Unsuitable Obsession - Part One (28 page)

Eduardo’s jaw practically dropped. Does he tell her
the truth? Does he lie? “Why?” He asked instead.

“Images Eduardo, that’s what I’m talking about. What
do you feel when you touch her?” She asked, with her arms still
crossed.

Eduardo grabbed her hand and tried to unravel her
tight grip away from her waistline. “Amber, I don’t want to hurt
you.”

Their eyes lock and hold.

“You do, don’t you?”

Eduardo closed his eyes and Amber let go of his hand
and stepped away from him. “I still have sex with your brother,”
she confessed, watching his body grow weak. “We both have to
continue being married to keep the impression we still care about
them.”

Eduardo doesn’t want to hear anymore and cursed a
few profanities before leaving Amber alone.

Amber wanted to run after him, but didn’t. Instead
she fell to the ground and started to weep. She hated having to
face the ugly truth today, but really, how far could this go? Ask
for a divorce? Would it be accepted, his brother’s wife? Having to
see Victor after the divorce, her kids calling Eduardo dad? HUH?
This was so stupid, incredibly insane to comprehend. How do you
rationalize any of this? Secretly meeting each other, lying to
their spouses; feeling totally awkward every time they bump into
one another publicly, when privately, they’re unable to be pulled
apart.

And then one night, one lonely evening at the
in-law’s, Amber knew it would never be the same. She wandered
around the house aimlessly, wondering what the hell Eduardo was
doing with Leticia.
They were married
, she kept reminding
herself. Leticia was so in love with Eduardo, she doted on him in
the same way Victor pampered her.
It was weird
, she
realized.
I may have married the wrong brother. Leticia could
have married Victor and she would have been perfectly happy. Both
cherishing each other, living in a world full of
saccharine.

Passion was what Amber realized was missing in her
marriage to Victor. She was intensely in “like” with Victor now.
They had a brother/sister kind of friendship and could talk for
hours. He was her Father Figure, and all she wanted from him now
was his continued support in raising their children. But the
children were playing second fiddle at the moment, oftentimes
forgetting to pick them up, unable to show them her love and
affection, she was being managed by Eduardo’s mesmeric force. It
was like her life with Victor was a dream world, floating around,
not being able to exhale, experience emotion or pain and was numb
with him, isolated within her own household. And on the contrast,
Eduardo at work was her real life, alive and breathing with him,
exploding at his touch, wanting him constantly, day or night and
she was too far-gone, a human being unable to breathe in life.

Listen To Experience

“Mom?”

“Hi, Amber.”

“Can I come over? Are you busy?”

“Amber, everything OK? What’s wrong, sounds like
you’ve been crying...”

Amber had been crying, for the past several days
she’d been crying a lot. Tucked away from the force of the shower,
behind the sound proof glass of her Volvo, in the garage muffled
away by the rumbling of clothes being tossed from the dryer,
wailing so loud, Amber had no control over it. She was in agony, on
the verge of a nervous breakdown. Amber was so madly in love with
Eduardo, she couldn’t see straight. She was far passed the point of
no return and wanted to be with him constantly and walked around
aimlessly thinking of nothing else but how to be.

Tears fell down her cheeks the moment Amber arrived
at her mother’s front door step.

Sheila opened up the door. “You look like shit, what
happened?” Sheila joked, trying to put a smile on her daughter’s
face, but unable to.

“Oh Mom,” Amber gushed, bending down to wrap her
arms around her neck. “I don’t know what to do, where to
turn...”

Sheila escorted Amber into the house and onto the
couch in the living room. “My goodness, what could be so bad? Are
the kids OK? They’re not sick are they?”

Amber nodded her head. “No Mom, it’s nothing like
that.”

Sheila grabbed her daughter’s hand. “Then what is it
Amber?” Sheila asked in her stern motherly voice, “Just spit it out
it’ll make you feel better.”

“I’m in love...” Amber confessed.

“I know...” Sheila agreed, thinking she was starting
to say something about Victor, and then noticed Amber’s bizarre
expression on her face. Then she knew. Amber’s frown on her
forehead confirmed that it wasn’t with her husband. “Who with?”

