Virtually Perfect (45 page)

She stared for a moment.

'Nice,' she said quietly. 

'...Are you warm enough yet?' she asked him.

'Yes,' said Ben.  He was sweltering.  'Do you want me to turn the heater down?'

'Please.' 

Eve stifled a yawn against the back of her hand. 

'What time is it?'

Ben pulled his cuff back, squinting down at the luminous digits.

'Just coming up to one o'clock.'

Eve sat back and sighed.

'...Why don't you stay at mine tonight?' he ventured, staring out of the windscreen, watching the waves tumble over the shingle.

Eve paused.

'Thanks, but I'd better get back.  I don't like leaving Bo on his own.'

'You don't need to worry,' Ben said.  'He'll be fine.  I gave him a whole can of food this morning.  His water bowl was full to the brim. 

'...Come on, Eve.  Come back to mine.'

Ben turned to look at her.  She was staring at him.

'Please?' 

'...Dad rang you, didn't he?'

Ben looked out of the window again, closing his eyes momentarily.  He sighed, swept his hair back.

'...Yes.'

'...Is that who you were on the phone to when you went into McDonald's?'

'Well I didn't want him worrying all night.'

'I knew the drive through was open...'

'Don't be pissed off with me.'

'I'm not,' said Eve.  '...It was nice of you, but—'

'Listen, Eve.  That stuff I said earlier—'

Eve took a gulp of coffee, waved her hand.

'Forget it.'

'I can't,' said Ben.  'I was out of line.'

'Yes you were,' Eve agreed, 'but then, so was I.'

'Eve I...'  Ben sighed, tracing the steering wheel with his fingers.  'I can't do that...  The battling thing - fighting all the time.  Getting into a snowball of saying more and more hurtful things, tearing chunks out of each other...  You know what I mean?'

Eve played with the flimsy plastic lid of her coffee cup, clicking it with her jagged thumbnail.  She didn't know, not really.  She'd been on the receiving end often enough, but she'd never really engaged.

Ben saw her look up briefly, force a smile.

'It really doesn't matter anymore.'

She looked out of the windscreen, staring into the distance.

'We ought to start heading back.'

'...So you'll stay at my place then?'

Eve shook her head.

'I don't think that would be a very good idea.'

'But... what do you mean?  Where are you going to go?'

'I'll call a friend.' she shrugged.

'Eve, your battery's dead.'

Her eyes flickered.

'...I'll go around to Jackson's.'

'It's one in the morning, Eve.'

'...So?' 

Ben fiddled with his collar.  He knew that Jackson was gay, but it still put his nose out of joint.

'Alright,' Ben sighed. 'If that's what you want.' 

He put his cup in the holder, pulling his seatbelt across him. 

Eve's heart lurched.  She'd expected at least a little resistance.

'Where does he live?' Ben asked, reaching for the ignition. 

She looked down into the footwell.

'...If you could just drop me off at the flat.'

She had no idea where Jackson lived.  It didn't matter anyway.  She reluctantly put her seatbelt on. 

... ... ...Why isn't he starting the engine? 

Eve heard a click.  She watched his seatbelt slide up again.  Ben folded his arms, looking back at her, eyebrows crooked.  He slowly shook his head.

'You're...  You're saying you won't take me home?' she said, trying to disguise her relief.

Ben reached down in between them.  Another click.  The buckle of Eve's seatbelt whizzed up to her shoulder.

'Yes,' said Ben breezily.  'That's right.'

She stared at him.

'So what are we going to do?  ...Sit here all night?'

Ben sighed.

'Yes,' he said.  'I think so.'

She watched the lamplight flickering in his eyes, the inclination of a smile playing on his lips.  She'd never make it back on foot and he knew it.  He'd driven her too far to try.

'Why are you doing this?' Eve asked him.

'I'm not having you walking the streets all night.'

'I want to go home.' she lied.

'...Alright,' said Ben.  'If I take you back, will you let me call a locksmith?'

Eve had considered it earlier, but it wasn't going to fly.  She doubted they took plastic, and even if they did, it was unlikely that the guy would wait around whilst she thawed out her credit cards.

Eve shook her head.

'I'll pay for it.' Ben offered.

'No.'

'...Can't we just go back to mine?'

She watched him bite his lip, saw his Adam's apple rise and fall.  She wanted to.

'I can't,' she said, remembering herself. 

'Why not?'

'Are you serious?  After tonight, I wouldn't dare show my face in front of your family again.'

'They like you,' Ben assured her.

'You're just saying that.' she tutted.

'They do!'

'They must have heard everything,' she cringed.  'They must think I'm a nutter!'

'Probably,' said Ben.

He smiled faintly, eyes glimmering. 

'And yet they still like you.  Fancy that.'

'I'm not going back there.' she said flatly.

'...I'll sleep on the sofa.'

'No.'

'You can sleep on the sofa then.'

Eve cut him a look.

'...They'll be here soon,' he warned her.

'Who?' asked Eve.

'The doggers.'

He smiled to himself, watching her shudder.  The look on Eve's face was priceless.

'I can drive you up to Esher if you like.'

'What, so I can get Dad up in the middle of the night?'

She turned to him slowly, fixing his gaze.

'...Is that why you're doing all this?'

'What do you mean?' Ben asked.

'Is it because you want to keep in his good books?'

He stared at her for a moment, dumbfounded.

'...No!'

'I won't go telling tales you know.'

'That's got nothing to do with it.'

