Unsuitable (32 page)

“Does
it matter?” He pulled his hands away, annoyed, but more with himself for
showing his feelings so early.

“Yes,
it matters, because she has a child and a different life to you, and she’s your
boss, in case you forgot that while you were lolling around in her bed.”

He
shifted on the stool. “Charlie.”

“Well,
you are sleeping with her, aren’t you?”

He
rubbed his face. Not talking about sex with Mum. “Not lolling. It’s not like
that.” She made it sound frivolous, temporary fun. It was everything to him and
he knew that sounded whacked out.

“Where
is this going? Is it a fling? You only just broke up with Sky.”

“It’s
more than that.”

She
turned away to put toast in the toaster and warm the teapot. “Oh that’s right,
you love her.”

Shit.
The kettle wasn’t the only thing boiling. “Look, I get love didn’t work out for
you.”

“You
noticed that did you?”

She
had her back to him and he was glad of it. That was a crappy thing he’d said. “But
this is different.”

She
made the tea. “You know you sound like Etta. Everything is always different
with her. Like she’s the first person to ever have discovered a boy will
pressure her into a blow job.”

“Charlie.”
He swallowed an embarrassed laugh.

“I
was an absent mother, not an ignorant one.”

She
buttered the toast with aggressive flicks of the knife. “And I worry about you now
because I didn’t have the capacity to worry about you then. I was too busy
relying on you. You are like you are today because I needed you to be an adult
far too quickly and you didn’t get a choice. But that’s done, nothing I can do
about it, and I couldn’t be prouder of you, but you have to know this with your
boss is a bad idea.”

“Her
name is Audrey and I love her.”

“Oh
Reece. You’re not sixteen and she’s certainly not.”

She
put a plate of slightly burnt toast in front of him. It still smelled good. His
second breakfast for the day. He’d learned to cook by watching her get it
wrong, before he found cooking videos. He loved her, but she didn’t understand,
she’d never had this. She’d had men who disappeared on her, left her holding
all the hard stuff.

“Audrey
is the first thing I think about when I wake. She’s the last thing I think
about before I sleep. I thought those goons last night were going to hurt her. I’d
have let them kill me first.”

“Oh
honey.” Charlie frowned at him. Her what a disaster face. He’d never make her
understand.

“I’m
not some poet with the right words to tell you how Audrey and Mia make me feel.
The girls were all practice for Mia. I get it right most of the time with her,
because of Ett, Neev, Gin and Flip. Audrey makes each breath I take when I’m
with her feel fuller, each thought I have smarter. When she was sick and we all
thought she might die I understood despair for the first time. I feel like crap
this morning, not because I had a beat down with six guys but because I
frightened the fuck out of Audrey and she’s gone cold on me.”

Charlie’s
expression didn’t change, but she’d listened. He felt like a little kid
spilling his guts like that. She put her hand on his arm and pulled his head
down. She kissed his cheek. He wanted to wipe it away, then she said, “I’d
better meet Audrey and Mia, because if they’re that important to you, they’re
important to me too.”

He
sighed and some of the anxiety he felt got stuck in his throat like blackened
toast crumbs. “But that’s it. I think last night I wrecked it all. It was
intense Mum, not sixty, but six, and they didn’t have weapons, but they thought
they were invincible.”

“And
you did nothing to start it?”

He’d
had to act the big man. He’d fucked it up. “I could’ve handled it differently. They
targeted me, but I could’ve avoided that.”

“Are
you hurt?”

“Only
my heart.” He shrugged. It was a pathetically soppy thing to say, but he meant
it.

“Oh
Reece, honey. Audrey might need time to adjust to the idea of you as a man who
can take down a small army. You never hinted at any of that have you? But you probably
should’ve.”

“If
I’d told her as my employer she’d never have hired me.”

“But
as her lover, did she not have a right to know? This is different from not
telling your sisters and friends.”

“I
don’t know all her past sins either. Why should I have spilled mine?”

“Because
you say you love her. By not telling her you’ve surprised her with it. That’s a
tough thing. And if she can’t accept this about you, then you never truly had
her, which is what I’m worried about. She was so sick, Reece. You virtually
nursed her back to health. She’s bound to be attached to you, but you’ve been
playing happy families and, well, this might have woken her up.”

“What
do you mean?”

“It’s
a truth universally unacknowledged, that a single woman in possession of a good
job must be in want of a wife.”

“Now
who’s the poet?  What?”

“Think
about it, honey. Audrey is a woman who has a career and chose to have a baby on
her own. That doesn’t tell me family is her main priority. It tells me independence
is.  It tells me she planned to buy the support she needs.”

He
looked away. “Are you saying she only used me?”

“I
don’t know. I know you don’t want to think that.”

He
shook his head. “You always think the worst about relationships. I get why, but
it’s not like that with us. Audrey loves me, but I scared her. I can make it
right. I just have to work out how to do that without pushing her away. She
goes back to work Monday, she’s tense about that. I need to play it cool, give
her space, it’ll all work out.”

His
phone peeped and he fished it out and smiled. Audrey.

Barrett
coming this arvo & spending weekend. Better if you weren’t here. Hope your
hands are okay
.

“What
hon?”

“I
need to make a call.” He wanted to hear Audrey tell him that. She’d asked about
his hands, not about him, and there was no see you soon, no warmth at all.

“Reece,
you just got through telling me she needed space.”

“If
I don’t correct what she’s thinking—”

“You
can’t correct her. She has to make up her own mind.”

