Walking in the Shadows (41 page)

“She just needed to
hear the music was all,
” I explained as I watched her much sexier moves.

“Maybe you should be a teacher?”

“I’ve thought about it, but I
would want to teach English too,
”
I replied
,
taking a sip of the punch.

“So I can help you with your college homework
,
and then
maybe you could work at Amherst,
”
Tad suggested
with a slight smirk.

“Yeah,”
I mumbled with a sigh
.

“But I don’t think Amherst High could
handle two hot teachers like us,
”
Tad teased
in a whisper
,
and his smirk became a
sexy crooked smile.

“Two? What do you mean?”

“
Alright, everyone
,
it’s time to slow things down
but
a little diff
erently,
”
t
he DJ announced
and ev
eryone turned
to
look at him
.
“
For
years chaperones have had the boring duty of sitting on the sidelines and making sure you don’t get too rowdy. It’s time to change that and let the chaperones join in on the fun. So
,
students pick the teacher nearest to you and bring them out to the dance floor.”

I watched as
half the girls in the room
sear
ched for
Tad, but I was
the
closest to him just as
Jaz
had planned.

Tad held his hand out
.
“May I have this dance?”

“I think I’
m supposed
to ask you,
” I responded
as I tried to not smile, but it was hopeless.

He stuck his hand back in his p
ocket with a smirk
.
“Fine.”

“Mr. Knightley
,
w
ould you dance with me?”
I asked in my sexiest innocent voice.

“I would love to,” h
e answered
,
taking my hand
as I led him to the dance floor. O
ver my shoulder I could see
Jaz
dragging Paul the chem
istry
teacher onto the floor. The song started
,
and Tad placed my hand on his shoulder and took
my other hand in his own
.
“We’
re going to do this the old fashion way.”

“Yes, because you’
re so ancient compared
to myself,
” I replied
with a laugh
.

“Alas
,
I’
m an old man,” h
e teased
, “
b
ut not as old as Paul.”

“
Jaz
wrangled him up quickly.
I think he’
s next in line for the hottest teacher
award with that sexy gray hair,
”
I observed
with raised eyebrows.

“I’ll be sure to tell him
you said that
,
” Tad whispered
with
his breath warm on my neck.
I could feel a blush creeping up my neck and into my face from his breath and his words.

“What did you mean—abo
ut the two hot teachers?” I asked again
as I tried to remain composed with him so close to me in public.

“I tried to resign,
” Tad began to explain
, “b
ut he w
ouldn’t let me.
He said
it was ridiculous for me to resign when there were two
weeks left of school. He said it was need
less for me to sacrifice my job as long as I went about whatever I was thinking about in a professional way. He didn’t say much more than that, but I could tell he knew how I feel about you.
”

I look
ed up into his blue eyes
.
“I tried to tell you it wasn’t worth your job.”

“But I’ve loved
you for so much longer than he knows.
I was blind to see that if I didn’t already love you
,
I surely would
after everything that happened,
”
h
e replied with a smile that melted me.

“If we weren’t in a room full of students and teachers
I would kiss you right now
,
Knightley.”

“I know
;
I’m charming
,
aren’t I?”
h
e teased
with pouty lips.

“
Picture for yearbook?” Brad interrupted
as he pointed a camera at us.

“Of course,” Tad replied
, turning me with him. His hand slid from the small of my neck down my bare back, and I had to resist the need to kiss him.

“A
wesome, you guys lo
ok really uh…scholarly together,
” Brad commented
, and
I saw
Jaz
shake her head at him.

“T
hanks,” Tad replied with an awkward smile
.

“Carry on,
” Brad ordered
,
walking towards
Jaz
.

“Now about your doctor’s visit,
”
Tad began
tightening his grip on my hand.

“I can feel the warmth of your hand in mine right now… but not the texture of your suit jacket
under this one
. It’s not all the time Tad, why did you have to tell him?”

“Bec
ause I knew it was hurting you. I can see it in your eyes when you can’t feel my hand.
I know it’s not all the time, so maybe it can be fixed?”
Tad suggested as his eyes paced across mine.

“I have nerve
damage and
possible scar tissue. The nerves can’t be fixed
,
the damage is already done.
She made her mark on my life again, taking som
ething away she had no right to,
”
I responded,
the bitterness coming out to the open
, and the anger coming back in full force.

“Abbi, it’s a physical mark—don’t let it stain who you are.
Jaz
told me you snapped on her at the doctor—that’s not you
,
and I know s
he called you on it—but I’
m call
ing you on it now
too
. Don’t let Jennings
change h
ow you feel about the
world, the
n she w
ill get exactly what she wanted—
power over you.”

