Unprotected (32 page)

Amanda’s gut had spoken to her a few times in her life. It told her not to get in the car with drunk Harrison Peters when she was thirteen and he was seventeen, it told her that she should be a social worker, and it told her that he should have dinner with Jake that first day she met him at the hospital. Today her gut spoke to her again, and she decided to listen.

“Okay Angel, I hear you.” She looked into this child’s hazel eyes and could almost feel the weight of these four lives on her shoulders. “I can’t promise what the judge will decide, but after reviewing all the information, I’ve changed my mind. I will write in my report next week that I want the four of you to stay together.”

Amanda sent Angel back to class and headed for her car. There were such similarities between Angel and herself. Angel had that hardened exterior that kept her safe from the pain in her life. She was incredibly tough, and Amanda admired her immensely. This girl was a survivor.

The image of her own name on the computer system, followed by the word victim, popped in her head. Angel wasn’t a victim, and this life she was living wasn’t her fault. In fact, it made her the scrappy little girl that she was. For the first time, Amanda understood why people thought she was so strong, and she may have even agreed.

* * *

The first day of Spring is March 20th, but in Minnesota that could mean anything from seventy degrees and sunny to a blizzard or anything in between. March had remained almost balmy, which had caused the snow to melt early and quickly, leaving peoples’ yards full of mud and puddles. Amanda avoided the grass and walked on the sidewalks, wearing shoes instead of clunky boots and feeling hopeful.

Madge had decided they should do a course on the identification of Minnesota flora and fauna, which meant long nature walks in the area’s parks and trails. As Amanda parked at the high school and changed into tennis shoes, she wondered about the kids in her group. After the fight, Chad and Tyler were suspended and both went to a correctional facility. She assumed they had both been released by now, but she didn’t know for sure. The principal had almost axed the program altogether, but the superintendent had actually intervened because he wanted to keep the collaboration with Social Services. Amanda felt pressure to make this program successful so she had been reading about experiential education programs with adolescents. The main thing she had learned was that a relationship with these kids was key, but she had no idea how to make that happen.

As Amanda made her way through the hallways to Madge’s classroom, Brittany stopped her. “OMG, Amanda you have to come with me right now.” Brittany’s eyes were wide.

“OMG, Brittany we both have to get to class.” Amanda said, and then remembered that she was supposed to be working on their relationship. “What’s going on?” She looked at Brittany and saw she truly looked scared.

“I don’t know, but something’s wrong with Jess.”

Amanda felt torn with the scrutiny on the program and the need to connect with these kids. ”Brittany, we have to go to class, and so does Jess, but I’ll talk to both of you after school. That’s only a couple hours from now.”

“Thanks for nothing!” Brittany flounced away and disappeared among the sea of students passing in the halls.

Madge looked different when Amanda arrived in her classroom. Her usually slicked back hair was dry and stood out in all directions. She was sitting at her desk staring at the computer and barely looked up when Amanda came in. The students in Amanda’s group and in Madge’s group were sitting on desks talking to each other, indifferent to both Amanda and Madge. The bell rang, but no one moved, including Madge.

“So, I’ve been reading about spring wildflowers, and I think I might recognize a brown-eyed susan if I see it.”

Madge didn’t take her eyes off the screen. “Study hall today,” she muttered.

“Study hall? Here? We’ve never done that …”

Madge just waved a hand at her and didn’t respond. Amanda looked at the students around the room. None of them looked like they had any intention of taking out a book. Katelyn was sitting in the back of the room listening to her iPod. Amanda crouched next to her desk and asked how things were going for her.

Katelyn shrugged. “Okay. I’m failing geometry again.” She was drawing a face with big black tears.

“So, whatever happened with Chad?” Amanda asked. Tyler was in the classroom, sitting by himself staring at the clock.

“He got sent.” Katelyn said. “Ninety days minimum.”

Amanda assumed that Chad must have had a prior record that caused him to be in more trouble than Tyler. She tried to ask Katelyn why she was drawing tears, but Katelyn didn’t feel like talking. She was able to convince Katelyn to work on her homework, so Amanda spent the rest of the hour “building a relationship” with Katelyn by struggling through geometry with her.

