Unsuitable (28 page)

Back
home, he exchanged Mia for a sudden afternoon off. Audrey had given the house a
spruce and the fridge was full. She took Mia to get a haircut. He had the place
to himself, and no clue what to do with the free time. He changed into running gear,
he’d go for an extra long run and slam a workout on top.

Audrey
had left her laptop running on the counter. He should shut it down and put it
somewhere Mia couldn’t get to it. He should look up the number of the new
restaurant complex at the beach or see if he could book online. He’d get Etta
to come sit Mia so he could take Audrey out for a night. A proper date like
people who met and fell for each other the ordinary way.

He
tapped the keyboard and hit the password screen. Hmm. He tried
MarvellousMia
and laughed as it worked. He scanned for the web browser and then he saw it. Nanny
Monitor. He’d clicked it before he stopped to think about it being Audrey’s
business.

He
got a home page that gave him Audrey’s details, camera locations and recording
dates. From where he stood at the kitchen counter he was in the eye of a camera
fitted to the fire alarm. A fucking nanny cam. The other camera was fitted to
the television. It was motion activated and recorded to files stored on the
laptop. He opened the first file at the top of the list.

Shit
.
There he was barefoot dancing to the fucking Wiggles with Mia. Waving his arms
around like a lunatic. He clenched his jaw so hard it made a cracking sound. And
Audrey had watched this, there was a mark against the file to show she’d
watched it multiple times. She’d watched lots of the files, some simultaneous
to recording, some after the fact. They were ranked by number of views and then
date recorded.

He
pulled a chair under the fire sensor and stood on it. The casing was a fake. He
popped the cover and ripped the camera workings out, making an alarm on the
laptop beep. He went to the lounge room and stood in front of the TV. It would
be recording.

She’d
done this, recorded him without telling him. Yeah, maybe that first month while
she was uncertain, but it’d gone on and on and she’d been watching him over and
over again. Watching him and judging him like his old friends had done in his
old life. Cheering him on while he viciously pulverised someone, broke their
health, altered them forever. Fuck. Fuck.

His
hands were shaking. He needed to calm the fuck down. It was hateful. It was
reasonable. It was fucked up and he wanted to put his fist though the screen
and rip the TV apart, go back to the other room and smash the laptop. If he
looked for this camera he wouldn’t stop till he found it even if that meant
tearing the TV electronics apart. He tried to settle his breathing. The housing
on the tiny camera he gripped splintered inside his fist.

“This.”
He lifted his hand, the camera cords dangling like squid legs. Wherever the
sensor was it would record him. “You could’ve told me about this. About why you
needed it. About not trusting me. You could’ve stopped it.”

He
left the room. He went back to the laptop and turned the beeping off. Put the
cover back on the fake fire alarm, put the chair back under the table. He left
the mangled camera on the counter, left the laptop open to the nanny cam home
page. He went to his room and shoved clothes in his bag. He had to get out. He
was clearing the bathroom when he heard Audrey’s car in the drive.

He
got to the driveway before Audrey’d unstrapped Mia. She looked around when she
heard his footsteps, her smile collapsing the minute they made eye contact.

“I’ll
be back in the morning.”

“What
happened?” she said, surprised.

“I
need to be somewhere else.”

She
stepped in front of him, her hand up. He backed up went around the nose of the
car to avoid her. He wanted to shake her until her teeth rattled. He caught Mia
watching him, her mouth open as he ploughed past.

“Reece.”

He
palmed his car keys. The Monaro was parked at the kerb in front of the house. He
popped the boot and slung his bag in. Audrey had Mia out of her car.

“Reece,
what the hell?”

He
couldn’t talk to her. He couldn’t look at her. What would make her hire him if
she didn’t trust him? What would make her leave Mia with him if she thought he
was a perverted monster who would hurt her? What would watching him do it
achieve? It couldn’t undo the harm. He opened the car door. Audrey had let Mia
run inside the house.

“Reece.
Talk to me.”

“Why
did you hire me?”

“Where
is this coming from?”

“Answer
the question?”

