Walking on Eggshells: Discovering Strength and Courage Amid Chaos (24 page)

After the show, when Bo and I got home to the rental house across the street from Dad’s, I took a shower and went to bed, even though I knew Bo was seething with anger. Before I knew what was happening, Bo grabbed me by my feet, pulled me out of bed, and slapped me hard across the face while I was on the bathroom floor. Then he began choking me so hard that I started to black out. My last thought before I lost consciousness was that I was going to die. What would become of my baby girls? When I came to sometime later, Bo was gone.

When Beth came over and learned what had happened she was unwavering in her words: “Bo must go.” But I was such a classically abused spouse that I wanted with everything I had to go with him. So I did.

I later learned that my feelings were not unique. Domestic abuse is about control and power and usually involves the abuser getting and keeping control and power over the abused. To simplify, someone who commits domestic abuse is a control freak. An abuser can’t feel good unless he feels he is in total control.

The abuser can use physical violence, yelling, screaming, and emotional or sexual abuse to attempt to control. He (or she) can leave physical and emotional scars. Domestic abuse happens to people of all ages, races, and religions, but nearly 95 percent of domestic abuse victims are women. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Abuse, every fifteen seconds someone becomes a victim of abuse. I was just one of thousands. I knew the abuse had to stop but I wasn’t ready to let go of anything. Yet.

★

Over the next few months my abuse of pills, alcohol, and now drugs (including cocaine) continued. By this time I had turned twenty-one, and guess what? I could now go into a bar legally and order a drink. And I did. Again, and again, and again. Then I realized that I had been taking pills every day since the day Mady was born. Additionally, since I had first been put on Trazodone when I was twelve, I had been using pills to escape the stresses of my life. Now every evening I’d open a drawer in my nightstand that I called my “medicine drawer” and look at all my pretty pills. Then I’d take the perfect combo for that night with a glass of wine. I wanted to stop this negative and destructive behavior. I needed to stop. I had to stop. But I didn’t want it badly enough. Not then.

One day, however, I woke up with a clear realization that everything in my life was awful. My marriage was bad, I was tired all day, and I felt so sick that I looked into rehab facilities. Even then, because doctors had prescribed the medications, it was difficult to convince myself that they were not what I needed. I told Bo in passing that I might be addicted, and he threw away everything except my Ativan. All the Percocet, Valium, Tylenol 3s and 4s, and other pills, just like that, were gone.

I called Dad and Beth and told them everything that was going on. Instead of going to rehab, though, I went to their house and spent two weeks in their guesthouse shaking as I went through the withdrawals of getting the pills and the alcohol out of my system.
The first three days I spent sweating and not eating. Every day after that Beth took me on a sunset walk, and I remember missing the euphoric feeling that the pills gave me more than I can say. But I healed. I was clean. I was free.

In September 2010, after yet another altercation, I finally threw Bo out of the house. With the pills out of my system I could finally deal with the abuse, and I had had enough. Serene stayed with me.

Because we both wanted so much for our marriage to work, Bo and I tried couples therapy, and on our fourth session the counselor asked to speak with me alone. “You need to get away from him and end this,” she said. I was stunned. Even though I had asked Bo to leave our home, I wasn’t ready to end our marriage. With all my heart, I wanted things to work out.

The counselor reinforced how the cycle of abuse affected my family and me. Bo had been physically abused as a child, so he beat me. That behavior was teaching all three of our girls (Abbie, Serene, and Mady) that it was okay for men to hit women. If our relationship continued, then my adorable, sweet little girls could grow up to seek men who abused them.

I still loved Bo very much, but I did not want to destroy my children—or me. It broke my heart when I filed for divorce. After that Bo still regularly showed up on my couch late at night, and I realized I would not be free of him as long as I was a full-time mom to his daughter, Serene. It was too dangerous for my other girls to have Bo in our home regularly, as he was when he came to see Serene.