The day was finally here. I was done with high school. Done.
I knew that many of my classmates were looking back at the past four years with sadness. We weren’t kids anymore, but for me it was so different. I didn’t want to look back, my instinct was to run as far away from here as possible and not look back. It might have partially been because they were scared of being adults, when I had already been one for what seemed like a very long time. Without the strong, happy memories that many others shared, I wondered why they had chosen me to make a speech. Jaz was ecstatic over it and was determined to make me share those feelings.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were the one asked to make the graduation speech?”
Jaz
demanded
as she straightened my cap.

“I was embarrassed,
” I replied,
and I was sure my face showed
the sentiment.

Jaz
jumped up and down
.
“But that’s awesome! Valedictorian speec
hes were so last
century;
t
his nominating a person is so much better—
ex
cept they didn’
t announce who won.
”

“That’s because I asked them not to. I didn’t like the idea of a ton of news crews
being here,
”
I explained as I took a shaky breath.

“That’
s true, you’re so smart. That’s why I got e
veryone I could to nominate you,
”
Jaz
commented
and seeing my face,
added,
“Please don’t be mad.”

“I have no idea what to say
Jaz
.”

“Thank you would suffice
.”

“No, I
mean I have no idea what to say,
”
I repeated
as I gritted my teeth together.

“Wait
…
”
S
he finally got my meaning and continued in shock, “You
didn’t make a speech?
You’re jokin
g; please tell me you’re joking
.
”

“What do I have to say that’s important? What could I
say to move a crowd of graduating students that I barely know
,
but all know who I am because I almost died?”

“You really don’t know what that m
eans do you?”
Jaz
asked
,
taking my
hands in hers
.
“She wouldn’t have stopped with you
;
she would never have stopped. You saved countless lives that she would have taken.”

“
Knightley saved them not me,
”
I retorted.

“You text him, they may not know it
,
but I know it. How many lives would she have ruined if you hadn’t done that, if you hadn’t been smart enough to record everything she said? Abbi
,
y
ou may not believe it,
but you’
re s
trong and we all look up to you,
”
s
he explained as she made
a motion as if the world needed me to do it.

“They stare at me like I’m a
z
oo e
xhibit,
” I grumbled
.

“Is it wrong to loo
k at you with wonder? You’
re the sole survivor of her.”

“Great
,
now I’m like Harry Potter again,”
I huffed as I looked at the ceiling.

“Stop confusing your novels, this is
Crimson
Reign
,
remember?”
s
he teased.

“
Ha-ha
, so funny,
”
I replied,
rolling my eyes.
My life was a bad novel.

“Will you have something to say?”

“
I’ll think of something I guess,
”
I answered, but I had no clue. Maybe I’ll mention Harry Potter I thought to myself.

~~~

“I know you’
re all snoring
now and
can’t wait to get those di
plomas in your hands,” Principal
Gifford observed as he looked across the room
, “but there’
s one more speech to hear before I can give those to you. I doubt, however, that you will fall asleep during this one. I present to you your chosen orator, Abigail Martin.”

I could see
Jaz
two rows in front of me
as she
turn
ed and ga
ve me thumbs up, but I coul
dn’t help but want to puke. I’
d never spoken in front of anyone
,
let
alone 300 students that I
knew
not
and without a speech to save my life. I walked to the stage with my heels echoing in the silence of the roo
m and my hands shaking. I hadn’
t wanted to speak to them all, but they had wanted me to speak—what did they want me to say?
I
stared out at the s
ea of maroon gowns as I stood at the podium with my whole body trembling.

“Hi,” I began
as I looked for a familiar face in the
crowd and
when I found him my heart beat slowed
,
and I could think again
.
“You all know my name, but I’
m sorry to s
ay I barely know any of you. I’m also sorry to say I didn’
t come prepared with the speech you nominated me to give. So
,
I stand before you barren and questioning why you chose me to do this.
There is one thing I can’
t question, that we
have in this final year of high
school
,
experienced sorrow that many will never see. Among our books, papers and exams we have seen innocent lives lost and trust given broken. But
i
n
our sorrow we may find
deeper truths
tha
n what is on the surface
. It’
s true we have seen the worst of
human nature, but I ask you
to
not
forget the truth that matters. We have also seen the best of human nature, in those who care about us
,
who love
us and
who have tried to protect us from the evils of the world. I was told today that the reason you chose me to make this speech is because you see me as th
e heroine of your story. I don’
t believe this.
I see all of you as heroes to me. You have found the strength to continue living while I was frozen in my
past
,
and
you have forgiven me for my lies
that I used to protect myself and not you
. I have felt that I brought this curse to you and have been blind to t
he fact that you don't blame me.
I must thank you for that
…
for giving me the strength to see the best in others when before all I saw was darkness. I no longer walk in the
shadows and
hope that where ever your future brings you
,
you can continue to see the best in people and have the strength to continue when you have seen the worst
.”