have to start at the bottom all over again. Since he’d quit college for Malik, what would he do? Jesus. He wanted Logan’s life to be perfect. No matter how hard he tried, Malik felt like he was always more work for Logan than he was worth.
He needed a moment. “I’m going to stop and grab a drink. Do you want something?”
“Sure,” Ryan said, digging for his wallet. He passed a five Malik’s way. “Just grab whatever. If it’s wet, I’ll drink it.”
Malik nodded. “Do you mind if Logan uses you as a pillow for a while, so I don’t have to wake him up?”
“No problem.”
Since Ryan sounded genuine, Malik eased Logan his way. Logan still didn’t stir. Still Malik held his breath, waiting. They had a good six-hour drive ahead of them. If Logan slept for most of it, he might be halfway human by the time they reached Chicago. Malik hit the first gas station he spotted. An odd sensation overcame Malik as he killed the truck and glanced Logan’s way. Ryan was staring at Logan again. When he caught Malik watching, Ryan glanced away quickly, as if he didn’t want Malik to know he cared, which was stupid. Not only were Ryan’s feelings in his eyes every second of the day, it was nice knowing he wasn’t alone.
“I’m glad it’s not just me,” Malik said because it needed saying. “I know I’m a bit extreme when it comes to Logan. Having you around, keeping my perspective on the level, while letting me know I’m not crazy for worrying, that’s important to me.”
The relief written in Ryan’s features caused something to shift in Malik’s chest. It was like they were a team. He couldn’t explain it. The three of them—they fit. They balanced one another. Ryan smoothed the extreme ride in Malik’s life named Logan. He needed more of that.
“You’re not crazy,” Ryan said, backing him up. He nodded at the man sleeping against his shoulder. “For real, he needs a keeper.”
An unexpected smile stretched the corners of Malik’s mouth. It was too true. “Amen,” Malik said before climbing from the truck. Malik didn’t need to look closer at the reason he couldn’t stop smiling as he headed inside. After months of suffering in silent agony, Malik had way more than he could’ve ever dreamed.
*
As Malik walked away, Ryan’s gaze found Logan’s face once more. He told himself it was the black smudges and worry eating at his chest that kept his eyes locked on the man currently sleeping on Ryan’s shoulder. Lately, it seemed he lied to himself a lot. Malik’s constant praise and acceptance combined with Logan’s silent version of the same was taking over Ryan’s life. He woke up thinking about them, scheming to spend time with them. For real, he even looked forward to hitting the gym twice a day now, and he’d never believed anyone really enjoyed that shit. He cared. Since losing Chad, Ryan hadn’t allowed himself even a single friend. It felt wrong to care about anyone even on that level—like if he couldn’t die with Chad, he’d live as if he had. Logan and Malik, they were having none of it. They were stealing away with pieces of him. Damned if Ryan didn’t think he was letting it happen. Fuck. This was a mess. Knowing he was headed down a terrible path didn’t pull him away from it. Nope. He was still fucking staring at Logan—wishing.
Lost in his own sense of impending doom, it took Ryan a second to realize those sexy as sin blue eyes stared back at him.
Logan blinked, as if just realizing where he was. “Damn. Sorry, darling,” Logan said, moving away and taking Ryan’s peace of mind with him. “I’m so fucking tired,” he added, tilting his head back against the seat.
“That’s enough of that. Come here,” Ryan said as he urged Logan back against his side. This time, he lifted his arm and shifted positions so Logan could rest against his chest. Logan came willing. A shiver ran through Ryan as Logan settled against him, and his scent teased Ryan’s nose. He would fix this shit. Ryan didn’t know how, but he’d make it right.
Malik slid back behind the wheel. Their eyes met. The weight sitting on Ryan’s chest increased, making it hard for him to breathe. Malik’s expression was unreadable. His gaze searched for something unknown. Ryan couldn’t look away.
“Thank you,” Malik mouthed, causing Ryan to suck in a deep breath. One day soon, he’d have to face some hard facts. Ryan wasn’t sure he was strong enough.
*
The only thought Malik experienced for the first half of Sam’s competition was, don’t put him down for the Strongman competition. It was hot. Really fucking hot. He had to admit that was one aspect of Sam’s training that Malik had never considered. There’d never been a doubt in his mind that what Sam did was hard as hell, but the fucking heat was murder. Chicago in July was nightmare weather. They were up to the Keg Toss and Sam was two points behind the leader. The excitement of Sam’s cheering section was epic, making Malik proud to know such awesome people.
Ryan had spotted Jimmy as soon as they’d found their spot and the pair had promptly disappeared. Malik had given up searching the massive crowd for them thirty minutes earlier. The dark circles beneath Logan’s eyes had lightened a hair. Nonetheless, Malik kept one eye locked on his husband at all times, ready to bail if Logan started sagging. Nothing was more important. As if he felt Malik’s concern, Logan leaned into Malik’s chest. He loved when Logan’s body pressed against his. It was never too hot for that.
“Ugh,” Holden said, pulling Malik’s attention his way.
“What?”
Holden nodded across the short wall to the crowd on the opposite side of the competition field. “It’s Xander.”
Malik groaned when he spotted the blond man who looked like an angel, but was actually a demon bloodsucker also known as Sam’s ex. “Fuck. Really, we should’ve seen that one coming.”
“I hope Sam doesn’t see him,” Logan said, voicing everyone’s fears.
Xander had tried coming between Holden and Sam some months earlier. As far as Malik knew, Sam’s rage still hadn’t abated over the incident. The last thing anyone wanted was Sam to get distracted at the biggest event of his life.
Ryan appeared out of nowhere. “Who is Xander?” he asked, as if he hadn’t been gone the whole time. He took up post in front of Malik, openly searching the crowd with his gaze.
Leaning over Ryan’s shoulder, Malik pointed toward where Xander stood. “Do you see the blond guy right there? The one wearing the light blue shirt?”
Ryan nodded.
The scent of his cologne filled Malik’s nose. Malik moved closer, incapable of stopping. His chest touched Ryan’s shoulder. Ryan shifted, pressing back against him. It was a subtle move, but Malik couldn’t focus on anything else. As if his mouth had a mind of its own, Malik’s lips moved closer to Ryan’s ear. “He’s Sam’s ex. A while back, after Holden started dating Sam, he tried everything he could think of to undermine their relationship. His bullshit almost worked too. Luckily, Sam caught on before Xander fucked up his life.”