Audrey
took a step back. He’d shocked her even though there was a car between them. He
didn’t give a fuck. She didn’t love him. She was using him. For child care
above and beyond, for sex when it suited her.

Her
chin shot up. “Because you were the best candidate.”

“So
you had to watch me, record my actions. That must’ve been amusing.”

“What
are you talking about?”

“Go
inside, Audrey. I need to clear my head.”

“Don’t
get in that car and drive angry.”

He
laughed, it was a strained sound, bitter like rancid fruit on his tongue. She
had no idea what angry looked like on him. “You don’t need me to stay over any
more. You haven’t for a while. I should’ve moved out ages ago.”

“You’re
moving out?”

“I’ll
be back in the morning to do my job.”

“Reece.”

He
got in the Monaro and started it. She stepped off the kerb and stood in front of
the car. He pounded the steering wheel with his fist and shouted at her through
the windscreen to stand aside. He could pull around her, and if he edged
forward she’d move. He squeezed his eyes closed and put his head down on the
wheel. He needed space. He needed—

She
opened the heavy car door and he sat upright. “You found the cameras. Oh,
Reece. I forgot about them.”

“You
forgot.”

“With
the nearly dying, with the falling in love. I forgot.”

“But
you set them up to monitor me. Not Cameron, right?”

She
nodded. He looked away from her, out the front windscreen. She reached in and
turned the ignition off. The quiet was deafening, like after you’d stopped
using a jackhammer, but the anger still vibrated inside him and he still wanted
to punch concrete.

“You
were a puzzle. A giant of a man, who gave up traditional male roles to take on
a traditional female one. I doubted my own decision to hire you and I hated
myself for it. You were only doing what I’ve done in my own career, but I
second guessed myself.”

“Why
the fuck did you hire me then?”

“You
were the best. You deserved the job. And I never for one moment thought you’d
hurt Mia.”

He
kept his face turned away from her. He didn’t want her to see the fierceness in
him, till he could get it under control.

“I
started to fall in love with you when I watched those files. You danced with
Mia like it was the most important thing you could be doing, and I should’ve
realised then that’s how you do everything. All I knew at the time was you were
proud and shameless and, oh God, Reece I wanted you then, but I wouldn’t let
myself think that. I watched the files of you and Mia and fell more and more
under your spell.”

She
put her hand on his shoulder and his instinct was to flinch, knock her hand
away.

“Please
don’t be angry with me. Please don’t leave like this. I’m sorry, not because of
the cameras, but because I forgot to turn them off, forgot to tell you. I
understand you need space. But don’t drive away in anger.”

He
put his hand over hers, pulled her across his lap, and shoved his face in the
curve of her neck. He’d lost it and he was ashamed. He breathed her in. She was
hairdressing chemicals and underneath she was lavender soap and underneath she
was the woman he loved. He needed to get a grip. It was such an old trigger and
he’d let it affect this new life. She held on to him, sitting side-saddle, the
steering wheel at her back. He held her still till he trusted himself to speak
without anger ripping his voice up.

He
filled his hand with her glossy straightened hair and brought their foreheads
together. “Being recorded, it’s a thing I hate. Years ago I did something
stupid, hurtful. A so-called friend filmed it and I didn’t know he had. He loaded
it to a website, thumb drives, passed it around. It wasn’t something I wanted
anyone to see. Too many people saw it. It made me a Z grade celebrity for a
while.”

She
put her palm to the side of his face. “I would never.”

“I
know that, but I found the program trying to shut your laptop. I found the
footage and the cameras. I lost it. I was trying to not be here before you got
back. I’d have calmed down, I’d have run it off.”

She
looked back towards the house quickly. She’d be worried about leaving Mia
alone. “What did you do?” She didn’t mean today.

This
wasn’t the time to talk about it. “Nothing you need to worry about. Something
I’d like to forget.”

“You’ve
had no time to yourself since I got sick. One weekend off and you spent that at
a working bee for Flip’s school.” She curled her fingers around his ears and shook
his head side to side. “Go, run. Take a break from my life and visit your own.”