Amber swallowed hard. “I can’t tell you, but I’ve
been in love with him for a very long time.”

Sheila shook her head in disbelief. “Oh baby, what
happened?” Sheila knew from her own past, and through friends of
hers, that having an affair meant something was lacking in the
marriage. People who usually had affairs meant that they weren’t
receiving emotional support and went elsewhere to obtain it. Sam
left her for that very reason alone. He wasn’t happy…wasn’t happy
with her, so he sought out another who could make him happy.
“What’s been going on with you and Victor? Did you two have a
fight?” It was always the couple that you thought never fought, or
had the greatest of marriages that had the most problems.

“No Mom, we don’t fight,” Amber expressed
honestly.

“Everyone has a little spat now and then...Is that
why you felt you needed to stray?” Sheila inquired.

“Stray?” Amber stopped crying all of a sudden.
“Didn’t you just hear me a few minutes ago? I’ve been
in
love
with this man for the past twelve years!”

“Twelve years? But you’ve been with Victor for
nearly that long. My God Amber, what’re you doing?” Sheila was in
shock, but shock wasn’t the word of it. It was a slap in the
face.

“...And I want to be with him forever, Mom. Night
and day, he’s all I ever think about.”

“And what, are you thinking about leaving Victor,
about leaving your kids?”

“I don’t know Mom, that’s what’s driving me insane;
I don’t know what to do.”

“Twelve years...oh baby, you’re gonna hurt that
Sanchez family, please reconsider.”

The Family? Amber looked across at her mother now.
An incredulous look washed over her face. Could it be? That Sheila
Thomas was living through her own marriage? That her mother could
prevail this time knowing that her own flesh and blood could hold
onto a marriage longer than the two year mark, like it was her own
accomplishment? “The family Mom? What about me, your daughter?
Aren’t you concerned about me?”

Sheila positioned herself across from Amber and
surveyed her daughter more closely. Oh how could she have missed
it? Amber’s physical change…Her gradual transformation from dowdy
tomboy to full-fledged sophisticated woman; Amber’s cheeks flushed
softly with a pink hue, her eyes decorated with soft black mascara,
her hair cut and curled to perfection and her attire so elegant, so
updated, so not her.

“I’m in love with Eduardo Mom, Eduardo Sanchez...”
There, she said it, the truth finally let out. It felt
so
good to express her aspiration for him out loud and not within her
own conscious.

Sheila was taken back. Her eyes round with trauma,
“Your
brother-in-law
Eduardo?”

Amber looked down guilty. “...Yes.”

Sheila stood up from the couch and ran her hands
down her pants, through her hair and then covered her mouth in
uncertainty. “You’re not pregnant are you?”

Amber looked away intense. “I can’t believe you
asked me that, you know how hard it is for me to get pregnant! I’m
in love Mom, in love...”

“My God Amber, how did this happen? This is so
wrong. Did he force you? How did this happen? No, I don’t wanna
know what happened...oh Amber, this is so wrong. How could you have
allowed this to happen? How could you ever make this right? You’ll
never be able to, you know that don’t you? Oh God Amber, you’re
definitely going to rip that family to shreds!”

“Good Lord Mom, forget about them for a change and
start thinking about me!” Amber bawled, suffering a throbbing so
unhealthy, she doubled over in pain.

Sheila went for her daughter and pulled her face up
from within her knees. “Oh baby—I’m sorry, I can’t imagine the pain
you must be going through. I just can’t help but think of all the
sorrow Victor and the kids are going to experience if this affair
ever gets out.”

Amber continued to sob, “Oh Mom...I don’t know what
else to do, I can’t leave Eduardo. I don’t know how...”

“I can’t believe you did this.”

“Of all people Mom…I thought
you’d
understand,” Amber threw back at her. “You’ve been through more
relationships than I care to remember. Falling in and out of love
faster than you change your pants! I’ve at least been devoted to
the man for the past twelve years!”