At the end of the hour, Amanda went to the office to try to find Jess. The two office support staff workers were chatting with a student helper.

“I love watching softball,” one of the secretaries was saying. “My daughters all played, so I spent ten years in the bleachers. I miss it now that they’ve all graduated.”

The student nodded. “My parents love it too. It’s all we’ve done for the past five years every summer. All our vacations revolved around the season.”

“I heard you’re playing Apple Falls today,” the secretary said, still not noticing Amanda. “They used to be so tough.” Amanda felt her heart quicken at the sound of Apple Falls softball. She hadn’t thought about her best sport for a long time.

“I know. My sister played when they had that all state pitcher that no one could hit.”

“I remember her. Apple Falls won state that year, mainly because of that pitcher.”

Amanda had been that pitcher. Her cheeks grew red, and she almost got tears in her eyes. She wanted to introduce herself and talk softball with these women who knew her only as a great pitcher. But she needed to find Brittany, so she interrupted to do her work.

“Excuse me, I need to find a student, Jessica …” Amanda realized she didn’t know her last name and couldn’t remember Brittany’s last name.

The older of the two secretaries, the one whose daughter played softball, smiled kindly. “I’m sure you know we’ll need more than that.”

Amanda felt stupid. “Yeah, I know. She’s a tenth grader, I think. Her cousin, Brittany, is in Madge’s EBD class.”

“Brittany Coleman,” the student said.

“That’s her,” Amanda said.

“Her cousin is Jess Peters,” the student went on. “Her dad was my doctor when I was little.”

“I’m sorry,” the secretary said. “I just need to know who you are because I can’t just give out …”

“Of course,” Amanda said. “I’m from Terrance County Social Services. I work with Madge. I’m helping in her classroom. We do experiential classroom learning.”

The secretary nodded absently. “Neat.” She pulled up a schedule on her calendar. “Jess has been marked absent all day.”

“Okay,” Amanda said, trying to figure out what to do next. Brittany loved drama, and Amanda wasn’t sure if she was creating drama by chasing her around. Even though she wasn’t due back until the next week, Amanda decided to come back tomorrow and try to see Brittany then.

She walked back outside and headed to her car. The softball fields were on the other side of the parking lot, and Amanda watched as the Apple Falls bus pulled up next to the field and the players started exiting the bus. Amanda remembered the feeling of anticipation before a game. She usually sat alone on the way to the game, but was always distracted and indifferent to being by herself. On the way home, she sometimes sat with the JV coach, who was also the pitching coach, and they discussed her game. As the girls headed toward the field, she also saw several people getting out of their cars and unloading picnic chairs and coolers. Parents. She wondered if there was someone on the bus like her, all alone, who never had someone cheering just for her. Amanda wanted to go to the game, and cheer for just that girl. Then reality set in, and Amanda realized that she wouldn’t know who was alone, and most likely there wasn’t anyone as alone as she was. Amanda got in her car and drove home. Alone.

* * *

The evening passed slowly, with Amanda trying to find something to watch on TV. She realized that she needed a hobby, a class, something to fill the rest of her time. Five years of college had filled her evenings with constant studying, papers to write, tests to study for. Now her evenings were hers, and she didn’t know how to spend them. The Twins had played a spring training game during the day, and Amanda smiled as the sports announcer on the news was wearing short sleeves as he reported from Fort Myers, Florida. Then the weather forecast came on, with news of a major change coming in the next twenty-four hours. The temperature was supposed to drop at least forty degrees, with rain changing to snow overnight. With the winds picking up there would be near blizzard conditions. The weather forecaster’s eyes seemed to sparkle with the excitement.
Stupid Minnesota
, Amanda thought. Can’t put away the boots quite yet.

Amanda has fallen asleep on the couch, so the sound of knocking startled her awake. Jimmy Fallon was on TV. Amanda’s contacts felt fused to her eyelids, and she could barely open her eyes. More knocking.

Amanda went to the door and found Jess and Brittany standing on the deck. Brittany’s eyes were wide, and she had her arm intertwined with Jess’s. Jess’s teeth were chattering, her dark-blonde hair was unkempt, and she had mascara smudged under her eyes.

