Walking in the Shadows (39 page)

“Try it on!” I commanded
as I threw it at her.

When
she came out she was blushing.

“You were right! I look hot with two
t's
!”
s
he gushed
, and the blush trailed
down her face to her neck and the skin of her chest.

“It makes
your hair look amazing,
” I observed with an approving nod.

“And these too,” s
he teased
,
pushing up her chest.

I rolled my eyes
.
“So
,
is it my turn?”

“
Yes
,
and
save that one I picked out for last—I think it’s the one!”

I tried on each of the dresses
,
and by the time I reached the dress
Jaz
had picked I was exasperated.

“I don’t think this place is going to have
anything that will fit me right,
”
I whined as I pulled at the hem of the very short number I was currently adorning.

Jaz
smirked and pointed at me
.
“I think the one I picked will. The strapless sweetheart neckline and the empire waist are the perfect shape for you.”

I held it up to myself. “You don’t think this pleating is too much?”

“You’
re going to look like you
’
r
e
floating on a cloud,
”
Jaz
reassured me,
pointing to the top part of the dress
.
“And this silver jewelling here is going to make your eyes sparkle.”

“You sound li
ke a fashion consultant,
” I said
over the door of the changing room as I threw
the previous dress over the top
.
“Zip me up?”

Jaz
threw the dress that had landed on her head to the side
.
“Hold your hair up…alright
,
now turn.”

I faced her
,
letting my long wavy brown hair fall around my shoulders. “What?”

“Knightley is going to need to have something to hol
d onto when he sees you in that,
”
Jaz
confirmed as she took my shoulders and turned
me to face the mirror
.
“I think only
your wedding day will top that.
Promise I get to be the maid of honor?”

“You might have to fight
Kirsten
for that one,
”
I replied as I took myself in.

“You can have two
,
”
s
he suggested
,
her hands still sitting on my bare shoulders.

“Two it is then,
”
I answered
,
turning and pulling her into a hug.

“So
,
he’s the one
,
huh?”
Jaz asked as I made my way back to the dressing room.

Just then my phone vibrated.

TEXT FROM KIRSTEN

She took the plea bargain. Can’t wait to see your dress.

“Abigail Knightley has a nice ring to it
,
doesn’t it?”
I responded, winking at her as I shut the door to the room.

“Sure does, was that Bill?”

“Nope
,
Kirsten
—
Lily
took the plea bargain,
”
I said
it and tried to let it sink in
,
but it seemed an impossible task.
In fact
,
the whole process of understanding what had happened felt like an impossible task. I felt sad, guilt
y
and angry all at the same time.

“Now nothing can ruin o
ur prom! What
about shoes?”
Jaz
asked
,
her voice high with excitement as she yelled over the door.
I took a deep breath and smiled. Jaz was trying her hardest to make me forget.

“Zebra print for you,” I
instantly replied.

“You know me too well!”
s
he cooed as I came out the door with my dress in tow.

Tad put everything he had into teaching, and I knew he was usually proud of what he did. Today seemed to be another story though. When class ended Jaz gave me a
‘
what’s up with him?
’
l
ook, but all I could do was shrug. I didn’t know why he had been so quiet during class. He had asked questions to start a discussion and mumbled some more to keep the conversation going, but it was all half-hearted as if it didn’t matter, as if he didn’t care anymore
;
he was just going through the motions. Jaz glanced at me one more time, squeezed my hand and left me alone with the sulky
,
hot teacher.

"
You
seem a bit off today?" I asked
,
getting up from my desk and walking towards the front of the classroom.

Tap, tap, I had to fight the urge to g
rab the pencil from his hand.

"H
uh? Yeah,
I just keep thinking,
" Tad replied
as he looked
up at
me
and
the tapping stopped.

"
About
...?"

"
To
see that girl... Like that was
awful
but
—
god
,
to have it be your own
—
I
just can't imagine,
"
Tad began
,
his voice drifting with the thought.

"
Is
that it
—that was months ago?
It
feels like something else is bothering you?"

Tap, tap, tap, he
ran his hands threw his hair.

"Y
eah...look I love teaching...you know
that
,
but
—
there's something I’
v
e been meaning to tell you...I’
m turning in my resignation. Teaching
just isn't that important to me,
"
h
e explained
,
and he cringed as he waited for my reaction.

"Tad please don't..." I begged
as I turned
to face the back of the room
.
"Y
ou know she was right."

"
Who
?"

I turned back
to face him exasperated
.
"Lily
—
she said you would end up hating me."

He stood
with
his hands i
n
fists.

“How
could that
psycho
understand?  How could she judge how much you mean to me? She couldn't know because I don't even think you know. My decisions are my own
,
and I could ne
ver hate you for my own actions,
"
Tad said as he touched
my shoulder.

"
But
my action
s
led to this,
"
I began, but before I could think about the growing pit in my stomach Tad spoke.

“Yes, you
’
r
e
right
,
your being a bea
utiful person inside and out lead
to this, b
ut I don't think
you have
any control over that,
"
h
e teased as he put pressure on my shoulder
,
so I would turn to face him.

“
I could have pre
tended to be stupid,
”
I suggested
as I fiddled with the strap of my messenger bag.

“
Wow
, you’
re being truly ridiculous,
”
Tad observed, tapping the pencil he was still holding against his trouser leg.

“
It’s
ridiculous that yo
u
’
re going to give everything u
p for me
—
isn't th
ere some other way around this?”
I asked, and I hoped,
prayed and
begged in my head for some solution that I knew didn’t exist.

“
Can
you thin
k of one?”
He cocked his head
with a quizzical look.

“
No
,”
I replied
with a sigh.

“
The
n
this is the way it’s
going to be,
”
h
e responded
as he th
rew his pencil onto the paper he
had been grading.

“
Are
you
positive this is what you want?”
I asked
,
staring up into his eyes.

“
Absolutely
,
”
h
e replied
as he loosened his tie and sat back down.

“
I'll see you at prom then? Or are y
ou resigning right this second?”
I asked
.
He looked away
,
and I knew the answer.
“
Jaz
is coming to the doctor with me today
,
so you don’t have to worry about it.”

“Thanks for asking me to go to the doct
or with you. I feel honored but…umm…
why didn’t you ask Knightley? Doesn’t he usually go with you?”
Jaz
asked
,
parking her car.

“We had
a little disagreement,
” I explained,
knowing that with the way
Jaz
was
,
she wouldn’t just let this be.
I knew my anger was irrational, and that she would point it out.

“W
ill tomorrow be fine with prom and everythi
ng? I don’t have to sleep over. I mean,
you can
go see him tonight if you want,
”
Jaz
suggested
as she held the door for me.

“No, it
’
s fine
,
I’ll talk to him tonight anyways. I ju
st overreacted,
” I explained
,
writing my name down on the patient list.

Jaz
cocked her head
as she looked down
at my hand writing
,
and I
pushed the clipboard away so that she would stop staring.

“Abbi, what’s wrong with your hands?”
She probed with her face showing
that
she was uncomfortable.

I looked down at them as we sat down.

“Nothing, why?”

“I saw your handwriting
;
i
t’s always been really
neat and that, that was horrid,
”
she remarked with a shake of her head.

“Please
,
don’t tell anyone. I’m having some numbness in my hands
,
and it’
s been kind of painful,
but
I’m sure it’s normal.”

“Normal? Are you sure?”
Jaz
asked
as I looked i
n the opposite direction to her
.
“Abbi, it’s not normal to not be able to feel someone touch you.”

“Huh?” I started
as I turned my head to face her. She nodded down at my hands
,
which she was squeezing.