He
closed his eyes and snorted air. Shit, this was messed up and it didn’t need to
be. It’s not like they’d had a fight. It’s not like anything between them
needed to change.

“Stay
and have dinner with us tonight. I’m not working.”

He
looked at the plate of uneaten toast. “You mean stay and cook dinner.”

Charlie
laughed. She binned the toast. “We’ll go out. My treat.”

Yeah,
that’d be good. Keep his mind off Audrey and Mia hanging out with Barrett. He’d
seen photos of Barrett. Handsome bastard, elegant look about him. An antique
dealer. Well off, lived in New York but travelled extensively. The idea of him
made Reece itch. He preferred to think of him as the furniture
removalist—juvenile, but so what. To agree to have a kid, and to not be a part
of their life. He couldn’t fathom it. It was exactly what his own dad had done,
fathered a kid and nicked off never to be heard from again. That wasn’t what Charlie
had needed, but it was what Audrey had gone after. Confusing as hell. Charlie
left the kitchen and he sent Audrey a text.

He
made it simple.
I miss you.

He
watched the screen, wanting a response more than was sensible. He got it
. I
miss you too
. It brought sucker punch of relief.

I
want to see you.

My
last weekend with Mia, before work. Barrett complicates it.

He
typed:
Are you breaking up with me?
Jesus, how needy could he be? He deleted
and replaced it with,
Call if you need anything.
Then watched the screen
for way too long.

He
left before Charlie found him something to help out with and headed to the beach.
He wanted to catch Sky and unless she’d changed, a good place to find her on a
Saturday was playing volleyball.

She
was finishing up a game when he got there. He watched her from the walkway. She
looked great, stripped down to black lycra. She played better, not giving a
point away and relishing her victory as if it was a novelty. She’d have been a
cranky sod if she’d lost. That was something to be grateful for. He went down
to the sand to meet her. She watched him approach, the expression on her face a
mixture of surprise and too much chilli powder.

“To
what do I owe this sudden pleasure?” That was all chilli, then she grabbed for
his hand, her mouth dropping open. “What happened?”

“Bit
of trouble in the city last night. It’s nothing.” She wouldn’t give his hand
back. Sky, who’d never been clingy. “You should see the other guy.”

“Yeah,
right. What really happened?”

He
peeled her fingers away. “No, that’s what happened.”

“You’re
not fighting again?”

“No
way.”

Was
that disappointment flavouring the chilli surprise? Sky had come along after
the fighting ended, but he’d told her about it because it was better it came
from him than someone in circles they mixed in who knew him from those days,
someone who’d seen the video. He hadn’t had that risk with Audrey, years on and
not knowing the same people. He’d thought Sky would be horrified. He didn’t
spare the horses, gave her the whole gory story. She’d been full of regret she
hadn’t known him then to see him fight.

“Okay
then, if I’m not about to get to see you ringside, how come I’m seeing you
now?”

“I’ve
been dodging your calls.”

“Knew
it.” She turned her back on him, bent and started fussing with her sports bag.

“I’m
here to make it up to you. Can I buy you lunch?”

She
peered at him awkwardly under her arm. “Why do you want to do that?”

“You
were the one calling me. If I’m annoying you I’ll go.” This had started as a
chore, but now he wanted things to be right with Sky. As right as they could be
at least.

She
shouldered her bag. He reached to take it from her and she twisted out of his grasp.
“Did you break up with her?”

“No.”
He took a breath, said it again with more confidence. “No.”

“So
what’s this with me then? You should’ve kept dodging me.”

“I
thought we were friends.”

She
looked back towards the net where the next game had started. “I struggle with
that.”

“You
could tell me about it.”

She
kept her face turned away. “I miss you. I still miss you. I’ve been dating, and
we weren’t even all that good together. I resent it, you know. Why should I
pine after you?”

“I’m
sorry.”

“Don’t
be sorry, Reece. That’s pathetic. If you’re still with Audrey, you’re not any
good to me. You don’t have to pretend otherwise.”

He
scratched his head. This day was a dog bite, a dose of food poisoning, root
canal surgery. He was nowhere he wanted to be, doing things that irritated
people. Gold star for effort.

“I’ll
leave you alone then.” He trudged back up the beach. He was too sore for the
gym. If he went home to Mum, there’d be a job to do and wasn’t in a helpful
mood.

Sky
jogged up beside him. “I’m being a shit.”

He
grinned at her. They bumped arms and it was going to be okay.

They
stuffed themselves with fish and chips, the perfect comfort food. Sky told him
about work. He said very little, but this was better, being honest, being back
in contact. She’d have no need to pester him. He’d have no need to dodge her
calls.

She
sipped a bottle of water. “What is it about Audrey you like so much?”

They
sat side by side on the main steps leading down to the sand. He cut her a look.
“Is this the torture yourself part of the afternoon?”

She
waved a crab claw at him. “Of course it is. Make it good.”

He
turned back to face the sea. “I got off on being needed at first. You don’t get
that bricklaying. Later it became about how being with her made me feel. It’s
hard to explain.”

“You’re
not even trying.”

“Audrey
doesn’t need me. I thought she did, I got the employer and the infatuated bit
mixed up. She needed a nanny and a housekeeper and a nurse, but she didn’t need
me.”

Sky
tossed the crab claw in the takeaway food box. “This is not what I expected.”

“She
wants me, Sky. Like I want her. It’s this weird pull, like my skin needs to be
touching hers, like my ears need to be hearing her voice, my eyes seeing her
face. Like I don’t function right unless she’s near. She wants me for exactly
who I am.” He looked away. Until the moment she worked out he could be deadly.