Walking in the Shadows (37 page)

“Do you think they’
ll gi
ve up once they get the idea
that
I’
m not going to say anything?”

“Sure, but Oprah might try to cal
l you,
” Ta
d teased
with his eyebrows raised to mock me.

“I’ll say the same thing I’
m going to say to everyone who wa
nts to talk to me about it—No
,
th
ank you,
”
I responded as I rolled my eyes.

“To Oprah! She’
ll be in total shock!”
Tad exclaimed as he threw his hands up.

“I just want to go back to
a normal life…whatever that is,
”
I said
, but
as I looked down at my bandaged wrists I knew th
at nothing would ever be normal again.

“What’s wrong
Vera
?”
Kirsten
asked
with
hand on my back as I stared out the
front
door of the hospital.

“That
.
”
I pointed at the huge crowd of people with cameras being held back by hospital security guards.

“Once you make it clear you aren’
t going to say anything they’l
l leave you alone. They have bigger fish to fry
like the other families of victims wh
o might want to talk,
” Bill
said.
“Leave this to me.”

With a nudge
,
I was out the door into a crowd
of screaming adults acting as if they were
children. Over their shoulders I co
uld see a hooded figure exiting the building at
the ot
her entrance and getting into an R32
. If these idiots hadn’
t been here I would be getting into that
car
too.

“Abigail! How do you feel? Will you make a comment on the rece
nt events?” s
ome newsperson probed
, nearly sticking a microphone
in
to
my eye.

Bill stepped in f
ront of me and put his arms up
saying,
“Abigail would like the media to respect her privacy. She has no comments to make at this
time and
will have no comments to make in the future.”

“Why?” t
he newscasters chanted.

“Why?” Bill repeated
.
“You can’t f
igure that out yourselves? You
‘
re wasting your time here and will continue to do so if you hound Abigail
,
so please respect her privacy.”

The news
caster ocean parted and Bill and
Kirsten
led me to their car. When we were safe inside I put my head back on the seat.

“Do you think that will get them to leave me alone?”
I wondered out loud.

“Not r
ight away, but once they see I’
m not playing g
ames and neither are you, they’
ll have to find something that they can actua
lly use on the news,
” Bill replied
,
putting the car into gear.

I put my head on
Kirsten
’s shoulder.

“Thanks
,
you two,
”
I said.

“We know we can’t replace your parents, but we love yo
u like you were our child
,
and we’
ll do our best to protect you just
like Sarah and Mark would have,
”
Kirsten
’s voice cracked when she said
their
name
s
,
and I realized
that
this was as hard for them as
it was
for me. They had to relive losing their best friends every time a media crew came near
me
,
and
they had to relive the guilt that they felt in almost losing me as well.

I
contently
curled u
p into Tad’s arms on his couch
;
I had missed him holding me like this
.
While
I loved Kirsten, Bill and Megan, I had a concussion
,
and raising a three year old was not quiet. I felt the pounding in my head subsiding, but I felt the heaviness in my chest returning. I had to go back to school sooner or later, and it was better to be sooner. The
media
was driving me nuts, and it was by some miracle of God that I had gotten to Tad’s apartment without being spotted. The reality was harsh, I was the vampire girl again, and everyone wanted a piece of me. Except
,
there wasn’t really much left to go around after the darkness of death had marched
in
and was
now haunt
ing
me.

Tad seemed to sense my thoughts and
pulle
d away so he could see my face.

“It seems like s
omething
has been
bothering you
?
”
he asked, cocking his head and brushing my hair out of my eyes.

“You know me too well
.
” I sighed
.
“You know how they always say there
’
ll be someone waiting for you at the end of the tunnel? Well…I always thought my parents would be there…but there was no one—nothing, just emptiness, pain and endless darkness, like if I let
go I would be nothing but dust.
I would just cease to exist.”

“Did you ever think they didn’t show up because they knew you wouldn’t come back if they did?”
Tad suggested as he ran his hands over the bare skin of my arms.

“I would have, they could have just said your name
,
an
d I would have come back to you,
”
I retorted in defense.

“Abbi, I know you love me,
but you
once told me about a dream.
You
heard your father’s voice
, and
you
were done for, you just couldn’
t help but run to hi
m. It would have been the same. There’s
no sense in denying it,
”
h
e continued
,
and his face showed that it didn’t pain him.

“You think they’
re still out there? Or do
we just cease to exist?” I asked
,
looking down at my hands.

Tad tilted my chin up
.
“
I know there’
s life after death. I know your parents still exist, just like
I know my mother still exists
—
”

“How?”
I cut him off.

“I just know. Just lik
e I know I love you. It just is,
”
h
e explained
,
and his face said it all. He truly believed it
,
and I needed to as well.

“Hey girl, how
are
you feeling?”
Jaz
asked
,
leaning against the locker next to me.

“Like
crap
and
everyo
ne keeps staring at me,
” I replied through gritted teeth.

“
At least t
here’
s only a few weeks left of school
.
”

I rolled my eyes
.
“First we have to get past prom
.
”

“I know.
I’m sorry. Can we make sure we go shopping for dresses together this time?”
s
he asked
,
and her voice was eager for my yes.

“Of course. I’
m going to go see Mr. Knightley,
”
I said
,
nodding over my shoulder.

She winked at me
.
“Have fun but—“

“Not too much—I know
,
I know. Talk
to you later,
”
I cut her off with another roll of
my
eyes.

“You betcha,
”
s
he teased with a wink.

“This is muc
h better than the hospital room,
”
I commented as I took
my seat in Tad’s classroom.

He stood and walked towards
me
,
stopping at the front of my desk. He looked down at me.

“I agree
.
”
H
e took my hands in his and flipped them
,
so he could see i
f the bandages needed changing
.
“
B
ut I can’t take care of you here.”

I pulled my hands away and tucked them under the desk
and
out of sight.

“You can take care of me late
r,
”
I replied.

He shook his head and walked back to the front of the classroom. He sat at his desk
,
starin
g at his paperwork for a moment and
chewing the end of his pencil. Tad looked up
at me and shook the pencil
, but before he could speak the bell rang
,
and the rest of the students began pouring in. I felt as I had the first day in the classroom. I wanted to di
sappear, yet this time it wasn’
t f
rom Tad’s enraged stares, but
from the questi
oning stares of my fellow class
mates
.
Tad kept the class going the whole
period and
would cough or kick
a person’s
desk
if they stared at me too long.

When the bell rang it dug into my head
,
and I closed my eyes
against the sound. When I opened them the last student was leaving the room
still
staring at
me
.
Jaz
was turned and
looked at me in worry.

“Are you alright?”
s
he asked.

“Sure,
” I responded
through gritted teeth.

“Abbi, are you okay?” Tad asked
,
coming towards me.

“Sure,
” I repeated as I tried
to keep the room from turning black.

“L
et me see your wrists,
” Tad ordered
.

I turned them
little by little
.

“Mr. Knightley
,
I think it would be alright if you
brought Abbi into the teachers
’
lounge and changed her bandages and maybe found where she hid her pain pills?”
Jaz
suggested
as she stood.

“Oh, pain pills would
be nice,
” I remarked with
my eyes half closed
.

“Come on
.
” T
ad took charge,
taking my arm and
leading me out of the room.

“I’m taking Abbi into the lounge t
o change her bandages,” Tad explained to Paul, who greeted him at the door.

“
Let me get the door for you, the room
’
s empty
,
so you won’t be uncomfortable
,
Ver
—Abbi,
” Paul assured me.

“Will you open your ey
es?” Tad asked
sitt
ing me down on the couch
.
“You’
re starting to freak me out.”