Sheila took a step away from her daughter. That was
contempt in Amber’s voice. A buried scar meant to sting. “I guess I
deserve that,” Sheila agreed, stopping in her tracks. Oh God, this
sounded all too familiar. She recalled the day Sam asked for a
divorce. He was in love with another woman. Sam should have been
the one she got old and gray with. She was devoted to
Sam,
but no one could ever know that. Sheila was still in love with him
after all. He was
her
Father Figure. So tall, such handsome
features. The outlaw rogue she so craved in a man. Sam left Sheila
for a married woman. She would have forgiven him in a heartbeat,
but Sam confessed he was in love…In love with that married
woman.

“I’m obsessed with him Mom. I can’t think of
anything else but him. I’m gonna ask him to divorce Leticia,” Amber
stated, blowing her nose on some tissue she had stashed away inside
her purse.

Sheila shook her head at her, “He’s no good for
you.” She tried to find reasons for Amber not to react just yet.
“He’s conceited and arrogant; you’ve never been into those types
before. He’s just using your body you know that. Those types always
seem to think they can have any woman they want and a wedding ring
or being one’s sister-in-law isn’t gonna stop them.”

“Mom...Eduardo is not like that.”

“He’s quite the charmer, isn’t he? He knows exactly
what to say to a woman to flatter her, coerce her into doing
something she’s somewhat not sure of?”

“He’s educated, that’s all. Underneath it all, he’s
just another man.”

“Are you so sure…has he told you that he cares? Has
he said he loves you yet?”

“Yes, he’s said it,” Amber quietly mouthed
uncertain.

Sheila noted her daughter’s somber reaction. “But
you don’t believe him do you? I bet he hadn’t even suggested
leaving his wife for you, has he? He can’t possibly be devoted to
you as you are to him, otherwise the man would move heaven and
earth to be with you.”

Oh...Good Lord she’s right.
Amber closed her
eyes and threw herself on the side of the couch in agony.

“This is so wrong Amber...” Sheila said, trying to
explain away the own hurt in her voice.

“I don’t care; I just wanna be with him...” Amber
cried, caressing the fabric on the couch, “...I don’t wanna hurt
the family, or my kids, or Victor, but I can’t see any other way
around it...
Someone
is gonna get hurt... I hate causing
pain. I hate confrontations.”

Sheila sat down next to her daughter now. Yes, she
did know that, Amber hated arguments. Whenever Sam and she would
fight over the phone, or in person, Amber would come between them
and try and stop it. And after six divorces, Amber saw her share of
heated arguments with all the men in her life, six different
relationships, with six completely different men, all of which
walked out that door when they couldn’t stand the intensity.

“Amber...I think you know what to do. I think you’ve
thought about it more than once. There’s really no other
solution.”

“Then what do I do?”

“You’re a smart girl Amber, I think you know
already.”

“No, I don’t know Mom, please help me.”

“Just don’t see him anymore,” Sheila simply
expressed.

Not see Eduardo?
Could she do it? Is she that
strong? To walk away, quit her job, die every time she saw him at
her in-laws…with Leticia. Is she that secure? No. Never. Not being
with him would kill her.

Amber let out a terrible cry and her emotional
outbreak overwhelmed Sheila to tears.

Sheila sat down next to Amber and held her body over
hers. Amber intuitively laid her head down on her mother’s chest
and continued to shell out emotion.

“Sometimes,” Sheila said softly, stroking her
daughter’s hair. “…We have to do things,” she expressed, fully
crying with Amber now, “…things that make us unhappy in the
moment…but content in the long run.”

Like marrying a man you do not love.

Misery Eats At Your Soul

The arrangement was far too convenient; a secret
affair would simply be a rendezvous she would have to conceal. They
could meet up occasionally and she could differentiate between her
secretive days and the days with her family. But her affair with
Eduardo was borderline approval, that was the reason why it was so
hard for Amber, it was so appropriate when she could see him
regularly. With them at work, meeting up with him at family
gatherings—he was just so damn accessible! And the more time she
spent with Eduardo, the more time she didn’t want to spend with
Victor. Running away, out of the house, making excuses to go to the
mall, get her nails done, and continually using her endometriosis
as an excuse for him not to touch her.

She oftentimes found herself bawling her head out,
curling up in ball in the shower and crying like she never thought
she could or realize. She was so madly in love with him now; she
couldn’t quite remember when she
wasn’t
in love with
Eduardo. When did she first realize…The day she met him?