Unprotected (21 page)

Lucy’s two youngest sisters, Susanna and Anna, ran through the living room carrying armfuls of Barbies. They brushed past Amanda without saying a word and headed for the semi-finished basement that served as their toy room. The girls were apparently oblivious to the fight occurring in the kitchen, the voices just muffled enough that Amanda couldn’t tell what they were saying. She could hear Rosie’s shaky voice.

Amanda looked at the boy on the couch again and decided she would rather barge in on the fighting than hang out alone with him. She smiled at him briefly, set her gifts by the tree in the corner on the other side of the couch, and slowly entered the kitchen.

Rosie was standing at the sink wrestling with a ham. Cynthia was standing next to her, tears streaming down her face, arms crossed in front of her in defiance.

“There is no way I’m sending him away, Mama. No way!” Cynthia said.

“The way you talk to me! How dare you speak to your mother like this!?” Rosie shook her head, and Amanda could see Rosie was crying too.

Amanda realized her initial thought was wrong, and hanging out with mystery boy in the living room would have been better than this. She set her things on the kitchen table as unobtrusively as possible.

“How dare you try to put someone out on the street!”

Amanda had never seen Cynthia so angry. Cynthia had grown up in the past year, going from a gawky sixteen-year-old to a stunning seventeen-year-old. She had her family’s good looks and a gorgeous figure complete with a booty that would make J-Lo envious. Her entry into the dating world scared the daylights out of Lucy, especially because she was friendly and funny along with being beautiful. Lucy had told Amanda that Cynthia was dating a lot, but so far it was very innocent. Seeing Cynthia, who was usually the family comedienne, like this was completely out of character for her.

“Christmas is for going to mass and celebrating the birth of Jesus. It is a time for family!” Rosie yanked the last of the wrapper off of the ham and stared at it angrily.

Amanda carefully set her bag on the table and quietly started to back out of the kitchen.

“Family, huh? Well then why is Amanda here?”

Amanda felt like she had been punched in the stomach.

“Amanda is family,” Rosie said. Tears sprang up in Amanda’s eyes at Rosie’s words.

“She is not. If she was family then you wouldn’t be so nice to her. You’d be a bitch to her like you are to the rest of us.” Cynthia’s eyes got wide as she realized she had gone too far. Way too far. Rosie’s head snapped up as if she had been slapped. She wiped her hands on the kitchen towel, turned and walked out of the kitchen through the door that led to her bedroom. She went into her room and closed the door. Cynthia stood frozen, like she was afraid to move.

Amanda stood by the door with her mouth hanging open, horrified at what she had just seen and heard. Cynthia made eye contact with Amanda for a minute, looking ashamed, and then stormed past her out of the room.

The girls never swore around Rosie. To Amanda’s knowledge, none of them swore at all. They had always been respectful to Rosie, never displaying this kind of scene. She assumed the fight was about the boy in the living room who obviously was Cynthia’s boyfriend. This must have been a continuation of the fight Amanda had witnessed at Thanksgiving, when Rosie was fighting with Marina and still furious with Cynthia for being under the covers in the basement with her boyfriend watching TV.

But the fight on Thanksgiving had blown over enough that they still had dinner, and the day was bearable. Amanda couldn’t imagine Rosie getting over this one enough to even come out of her room.

Amanda could feel the roar beginning in the back of her head that usually came when she was overwhelmed. Not wanting to go there today, she needed to distract herself somehow. The ham was still in the sink, but they usually didn’t eat traditional Christmas dinner until Christmas day. Amanda picked up the ham, set it in the roasting pan next to the sink, and put it in the refrigerator. On Christmas Eve, Rosie usually made homemade tortillas and other traditional Mexican food. Amanda had no clue how to make any of Rosie’s specialties, but Lucy did.

Her gut was starting to ache. Where was Lucy anyway? Lucy’s car hadn’t been in the driveway when she arrived.

With nothing else to do, Amanda put together her relish tray and set it in the refrigerator. The clock on the stove said it was 12:37. Usually the family hovered in the kitchen together most of the afternoon making homemade tortillas and fillings, and
sopapillas
. Rosie was usually in her glory on Christmas Eve because she got to teach her girls about their heritage and pass on a Mexican family tradition.

