Walking on Eggshells: Discovering Strength and Courage Amid Chaos (25 page)

In October 2007 Tucker turned over a portion of an audiotaped conversation he had with Dad to the
National Enquirer
. In the full version of the conversation, Dad tried to get Tucker away from drugs and away from some people whom Dad felt were encouraging Tucker’s drug use. Some of those people, including Tucker’s girlfriend, happened to be black. In this private conversation, Dad used the n-word when talking about Tucker’s friends. Tucker then made this private conversation public, and due to public outcry, A&E was forced to suspend production on the show.

Should Dad have used that terrible word? Of course not. He was angry with Tucker, and we all say things in anger that we shouldn’t. Dad was very wrong, but so was Tucker.

I didn’t speak to Tucker for about a year after that. I was too angry. Then one day in June 2009 Tucker called. He was in Waikiki and was supposed to meet his probation officer but he was too drugged up to get there. He wanted me to help, but I was hesitant. Finally I decided to call Bo and tell him what I was doing. If Bo didn’t hear from me in an hour he could assume that Tucker had stolen my cell phone and car and he should call the police.

Tucker didn’t want to meet his PO because he knew he would not pass his drug test. He also knew that all his chances were up and if he went back to prison, he’d stay there for a long, long time. His future looked so bleak, in fact, that just hours earlier Tucker
had tried to overdose on heroin. Instead, he woke up in a pile of his own vomit.

I was shocked when I picked Tucker up. His eyes were hollow, his cheeks sunken, his hair unkempt and stringy. I took him home, fed him, and called his PO. After much negotiating and cajoling, I finally got Tucker to agree to meet with the woman, and of course the result of that meeting was that Tucker was led away in handcuffs.

Since then he has been imprisoned in Arizona and is doing as well as can be expected. To my knowledge he is off all the drugs and works out daily. The most recent picture I have of him shows him bulked up like Duane Lee. Our mother sends him a little money every week.

I talk to Tucker as often as I can, which isn’t all that often, as he is not able to get to a phone regularly. But I believe that God wants me to give Tucker hope for his future, and that’s what I try to do. I often think back to the story of the prodigal son and pray that someday Dad and Tucker will be reunited.

It won’t be easy, however. Dad and Tucker have not spoken since the n-word incident. And our society does not offer enough support to released prisoners. Many of them, like Tucker, have never paid a phone bill, had a checking account, signed a lease or rental agreement, or done a monthly budget. They have no life skills and often return to prison because they do not have the knowledge needed to function in society.

Tucker’s childhood was my childhood. He had many of the
same incidences of dysfunction that Barbara and I did. Barbara didn’t make it, but I hope with everything I have that Tucker does.

★

Recently, I was also a strong advocate for my nephew Travis, when an audiotape that documented his abuse by his father made international headlines. In October 2011 we learned that Travis’s dad had physically abused him, and it turned out there was an audiotape to prove it. This came after police and Child Protective Services had been notified that Travis Sr. was beating his son.

After Barbara passed, Travis stayed with me for a while and then with Dad and Beth. Later his dad told us he wanted to be part of his son’s life, and our family was cautiously supportive of that. Travis Sr. had worked for Dad off and on for years, and gradually little Travis spent more and more time with his dad until he was there full-time.

We knew from the tape that Travis was being abused, and all we wanted to do was get him out of that terrible situation. The legal issues quickly turned into an international media circus. First Dad, Beth, and I were hit with a restraining order. Big Travis claimed falsely that we harassed him, accused him of beating his child, and slandered him. Well, we didn’t harass him, and the second item was true, which made the last point moot.

We all ended up testifying at several court hearings, and when everything fell out, Dad was granted temporary custody of Travis,
and Travis Sr. had to go to parenting classes. Big Travis was also allowed visits with his son.

Video of six or seven police cars descending upon Travis Sr.’s house to get little Travis was on the news for days. Travis is now doing well and loves being with the other kids in our family. I have to say that I am so blessed to have him in my life. It is like always having a little piece of Barbara with me.