He
nodded. It was good sense. “I’ll make it up to you. I’ll go back to my old bed
tonight, but tomorrow night a date. I’ll get Etta and Flip to sit for us. We’ll
have a proper night out, a drink, dinner.”

She
smiled. “I haven’t been on a date for...” She shook her head, gave him a shy
smile. “No pressure.”

He
brought their foreheads together. He’d more than make it up to her. “Let me dance
with you instead of Mia. I promise no propellers.”

She
laughed and he let her go, watched her run into the house. They’d survived
their first fight. He didn’t need propellers, he had wings.

20:     Past
Lives

What
was she supposed to wear on a date? Audrey stood in front of her wardrobe while
Mia played on the bed behind her. Drinks, dinner and dancing Reece said. But
that’s it, no other clues. He’d kept himself out of her way all morning. No
kiss, no hug, just dark, intense, possessive looks that’d probably give her
ingrown toenails they knotted her up so much.

She
was still not entirely straightened out after seeing him loose his cool over
the nanny cam. Mia had been shy with him when he’d arrived too, though he was
his regular sunny self again. But his anger had been such a palpable force, a
black and red engine of titanium hard steel, coming at you with the speed to
hurt, it was impossible to forget.

Yesterday,
her instinct had been to get out of his way, but he’d had destruction in his
eyes and fear he’d do something dumb overrode her natural caution.

But
he’d already done something dumb and that’s what was behind the rage. She’d
lain awake thinking about what that might’ve been. He’d spoken so bitterly
about it. He’d said it was stupid and hurtful and she couldn’t help but think
sex tape. Youthful and embarrassing, and an unfortunate turn-on when she
probably should’ve been outraged, especially on the part of the woman involved.
Or the man.
Oh God
.

Her
brain kept painting Reece in glossy pixels, in ripples of muscle and cords of tension.
All that fine calibre, controlled strength rhythmically moving; predatory and
greedy, generous and provocative, over the body of a partner. Had he been in
the house with her, she’d have been all over him, just at the thought of him
exposed like that. It was a shock to feel that way. But then everything about
Reece was a shock to her system; unexpected, unsuitable, undeniable. She was
desperate to ask him about it, but not sure her reaction would be appropriate. He
was obviously mortified and yet she found it erotically enticing.

“You
spilled the milk in the lounge room. Don’t be angry. I’m not angry. Yes, you
are. That’s not terrible. Yes, it is. No, its not.”

Mia
had the giraffe and a bear and a penguin and the conversation between them was
much like the conversations heard around the house the last few days. Audrey
turned from the open wardrobe in time to catch Mia make the bear and the
giraffe kiss. As long as she didn’t bend one of them over the kitchen counter and
have the other do unspeakable things to it, it was probably all right.

Oh
dear God, her infatuation with Reece was doing bad things to her good parenting
capabilities. Should she really be leaving Mia with two of his sisters tonight?
She should be focused on going back to work on Monday, about Barrett being in
town, about the email from Cameron that was so cheery it emphasised the
devastation she felt about her engagement being off and coming home again. Instead
she was agonising over having a wardrobe full of designer clothes and nothing
to wear on a Friday night date.

“I
don’t know where we’re going, that’s the problem,” she said to Mia. She sighed.
It wasn’t only a problem for tonight. What did this affair with Reece mean? She
couldn’t imagine being without him. She could imagine giving up her
independence and proposing to him. It scared her witless.

“Where
are we going, Mum?”

“You’re
not going anywhere. You’re going to stay with Etta and Flip and it will fun.”

“Why
don’t I have my own sisters?”

“You
have friends instead.”

“But
not one sister or brother.”

“Not
everyone has them. I don’t have a sister or a brother either.”

“Oh.
But I don’t have a dad either.”

Audrey
sat on the bed. “Yes, you do. Remember?” Mia knew about Barrett. She’d seen
photos. She knew he was her father but he didn’t live with them.

“Reece
is not my dad.”

“No,
Marvellous, he’s not. Barrett is your dad.”