Amanda returned to the living room to find Cynthia defiantly draped across her boyfriend, who was still frozen watching TV. She could hear the little girls downstairs. Not knowing what to say to Cynthia and desperate to find a distraction, Amanda went downstairs to check on Susanna and Anna.

The unfinished basement had been converted into Barbieland. They had two Barbie cars and a jeep, a huge townhouse, and at least fifty Barbies. Since all the girls in the family were obsessed with the blonde and beautiful Barbie at one time or another, they had managed to accumulate everything Mattel had ever made.

Anna looked up at Amanda shyly, but Susanna ran over to Amanda and grabbed her hand. “Hi, Manda.”

“Hey, girls. Merry Christmas.”

“It’s not gonna be,” Susanna said solemnly. Anna sat in the corner by the townhouse, trying to arrange the Barbies in the beds for an apparent sleepover.

“Why do you say that? Are you worried that Santa won’t come?”

Susanna rolled her eyes at Amanda. “I’m a little old for that, Amanda,” she said, precociously. “Anna doesn’t even believe that old story anymore.”

Amanda found that very sad. “Wow, you girls are getting old,” Amanda said. “So if you’re not worried about Santa, why won’t this be a good Christmas?”

Susanna was trying to get a pair of very tight spandex pants onto the Barbie she was holding. They slid up over Barbie’s incredibly long legs, but were stuck at her curvaceous hips. Amanda had never noticed exactly how out of proportion Barbie was. Amanda held out her hands, and Susanna gave her the Barbie so she could try to dress her.

“Mama is so mad at everyone. I don’t even know if we’re gonna open presents. Lucy got in a fight and left, and now Cynthia was yelling at her. Mama hates all men. That’s the problem, you know.”

Lucy got into a fight and left. Amanda wanted to ask what she meant by “left,” but the girls were more worried about their mom. Amanda pulled and tugged at the spandex pants with no luck. She finally grabbed on with her teeth and moved them a centimeter. “I don’t think your mama hates men.”

“Yes, she does. She hates them. Lucy and Cynthia were talking about it. Lucy said that her dad was really mean to Mama. Lucy has a different dad, you know,” Amanda glanced at Anna, who was unfazed and apparently knew this bit of family history already. “Then Mama got married to our dad, but he died. Now she doesn’t want anyone to have boyfriends or get married or anything because she said men are no good.”

“My gym teacher is a man,” Anna said, putting a Barbie in the jeep next to Ken, who was driving. “He’s good. He lets us play trench and soccer and jump rope.”

“I’m sure everything will smooth over,” Amanda said, not at all convinced or convincing the girls. “Families fight sometimes.”

“Our family fights all the time,” Anna said.

“Lucy said she’s gonna run away and get married,” Susanna said, “cuz of Mama.”

“Their wedding is all planned. She won’t run away,” Amanda said, but the words “run away” made her stomach drop.

“I don’t even think Mama will go to the wedding,” Susanna said. “She’s supposed to be making dresses for all of us, and she’s hardly started. They’re never going to get them done in time.”

Susanna, who wasn’t playing with anything any more, looked miserable. Amanda couldn’t believe Rosie would refuse to go to the wedding. In the years she had known this family, Amanda had been present for a few arguments. One year Marina wanted to wear a very short skirt and tank top to midnight mass. Both Lucy and Cynthia told her she looked terrible. When Rosie saw her, she gasped, and Marina flounced back to her room to change without another word being spoken. Another year Susanna and Anna were fighting and Susanna pulled Anna’s hair hard. Lucy broke up that fight before Rosie found out.

“Susanna, did you say that Lucy left?” Amanda asked.

Susanna was brushing spandex Barbie’s long blonde hair. “Yep. She says she’s not gonna be here for Christmas.”

“But … of course she is …”

“No she isn’t! Lucy and Mama got in a fight about William. Lucy said, ‘I’ve had it,’ and ran out the door. She said, ‘Merry Christmas, Mama. I won’t be back.’” Susanna had tears in her eyes. “That means she won’t be here for Christmas.”

Amanda swallowed hard. The last time she and Lucy had spoken, Lucy reminded her to be there by noon. She didn’t say anything about being with William’s family for Christmas, although Amanda realized that Lucy would probably go to his family’s house at some point over Christmas. But this was different. Susanna said that Lucy left and wouldn’t be back.

