Walking in the Shadows (40 page)

“You can’t feel that can you?”

“I can feel some
of your hand, but not all of it,
” I replied
,
squeezing my eyes shut and wishing she was as st
upid as I first thought she was—another completely irrational thought.

Jaz
wrapped her arms around me
.
“Why didn’t you say anything to anyone?”

“I don’t want to go through another hospital stay
,
and it’s not tha
t bad and it’s not all the time,
”
I explained quickly, but the truth was
that
I was afraid that Jennings had taken one more thing away from me that I would never get back. She was dead, and she was still screwing me over.

“Sounds like you’re scared,
”
Jaz
remarked,
her brown puppy dog eyes judging me.
I hated it when she was right.

“Abbi
, you can come on in,” t
he nurse said
,
opening th
e door and leading us to a room
.
“The doctor will be
in
shortly.”

Jaz
sat acro
ss from me
,
staring at her hands without speaking. It was rare that Jaz had nothing to say, but I relished the silence for a moment.

“Hi, Abbi, how are y
ou today?” Doctor Frederick asked
as he came in
to
the room.

“Good, I brought my friend
Jaz
with me today,
”
I replied,
nodding to
Jaz
who had begun to pick
at her fake nails.
I decided it was a nervous habit of hers.

“Tad called earlier and let me know h
e wouldn’t be in with you today,
”
Doctor Frederick explained
,
look
ing
at my chart.

“What?”
I remarked
,
trying to make my voice steady.
Tad had moved up on my bad list.

“He had some concern
s he wanted to talk to me about,
”
h
e continued as if it was nothing much.

“The numbness in her hands?”
Jaz
interjected
,
and I instantly regretted having told her.

“
Yes
and
the nurse noticed y
our handwriting was a bit messy,
”
Doctor Frederickson
added
as he looked over his glasses at me.

“Yeah,” I replied
,
looking down at the l
arge vertical scars on my wrist
.
“Do you think it’s permanent?”

“It’s hard to tell without running some tests
,
but I think you may be suffering from nerve damage. She sliced you very deeply and we did our best to reconstruct the ligaments and nerves, but you may also have some scar tissue that is causing issues
as well
,
” Doctor Frederick clarified
as he began to feel the movement of my hands.
Jaz
sat in silence as he ordered me to do this and that
.
“We’
ll need to order some tests to confirm what the issue is.”

“Are her scars g
oing to always be that
—
”
Jaz
began
.

“Ugl
y?
” I cut her off
.
“Yes.”

Jaz
looked away from me
,
and I felt bad for my quick reaction.
I knew I was out of line, but I felt I had to hang onto that anger. It was my defense against what I was really feeling.

Doctor Frederick’s lips were in a stern line
as he said
, “Due to how violent the cuts were, a scar is unavoidable
;
however
,
Abbi has
a
cream that she rubs
into it, which
should decrease the scarring
overtime. It will never be gone
,
though.”

“So
,
I’l
l always look like I’m a cutter,
”
I snapped
,
hopping down from the bench.

The
d
octor shook his head
.
“
I’ll give the nurse
the information
,
and
she’
ll print out the paperwork for the tests you need. Have a good day Abbi
,
and nice to meet you
,
Jaz
.”

“What the hell
?
W
hy are you being so negative? You’
re never like this
!
”
Jaz
accused
as soon as we got in
to the car.

“I’m sorry
;
I’m just m
ad at Tad for calling my doctor,
”
I explained as I looked out the window.

“And me for mentioning something
,
too?”
Jaz
suggested
,
and
her face
went
red.

“No.”

“Yes, you are Abbi, and
it
’s bullshit. You should’
ve told the doctor about it when it first started. Yo
u’
ve faced so much; I never thought you, of all people, would be afraid to tell a doctor
something that could affect your entire
life.”

“I just don
’t want to deal with it anymore,
”
I defended myself
as I traced
the scars on my wrists.

“You’re not alone anymo
re
—s
o suck it up
,
and we’
ll suck it up with you. Now
,
what else is bothering you?”

“Nothing,” I muttered
,
wishing
that
I could smack her.

“If you’
re going to be this grumpy al
l night I might as well go home,
”
Jaz
fumed as she pulled her hair into a pony tail and shoved the car into drive
.

“No, I’m sorry. Let’s go to a movie and dinner or something. I need
to get my mind off this,
” I replied
as I poked my numb hand with my finger.

When I wa
lked into the ballroom and saw T
ad standing there I felt a rush of hop
e that
I hadn’t felt in a long time,
or
eve
r before
. Tad
looked up the stairs and for the first
time
I felt as though I was in a fairytale and no longer in a nightmare. What ha
d consumed me for the past few
years had finally left me.
In that moment I realized that I needed to let go of the anger that had consumed me since I had found out about Jennings
’
master plan. As I looked at Tad
,
I felt it all dissipate. I still had him, and as Jaz giggled next to me, I realized I still had her.

“
I gue
ss we nailed it with that dress,
”
Jaz
observed
,
linking her arm in mine.

“
I didn't think he would be here,
”
I whispered as I tried to catch my breath.

“
Knightley wouldn't miss this for the
world. Why would you say that?”
Jaz asked in confusion.

“
He
said he was resigning today.”

Jaz
smirked
.
“M
aybe there was a better outcome to his conversation with the principal?"

“
I
don’t
thi
nk I care,
”
I replied
as I found I could still move my feet.

“Now
,
where did Brad get to?”
Jaz
asked
,
looking in earnest around the room.

“
Is
that him with Knightley? Doe
s he...know too?”

“
I think he assumes
,
but I never told him
—
are you mad at me?”
Jaz
asked
as she bit her lip.

“
How
could I be? I can't control your
boyfriend’s
wild imagination.”

“
What are yo
u tw
o giggling about?”
Brad asked
when
Jaz and I came up to them.

“Nothing,”
w
e said in tune.

“
Women
an
d
their secrets,
”
B
rad said to Tad.

“
Yes
, but
we have our own too
,
don't we?”
T
ad replied
,
his h
ands in his pockets
,
and his lips
in a crooked smile.

“
You two look like royalty,
”
B
rad commented
as he kissed
Jaz
.

“
Indeed they do,”
T
ad agreed,
his Adam
’
s apple rising and falling.

“You
don't look to
o
shabby yourse
lves,
”
I responded
with a blush and T
ad chuckled. I really wis
hed I could
kiss him right at that moment.

“
Let’s dance
Jaz
!”
I suggested
as I grabbed her arm and pulled her to the dance floor.
I had other ways to make him drool.

“
You’re
such a tease,
”
Jaz
observed
as we started to dance
.
“Knightley
is going to need a bib if you keep dancing like that."

“
That’s
the point
,
now isn't it?”
I replied,
lifting my hands and swaying my hips.

“
Ha-ha
, you really are a
bad ass...and again I’
m jealous
because
I can't dance.”

I looked at her jerking movements and tried not to frown.
She was right about that one.

“
Okay
,
you need to feel
the music
. I think
you’re
over compensating,”
I
commanded
,
putt
ing my hands on
her waist
.
“
F
ollow my hands and then listen
to the beat...okay
,
now a
dd your arms smooth like water…
t
hat's it.”

Brad soon came over
.
“
M
ay I cut in?”

“
Of
course,”
I answered
walking away
,
and
when I looked over my shoulder B
rad mouthed
t
he
words thank you.

“Looks like you can teach
.
” Tad
nodded over my shoulder
as I walked over to the refreshments
.