In May 2012, as the eighth season was in the middle of airing, we got the news that A&E had canceled
Dog the Bounty Hunter
. I think we all knew it was coming; we just didn’t know when. Not many shows run eight seasons, so we were very lucky in that respect.

The timing on news like that is never good, but Leland, Duane Lee, and I had all been flexing our wings for some time. Leland and Duane Lee are in their mid- and late thirties. They love our family very much, but are grown men who want to make their own mark in the world. And they will.

Dad and Beth also have lots of plans, some of which will probably be apparent by the time this book is published.

As for me, I look back on my life with a deep and powerful gratitude that I am alive and well, for I know how easily things could have turned out differently. I also have enough objectivity to realize that I do not want others to grow up as I did. I know others are out there suffering within dysfunctional families, living in families where one or more member is mentally ill, uses alcohol to excess, or takes hard drugs.

It all goes back to the cycle of abuse. It has to stop. It must stop. We need to teach people positive life skills so they can cope with the stresses of life productively. Without that, we all revert to the behavior we learned from watching the adults around us in our childhood. If they made poor choices, if they lived amid dysfunction, then it is likely that we will, too.

That’s why I’ve formed the Proper Choice Foundation so I can show girls and other young women that they have choices. I also provide them with my very personal story of the dysfunction that surrounded me throughout my young life, and the improvements I have been able to make myself. I also hope the foundation can someday build a home for teen mothers that will teach them life skills and self-esteem. I do this knowing that if someone had done the same for me, it might have saved me a lot of heartache. This is my message and will be for the rest of my life. No one needs to live the life I did.

I have also opened with my business partner, Alysin Hauptner, a boutique salon on the east side of Oahu called No Tan Lines LLP. No Tan Lines is a traditional luxury tanning salon, but we also offer Red Light Anti-Aging Therapy. This exciting scientific discovery uses photo rejuvenation via red light technology as a natural, safe, and relaxing method that triggers your body to increase your own production of collagen. In turn, it smoothes and reduces fine lines to create more youthful-looking skin.

I met Alysin when she was Beth’s assistant, and you also may have seen her on some episodes of
Dog the Bounty Hunter
. Off-camera
we realized we both had the desire to help men and women feel good about themselves, and the salon was born.

Finally, I am working on a television project of my own. Hopefully you will already know more about it by the time you read this book, but for now, let’s just say I am optimistic that I will be back on the air in an entirely new way very soon. I have surrounded myself with a wonderful and experienced team of people who are getting the job done, and I just know you are going to be inspired by this new project.

★

I also know with everything I have inside me that my battles with addiction will be lifelong. Between a genetic predisposition and my very dysfunctional childhood, addiction is like a ball of fire waiting to explode inside me. Right now I am winning the war, but I am realistic and know there is a possibility that the future may bring tough battles.

In closing, I have two things to ask. The first is that if you see people going off track, find a way to help. Talk to them and make a point to help them find positive choices and solutions. If someone had done that for me when I was young, my teen years could have been completely different. If someone had done that for Barbara, she might still be here today.

The second is that if you are surrounded by dysfunction, as I was, know there is a better way. Find a counselor, pastor, teacher,
friend, neighbor—someone who will help you. It might not be the first person you ask, or the second, so don’t give up. God will lead you toward help if you are open to it. You
do
matter; you
are
worth the effort. Your road may be long and hard, but the rewards will be huge for the rest of your life.

Wonderful things await you. I know. I’ve been there and I’ve come out on the other side. Wouldn’t it be amazing if each of you could stop the cycle of abuse in your family? Just think what a collective difference we could make across the world. Years from now we could all live in peace and love and there wouldn’t be a need for jobs such as bail bondsmen and bounty hunters.

While I’ve come to the end of my story so far, this really is only the beginning. I thank you so much for reading my book. If you’ve enjoyed it, I hope you will recommend it to others. If my story helps even one other person find his or her way, then all the trials I have lived through are worth it. Aloha oe’.