“Jess got raped,” Brittany said. Jess flinched at the word.

Amanda stepped back and let them inside.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Jess stepped inside and stood, frozen. Brittany looked at Jess’s face, and then at Amanda. “She’s been like this all day. She was in the back of her car until noon. I found her there after fourth hour and tried to get her to come out. I brought her some food, but she wouldn’t touch it. That’s when I tried to get you, but you wouldn’t come.” Jess’s teeth were still chattering.

Amanda’s worst days were in the hospital with her mom, mostly when she was younger before she got so numb. Her favorite nurse brought her a quilt made by the hospital auxiliary, and somehow that quilt made those days a little better. It was heavy flannel, and she had imagined that her grandmother made it for her. Amanda still had that quilt. She went to the foot of her bed and pulled the quilt off and brought it to Jess, wrapping it around her shoulders, and then led Jess to her old couch and helped her sit down. She sat stiffly on the edge of the cushion. Amanda found an envelope of hot chocolate and made her a mug. Amanda brought it to Jess and tried to put it in her hands, which were ice cold.

Brittany sat on the couch next to Jess, and put a hand on her back. “She’s so freaked out,” Brittany said, speaking as if Jess weren’t there, which appeared to be accurate anyway. “She won’t talk.”

“If she won’t talk, how do you know that she was … how do you know what happened to her?” Amanda asked.

Brittany looked like she was struggling for words, for once not just talking a hundred miles an hour. “Cuz, she came to my house this afternoon. My mom is on second shift so no one was home. All she wanted to do was take a shower. I kind of saw her in there. I mean I wasn’t staring or anything, but she was so weird that I didn’t want to leave her alone. She was, like, scrubbing herself, um, down there. And the way she’s acting too …”

Tears were running down Jess’s face.

Amanda reached out and touched her frigid hand. “Jess, can you talk to me?” Amanda put the warm mug in Jess’s hand and tried to get her to take a drink. Jess put her hands around the mug and took a sip. Before she was going to be able to talk, she was going to need to know she was safe.

“Let’s just let her sit for a while and warm up,” Amanda said and went to the kitchen. Brittany followed her.

“Oh, my god, I am so scared,” Brittany said, her voice cracking. Here was the drama Amanda expected.

“I know, Brittany, “Amanda said. “Where was she last night?”

“I don’t know,” Brittany said. “There was a bonfire at Schmitty’s farm. I know that Jess parties sometimes, so she was probably drinking. But that doesn’t mean people can just have sex with her if they want to.”

“Of course it doesn’t, “Amanda said. “I’m just trying to figure out who she was with.” They could hear a cell phone beep from the living room, indicating that someone was receiving a text message.

“That’s the other thing,” Brittany said. “She’s been getting texts all day. She won’t respond. I thought it might be her mom so I called her mom and said Jess was going to sleep over and help me study for a test. I’ll bet if you get her phone you’ll know who she was with.”

Amanda found a can of soup, poured it in a bowl and heated it in the microwave, working slowly to give Jess a few moments to relax. She brought the bowl into the living room. Jess was lying down with her eyes closed, the blanket wrapped around her like a hooded cape.

“Jess, I know you might not want to, but I think you should try to eat. Brittany and I are here, and you’re safe, and I just want to help you feel comfortable.” Jess looked at Amanda with wide, woeful eyes, the trauma and horror showing behind her glassy stare, and she gave Amanda the first of her many surprises of the night.

“Okay,” Jess said, and took the bowl in her hands.

* * *

It was nearly 2:00 a.m. when Jess actually found her voice. The words came out under her breath, too horrific to speak out loud. She was at the bonfire, got in the car with a group of guys, and lost her friends at the party. They had been drinking sloe gin, and she was foggy. The jocks were talking to her, and she felt important. The car was black, and they rode to someone’s house. Someone’s basement. More drinking. And then the fog set in, and she must have passed out. She awoke feeling worse than hung over. Naked, on the floor between the bed and the wall. And then she started sobbing with gasping, shuddering heaves. Amanda was thinking like an investigator, wanting to know who, where, when.