'Well, what is it then?  ...Do you feel sorry for me?'

'I...  I don't understand...'

'Neither do I anymore.  You finished with me earlier—'

'Eve—'

'You told me to move away.'

'...You told me you hated me,' he said, gazing down at the pedals. 'I still can't get it out of my head.'

'I did not say—'

Ben looked up. 

'I know what you said, and I know what you meant.'

She blinked back at him.

'...I'm sorry.'

'I'd never cheat,' he told her.  'I don't know how you could think that.'

'I wouldn't either.' she contended.

'I know,' he nodded.  'And I'm sorry too.'

He sighed.

'Eve, what are we doing?'

Her eyes gleamed back at him.  She gave an inclination of a shrug.

'I really thought we could be happy together.' said Ben.

'So did I,' Eve murmured, her gaze dropping.  '...People always do, until it all turns to shit.'

He watched her eyes flutter shut as he stroked her cheek.  She tilted her head, leaning into the palm of his hand.  He could feel the warmth of her breath; watched her lips fall apart.  A flutter of elation rose in his chest as he saw her reach out.

Her fingers drifted to his shoulders.  Ben leant forward, teasing a stray curl from her brow.  Her hair was stiff with salt; he could feel it on her skin.  She was warm now, his fingertips stroking her hot cheeks, drifting to the nape of her neck, his nose almost touching hers.  He could feel her pulse beneath his thumbs, her breath on his lips, her hands squeezing his biceps.

'...Ben?'

His eyes blinked open.

'What is that on your shirt?'

Eve's eyes flickered, buried in a tight frown.

'Is it...'  She looked up at him.  'Is it blood?'

Ben surveyed the smattering of dark marks all over his sleeves, then looked back to her.

'Yes.' he said quietly.

She stared at him.  Her fingers suddenly went slack.  She broke with his gaze, eyes scanning the car.  Her hands retracted.  She was pulling back.  She wouldn't look at him.

He saw something in her eyes he'd never seen before.  He saw her peer down at the big blue welt on his knuckle.  The blood on her doorstep, the handprint on the wall.  He'd driven her to the middle of nowhere.  His fingers were wrapped around her throat.

Ben let go, pulling back quickly.

'It's mine!' he blurted, fumbling with his cufflink.  He wrenched the sleeve back to his elbow.  He followed suit with the other arm, thrusting them out. 

'See?'

Eve gasped, drawing her hand up to her mouth.  Her trembling fingers wrapped around his, gently turning his arms.

'Oh Ben...  What have you done?'

His arms were covered in scrapes and contusions, some small, one six inches long.  Some of them were weeping blood, torn open again when he ripped his shirt back.

'I should have left the bandages on.' 

He'd wanted to get some air to the grazes.

'How did it happen?  ...Was it Dan?' Eve demanded.

'No!' Ben scoffed.  He'd laid him out with one sucker punch.  'It happened in Saudi—'

'They did this to you?' she raged.  'I told you not to go there!  I told you what they were like!  Don't you read the papers?  Don't you watch TV? — '

'Eve... they saved my life.'

She paused, blinking back.  Their hands sank down between them, fingers knitted together.  They sat facing each other.  Ben smiled patiently.

'It was on the last morning.  We'd camped out in the desert overnight.  Rauf... that is, The Prince [he had to get that in], came and woke me up.

'I could hear this noise.  I'd say it was a howl, but it was more than that.  More than a grumble - more like a roar.  You could actually feel it shaking the ground, everything felt fluid.  It's difficult to explain...

'When we got outside, I saw a wall of dust coming towards us.  It must have been a thousand metres high.  It was the weirdest thing.  It was day, but everything was red.  You could see it getting darker by the second.

'So we ran for it.  I kept falling over, Rauf kept picking me up.  I only realised when we got to the car...  I'd forgotten it.  I had to go all the way back.'

'...What?  What did you forget?'

Ben smiled at her.

'Hang on.  I'm getting to that.

'He gave me a minute - he said they wouldn't wait - he had his kids in the car.  I must have been gone more like five.  It was so thick by then, I couldn't breathe.  The sky was almost black.  I honestly started wondering whether I was in hell... 

'When I heard that car, saw those headlights...  I've never been so happy in my life.'

Eve stared at him unblinkingly.  Ben smiled back at her.

'All I could think of was you,' he said quietly.  'All I could see was the look on your face when I left...'

She watched his brow gather

'Oh...'

She saw him look down and away. 

'...About that.  I think I may have broken your phone.  I'll have to get it fixed.'

'...What?'

'Long story...  If it's alright by you, I'd rather not go into it now.'

Or ever...

To Ben's great relief, she just shrugged. 

He sighed, nervously playing with her fingers.

'You know, I think you have to be really careful when you throw out the L word for the first time,' he said.  'You have to know you can follow through...  You have to be sure that you're doing it for the right reasons.  I mean, they're supposed to be the sweetest three words in the world, aren't they?  But they're loaded with manipulation. 

'
I love you
' he said thoughtfully, his gaze bouncing up to hers briefly. 

Her heart fluttered, her mouth slightly ajar. 

'...A lot of the time, it isn't a statement, it's a question.  People blurt it out to hear it back.  God help the idiot who answers with 'thanks'!'

She watched his eyes harden.

'People bend it around and control you with it, you know?  They work those words into a cage.... ' Ben bit his lip.  'No,' he said.  'I don't think that's what real love is about.