How can you weigh one little girl’s need for stability and a mom against the need for safety for two other little girls? It was a no-win choice, but I knew it was my responsibility as a mom to keep two of my girls safe. Serene is still my daughter and nothing will ever change that. She just lives with her dad.

As you have seen, 2010 was a tumultuous year for me. I ended it by summoning the effort to lose the extra pounds, which I did through dedicated portion control and walking. I didn’t deny myself anything; I just ate smaller portions of everything. At first I walked only a few blocks, then a block became a mile and before I knew it I was regularly running up the hundreds of steps that led to the mouth of Koko Head Crater on the east side of Oahu. My record is eighteen minutes, which, if I say so myself, is pretty darn good.

I also vowed never to allow myself to be abused again and set to work making myself believe that vow.

★

A
fter my divorce, I
began reading the Bible more, especially the very powerful book of Luke, and doing online research. The result of all of this was that I began to believe that sin is something you feel inside you. It is not what everyone else thinks of you. Because of that I do what I believe pleases God and have repented for my sins. My reading also opened my eyes and ears to the wonderful gifts I have in my beautiful children. They are my legacy, for they are what I will leave behind.

I love talking to God every day and have found that when I do good, then good happens. It is an amazing concept and I try my best to live a good life. I have a lot of young girls and teens who follow me on the show and online. They look up to me, and I never want to do anything that disappoints them. For them, I try to live a worthy life.

My faith supports me always, but especially when we were learning to live apart from Bo and Serene. Adjusting to divorce is hard. Adjusting to it when you have children is harder. Adjusting to single life when you are on international television in front of millions of people worldwide is the hardest yet. But I did it. I made sure my daughters’ questions were answered and their needs were met, and I also took time to take care of me.

First I found a perfect condo in a gated community that made me feel that the girls and I were safe. That everyone else in the complex seemed to be sixty or older was a bonus. I love all of my new neighbors.

Then I found an incredible woman named Verna White, who became our nanny. I say “nanny,” but that word is so limiting compared to all she does for us. Verna is so much more. She is a mentor and a great mother to her children. Plus, she is everything that I aspire to be. I am so grateful that she has become family, and I trust her completely with my girls. Our beloved nanny shares my values, and Abbie, Mady, and Serene adore her. I can’t begin to explain what a load of stress and worry she takes off my shoulders. Knowing my children are safe, protected, and with someone they love during times I can’t be with them means everything to me.

As I moved into 2011, life was finally settling down. On camera and off, I continued to be a valuable member of the
Dog the Bounty Hunter
team, and I felt good about my small part in removing bad guys from the streets. As the show moved into its eighth season I realized how big
Dog the Bounty Hunter
had gotten. In addition to
airing in the United States and Canada, we were shown in more than a dozen foreign countries. People in Australia, New Zealand, Germany, Italy, Norway, Sweden, and many other countries not only knew who I was, they also knew a lot about me. It was, and is, quite intimidating. And with the advent of social media, our fans kept up on everything I did on the show—and off.

Our fame—or notoriety, if you prefer—made for some interesting interactions here in Hawai’i. I sometimes got a wary reception from waiters in restaurants when I went to lunch with a friend because they thought I was there to send someone back to jail. It was kind of funny to see their reaction when I sat down and asked for a menu. Other people wanted to stop me on the street and talk, or just give me a supportive thumbs-up as I walked by. Some people, however, were jealous and vindictive.

One day in the middle of March 2011 I broke a tooth at lunch. After going to the dentist, I went to a salon to get my nails done and while there, called Duane Lee. “Hey, we’re at Hooters,” he said. “Come join us.” I had dinner there with members of my family, and we were having a nice time together when an illegal substance was added to my drink without my knowledge. I arrived at the restaurant at about six o’clock but have no memory of anything that happened that evening after eight. Nothing.