“But
he doesn’t take me swimming. He doesn’t give me good morning kisses or make my
dinner.”

And
as far as Audrey was concerned he never would. That was the deal, though she
knew she’d have to relent to his request to see Mia again while he was in town.
It was entirely reasonable and she’d have been offended if he hadn’t asked.

“No,
but not all fathers do that. Remember Cameron did those things too.”

“I
remember Cameron. She was nice.”

“She
was nice. We love her, don’t we?” Mia nodded. “We might have a visit with her
soon. Would you like that? She’d like to see your new haircut.”

Mia
picked up the giraffe. “You need a haircut and a shave,” she made it say to the
bear. “We’re going to see Cameron,” the bear replied.

Audrey
turned back to the wardrobe. She had two hours before Reece was back with Etta
and Flip and not a thing to wear. She rang Les.

“What
do you wear when you go out with Polly?” Les laughed and it was so bawdy Audrey
should’ve known better than to say, “No, seriously.”

“Seriously,
there’s not a lot of going out going down.”

“Doesn’t
that worry you?”

“You’d
think it would, right. You’d think I’d be all hung up on him not wanting to be
seen in public with me, but no, I’m all hung up on how much time that boy wants
to spend in bed with me.”

Audrey
laughed. “You still think this is only a wild fling.”

“The
wildest. Absolutely no future in it. But who cares? Not me. No one is getting
hurt and we’re having fun. Oh, he did take me to a karaoke competition last weekend.
I sucked so badly at it. It was wonderful.”

Les
on stage singing. No. Way. “How drunk were you?”

“One
shandy. I was stone cold sober and I loved every minute of our off-key
Islands
in the Stream
. Polly was Kenny to my Dolly. He’s just as tone deaf as I
am.”

“This
sounds like much more than a fling.”

“Ah-ha,”
Les sang.

“Friends
with benefits then.”

“Ah-ha.”

“I’m
not buying that. I can hear in your tuneless voice how happy you are. It could
be the real thing.”

“Oh
very funny. Wear a dress, nothing officey, or jeans and a sexy top. But
honestly, Aud, Reece would love you in a hessian sack.”

Audrey
moved a few coat hangers. Suit, suit, another suit. “I’m all out of this
season’s hessian and last season’s sackcloth is so St Vincent de Paul.”

“You
know what I mean.”

“Mia
says hello. You’ve been a big help.”

“Hello,
Les. You’ve been a big help,” Mia called. She blew a kiss and made a mwah sound
without taking her eyes off her game. She was deep in make-believe and so was
Audrey.

“You
know we’re both in deep trouble here,” she said.

“No,
we’re not. We’re intelligent, independent women who’re gettin’ some. And when
we no longer want it, we’re entirely capable of movin’ on to something new.”

Of
course they were. But Audrey’d never heard Les sound so confident outside of
work. It was unbelievably irritating that it had taken a man to make her feel
that way. What did that mean about her and Reece?

“I’ve
lost you, haven’t I?” said Les.

“Around
about the time you called us independent.”

“Talk
to me.”

“You
and me, we were independent. Hard to find two better examples of more
independent women. Our own money, homes, careers. But now you’re singing
karaoke and I’m worried about what to wear because of men.”

“Ah.”

“Yeah,
ah.”

Mia
said, “Ah-choo.”

Audrey
sat on the bed beside Mia and her menagerie of now flu-ridden stuffed toys. “I’m
not sure how I’m supposed to feel about that.”

“It’s
not like there’s an official independent woman operations manual.” Audrey imagined
Les putting finger quotes around that. “We get to make our own rules you know.”

“What
rule should I make about falling for my kid’s nanny?”

Mia
pushed the bear off the bed and scooted to the edge to watch it fall.

“That’s
the wrong question.”

“What’s
the right question?”

“Something
like, what do I want for me and my kid?”

Audrey
barked a laugh. “That’s it? Where’s your fine point, your caveats, your rights
and reversion clauses? Your never get out of jail free provisions?”