Amanda’s stomach dropped as she wondered where that left her.

* * *

Amanda dressed a few more Barbies with the girls until boredom and worry got the best of her. She returned up the stairs. The situation in the living room with Cynthia and her boyfriend hadn’t changed, except they were now lying down together on the couch under a blanket. Her hair looked messy, like they actually had the nerve to make out with Rosie one room away.

Back in the kitchen, Marina was sitting at the table eating Doritos. Of all Lucy’s sisters, Amanda was the least comfortable with Marina. It seemed that Marina caused the most conflict, though it was never anything like this.

Amanda sat at the table across from Marina. “So … Merry Christmas, huh?”

Marina glared at Amanda, but she also seemed anxious to talk. “Bet you wish your mom was still alive so you didn’t have to deal with this.”

Amanda was shocked that Marina made reference to her mother. She never knew how much Lucy had told her family about Amanda’s situation.

“Actually, my Christmases were never much when my mom was alive. We’d probably be eating at a soup kitchen or something like that.”

Marina’s eyes widened. “Really? Was your mom crazy?”

Hard question, though Amanda had definitely considered it before. “Not crazy, exactly, just messed up.”

Marina nodded. “Mama’s messed up too. Our whole family is messed up.”

“You guys have never seemed messed up to me. I think your family is wonderful.”

Marina snorted.

“Seriously, Marina, you don’t know how lucky you are. A lot of people would give anything to have a house and a family that loves them.” Amanda was one of those people.

“Yeah, well, I don’t know about any of that. Mama’s losing it. Lucy and Cynthia don’t see it because they’re too busy screwing their boyfriends, but I see it. She can’t remember stuff. She cries when nothing has happened. She sleeps all the time.” Marina looked worried, and much older than her fourteen years. Amanda always had the impression that she wanted to be as distant as possible from the family, but today she looked like she just wanted her family to be okay.

“She sounds depressed,” Amanda said. “People sleep a lot and can get really groggy and out of it when they are depressed.”

“You’re probably right,” Marina said.

“She could get on medication, and that could help a lot.”

“Yeah, right. There is no way she would take medication. If she’s sad, she thinks that’s what God wants for her. She would think she deserves to be sad. She probably thinks Lucy getting pregnant is her fault because she is a bad mom, so she’s coming down on the rest of us twice as hard.” Marina started to cry.

“Do you really think she’s that upset about Lucy being pregnant? You think that’s the cause of all of this?”

“Mama said to Lucy today that William is just like Lucy’s father. Mama
hates
Lucy father, and Lucy knows it. That’s why Lucy got mad and left.”

“You don’t think she’s coming back?”

“She said she’s not. I was standing there when she left. She told me ‘sorry.’”

The roar in the back of Amanda’s head just got louder.

* * *

Amanda and Marina sat at the table a while longer, until the little girls came upstairs wondering what was happening. They all felt the tension and no one knew what to do about it. Finally, Amanda and Marina decided to start cooking in hopes that they could draw Rosie out of her room that way.

After an hour of attempting to make shredded beef and refried beans (with Amanda trying to find recipes and Marina trying to remember spices and oven temperatures), it became apparent that Rosie was not going to come out of her room on her own. Marina knocked softly on her bedroom door. When there was no reply, Marina opened her door a crack, stared for a moment, and then closed it again.

“She’s sleeping,” Marina said tearfully. “She didn’t move when I opened the door or whispered her name. I don’t know what to do.”

Amanda didn’t either. Amanda didn’t feel like she could approach Rosie and talk to her because she was afraid Rosie would see her actions as disrespectful. But she was afraid that eating their special meal without Rosie would be disrespectful too.

“I think we should wake her in time for her to get ready for church,” Amanda finally said. “We know she won’t miss that. Then hopefully she’ll perk up, and we can eat after church.”

So the Ramirez girls and Amanda, minus Lucy, awkwardly sat around the house until it was time to get ready for the Christmas Eve mass at 4:30. At 3:30, Marina brought the little girls to their rooms to get dressed. Amanda cleaned up the kitchen. Cynthia, who defiantly hadn’t left her perch on the couch, wandered out to the kitchen.

“So what’s going on? Is everybody still going to church?” Cynthia asked, not acknowledging any role she might have in the family conflict.