One minute I was spending time with my family and, from what people tell me, after midnight I was miles away banging on a stranger’s door fully believing my children were being held captive inside. You can imagine my deep-seated fear, for I apparently
believed my girls were in danger. In the process, I was arrested for criminal property damage and assaulting a police officer. My mug shot was all over the news the next day, and I have to say, the photo was not my best.

Reconstructing the evening took many conversations with family and friends. As best as I can tell, this is what happened. I left Dad’s friend Chris Pollack and Duane Lee at the bar at Hooters, while Alysin Hauptner (Beth’s former assistant and my business partner at No Tan Lines) and I got in my car. At some point I kicked Alysin out of the car and threw her briefcase out after her. I called Bo repeatedly and then abandoned the car. The police later found it with the back of the car left wide open and my purse in it.

After I banged on the door of strangers and was arrested, I was taken to jail. The police report shows that they called Beth, and instead of bailing me out, her reply was, “Take that drunk bitch to jail.”

When I came to my senses the next morning I saw bars and knew immediately where I was but had no clue as to how I got there. A police officer eventually walked by and I said, “Excuse me, but why am I here?” After a brief answer when another officer walked by I said, “Excuse me, what happened?” Then I asked to use a phone.

I first called Beth, who said she was not going to come to get me. Maybe all the times I messed up had come rushing back to her and she wanted to wash her hands of me. Or not. In either case, I was so disappointed. I next called everyone I knew who had a bail
license. It was afternoon before I found someone to bail me out, but before they arrived Beth had mobilized the
Dog the Bounty Hunter
camera crew and they were there to capture every humiliating second of my release.

The interesting thing about our news media is that they rarely tell the full story. With our attention span now down to nanoseconds, stories like mine get only partially told before the reporter moves on to something else. What the public was left with, unfortunately, was that I was out of control in the middle of the night, bothering strangers at their home, and was arrested.

Little, if anything, was said about my drink being drugged, and the end result was that I got a lot of mixed reactions from fans of the show. Some people sent me hate mail or posted terrible and untrue things about me online. But many others were supportive of the situation and of me. I’m glad I finally get to tell the full truth of the matter in this book, so I can put the incident to rest once and for all. I can definitely say it will never happen again, for I am now very careful about what I eat and drink, especially when I am in public.

After the arrest, Bo and I began going to go to church more regularly. We were already divorced, but we had vowed to be good parents together to our children. And for the most part, we are.

The first time we went the preacher told a three-part story about the shepherd and the lamb, a gold coin, and the prodigal son. All three stories were about the fact that God enjoys the return of lost sinners, and I felt exactly as the lamb must have when the shepherd,
in a final attempt to stop the lamb from wandering off, broke its leg, forcing it to stay close. That’s how I looked at my arrest. That was God “breaking my leg.”

Another blessing is that I have tried in recent years to be a better sister to my brother Tucker. If I am at the bottom of the Chapman family totem pole, then Tucker sits right on my shoulders. From childhood he has been what others call a problem child. He was expelled from just about every school he ever attended and in seventh grade was thrown out for bringing a gun to school. By that time he was no longer allowed at Dad’s because he stole too many things from him and Beth.

Tucker dropped out of school in the ninth grade and at age eighteen was arrested for armed robbery when he and several friends lured a Japanese tourist into his own hotel room, where they proceeded to tie him up and steal his things. The friends were caught right away, but Tucker, ever the bounty hunter’s son, stayed on the run for about six months. He asked Dad for help, but when it came to Tucker, Dad had thrown up his hands long ago.

Tucker was eventually caught and served four years of a twenty-year sentence. He was released not too long after Barbara died and was out for several years. At first he tried. Dad gave him a job but had to fire him after Beth asked Tucker to return a client’s cell phone case and he stole it instead. When Leland asked Tucker to vacuum the office Tucker only vacuumed one corner. As you can imagine, Tucker and Beth butted heads over just about everything, and he also had issues with Dad that went back to our childhood.
Bo even gave him a job, but had to let him go after Tucker didn’t show up.