“Aud,
it’s totally okay to fall in love. It doesn’t mean you give up control. It
doesn’t mean you go backwards.”

“That’s
not what I’m thinking.”

“Isn’t
it?”

She
groaned. “He’s got me so confused.” He made her feel as if she’d forgotten how
to drive and it was a miracle she arrived anywhere safely. As if no seat belt
would be strong enough to prevent her going straight through the windscreen and
ending up on sprawling on the road in a pool of mangle, if he left her.

“I’ve
never felt this way about anyone before. I’m stupid about him.”

“Who’s
stupid?” Mia waggled the giraffe. Its neck had taken on a raffish angle. It
looked vaguely disapproving.

“Me.”

Mia
giggled. Les laughed.

“If
I’m not with him I’m wondering about him. If I’m with him I’m—”

“Happier
than you’ve ever been before,” Les finished.

Audrey
sighed. “What on earth are we going to do?”

“We’re
tough, we can take it.”

“Where
is the Les who would’ve told me not to expect too much, to protect myself?”

Les
sighed. “Did you honestly like that chick?”

“Chick?”
Les laughed. “Yes, I liked her. She was my friend and I relied on her to help
me stay strong.”

“I’m
still here, Aud. But I’ve learned there’s more to life than being strong. It’s
good to have a man who cares about you in your corner, even if it’s not forever.
Let Reece be in your corner. It’s okay for him to be what you want.”

She
groaned and lay back on the bed. “You might not say that if you knew how badly
he got to me. It’s utterly carnal.”

“What’s
carnal?” asked the giraffe, definitely disapproving.

“If
it’s anything like Polly gets to me, we can sponsor each other at sex addicts
anon meetings.”

Audrey
laughed. Mia laughed too and Les followed them both into a good solid giggle
fit. Reece would bound up the front steps in less than ninety minutes and she
didn’t have a clue what to wear and she was giddy with excitement yet he’d only
been out of her sight a couple of hours.

She
rang off to more laughter after saying she had to go get her hessian on and was
choosing earrings when she heard the burble of Reece’s Monaro pull up outside.

Then
there were voices in the driveway, and Reece’s step in the hall, whispers and
giggles and Mia saying, “You look niiiiice.”

Oh
he looked more than nice. She had no idea he owned a suit. French navy, worn
with a well ironed white shirt and a black belt and black dress shoes. He’d
skipped a tie and a few shirt buttons and he had the jacket over his arm, but
Lord he looked good. He smelled good too, not his usual salty beach outdoorsy
scent, but spicy and tart.

“You
should’ve told me it was dressy.” It was hard to scold and smile at the same
time. She failed on the scold part, her teeth getting in the way.

He
started at her face and swept a look down her body to her feet and slowly back
up again. Shivers collected at the base of her spine and flooded up her back.

“You
look gorgeous.”

She’d
almost worn jeans, but settled on a rose coloured dress with a fitted bodice
and a swirly, girly skirt. She’d once felt self-conscious about how it looked, tight
to her form, flirty. But it fitted looser now and the way he looked at her she
could’ve been in a designer red carpet dress, and dripping diamonds. Her heart
was beating so loud in her ears it was a wonder they weren’t all deafened by
it.

“Ah,
hi.” Etta waved a hand, a cartoonish gesture along with the eye-roll. They were
totally sprung. “Remember us.”

Reece
laughed and draped his suit coat carefully over the hall table. “Mia, this is
Etta and Flip. You met them one day at the beach.”

“I
played with you on the climbing gym, remember,” said Flip.

“What’s
your other name?” said Mia.

“It’s
Pippa, but she won’t answer you,” said Etta.

“Do
you have another name?” Mia said to Etta.

Etta
shrugged. “People call me Ett.”

“Do
you?” Mia said to Reece.

There
was a shift in the air between Reece and the girls. He said, “You’re dead if
you say a word, Flipper.”

“What
else to they call you, Reece?” Audrey said. She loved the way his face had
coloured, the way he looked from Etta to Flip with an expression of resolve
mixed with resignation.